Why is everyone getting married???

[kamilio]

Hey,

This is geared towards the late 20s to mid 30s folks. Do you find that all of your friends are all of a sudden getting married? I feel like I blinked one day and all of a sudden I am old and it is time to become a neutered cat and play dad. I actually sort of panicked last night and spent hours listening to old school songs from my younger years for memories sakes.

Anyone else have friends who are getting married and find that life has passed too quickly and they are all of a sudden "old"? Life now is all about work, work, try to make more at work, weddings, baby showers, etc. anyone have a time machine? I want to go back to when I was carefree and life was simple (all about hanging out with friends and fun).

Help me I am old!!!!

[Thai]

I'm married and have 2 kids. Wouldn't change it for the world. My life is better than my single friends who are still partying it up like the college days. And typically only those with kids and a family will understand.

[iEyeCaptain]

first POST to first thread in new OT forum! :D

edit: damn it, Thai.

[kamilio]

first POST to first thread in new OT forum! :D

edit: damn it, Thai.

OT has been active for years buddy....

Edit: just realized that they wiped the slate clean.

[Thai]

first POST to first thread in new OT forum! :D

edit: damn it, Thai.

lol.

[CSK'sMom]

OT has been active for years buddy....

Uhmm, take another look. The whole OT forum was wiped and archived and much stricter rules are now in place. One can't even post in OT without getting a new rule prompt. ;)

[iEyeCaptain]

OT has been active for years buddy....

they archived the entire past OT

your thread is technically the only active thread in RFD OT right now

congrats, buddy.

[tsat]

Uhmm, take another look. The whole OT forum was wiped and archived and much stricter rules are now in place. One can't even post in OT without getting a new rule prompt. ;)

i know... OT is about to become sooooooooooooooo lame.

[kamilio]

Uhmm, take another look. The whole OT forum was wiped and archived and much stricter rules are now in place. One can't even post in OT without getting a new rule prompt. ;)

It was very strict before so I am not sure how it can get stricter. At the end of the day the moderators have to realize that OT is there to provide us with entertainment. It is no coincidence that most "entertainment" options be it on tv or in real life (clubs, etc) are a little trashy. The moment this site gets boring they might as well close the curtain.

[gei]

yeah the new rules may kill OT. The whole point of this subforum is that it's off-topic and lighthearted - threads that belong nowhere else and have no specific purpose. over-moderating it seems rather pointless

[CSK'sMom]

It was very strict before so I am not sure how it can get stricter. At the end of the day the moderators have to realize that OT is there to provide us with entertainment. It is no coincidence that most "entertainment" options be it on tv or in real life (clubs, etc) are a little trashy. The moment this site gets boring they might as well close the curtain.

No it wasn't. Frankly too many things were getting out of hand... politics, racial remarks, derogatory stereotyping, etc. That stuff is not going to be tolerated from now on...

[manmanny]

Intersting "Why is everyone getting married??? "

And the discussion already began about how TO forum is or was or managed.
So the rules are already broken?


yeah the new rules may kill OT. The whole point of this subforum is that it's off-topic and lighthearted - threads that belong nowhere else and have no specific purpose. over-moderating it seems rather pointless

They tried other end and the result was ugly.

OP

Sometime people marry because everybody in his/her group is married. He/She is left out.
Or one day they find they met "the one" and get married. Sometimes it can be early or few times it can be very late.

[oranr]

Let's not derail this thread.

All Off Topic comments and feedback, please use this thread

http://forums.redflagdeals.com/what-hell-happened-off-topic-may-29-11-53am-1182534/#post14811910

[Valerii123]

Hey,

This is geared towards the late 20s to mid 30s folks. Do you find that all of your friends are all of a sudden getting married? I feel like I blinked one day and all of a sudden I am old and it is time to become a neutered cat and play dad. I actually sort of panicked last night and spent hours listening to old school songs from my younger years for memories sakes.

Anyone else have friends who are getting married and find that life has passed too quickly and they are all of a sudden "old"? Life now is all about work, work, try to make more at work, weddings, baby showers, etc. anyone have a time machine? I want to go back to when I was carefree and life was simple (all about hanging out with friends and fun).

Help me I am old!!!!

Get married, maybe?

[Ghiness]

fo sho

but srsly get married

[flashy_mcflash]

FYI, you can have all the benefits of marriage without blowing $10K or more. It's called common-law and it owns.

[Blockwork]

marriage is lame these days, for the most part. the idea of marriage and family hold no value anymore. you might as well have a bunch of different kids with a bunch of different women and be happy rather than suffer over nothing.



FYI, you can have all the benefits of marriage without blowing $10K or more. It's called common-law and it owns.

word

[flashy_mcflash]

a bunch of different kids with a bunch of different women and be happy

I don't know anyone for whom this would lead to happiness.

[Simaahoy]

It could worse you know, like people asking you when you are going to get married when your're single :confused: There shouldn't be any rush to get married just because other people are or under pressure.

[Tig]

marriage is lame these days, for the most part. the idea of marriage and family hold no value anymore. you might as well have a bunch of different kids with a bunch of different women and be happy rather than suffer over nothing.

If by "suffer" you mean that marriage is hard work, then life = suffering. But if by "suffer" you mean that your spouse makes you constantly miserable, well then maybe you married the wrong person and that's on you. But with the right person, marriage and family does indeed hold a lot of value.

[trollant86]

marriage is lame these days, for the most part. the idea of marriage and family hold no value anymore. you might as well have a bunch of different kids with a bunch of different women and be happy rather than suffer over nothing.



word


Spousal and child support payments,

Key to happiness

[tsat]

OP i wouldn't look into getting married.

Just watch how your friends begin to suffer from one-gina after a while.

[Blockwork]

Spousal and child support payments,

Key to happiness


I don't know anyone for whom this would lead to happiness.

all things related to the system and its economics.. not with marriage or family

id have a billion kids if money wasnt an issue :)

[manmanny]

all things related to the system and its economics.. not with marriage or family

id have a billion kids if money wasnt an issue :)

Why is everyone getting married???

