Need help with my grandma what to do? alzheimer's elder abuse?

[sassysue]

My grandma has 6 kids and not 1 looks after her she has mild alzheimer's and she requires treatment she talks about the white coats are going to take me and put me into a pink room, i spoke to my uncles and aunts and they keep refusing to do nothing. At one point they refused to talk about it and kept saying i have my own family to worry about and she has to do this her self, the doctor also refuses to do something i called the police for advice and they call this elder abuse and she can be forced out by the police if something is not done and be sent to the hospital for a check up.

Has anyone else had a situation like this that they can enlight me on this her 2 kids uses her and takes her money with her permission she pays for my uncles life insurance and she has no money to even buy food or meds she is 76 years old. I got meeting today with independent living but i feel they will refuse her, she has no power of attorney its her lawyer that makes the decisions!

Please help no insults please i need the advice!

[ishfish]

I do not know where you live, but most provinces have phone lines to report elder abuse. They have more resources than the police may beaware of.

[MrKap]

So basically the police are calling it elder abuse or "neglect"?

Yet the solution is to force her out on the street?

I don't get it.

So what happens to all the homeless people? They must have families, does that mean the law requires them to care for them? If so... why are there homeless people?



Also and I am not psychiatrist, but alzheimers is the gradual erosion of the mind until it ceases to function sharply. Are you sure the person in question isn't suffering from schizophrenia? If it's really mental illness that's the issue, sometimes there isn't much that can be done or communicated to an individual which wouldn't be considered blatantly abusive towards them. They just don't see things the same way as other people. Even kind actions appear offensive.


So SassySue... Maybe you should help, as it seems you already have your answer from the doctors, police, and other family members.


Also, don't forget, in some instances, treating eldery people like they are children, incapable of making their own independent decisions, can be seen as elder abuse as well. Hope that helps.

[stealth]

So basically the police are calling it elder abuse or "neglect"?

Yet the solution is to force her out on the street?

I don't get it.

So what happens to all the homeless people? They must have families, does that mean the law requires them to care for them? If so... why are there homeless people?



Also and I am not psychiatrist, but alzheimers is the gradual erosion of the mind until it ceases to function sharply. Are you sure the person in question isn't suffering from schizophrenia? If it's really mental illness that's the issue, sometimes there isn't much that can be done or communicated to an individual which wouldn't be considered blatantly abusive towards them. They just don't see things the same way as other people. Even kind actions appear offensive.


So SassySue... Maybe you should help, as it seems you already have your answer from the doctors, police, and other family members.


Also, don't forget, in some instances, treating eldery people like they are children, incapable of making their own independent decisions, can be seen as elder abuse as well. Hope that helps.

Very true.
Mental deterioration can make someone very difficult to reason with, they make poor choices and are often uncooperative in doing things that are in their best interests. I have a relative like that now. Last month we had a justice of the peace order a mandatory psychiatric evaluation, police picked her up (with great difficulty), but the hospital decided essentially that as long as a person is not physically in danger to themself (suicide) or others, theres nothign they can do. So, this person continues to live like a hoarder, take out massive loans, money dissappears, home is in disrepair, and person refuses to pay any bills, property taxes in arrears for several years now etc...and person refuses to move to an assisted living place...just expects handouts infintely, and is blind to the fact that she will lose her house in the near future and be homeless, as her mental state makes her too difficult for family to take her in.
So in this useless socialist system, you are free to destroy yourself in every way possible as long as its non violent.:mad: Thats whats called "dignity".

[deltone]

I've never had to deal with this sort of thing but I have an aunt who has Alzheimers and several friends who had parents with it. I think what you need to do is take this on yourself seeing that the rest of your family has no interest in doing anything and if I've learned anything, I've learned tht you can't make them do anything they don't want to do.

If it were me, the first thing I would do is set up a doctor's appointment for her. If her own doctor is disinterested, get a second opinion. Take her to another doctor and YOU go in with her. There are tests that they can do and questions they will ask to see if she does in fact have early stages or maybe she's just like many ohters of her age, she's just getting a little forgetful.

Next thing I would do is see who has power of attorney and if nobody does, or if the person who does is not trustworthy (like the fammily members using her for her money), and then try to get POA to try and protect her assets before theyare depleted. There are several agencies out there that can help if she truly does have a problem and while I can't direct you to these agencies, if she is disagnosed with "whatever" then whatever help is out there will be explained at that time.

OP, sorry for your having to go through this but you may have a long hard battle in front of you as family can be HORRIBLE to deal with but if you love your grandma and she needs help and nobody else wants to take it on, you need to do it if you can.

