Need help - Brother acting strange

[DotDark]

I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this, but I have an issue with my brother. Recently, he's been acting very strangely and hasn't spoken a word to anyone for a very long time. At home, he doesn't talk like he used to anymore and has been displaying extremes of introvertism. When I approach him now, he pushes me away like I'm a stranger to him and refrains from saying anything when I ask him if something is wrong. This also seems to be the case at school (I found out that he acts the same way at school from his teacher). At this point, I don't know what else can be done to help him without consulting some professionals to address this problem. Has anyone had this issue with their child, or does anyone know someone that shares the same issue?

Some background information, my brother does lag behind in school (academically) and this has been the case since when he was very young. He is shy around others, but he talks a lot when he is around people he knows well. He's 12 years old.

[redsilk]

without knowing anything more, my first thought 1. did something happen to him that he is trying to deal with, which could be just a temporary phase or 2. is he depressed,

is he sleeping, is he eating, where are his friends. these are things that i would look for. There are websites that may help you, depressionhurts.ca. Keep being there for him, if you find it worse you may have to intervene and approach him with ur concerns. tell him what u see, ur concerns and ask him if he has thoughts of sadness, helplessness, etc...if u do think you have to sit with him, then its probably better done with two ppl. where are ur parents with this. He is still minority age, so your parents should be involved. you can always contact professiopals now to help guide you. have you spoken to the school nurse, councillor. its great you spoke to his teacher already, good luck.

[DotDark]

without knowing anything more, my first thought 1. did something happen to him that he is trying to deal with, which could be just a temporary phase or 2. is he depressed,

is he sleeping, is he eating, where are his friends. these are things that i would look for. There are websites that may help you, depressionhurts.ca. Keep being there for him, if you find it worse you may have to intervene and approach him with ur concerns. tell him what u see, ur concerns and ask him if he has thoughts of sadness, helplessness, etc...if u do think you have to sit with him, then its probably better done with two ppl. where are ur parents with this. He is still minority age, so your parents should be involved. you can always contact professiopals now to help guide you. have you spoken to the school nurse, councillor. its great you spoke to his teacher already, good luck.

My parents are here and they've tried to get him to talk to. From what I can see, I think something happened at school that either crushed his self-esteem, or humiliated him to the point where he feels helpless and decides to stay quiet as a method of copping with his problems. I don't recall anything happening at home that was out of the ordinary. This problem started slightly more than 1 month ago and he's been getting quieter every day. Around the same time when we first noticed this problem, he also picked up a weird habit of washing his lips and nose, something that I think is linked to his behaviour. I've sat down with him a couple of times now and he hasn't told me anything. For the most part, he actually doesn't talk at all even though I've tried countless ways to extract words from him.

I don't know much beyond what he does at home. He wouldn't tell any of us what he does at school and the teacher said my brother has been abnormally quiet and not focusing at school anymore. I want to find the problem ASAP and prevent it from getting worse. I'm at a blank as to what to do for him at this point.

[bargainista!]

Does your brother have friends that you could talk to - perhaps if something happened at school they would be able to tell you what it was?

You could also try talking to some of the parents of his classmates, and ask them to talk to their children. If there was some sort of incident that occured you may be able to find out this way.

[Dangaizer3]

My guess would be bullies, drugs, hormones, loneliness, depression or all of the above. He is at that age where he might be looking at the world entirely different from his early childhood years. Professionals might be a good idea, though they'll probably just prescribe medication and that's assuming your brother even opens up to them with whats honestly bothering him. If you really want to help, try a small step first like telling him you really need his help with some project or whatever, and have him go out with you to do some physical activities. Get outta the house, go lift some stone blocks from home depot cause you need help making that pet project of whatever. Make it a routine where he feels like hes contributing something to someone that truly needs his help. Let him know you owe him one now and if he needs anything you can help with, you got him covered. Maybe that's a good place to start, hope it does.

[qaz393]

consult a profession or a doctor.....

[DotDark]

My guess would be bullies, drugs, hormones, loneliness, depression or all of the above. He is at that age where he might be looking at the world entirely different from his early childhood years. Professionals might be a good idea, though they'll probably just prescribe medication and that's assuming your brother even opens up to them with whats honestly bothering him. If you really want to help, try a small step first like telling him you really need his help with some project or whatever, and have him go out with you to do some physical activities. Get outta the house, go lift some stone blocks from home depot cause you need help making that pet project of whatever. Make it a routine where he feels like hes contributing something to someone that truly needs his help. Let him know you owe him one now and if he needs anything you can help with, you got him covered. Maybe that's a good place to start, hope it does.

I'm thinking that it's probably one of those possibilities as well. At first I thought he was feeling lonely/entering a depressive state because he's been really quiet lately. But then that doesn't explain why he's constantly washing his hand/nose, leading me to think that he was exposed to some sort of abuse at some point in the last 2 months. There's too many possibilities out there that I could think of that could explain his behaviour, and there's not one definitive one I can conclude at unless my brother opens up and provides more information.

I've been trying to make him tell me stuff lately, with no success however. My biggest concern at this point is the cascade of problems that this issue will bring for him. He's already falling behind in school, and if this persist, he'll end up destroying all his social relationships too.

I'll try to get him to participate with more activities to get him to open up, hopefully.