And there it goes.
http://www.the370z.com/members/edub370-albums-pointless-stuff-picture42818-derail2.jpg

[mockingjay404]

simple answer is, people are getting married because it's easier to live on 2 incomes instead of 1.

[diggler649]

Saw this at a conference. Would you do this if...

1. It made you less happy
2. 80+% chance of creating “economic burden” for life
3. Long term denial of certain human needs
4. Had a 50% chance of failing anyway
5. Would lose half your assets when it did
6. Went to hell as well

^^^This is marriage.

[webdoctors]

its a biological thing, when women hit 30, they change gears....and men sorta just get pulled into the ride, kinda like riding a roller-coaster.

[gwan]

simple answer is, people are getting married because it's easier to live on 2 incomes instead of 1.

or maybe, just maybe
the female won't stick around unless you put a ring on that

also like someone else already said, common-law owns

[DiceMan]

At some point in their lives, many (most?) people simply outgrow the single lifestyle and want to head in another direction with a permanent life partner, perhaps with more stability. I'm equating marriage with common-law for this topic.

You're neuturing yourself if you don't evolve and insist on being 20 your whole life. If you want to be "carefree" why not just live with your parents forever?

[zonetbh]

I'm married and have 2 kids. Wouldn't change it for the world. My life is better than my single friends who are still partying it up like the college days. And typically only those with kids and a family will understand.

You have to understand that this is your personal opinion, and your friends who are still partying it up probably feel the exact opposite.


I used to be on the common law owns bandwagon until it became evident that nobody takes your GF or BF as seriously as your Wife or Husband. Nothing wrong with common law but most people outgrow it, and want the adult/mature title of a married couple.

[flashy_mcflash]

its a biological thing, when women hit 30, they change gears....and men sorta just get pulled into the ride, kinda like riding a roller-coaster.

That's more related to having kids than marriage. We need to separate (in people's minds) the requirement of marriage to have and properly raise kids. We're not planning to get married but will probably have kids one day, and there's nothing wrong with that. Haters gonna hate, we put what we would've spent on a wedding into a downpayment and are happily balling out of control.

[CSK'sMom]

That's more related to having kids than marriage. We need to separate (in people's minds) the requirement of marriage to have and properly raise kids. We're not planning to get married but will probably have kids one day, and there's nothing wrong with that. Haters gonna hate, we put what we would've spent on a wedding into a downpayment and are happily balling out of control.

Curious as to why you think a wedding makes a marriage and a wedding has to cost $10k+? Neither is true....

[flashy_mcflash]

Curious as to why you think a wedding makes a marriage and a wedding has to cost $10k+? Neither is true....

Let's be real, that's what it means to most people.

[gwan]

I used to be on the common law owns bandwagon until it became evident that nobody takes your GF or BF as seriously as your Wife or Husband. Nothing wrong with common law but most people outgrow it, and want the adult/mature title of a married couple.

others don't take you seriously unless you're married?

how do you mean by this?

im never planning to get married and hope there is no detrimental consequences

[knapper]

I am in my 40s and was just saying to someone that we had not gone to a wedding in a long time. That said, I know quite a few people getting divorced.

[45ED]

Let's be real, that's what it means to most people.

That's their business then. The wedding standards of one/many should not be imposed on other couples.

[Psubs]

others don't take you seriously unless you're married?

how do you mean by this?

im never planning to get married and hope there is no detrimental consequences

I have friends that have know each other for like 13 years. Own a house together and have 2 kids and aren't planning on getting married. I take them seriously.

More people need to view having children as more of a serious commitment than getting married. Then the world would be a much better place.

[CSK'sMom]

others don't take you seriously unless you're married?

how do you mean by this?

im never planning to get married and hope there is no detrimental consequences

To a certain extent zone is correct. BF and GF's are just that, doesn't matter of you've hit the magical 1 year mark to be common law or not to many. There are other issues as well, like health care, next of kin, power of attorney, etc...

[poedua]

its a biological thing, when women hit 30, they change gears....and men sorta just get pulled into the ride, kinda like riding a roller-coaster.

Somewhat underestimating men IMO....for the most part, I don't think most men would do anything they didn't really want to do.:)

[flashy_mcflash]

That's their business then. The wedding standards of one/many should not be imposed on other couples.

I agree, and that's really what I'm saying. We're told over and over again, by our parents/relatives, friends, and a whole industry of people, that there is ONE way for a marriage and family to happen, and a (usually expensive) wedding is the gateway to all that when that isn't and shouldn't be the case. The result is that you get people like the OP who hit a certain age/stage in life where they start fretting that they haven't conformed to this increasingly obsolete idea.

[Psubs]

What are the advantages from the government of getting married in City Hall vs. remaining common law?

[CSK'sMom]

I agree, and that's really what I'm saying. We're told over and over again, by our parents/relatives, friends, and a whole industry of people, that there is ONE way for a marriage and family to happen, and a (usually expensive) wedding is the gateway to all that.

And this is what I disagree with... That has become the modern day excuse to not marry for many. "We can't afford to get married" really means we can't afford the keep up with the Jones wedding of my dreams. A wedding can be done rather frugally, with the most frugal option being City Hall. Again, a wedding does not make a marriage... hard work on a daily basis does. ;)

Now to throw out the infamous Dr Phil euphemism... Maybe, just maybe folks should put as much effort and planning into the actual marriage instead of for a single day and wedding.

[45ED]

I agree, and that's really what I'm saying. We're told over and over again, by our parents/relatives, friends, and a whole industry of people, that there is ONE way for a marriage and family to happen, and a (usually expensive) wedding is the gateway to all that when that isn't and shouldn't be the case. The result is that you get people like the OP who hit a certain age/stage in life where they start fretting that they haven't conformed to this increasingly obsolete idea.

People should then stop listening to parents/relatives, friends, and the whole industry about how two people should express their love and commitment to one another. If it does not hurt or impose others, then two people should choose whatever suits them - whether it is a pricey wedding, a low-cost wedding, or no wedding at all.