[stealth]

I've never had to deal with this sort of thing but I have an aunt who has Alzheimers and several friends who had parents with it. I think what you need to do is take this on yourself seeing that the rest of your family has no interest in doing anything and if I've learned anything, I've learned tht you can't make them do anything they don't want to do.

If it were me, the first thing I would do is set up a doctor's appointment for her. If her own doctor is disinterested, get a second opinion. Take her to another doctor and YOU go in with her. There are tests that they can do and questions they will ask to see if she does in fact have early stages or maybe she's just like many ohters of her age, she's just getting a little forgetful.

Next thing I would do is see who has power of attorney and if nobody does, or if the person who does is not trustworthy (like the fammily members using her for her money), and then try to get POA to try and protect her assets before theyare depleted. There are several agencies out there that can help if she truly does have a problem and while I can't direct you to these agencies, if she is disagnosed with "whatever" then whatever help is out there will be explained at that time.

OP, sorry for your having to go through this but you may have a long hard battle in front of you as family can be HORRIBLE to deal with but if you love your grandma and she needs help and nobody else wants to take it on, you need to do it if you can.

Just to expand on this, for POA to have validity, if the person doesnt sign it willingly, then the person must be declared unfit to make their own decisions...and as mentioned before, unless there are gross severe examples (which in our case we thought we had-deteriorated living conditions, history of metal illness, noncompliance with medication, incapable of managing finances), is not easy to get someone to sign off on.

[Rainne]

Get POA and take care of her yourself.

It seems like your aunt/uncles don't care and you do.

Look after her.

[deltone]

Just to expand on this, for POA to have validity, if the person doesnt sign it willingly, then the person must be declared unfit to make their own decisions...and as mentioned before, unless there are gross severe examples (which in our case we thought we had-deteriorated living conditions, history of metal illness, noncompliance with medication, incapable of managing finances), is not easy to get someone to sign off on.

Very true. It's a process that can be very difficult.

[sassysue]

thanks guys for the helpful answers today i have an appointment today with independent living hope they can do something i may look at a 2nd opinion sense my grandma doesn't like her current doctor sense she said they didnt help her..

[erniefu]

Contact your local Community Care Access Centre (CCAC) and explain the situation. CCAC can come in and do an assessment to find services suitable for your Grandma, including placement in long term care if necessary.

[gdog799]

She is YOUR grandma too, you know. Why dont you help take care of her?

[Sauerkraut]

Contact your local Community Care Access Centre (CCAC) and explain the situation. CCAC can come in and do an assessment to find services suitable for your Grandma, including placement in long term care if necessary.

agree with this one 100%. CCAC assessed my father's situation and determined he was entitled to in-home services, which lasted for about a year. They also fast-tracked him into a long term care facility, due to his deteriorating mental & physical state

[whampoa]

Make sure all her finance is in order, OAS and other income go directly to her account for old age home care.

Tried to null and void any previous agreement between her and her relatives.

Let the ministry or court declare her not sound of mind.

And if her family comes after her for money, they have to go through the court not you.

[stealth]

agree with this one 100%. CCAC assessed my father's situation and determined he was entitled to in-home services, which lasted for about a year. They also fast-tracked him into a long term care facility, due to his deteriorating mental & physical state

Im curious, was your father cooperative with them, and did he want to go into a long term care facility?
Thats the problem Im having with my relative. She distrusts everyone and wont even open the door to anyone or allow them in her house, not to mention move to a facility...she claims she "wants to die in her own home".:cry:

[Drew87]

My grandma has 6 kids and not 1 looks after her she has mild alzheimer's and she requires treatment she talks about the white coats are going to take me and put me into a pink room, i spoke to my uncles and aunts and they keep refusing to do nothing. At one point they refused to talk about it and kept saying i have my own family to worry about and she has to do this her self, the doctor also refuses to do something i called the police for advice and they call this elder abuse and she can be forced out by the police if something is not done and be sent to the hospital for a check up.

Has anyone else had a situation like this that they can enlight me on this her 2 kids uses her and takes her money with her permission she pays for my uncles life insurance and she has no money to even buy food or meds she is 76 years old. I got meeting today with independent living but i feel they will refuse her, she has no power of attorney its her lawyer that makes the decisions!

Please help no insults please i need the advice!

I don't have much to say other then I can sympathize....My fathers mother ( my grandmother ) had Alzheimers. Any memories I have of her are all her with Alzheimers....