[CSK'sMom]

I'm thinking that it's probably one of those possibilities as well. At first I thought he was feeling lonely/entering a depressive state because he's been really quiet lately. But then that doesn't explain why he's constantly washing his hand/nose, leading me to think that he was exposed to some sort of abuse at some point in the last 2 months. There's too many possibilities out there that I could think of that could explain his behaviour, and there's not one definitive one I can conclude at unless my brother opens up and provides more information.

I've been trying to make him tell me stuff lately, with no success however. My biggest concern at this point is the cascade of problems that this issue will bring for him. He's already falling behind in school, and if this persist, he'll end up destroying all his social relationships too.

I'll try to get him to participate with more activities to get him to open up, hopefully.

Ever think he has OCD and an anxiety disorder? Everything you are saying fits. You might want to get him to a pediatrician or family doctor for a start so that he can be evaluated and referred if necessary...

[redsilk]

his constant washing of hands and nose could be OCD. In which case, he will definately need an evaluation from a doctor, a psychiatrist. Another possibilty is if something did happen to him (liek being bullied) and he feels he has no control over it, sometimes other behaviours take over where he feels he does have control (in this case, washing hands).

Anxiety disorders, depression, OCD can all be interrelated or isolated in itself. Based on the behaviours you described it sounds like you and your brother need professional guidance.

i would try contacting your family doctor, or even the childrens hospital just to know what your options are and find out more if there are other behaviours that you may need to look for. He may not be receptive at this stage, but at least you would have done some of the legwork, so IF the time comes, you would have more information to help him. I did this for a relative of mine, but the main difference is that i was dealing with an adult. Laws surrounding adults and children are different. As an adult and mentally competent, you cannot force them to see a doctor. I'm from quebec and the laws may be different here, but if ever you thought he was in danger and a risk to himself you can contact 911 and they bring to the hospital for evaluation.

[Dangaizer3]

I'm thinking that it's probably one of those possibilities as well. At first I thought he was feeling lonely/entering a depressive state because he's been really quiet lately. But then that doesn't explain why he's constantly washing his hand/nose, leading me to think that he was exposed to some sort of abuse at some point in the last 2 months. There's too many possibilities out there that I could think of that could explain his behaviour, and there's not one definitive one I can conclude at unless my brother opens up and provides more information.

I've been trying to make him tell me stuff lately, with no success however. My biggest concern at this point is the cascade of problems that this issue will bring for him. He's already falling behind in school, and if this persist, he'll end up destroying all his social relationships too.

I'll try to get him to participate with more activities to get him to open up, hopefully.

The washing constantly could be because hes feeling dirty or guilty about something(like maybe he got an erection at school and some girls teased him about it, you know the one fat ugly monster that secretly loves him). IMO he's not going to talk about it if it's remotely embarrassing as he probably isn't old/mature enough with his thoughts/words/emotions to just blab whatever is on his mind. Also, I wouldn't pressure him anymore to talk about it, and don't make the goal of hanging for him to spill the beans. Just put him into situations where he can feel in control of everything, that would be better for him regardless if you quelled your own curiosity. The advice I gave earlier about asking for his help with things, be really stupid about that stuff so he has to save the day thinking you're a complete idot :twisted: Remember though, make sure he knows that there is someone in his life that truly needs him around. "Damn brudda, I have no idea how I could have done this without you. I really fricken appreciate it man" goes a long way in a 12 year old's head.

[DotDark]

I've been observing his behaviour for the last couple of days (since the beginning of this thread) and his behavour resembles a bit of everything (OCD/anxiety/depression). The most consistent problem that I've seen is his consistent quietness no matter what we expose him to (he's quiet even when he laughs and it doesn't look like a 'sincere' laugh either). It seems like consulting a professional would be the best choice right now to prevent the problem from getting any worse.

Thanks for all the help.

[jaxx lite]

You are NICE AND HELPFUL to be concerned about your brother

I agree that his behaviour could be caused by bullying, abuse, drugs, etc

Tell him that if he doesn't like his school
he could SWITCH SCHOOLS
also
does he have an acne /pimple problem?
maybe he is self-concious about his appearance
so he is constantly washing his face?
=============

PLEASE READ ABOUT

Asperger’s Syndrome
and see if it sounds like your brother

does he make eye contact when talking to people?

http://www.aspergers.ca/what-is-asperger-syndrome/common-traits/

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0002516/

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[Syne]

My first thought was ketamine use after reading all of the symptoms.

Does he or any of his friends have access to veterinary supplies?

He's a bit young for insufflating as a route of administration, but regardless, he's 12, intervention is needed here.

[longitude]

My first thought was ketamine use after reading all of the symptoms.

Does he or any of his friends have access to veterinary supplies?

He's a bit young for insufflating as a route of administration, but regardless, he's 12, intervention is needed here.

He must be in a K-hole.

Should try MXE.

[Syne]

No, should not try MXE :mad:

Also would look into inhalants as a possible option due to their ease of use and availability around the house.

[ishfish]

Those are some very significant indicators that you brother needs help. Twelve is a common age for a lot of mental health issues to start surfacing.

Trying to diagnose him here is not going to be productive as he needs professional help.

It is VERY VERY concerning that these are changes in behavior and not his normal way of existing.

Twelve is a common age for a lot of mental health issues to start surfacing.