[iEyeCaptain]

And this is what I disagree with... That has become the modern day excuse to not marry for many. "We can't afford to get married" really means we can't afford the keep up with the Jones wedding of my dreams. A wedding can be done rather frugally, with the most frugal option being City Hall. Again, a wedding does not make a marriage... hard work on a daily basis does. ;)

Now to throw out the infamous Dr Phil euphemism... Maybe, just maybe folks should put as much effort and planning into the actual marriage instead of for a single day and wedding.

In this day and age of money demands from every direction, I can understand how many folks are finding it increasingly difficult to justify an expensive wedding.

:confused:

[manmanny]

...

Again, a wedding does not make a marriage... hard work on a daily basis does. ;)


Well said.
True in marriage or common-law.

[flashy_mcflash]

And this is what I disagree with... That has become the modern day excuse to not marry for many. "We can't afford to get married" really means we can't afford the keep up with the Jones wedding of my dreams. A wedding can be done rather frugally, with the most frugal option being City Hall. Again, a wedding does not make a marriage... hard work on a daily basis does. ;)

Now to throw out the infamous Dr Phil euphemism... Maybe, just maybe folks should put as much effort and planning into the actual marriage instead of for a single day and wedding.

Why does one need an excuse to not marry? If I can derive the exact same things from just living with someone until we're common-law, why even bother with any of the rest of it?

[CSK'sMom]

Why does one need an excuse to not marry? If I can derive the exact same things from just living with someone until we're common-law, why even bother with any of the rest of it?

I dunno flashy but it's a pretty common thing to hear these days. For example, I have a 29 yr old nephew. He's been living with a woman and her child for 5 years now. The child is 5 and my nephew is the only Dad he's ever known. Still not married. The excuse is that they can't afford to get married. I told them to hit City Hall. The nephew wants to adopt the kid as well but they really need to get married to do so for ease. They are all hung up on a "wedding" when clearly that is not the issue as there is City Hall. ;)

[flashy_mcflash]

I dunno flashy but it's a pretty common thing to hear these days. For example, I have a 29 yr old nephew. He's been living with a woman and her child for 5 years now. The child is 5 and my nephew is the only Dad he's ever known. Still not married. The excuse is that they can't afford to get married. I told them to hit City Hall. The nephew wants to adopt the kid as well but they really need to get married to do so for ease. They are all hung up on a "wedding" when clearly that is not the issue as there is City Hall. ;)

See, and I don't see a problem with this. The kid has two people at home that love him. He doesn't care if the government or some religious figure ties them together with some arbitrary title.

[CSK'sMom]

See, and I don't see a problem with this. The kid has two people at home that love him. He doesn't care if the government or some religious figure ties them together with some arbitrary title.

But guess what... the hospital does, the school does, etc. He has no legal rights with this child at all right now. He can't make emergency medical decisions, pick him up from school without explicit permissions, etc. So, at the end of the day, it's not just about some arbitrary title, there are some real implications. ;)

[flashy_mcflash]

But guess what... the hospital does, the school does, etc. He has no legal rights with this child at all right now. He can't make emergency medical decisions, pick him up from school without explicit permissions, etc. So, at the end of the day, it's not just about some arbitrary title, there are some real implications. ;)

Then maybe that's something that needs to change as it excludes and precludes alternative arrangements such as co-parenting, which I think a lot more people would look at as an option if it were more socially acceptable.

[ToniCipriani]

I fail to see the benefits of finding a partner... let alone getting married. :D

Well... maybe there's some tax credits here and there and makes it easier for health insurance claims...

[gwan]

CK's mom, how long have you been married and how many kids now?

[Hairball]

But guess what... the hospital does, the school does, etc. He has no legal rights with this child at all right now. He can't make emergency medical decisions, pick him up from school without explicit permissions, etc. So, at the end of the day, it's not just about some arbitrary title, there are some real implications. ;)

Sure there are implications, but quite frankly it is none of your business whether someone decides to get married or not. There are numerous reasons whether to do so or not, and everyone has their views on it.

It's just simply not his kid, if he wants him to be his kid then he can take the steps like you outlined. But seriously, it isn't your problem.

[CSK'sMom]

CK's mom, how long have you been married and how many kids now?

24 years this month and 3 kids, 17,20 and 23.


Sure there are implications, but quite frankly it is none of your business whether someone decides to get married or not. There are numerous reasons whether to do so or not, and everyone has their views on it.

It's just simply not his kid, if he wants him to be his kid then he can take the steps like you outlined. But seriously, it isn't your problem.

Re-read what I said. ;) It's about excuses of needing the $10k+ wedding to have a marriage which is the farthest thing from the truth. It's also about marriage being far more than an arbitrary title as some think. If commonlaw, one needs to do due dilegence and consult a lawyer to have all the appropriate paperwork drawn up. Things like commonlaw partners are often shut out of medical decisions if one is incapacitated and are not considered "family" in places like ICU units. In the case of non-biological kids, things can get even muddier as I pointed out...

[jaysfan4life]

Yo no lie... My cousin married his girl friend after he got her preggers now his older brother begged his ex to marry him like 6 most ago and their getting married next month... Marriage is for suckers I'm living with my parents forever yo.

[gwan]

CK's mom, not many women these days are satisfied with a 10K wedding
and the ones who are probably are content staying common-law

[CSK'sMom]

CK's mom, not many women these days are satisfied with a 10K wedding

And that is part of the problem.... A wedding is just a day. $100 or $100,000 doesn't matter and has no bearing on the marriage. ;) You need to do the work to have the marriage and planning a wedding and getting all Bridezilla is not doing the work. :razz:

[No Frills]

People 'suddenly' get married because its now the season many choose to get married in.

At one time late 20's early 30s was considered late, its now the 'norm'. If its even later or not at all then its not as big of a deal as it was in the olden days.

