Advice needed on how to take care of an elderly parent needing caregiving?
My mother was an extremely proud, ambitious, determined, steadfast woman who rose to the top of her career, profession and single handedly looked after us as a father when my father was travelling outside for work 3 weeks every month. She rose to the top of her gynaecology dept in the govt department she used to work in back home in Pakistan and also did 3-4 private clinics and a few teaching positions as well as keeping an eye on us at home. Working in a Pakistani govt hospital is really hard especially dealing with corrupt PPP politicians who have taken over all govt institutions in Sindh and totally destroyed everything.
While Me and my dad moved to Canada 6-7 years ago, my mother and my baby sister didn't move because she wanted her to do medicine in one of the top medical schools in Pakistan as she believed it would be a much better option rather than doing medicine in medical school in Canada or the US. But trust me, living a split family life has huge ramifications between spouses and no matter how loving and understanding they are, it takes a toll where both spouses feel the other doesn't understand each other or communicate or show patience with each other. Heck the one consequence of me living all by myself mostly on my own in the last 7 years is that I myself don't have the patience to live with people and prefer solitude most of the times.
My mother finally had enough and retired for good a year ago once my sister finished medical school in Pakistan and she finally wanted all of us to start living as a family again. She was unhappy about living in Canada knowing that living in the West will be a totally different ball game to living in the comforts of Pakistan but she was like its not an option.
Unfortunately things have just gotten worse, a year and a half ago my mother was diagnosed with Parkinson's but it is incredibly shocking to see how rapidly the whole symptoms have spread. It's gotten so bad now, she can no longer eat properly, she can't walk unassisted, she feels dizzy and hazy a lot, can't move her neck and her speech has become slurred.
My dad travels a lot, three weeks in a month for work, I work for an accounting firm and my hours are very brutal where I am either working 10-12 hours a day or studying for exams. My baby sister quite her job recently so that she could focus on her USMLE exams in the US and while she is at home most of the times to take care of our mom, she is getting married by the summer of next year and will not be around for ever.
It is just frightening to see how much help my mother needs. My daadi is 86 years old where she has health issues of her own but even she commented that atleast I can lift things and eat properly and efficiently if I want too.
We have been pressing mom to agree to let us hire a helper who can help her out with doing house chores and a caregiver but she is so far refusing. Although something like this should not be said for ones parents but it is proving to be very impossible having to live in the West and to take care of someone who needs full time care and both me and my dad can't quit our jobs either.
Last night my dad told my mom pointblank that she has got to accept help from a full time care giver. My mom is still refusing and even emotionally blackmailed that if we impose a caregiver on her then she would rather go back home to Pakistan where the cost of hiring help is much cheaper.
Anyways I thought I would ask people over here if they have had any experience or issues with this especially in the West. Me and my dad have tried our best, but practically speaking we can only be able to watch her full time over the weekends but it is not possible forever.
My dad was in favour of telling the rest of the family members about her deteriorating condition so that people would have a better understanding and would try to help make her comfortable as much as possible but my mom was against it saying that people will spread things and any future parent or girl they try to pursue for me will be put off by an unwell mother in law.
Looking forward to people sharing their opinions, experiences and practical suggestions