Quarterlife crisis

[willyxjai]

With my birthday coming up in a couple months I did some serious thinking about what Ive accomplished ever since I graduated from college with a business diploma. I'll be turning 25 with no real job but I do have three seasonal jobs that keeps me sane throughout the year which allows to me to do certain things but not as much as I wanted to. A handful friends/classmates from high school/college that I spoke back then are all doing much better than I am which their cars, condo, yearly vacation thanks to a well paid job which made me think...why cant I have that kind of life style?

the check list:
- feeling like you’re not doing well enough
- frustration & disillusionment with the working world
- feeling insecure about what you’re doing, where you’re going & what your plans are
- anxiety over close relationships
- feeling extremely bored with your social life
- nostalgia for teenage years, high school or university
- feeling a desperate need to “settle down” — like buy a house, get married or have a baby
- ...or conversely, wanting to “escape” the real world — like backpacking around the world or finding a nice cave to live in
- financial stress or confusion
- intense loneliness
- feeling that everyone is doing better than you
- terror at the concept of getting “old”
- wondering “is that all there is?”
- a vague feeling of apathy, mixed with horror, panic & depression

I can relate to more than half of these symptoms off this checklist..


Am I complaining too much?

[sandikosh]

With my birthday coming up in a couple months I did some serious thinking about what Ive accomplished ever since I graduated from college with a business diploma. I'll be turning 25 with no real job but I do have three seasonal jobs that keeps me sane throughout the year which allows to me to do certain things but not as much as I wanted to. A handful friends/classmates from high school/college that I spoke back then are all doing much better than I am which their cars, condo, yearly vacation thanks to a well paid job which made me think...why cant I have that kind of life style?

the check list:
- feeling like you’re not doing well enough
- frustration & disillusionment with the working world
- feeling insecure about what you’re doing, where you’re going & what your plans are
- anxiety over close relationships
- feeling extremely bored with your social life
- nostalgia for teenage years, high school or university
- feeling a desperate need to “settle down” — like buy a house, get married or have a baby
- ...or conversely, wanting to “escape” the real world — like backpacking around the world or finding a nice cave to live in
- financial stress or confusion
- intense loneliness
- feeling that everyone is doing better than you
- terror at the concept of getting “old”
- wondering “is that all there is?”
- a vague feeling of apathy, mixed with horror, panic & depression

I can relate to more than half of these symptoms off this checklist..


Am I complaining too much?

Regardless of how much people make, they will never be satisfied with what they have or achieved. Everybody wants more.

[mbg]

Rule #1 about comparing yourself to other people is to never trust outward appearances of affluence. You don't know how it's financed or who it paying for it. Plus, they may give up things that you aren't willing to give up.

And one good thing about that list of yours is that most of those things are in your control. So, one good thing is that you can change them if you want. The bad side is that it really is your fault if you don't and aren't happy about it.

It's pretty normal to feel inadequate as you cross over into the real world. It's not much different from crossing from elementary to high school. The rules and the benchmarks have changed, except that this time it really is the real world and if you don't get it right then the rest of your life won't be much good. There aren't many second chances left.

So, with all of that in mind, it really is worth doing something about it if you're not happy.

Getting old is easier if you have something to compensate for it... such as experience, lessons learned, etc. Not just a bunch of mistakes that you apparently had to make to learn from, but really didn't learn anything at all.

[AudiDude]

Once you are over 21 you'll notice the decline to your feelings until 26. You're pretty much old anyway. You aren't naturally getting bigger/stronger/faster effortlessly anymore. Things don't come to you, you have to go get them. An old man with a business once told me "I don't care what anybody else does, so long as they aren't bothering my @ss".

The whole successful acquiring material goods thing and bragging to your friends thing will get you nowhere. Pay off what you owe, save some money, spend whats comfortable and when friends brag, say nothing. I see people all stressed out with every toy under the sun and two kids involved in every sport, music class, or whatever. They both spend all their money to impress. I see other people with two kids who play the sports they want, the parents spend whats reasonable and have a lower stress family life and they spend more quality time with their families. There are few successful people who don't put in a lot of time and work to make their money.

In the end, when you get old, nobody asks if their friend is still successful, the question is their friend still alive. All the old people I have seen sold off all their expensive stuff and toys and live in a house that suits their needs and drive a car that suits their needs and are just thankful for good health and good family.

So you'll go through the crisis again and again until you find the right ratio of work, play and family. After that, you are set. Those are the people you see with the clear minds walking down the street with a little smile. It's like when the economy is down, you'll just be happy that you can pay bills and put food on the table. Sometimes the economy dragging it's behind is a good reality check for people living beyond their means.