[zonetbh]

others don't take you seriously unless you're married?

how do you mean by this?

im never planning to get married and hope there is no detrimental consequences

Things that happened while we were common law:

- got rejected from passing US customs together, had to go one at a time
- i was not able to get on my then girlfriend, now wife's insurance group policy
- introducing someone as a bf/gf is a joke, could mean you've known them for 1 week or 50 years. its not taken as seriously
- when my then-gf would book a hotel room and i forgot my key, i had to go get her to get a new key. its happened post-marriage, and may last name was the same so they just handed it right over, no probs

I remember when we bought our house. Someone from the neighborhood asked if I just moved in alone, said oh no my girlfriend and I just bought the house. The look of "oh yeah, this should be good" was just written all over her face. Its just not the same.

That just off the top of my head. I remember multiple times as common law being annoyed by the bf/gf title not getting any respect in comparison to the husband/wife title. If this doesn't mean anything to you, no biggie. But it does to me!

Ultimately I think common law relationships need a proper title to distinguish them apart from say a high school bf/gf which is nowhere NEAR the same thing. Spouse could be used I guess, but that never did it for me.

[Psubs]

Life Partner
My Forever
My Person
Common Law Buddy

[sandikosh]

24 years this month and 3 kids, 17,20 and 23.



Re-read what I said. ;) It's about excuses of needing the $10k+ wedding to have a marriage which is the farthest thing from the truth. It's also about marriage being far more than an arbitrary title as some think. If commonlaw, one needs to do due dilegence and consult a lawyer to have all the appropriate paperwork drawn up. Things like commonlaw partners are often shut out of medical decisions if one is incapacitated and are not considered "family" in places like ICU units. In the case of non-biological kids, things can get even muddier as I pointed out...


And that is part of the problem.... A wedding is just a day. $100 or $100,000 doesn't matter and has no bearing on the marriage. ;) You need to do the work to have the marriage and planning a wedding and getting all Bridezilla is not doing the work. :razz:

Are any of your kids a female who share your same philosophy?

[CSK'sMom]

Are any of your kids a female who share your same philosophy?

Yep, one daughter and even my boys think the same way. One is in a serious relationship and he and his GF talk about eloping when the time comes. ;)

[spookie149]

I'm in my mid-twenties and have recently started getting maternal pangs now and again; albeit briefly. OP I think in this facebook era, it seems like everyone is getting married because those that you never would have heard from after school are having their popular "highlighted" story show up more often in your news feed.

[deltone]

And that is part of the problem.... A wedding is just a day. $100 or $100,000 doesn't matter and has no bearing on the marriage. ;) You need to do the work to have the marriage and planning a wedding and getting all Bridezilla is not doing the work. :razz:

BINGO. Too much emphasis is placed on the one day. Two of my sons are married and the older one spent a small fortune on the one day. I would hazzard a guess that if I asked him or his wife if they could have that HUGE sum of money back, they'd jump at the chance. It all seemed so important to them back then but now 4 kids later, probably not so much.


Yep, one daughter and even my boys think the same way. One is in a serious relationship and he and his GF talk about eloping when the time comes. ;)

I have 2 kids who are married and 2 who aren't. My youngest (son) is living with his gf and they bought a home. He plans on asking her to marry him but he's not ready yet, due to thinking he needs to spend a ton of money on a ring. My daughter isn't in a serious relationship at this time and has never lived with anyone but she says she's not going to go for the big wedding if and when the time comes. I already warned her that she will get the same sum of money we gave her brothers and it's up to her and whoever to spend whatever they want because her dad and I will not be paying for it. This could get sticky as I'm married to an Italian but my feeling is if anyone in our large extended fammily has a problem with it, they can pay. I'm pretty sure that my daughter will remain sane though as she's never been one of those girly girl" types and all of the pomp and ceremony doesn't interest her. (THANKFULLY)

[CSK'sMom]

BINGO. Too much emphasis is placed on the one day. Two of my sons are married and the older one spent a small fortune on the one day. I would hazzard a guess that if I asked him or his wife if they could have that HUGE sum of money back, they'd jump at the chance. It all seemed so important to them back then but now 4 kids later, probably not so much.



I have 2 kids who are married and 2 who aren't. My youngest (son) is living with his gf and they bought a home. He plans on asking her to marry him but he's not ready yet, due to thinking he needs to spend a ton of money on a ring. My daughter isn't in a serious relationship at this time and has never lived with anyone but she says she's not going to go for the big wedding if and when the time comes. I already warned her that she will get the same sum of money we gave her brothers and it's up to her and whoever to spend whatever they want because her dad and I will not be paying for it. This could get sticky as I'm married to an Italian but my feeling is if anyone in our large extended fammily has a problem with it, they can pay. I'm pretty sure that my daughter will remain sane though as she's never been one of those girly girl" types and all of the pomp and ceremony doesn't interest her. (THANKFULLY)

To the bolded text.... such a shame that so many fall for the diamond marketing hype. :( Funny story, I had to have my engagement and wedding rings rebuilt last year after 23+ years of daily wear. With the price of gold now, the rebuilding cost almost as much as my engagement ring did all those years ago, LOL! Thankfully with both my son and his girlfriend sharing Irish descent, they are into the Claddagh ring tradition. He has bought her one already and says when and if he proposes, he will just buy her a far fancier one with stones.

[yao416]

Marriage is good. Helps you save money.

Our three years anniversary is coming up :)

[Chigu]

So OP.. Ur the Old guy at the club ppl talk about?

[Becks]

Women need to have kids before mid thirties, so it's like a mad scramble to nail down a guy and get married.

[deltone]

To the bolded text.... such a shame that so many fall for the diamond marketing hype. :( Funny story, I had to have my engagement and wedding rings rebuilt last year after 23+ years of daily wear. With the price of gold now, the rebuilding cost almost as much as my engagement ring did all those years ago, LOL! Thankfully with both my son and his girlfriend sharing Irish descent, they are into the Claddagh ring tradition. He has bought her one already and says when and if he proposes, he will just buy her a far fancier one with stones.

