Mothers day, 3 kids and out of town grandparents

[colossk]

Here's out situation and I wanted to know if I am in the wrong or if my mother is being unreasonable.
I'm 37 my wife is 32 and we have 3 kids (9, 3 and 9 months). My parents live out of town and are about a 90 minute drive. I was given the cold shoulder today from my mother when she asked if I was coming down for mothers day and I said no.

Is it unreasonable and am I being selfish to not go see my mother on mothers day? My wife is a "mother" as well and I think I should spend mothers day with her and the kids. For what it's worth I invited my mother down her to visit that day and she didn't really give me an answer.

I know my wife doesn't really want to pack up the dogs, kids, toys playpens, baby forumla, diapers etc etc and spend 3 hours in the car that day. She would if I asked her, but thats not the point

At what point does my family come 1st, am I being unreasonable? It was the same issue at Christmas up until the past 2-3 years. My mother got all in a huff when we told them we were no longer traveling for xmas and everyone could come to our house instead.

[Kohanz]

It sounds to me like you're being reasonable. Transporting one elderly person (your mother), unless they have some health concerns, is usually simpler than transporting 3 kids. Your mother should recognize that. As long as your invitation to her was genuine and one that she could have reasonably accepted, I don't think you're out of bounds.

[Drew87]

The advice to you is : Do what makes you happy and that in the long run you will be satisfied with. You don't want to look back years from now and regret not spending time with your mom.

[colossk]

It sounds to me like you're being reasonable. Transporting one elderly person (your mother), unless they have some health concerns, is usually simpler than transporting 3 kids. Your mother should recognize that. As long as your invitation to her was genuine and one that she could have reasonably accepted, I don't think you're out of bounds.

Not sick or elderly, she's 59 and is quite capable of driving with her husband

[colossk]

The advice to you is : Do what makes you happy and that in the long run you will be satisfied with. You don't want to look back years from now and regret not spending time with your mom.

We get along great, and I don't regret not spending this 1 day with her. She is my mom yes, but my wife is also the mom of my 3 kids. When we visit, it is us driving up there 9/10 times. Packing 3 kids 2 dogs and all the equipment needed for the trip takes almost as long as the drive up there, when we visit we spend the night 9/10 times

[deltone]

I highly doubt that your mom is elderly as one poster suggest so I don't think it's a matter of your mom being feeble or unable to drive. Anyhow, you have to do what you have to do. You're an adult and you are free to make your own decisions. That being said, a lot of it will depend on the type of relationship you have with your mother. How do you treat her during the year? In other words do you make time for her? I really don't think a 90 minute drive is that much of a sacrifice and perhaps that's what is bugging your mom. Yes, it's 3 hours when you factor there and back, but again, if you don't make a lot of time for your mother during the rest of the year, the message you are sending her is it's too much of a sacrifice to "give up" 3 hours of your time to drive (such a waste of your precious time :().

I personally don't make a big deal out of holidays. I believe that it's how you treat people every day that counts and that Mother's Day is a day made up by the card companies, or whoever created it. Your mother may look at things differently. Is she a demanding mother? Does she smother you? Is she typically pretty easy going and doesn't expect a lot of your time? Was (and is) she a good mother? Has she always been there for you with no strings attached? All of these things are relevant because it could explain why she is upset with you and it could also explain why you don't want to go see her on that day.

Anyhow, be honest with yourself. Don't go out of guilt but seriously, your gut will give you your answer. Remember though, if not for your mother, you wouldn't be here nor would your three beautiful children. You only have one mother. GOOD LUCK with your decision. Oh, and for the record I don't think it's right for a mother to guilt her kids into doing things for her. If my kids don't want to do something with me or for me then so be it. If they do it out of guilt, I'd rather they not bother.

[Drew87]

We get along great, and I don't regret not spending this 1 day with her. She is my mom yes, but my wife is also the mom of my 3 kids. When we visit, it is us driving up there 9/10 times. Packing 3 kids 2 dogs and all the equipment needed for the trip takes almost as long as the drive up there, when we visit we spend the night 9/10 times

Then it looks like you've made you're decision - mothers have a way tho of making you feel like crap and making you feel like you're doing something wrong.
o

[Kohanz]

Keep in mind that Mother's day (just like many others) is just a made-up Hallmark holiday. Consider spending Mother's day with your wife and visiting your mom the following weekend for a rain-cheque Mother's day, or vice-versa, depending on which party is most absorbed in the holiday being on that specific day.