When I was in grade 3 my father and his sisters decided to put her in a long term facility....It was heartbreaking - my father and I would visit her everyday. She had NO clue who we were :(....

When I was in grade 5 she broke her arm in the facility and when I was in grade 6 she broke her hip....They took her to the hospital and she never left :(


It's heartbreaking - all I can say is do whatever you have to do to make sure she's taken care of....

[Sauerkraut]

Im curious, was your father cooperative with them, and did he want to go into a long term care facility?
Thats the problem Im having with my relative. She distrusts everyone and wont even open the door to anyone or allow them in her house, not to mention move to a facility...she claims she "wants to die in her own home".:cry:

No, he resisted the entire process which is understandable...he had lived in his house for over 50 yrs. But towards the end, he was incontinent and was staying in bed for the entire day. It was nasty!

We (well, the ambulance attends actually) had to physically take him. Long-term care was the best thing for his welfare.

[sassysue]

CCAC will not take you if you are caring for your hygiene needs they said its a 24 hour care she knows how to cook and bath they cannot do nothing called them there all idiots.

The other day she had ants all over her potatoes got her new ones she eats potatoes every day thats all and eggs :mad:

Independent living clearly said she needs more help then them....

[sammy]

This info is for Ontario on Elder Abuse. If you're in a different province, google for something similar.

http://www.torontopolice.on.ca/community/elderabuse.php

If you or someone you know needs support, please contact the distress centre: 416-408-4357

Contact: Divisional Policing Support Unit
Telephone: 416-808-0130


Link for Ontario Network for Prevention of Elder Abuse
http://www.onpea.org/

Senior Safety Line
Toll-free: 1-866-299-1011
24/7 150 languages


http://www.seniors.gov.on.ca/en/elderabuse/docs/safetyplanning.pdf
If you are experiencing abuse, you
are not alone; help is available.
Service providers are available in your
community to assist you. They will help you
discuss your plan for increased safety and help
you to prepare to protect yourself in case of
further abuse.
By calling the Ministry of the Attorney
General’s Victim Support Line you can access
trained information counselors who can provide
information and referral services on elder
abuse. The Victim Support Line is toll free,
1-888-579-2888 across Ontario, or in the
Toronto area 416-314-2447.
For more information on elder abuse and a list
of provincial elder abuse resources, a “What
You Need to Know About Elder Abuse:
Information Sheet” is available at
www.citizenship.gov.on.ca/seniors/index.html
or call toll-free 1-888-910-1999 (in Ontario).

http://www.seniors.gov.on.ca/en/elderabuse/docs/needtoknow.pdf
Provincial Contact List
In an emergency, contact 911 or your local police, ambulance or fire service.
Ontario Provincial Police 1-888-310-1122
(24 hour toll-free)
Crime Stoppers 1-800-222-TIPS (8477)
Ministry of the Attorney General’s Victim
Support Line 1-888-579-2888 (toll-free)
or in Toronto 416-314-2447
Seniors’ InfoLine 1-888-910-1999 (toll-free)
or in Toronto 416-314-7511
Ontario Network for the Prevention
of Elder Abuse 416-640-7784
Advocacy Centre for the Elderly 416-598-2656
Ontario Association of Community
Care Access Centre 416-750-1720
Retirement Home Complaints Response
and Information Service 1-800-361-7254
Long-Term Care
ACTION Line 1-866-434-0144
Find Out More
For more information on elder abuse and access to publications, please visit:
Ontario Seniors’ Secretariat:
www.citizenship.gov.on.ca/seniors/index.html
Ontario Network for the Prevention of Elder Abuse: www.onpea.org
National Clearinghouse on Family Violence:
www.phac-aspc.gc.ca/ncfvcnivf/familyviolence/bilingual.htm

[Lucky0810]

agree with this one 100%. CCAC assessed my father's situation and determined he was entitled to in-home services, which lasted for about a year. They also fast-tracked him into a long term care facility, due to his deteriorating mental & physical state

Maybe take her to a Geriatric Assessment Unit in a Geriatric hospital, like St. Peters. They have an interdisciplinary team that takes a holistic approach so in addition to providing your grandma with care (medications, falls assessment, safety risks, memory issues, etc.) they will also provide YOU/FAMILY with support, such as respite or referral to CCAC. YOu can refer yourself to CCAC, but that takes longer but if you get a referral from a doctor, the process is faster. If there are risks inside the home, they will send an Occupational therapist to do a home-safety assessment, and depending on those results, that can be more of an ammo to convince doctors that it is unsafe and unfit for her to live at home alone. That may help you move her into a long term facility.