Sad thing is, his gf isn't a grabby type gal and I'm sure she's not expecting a huge diamond. He is a funny bird, that son of mine. He actually hates the idea of the ring yet he's doing the one thing he hates........waiting to buy an expensive ring. Luckily we have a family member who works for a jewellery store so he can get her discount.

Your son is smart!!!

[manmanny]

Marriage is good. Helps you save money.

Our three years anniversary is coming up :)
Yao maan.

[Syne]

You have to understand that this is your personal opinion, and your friends who are still partying it up probably feel the exact opposite.


I used to be on the common law owns bandwagon until it became evident that nobody takes your GF or BF as seriously as your Wife or Husband. Nothing wrong with common law but most people outgrow it, and want the adult/mature title of a married couple.

Honestly, if impressing random people is your big motivation for getting married, you have bigger problems.

Some of my friends got married a few years ago. One is divorced, and the other two are hanging in there. I don't see any real benefit to the process other than getting gifts, and since neither my family or my girlfriend's family is in a position to help us out, there is no real incentive on either end. Also, if I declare her income, I'll get kicked off OSAP before I finish my degree, and she's in enough debt without having to worry about me.

[poedua]

Women need to have kids before mid thirties, so it's like a mad scramble to nail down a guy and get married.

:rolleyes:

[Nurse2B]

http://static.someecards.com/someecards/usercards/1282139781771_674921.png

[thrifthunter]

I'm married and have 2 kids. Wouldn't change it for the world. My life is better than my single friends who are still partying it up like the college days. And typically only those with kids and a family will understand.

You can have kids and a family without being married. It's just a piece of paper.

[HandsomeRob]

Somewhat underestimating men IMO....for the most part, I don't think most men would do anything they didn't really want to do.:)

I don't think most men would do anything that their spouse didn't want them to do. Happy wife is a happy life.

I have no interest at all in marriage, only 4 years but they pile up fast. It will have to come eventually and my level of interest will still be the same. To me it's a piece of paper from the government, doesn't in any way change my level of commitment or seriousness.

[mockingjay404]

Women need to have kids before mid thirties, so it's like a mad scramble to nail down a guy and get married.

since OT is a "serious" forum now, can any knowledgable ppl comment on whether this is actually still true or not?

and i mean "... without using expensive/experimental medication/medical procedures, etc."

thx :)

[Psubs]

If the female made a good living and dated someone making quite less would she be pressuring to get married?

[Kohanz]

since OT is a "serious" forum now, can any knowledgable ppl comment on whether this is actually still true or not?

and i mean "... without using expensive/experimental medication/medical procedures, etc."

thx :)

I'm not an expert, but my understanding is that while it's perfectly possible and still likely for a woman to have a healthy child in her late 30s and beyond, the odds of birth complications or the child being born with some medical condition increase greatly as the woman advances past her mid-30s.

[uber_shnitz]

since OT is a "serious" forum now, can any knowledgable ppl comment on whether this is actually still true or not?

and i mean "... without using expensive/experimental medication/medical procedures, etc."

thx :)

Well there's 2 possible explanations:
- while menopause doesn't hit until later, as the above poster said, the chances of birth complications increase with age. The body was "programmed" for birthing since teenage years so the older you get, the less "flexible" it is in regards to childbirth. IIRC, I read some study somewhere that the number of C-section births increased as the age of the birthing mother increased as well.
- women are afraid they'll be too old/ugly to nab a man who'll actually want to give them children past a certain age

[nalababe]

since OT is a "serious" forum now, can any knowledgable ppl comment on whether this is actually still true or not?

and i mean "... without using expensive/experimental medication/medical procedures, etc."

thx :)

We have many friends that have had kids (including first kids after 35). None of them needed any special treatments, none of them needed a C-section.

Our only friends that had to go through IVF while in their late 30's happened to be a same sex couple...

[Kohanz]

Personally I think the other motivation for having kids by then is that if you wait till 40 or after, you're going to be fairly old compared to your kids, and no kid wants that. I remember when I used to tutor math, I tutored a pair of brothers, about 16 and 13 and their parents looked like they were in their mid to late 60s (if not older!). It was like living with grandma and gramps, but these were their parents. I felt bad for them...

[uber_shnitz]

Personally I think the other motivation for having kids by then is that if you wait till 40 or after, you're going to be fairly old compared to your kids, and no kid wants that. I remember when I used to tutor math, I tutored a pair of brothers, about 16 and 13 and their parents looked like they were in their mid to late 60s (if not older!). It was like living with grandma and gramps, but these were their parents. I felt bad for them...

Why should you feel bad? A parent's age shouldn't really change anything in their love or relationship with their kids. Assuming you have kids at 40, that means you're hitting retirement by the time they finish University and start working, that's not really so bad IMO.

[RolandCouch]

I'm with you OP. Seems like I woke up one day and everyone I knew was getting engaged. Not for me at least anytime soon.

[dibksbgon]

Why should you feel bad? A parent's age shouldn't really change anything in their love or relationship with their kids. Assuming you have kids at 40, that means you're hitting retirement by the time they finish University and start working, that's not really so bad IMO.

But a parent's age does change things. Not love or anything but abilities. There was an awesome article from the UK about different women's experiences having kids at different ages. Some were happy to have them later on, but from what I read, those who were in their late 30s and early 40s did notice they were lacking in energy more than they would have if they had giving. But some do manage just fine.

From a purely medical standpoint the increase of birth defects (principally down syndrome) spikes greatly as you go through your 30s and into your 40s. Was watching a preview for 16x9 next week and the doctor said it best -- he basically used a hand movement (higher and higher) to describe how the older you get and/or if you have issues with infertility and start engaging in other techniques the more likely there are to be birth defects.

Personally have told husband if we have kids (have been talking) it will happen before I am 30 and we both agree only one child (god forbide we have twins which run in his family....)


/I say this all being a product of someone who gave birth at 38.

[Drew87]

Why should you feel bad? A parent's age shouldn't really change anything in their love or relationship with their kids. Assuming you have kids at 40, that means you're hitting retirement by the time they finish University and start working, that's not really so bad IMO.

I think people feel bad for kids in that situation because usually the older you get the worse your health can get.....You might not be as flexible, or as physically active as much as if you were in you're 20's/30's.....Some of my best memories as a child was going to the park with my dad and playing soccer and sports together....People feel sorry for kids that may not be able to do that....

Yes there's daycare, and sports clubs and now a days most kids are glued to their TV/Xbox etc, but it's not the same as playing with you're dad or mom....

[92gsr]

Social media like Facebook has exaggerated the number of marriages that are happening. I held the same sentiments last summer as I was the MC at 3 weddings last summer and my Facebook news feed was flooded with wedding pictures from May until September.

Ultimately, you have to consider the facts. I would say that half of the people that are within my circle of friends have gotten married over the past 5 years. The other half are in long-term relationships or are single.

[mockingjay404]

We have many friends that have had kids (including first kids after 35). None of them needed any special treatments, none of them needed a C-section.

would you say there were any mitigating factors which helped your friends out?
i.e. are these active people... work out regularly... eat healthy... maybe organic all the time? lol



From a purely medical standpoint the increase of birth defects (principally down syndrome) spikes greatly as you go through your 30s and into your 40s. Was watching a preview for 16x9 next week and the doctor said it best -- he basically used a hand movement (higher and higher) to describe how the older you get and/or if you have issues with infertility and start engaging in other techniques the more likely there are to be birth defects.

know any stats offhand?




I say this all being a product of someone who gave birth at 38.

did you have any issues yourself being a "late birth"?

[Kohanz]

Why should you feel bad? A parent's age shouldn't really change anything in their love or relationship with their kids. Assuming you have kids at 40, that means you're hitting retirement by the time they finish University and start working, that's not really so bad IMO.

40s not so bad, but any later and it starts to go downhill IMO. I feel bad because a young parent is generally able to do more with their kids and will be around for longer. For example, I doubt that Dad would be playing sports with his sons, his body was that of an old man's. Also, what about being grandparents? Life expectancy is what, 75? If you have kids at say, 45, you're giving your own kids about 25 years to have grandkids, for you to be able to enjoy them.

I know it's not a be all and end all, but for me personally, being able to spend lots of time with kids, grandkids, and being able to participate in things they want to do is important. Of course there will be exceptions (people who have long lives, are fit even at an old age), but generally, the longer you wait, the less of such time you will have with your kids and grandkids. That's the tradeoff...

[uber_shnitz]

But a parent's age does change things. Not love or anything but abilities. There was an awesome article from the UK about different women's experiences having kids at different ages. Some were happy to have them later on, but from what I read, those who were in their late 30s and early 40s did notice they were lacking in energy more than they would have if they had giving. But some do manage just fine.

From a purely medical standpoint the increase of birth defects (principally down syndrome) spikes greatly as you go through your 30s and into your 40s. Was watching a preview for 16x9 next week and the doctor said it best -- he basically used a hand movement (higher and higher) to describe how the older you get and/or if you have issues with infertility and start engaging in other techniques the more likely there are to be birth defects.

Personally have told husband if we have kids (have been talking) it will happen before I am 30 and we both agree only one child (god forbide we have twins which run in his family....)


/I say this all being a product of someone who gave birth at 38.

I think people feel bad for kids in that situation because usually the older you get the worse your health can get.....You might not be as flexible, or as physically active as much as if you were in you're 20's/30's.....Some of my best memories as a child was going to the park with my dad and playing soccer and sports together....People feel sorry for kids that may not be able to do that....

Yes there's daycare, and sports clubs and now a days most kids are glued to their TV/Xbox etc, but it's not the same as playing with you're dad or mom....
I can see the potential differences, but it depends on the person/parent really and it's hardly a reason to feel sorry for kids with older parents. Obviously, there's always extremes, but in yours 40s you should still generally speaking be in good enough physical state to play with kids. My dad is 65 and he still plays sports weekly (he actually beats me at tennis lol :lol:) so it all depends on how well the person has taken care of themselves and dealt with the stresses of their carreer.

I don't deny that there's pros/cons to having kids early vs late but I just don't think it's really a reason to feel sorry for someone as if it was some disease or some sad situation like parental divorce or whatnot.

[Drew87]

I can see the potential differences, but it depends on the person/parent really and it's hardly a reason to feel sorry for kids with older parents. Obviously, there's always extremes, but in yours 40s you should still generally speaking be in good enough physical state to play with kids. My dad is 65 and he still plays sports weekly (he actually beats me at tennis lol :lol:) so it all depends on how well the person has taken care of themselves and dealt with the stresses of their carreer.

I don't deny that there's pros/cons to having kids early vs late but I just don't think it's really a reason to feel sorry for someone as if it was some disease or some sad situation like parental divorce or whatnot.

Maybe saying people feel "sorry" for them is the wrong word, but I think you get the idea.....I agree with you that in your 40's you should be relatively active but for some people physical problems start to creep up.. It's one of those things where you have to think big picture.

And it's like you said, it's a person by person case but it is obvious that once you get older and you have physical problems chasing around a 3-4 year old will be hard to do........

[Kohanz]

I can see the potential differences, but it depends on the person/parent really and it's hardly a reason to feel sorry for kids with older parents. Obviously, there's always extremes, but in yours 40s you should still generally speaking be in good enough physical state to play with kids. My dad is 65 and he still plays sports weekly (he actually beats me at tennis lol :lol:) so it all depends on how well the person has taken care of themselves and dealt with the stresses of their carreer.

I don't deny that there's pros/cons to having kids early vs late but I just don't think it's really a reason to feel sorry for someone as if it was some disease or some sad situation like parental divorce or whatnot.

I said I felt sorry for these kids specifically - not everyone with older parents. I knew more about their situation because I tutored them for quite some time. It was clear to me that their relationship with their parents was affected by the age gap and not in an overall positive way.

[FrogPrince]

FYI, you can have all the benefits of marriage without blowing $10K or more. It's called common-law and it owns.

IIRC we paid about $150 for our wedding license. Everything else we spent above that was purely optional.

[flashy_mcflash]

$150 more than I spent. I could buy like a half-ounce for that.

[windforcexx28]

Why is everyone getting married???

And there it goes.
http://www.the370z.com/members/edub370-albums-pointless-stuff-picture42818-derail2.jpg

:D

Back on topic, This topic is completely irrelevent to me. I'm in my early 20s :(

[thrifthunter]

$150 more than I spent. I could buy like a half-ounce for that.

You are so worried about healthy eating, yet you'll burn all that through your lungs without even thinking. Nice!

[kamilio]

Why does everything on this forum become about money? This site has to be the biggest collection of cheap people on the face of this planet.

[Drew87]

Why does everything on this forum become about money? This site has to be the biggest collection of cheap people on the face of this planet.

Didn't you get the memo? It's always about the money because when they die that's all they'll have to take with them to their grave seeing as most of them don't want to ever get married - think that spending a lot of time on their comp is healthy, and really lack a social life all together..........



LOL - I'm just playing, :P

[AudiDude]

If the female made a good living and dated someone making quite less would she be pressuring to get married?

I've seen this one first hand in both directions. The female made a good living and ended up having the kid with no marriage, but not much of a relationship. More along the lines of "Yes, you're the father but it's my kid and I make the money so I make the rules because it's pretty obvious you didn't do as well in life as what I did". I've also seen the woman get married to a powerful but abusive guy, get divorced and them marry a stupid guy with money (daddy's company) and then have kids. She pretty much has to do everything, including house repairs, because hubby is stupid and useless. He was a nice guy, but dumb as a bag of hammers.

In both situations, the woman settled on less than her ideal, just to have a kid. TBH, their lives are a little messed up. I don't believe you should have kids when only one partner is pushing for it. That person ends up running the show until they can't handle the extra pressure of the kids and then the fighting begins. Either that or they do it themselves and die ten years sooner because they are exhausted.

[AudiDude]

Why does everything on this forum become about money? This site has to be the biggest collection of cheap people on the face of this planet.

I thought that was the original idea?

You need to go to RFB.

Red Flag Ballers.:D

[mockingjay404]

I thought that was the original idea?

You need to go to RFB.

Red Flag Ballers.:D

isn't that basically your watch thread? haha

[flashy_mcflash]

You are so worried about healthy eating, yet you'll burn all that through your lungs without even thinking. Nice!

I don't burn anything, I vapourize :)

You seem upset. I thought fat people were supposed to be jolly?

[jbarns]

Things that happened while we were common law:

- got rejected from passing US customs together, had to go one at a time - Have had 0 issues with this
- i was not able to get on my then girlfriend, now wife's insurance group policy - Currently she is on my policy
- introducing someone as a bf/gf is a joke, could mean you've known them for 1 week or 50 years. its not taken as seriously - Who the F$%^ cares what other people think?
- when my then-gf would book a hotel room and i forgot my key, i had to go get her to get a new key. its happened post-marriage, and may last name was the same so they just handed it right over, no probs - #firstworldproblems

I remember when we bought our house. Someone from the neighborhood asked if I just moved in alone, said oh no my girlfriend and I just bought the house. The look of "oh yeah, this should be good" was just written all over her face. Its just not the same.

That just off the top of my head. I remember multiple times as common law being annoyed by the bf/gf title not getting any respect in comparison to the husband/wife title. If this doesn't mean anything to you, no biggie. But it does to me!

Ultimately I think common law relationships need a proper title to distinguish them apart from say a high school bf/gf which is nowhere NEAR the same thing. Spouse could be used I guess, but that never did it for me.

I've responded to your problems above

the highlight of my comments is who cares what people think, if they're judging you on something like this they aren't good people and you shouldn't be around them anyways. Surround yourself with people who like you for who you are.

[rsasp]

Its better for women to get married and have kids before the age of 30, said by many old folks.

[Rainne]

Its better for women to get married and have kids before the age of 30, said by many old folks.

Yea, it's pretty crazy.

For women, it's like a party <30-35. Then it's like musical chairs where they marry ASAP.

[thrifthunter]

I don't burn anything, I vapourize :)

You seem upset. I thought fat people were supposed to be jolly?

Buddy the only thing fat on me is me cack!
And yes, Mr. Happy did make your mom very jolly last night.

[FrogPrince]

$150 more than I spent. I could buy like a half-ounce for that.

Then you're not really married. You're just two animals living in one den.

[flashy_mcflash]

Then you're not really married. You're just two animals living in one den.

Fine by me. I'm an animal with $150. Rawr.

[konfusion666]

since OT is a "serious" forum now, can any knowledgable ppl comment on whether this is actually still true or not?

and i mean "... without using expensive/experimental medication/medical procedures, etc."

thx :)


FYI - http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/parenting/pregnancy/fertility/the-clock-is-ticking-female-fertility-declines-earlier-than-you-think/article2448676/



The study showed that 67 per cent of women and 81 per cent of men inaccurately believe that female fertility markedly declines after age 40, with 31 per cent of women and 52 per cent of men believing this decline takes place after the age of 44. The reality: Women start to experience a marked decrease in fertility from age 35-39.

Fifty-two per cent of women and 64 per cent of men also overestimated the chances that a couple undergoing one treatment of in vitro fertilization would be successful 40-100 per cent of the time – the actual success rate is 30 per cent. After age 44, the success rate is 3 per cent.


Stop reading RFD and go have some kids already!

[NG]

Uhmm, take another look. The whole OT forum was wiped and archived and much stricter rules are now in place. One can't even post in OT without getting a new rule prompt. ;)

Just FYI - I never got a pop up (I assume that's what you mean by prompt) with the new rules (got pointed to them in a thread). Might be a bug with the forum software.

[omgreo]

Things that happened while we were common law:

- got rejected from passing US customs together, had to go one at a time
- i was not able to get on my then girlfriend, now wife's insurance group policy
- introducing someone as a bf/gf is a joke, could mean you've known them for 1 week or 50 years. its not taken as seriously
- when my then-gf would book a hotel room and i forgot my key, i had to go get her to get a new key. its happened post-marriage, and may last name was the same so they just handed it right over, no probs

I remember when we bought our house. Someone from the neighborhood asked if I just moved in alone, said oh no my girlfriend and I just bought the house. The look of "oh yeah, this should be good" was just written all over her face. Its just not the same.

That just off the top of my head. I remember multiple times as common law being annoyed by the bf/gf title not getting any respect in comparison to the husband/wife title. If this doesn't mean anything to you, no biggie. But it does to me!

Ultimately I think common law relationships need a proper title to distinguish them apart from say a high school bf/gf which is nowhere NEAR the same thing. Spouse could be used I guess, but that never did it for me.

Couldn't you just call her your "partner"? I've seen this being used more.

[Le Loon]

If you break up with your girlfriend who is your roomate, does she get palimony in Canada? What are her legal rights to your property?

[renoldman]

If you break up with your girlfriend who is your roomate, does she get palimony in Canada? What are her legal rights to your property?

Common Law relationship?

Do you have kids with this girlfriend?

[Le Loon]

Common Law relationship?

Do you have kids with this girlfriend?

I'm personally married, but this is a rhetorical question. Ok, assume a common law and children.

[dealseeker2011]

Because they are in love! :)

[XtremeModder]

Some people get married because they love and care about each other..

Some people have arranged marriage setups (stupid!!!)

The rest get married because thats what everyone else does!

If I had the choice (myself) to pay, just as an example, $20,000 on a wedding or $20,000 as a down payment on a house, I'd take the house down payment any day!

[flashy_mcflash]

If I had the choice (myself) to pay, just as an example, $20,000 on a wedding or $20,000 as a down payment on a house, I'd take the house down payment any day!

Same. Similarly, if I were a parent, no way in hell would I pay for my kid's wedding under any circumstances. Help them out with a downpayment? Sure. But to fund your 'special day'? You had 18 birthdays for that.

[XtremeModder]

Same. Similarly, if I were a parent, no way in hell would I pay for my kid's wedding under any circumstances. Help them out with a downpayment? Sure. But to fund your 'special day'? You had 18 birthdays for that.

Glad someone agrees with me on that, my gf (common law) doesn't agree at all and won't buy a house with me until we're engaged/married :facepalm: sonafter almost 6 years I think I know what I SHOULD do now.....

I just don't really care for weddings, I've been to a few and in the end I always think 'really? Why not just have a damn good party and live common law, same thing minus the certificate and whatnot.

To me, owning a home in the next 2-3 years would be a much better thing for me than having 1 day. I can picture it now, I'd be so pissed knowing I could have bought a house lol. I'm about 3/4s of the way along my goal to a down payment of $20,000. However I want to have an extra $10,000 to fall back on just incase

[thrifthunter]

Because they are in love! :)

Not for long! Half of them will end up divorced, and half of the remaining marriages will be unhappy.

[flashy_mcflash]

Glad someone agrees with me on that, my gf (common law) doesn't agree at all and won't buy a house with me until we're engaged/married :facepalm: sonafter almost 6 years I think I know what I SHOULD do now.....

I just don't really care for weddings, I've been to a few and in the end I always think 'really? Why not just have a damn good party and live common law, same thing minus the certificate and whatnot.

To me, owning a home in the next 2-3 years would be a much better thing for me than having 1 day. I can picture it now, I'd be so pissed knowing I could have bought a house lol. I'm about 3/4s of the way along my goal to a down payment of $20,000. However I want to have an extra $10,000 to fall back on just incase

I feel tremendously privileged to have found someone that agrees with me, and you, on this. Unfortunately, the wedding industry is an insidious thing, and begins to sell the whole wedding idea to people - particularly women, which is a smart strategy since they influence the majority of purchases (http://www.business2community.com/marketing/marketing-to-women-surprising-stats-show-purchasing-power-influence-0159938) - from an extremely young age and the idea of spending scads of money on a wedding is highly ingrained in people's minds.

[renoldman]

I'm personally married, but this is a rhetorical question. Ok, assume a common law and children.

Treated as married.

Even without the kids, you might still have to pay alimony.

[manmanny]

...
...
Why is everyone getting married???
May be they want see... how difficult is that or why people fail in marriage or add here

[XtremeModder]

I feel tremendously privileged to have found someone that agrees with me, and you, on this. Unfortunately, the wedding industry is an insidious thing, and begins to sell the whole wedding idea to people - particularly women, which is a smart strategy since they influence the majority of purchases (http://www.business2community.com/marketing/marketing-to-women-surprising-stats-show-purchasing-power-influence-0159938) - from an extremely young age and the idea of spending scads of money on a wedding is highly ingrained in people's minds.

Yep, that's how the world works, start ingraining debt from day 1 haha. Seriously though I could care less for a wedding, I'd rather go on a 1-2 week vacation and tell everyone to come, would cost much less and last so much longer than a day.

[zonetbh]

Yep, that's how the world works, start ingraining debt from day 1 haha. Seriously though I could care less for a wedding, I'd rather go on a 1-2 week vacation and tell everyone to come, would cost much less and last so much longer than a day.

Great concept, reality is only a small handful of friends and family will be willing and able to burn 1-2 weeks of vacation time and their own money on following you to a destination.

[XtremeModder]

Great concept, reality is only a small handful of friends and family will be willing and able to burn 1-2 weeks of vacation time and their own money on following you to a destination.

Which is perfect cause my family (parents+cousins) is small and I only have a couple close fiends (5-6) the rest of my friends I only hang out with once in awhile. But those ones are all stoners and I quit smoking weed quite awhile ago and don't want to really be around it at all, I have more fun sitting with my close friends and chilling out over a couple drinks.

[Psubs]

Great concept, reality is only a small handful of friends and family will be willing and able to burn 1-2 weeks of vacation time and their own money on following you to a destination.

Well, the guests would stay for a week. Have the wedding like on the 4th or 5th day. Everyone leaves and the married couple stays for another week there or at a better hotel or even location.