They can have as many successful jobs and as many toys as they want, they aren't yours, so who cares? I've got a friend who probably gets 50% of his furniture from people's garbage. He buys stuff only on sale and doesn't wear brands for the sake of wearing brands. His house is long paid off and he has investments. He's forever on vacation because he can be. He's got a loong time to go before retirement. The guy he works with could retire 17 years before he has to. He doesn't have many toys and owns his own business. People come in to his business and brag to him, meanwhile the rest of us are in the back laughing because we know the braggart is maxed out while our friend is drowning in money.

It so happens that my friend had to have a live saving operation and then his attitude towards life changed. He now lives life to the fullest, bought a little cottage and enjoys his family life a lot more. He never spends more than $25k on a car. And like the rest of us in the group, we like to actually buy the car, not lease it or make loan payments.

"Life is what you make it.."

[CRAZYBUBBA]

Wisdom
<snip>
"Life is what you make it.."

I wish that I could thank you for this post.

[renoldman]

Your friends, which appear to be happy, are actually living in fear.

They go to work because they have to pay for their condo and their car.

They don't actually own it.

If they lost their job, they would be stuck with an auto loan and a condo that they hope will be worth more than what they paid for it.

Don't feel bad about yourself, feel bad for them, because they are stuck in the consumerist loop.

I think you are more resourceful than them and if they lost their comfy job, they would be in far worse trouble than you.

On the other side:

What kind of friend doesn't help their friends? They don't help you in joining the rat race, but if they lose their jobs, you should know for a fact that they come and ask you for help.

Your friends are not really friends if they aren't helping you join the game you want to play.

[Drew87]

Here's what I've been telling people since I graduated high school -

The key to life is finding a job, and putting yourself in a situation that what you're doing and who you're surrounded with make you happy.... Forget about what other people will tell you will make you happy, or what people expect you to do, it's your life, not theirs and at the end of the day YOU will have to live with the decisions you make.

Forget the materialistic things - forget about what other people are doing.

I hustled and had jobs and hours that most people would hate - I started off working at a grocery store pushing shopping carts and within 4 years became a store manager making a crap load of money....

It allowed me to save a lot of money and now I'm doing whatever I want -In the past 2 years I've traveled to London, Paris, Berlin, New York twice, Cuba twice, I've been to over 7 Leaf games - 4 baseball games between Toronto and New York city. I'll be buying a condo downtown Toronto and I'll be living the life that I want to live. When I'm ready to jump back in to the industry I have jobs waiting for me from old management team members that I helped get to the top.

Never compare yourself to your friends - they might have what appears to be a better job or more material things then you but they may hate their job and the people they work with, they could have health problems, they could have personal problems in their private life that you're not aware of. I have friends that have amazing jobs - live in amazing condos but constantly are complaining about bills.


I'm turning 25 in August myself OP - to be honest it's kinda of depressing to me because I have a strong fear of death but whatever, you can't dwell on the negative - people can sense negative energy. Especially in the work force. Find out what you want and figure out how to get it. When I graduated high school I had a plan in place that took me a year to draw out, it was a 5 year plan. I managed to execute it in less then 4.

It sounds corny but you can do anything you put your mind to.

[JAC]

Statistically speaking, it's more of a Thirdlife crisis than a Quarterlife crisis.

[AzN_RiverdaleCI]

First off, some excellent replies in this thread! I could not have said it better myself.


With my birthday coming up in a couple months I did some serious thinking about what Ive accomplished ever since I graduated from college with a business diploma. I'll be turning 25 with no real job but I do have three seasonal jobs that keeps me sane throughout the year which allows to me to do certain things but not as much as I wanted to. A handful friends/classmates from high school/college that I spoke back then are all doing much better than I am which their cars, condo, yearly vacation thanks to a well paid job which made me think...why cant I have that kind of life style?
Am I complaining too much?

To the op I say you need new friends. I had friends like those. I found out their parents were bankrolling them. All smoke and mirrors. Illusions. All talk, one said "When I make a 6 figure salary were gonna be in a diff social class and I can't hang out /w you anymore". Like really? I dropped that friend instantly. Friend of 10+ years dropped just like that. (there's more back story to this but it's tl;dr)

[Toukolou]

Yes, you are complaining too much.

[Poulet]

Great posts in here.

[eudaii]

i had these feelings at 20. then i decided to be a slut and sleep around. it was fun but now i'm over it...
going to grad school in the fall so hopefully i can get a nice job in two years and stop being such a slut and maybe settle down

[JAC]

i had these feelings at 20. then i decided to be a slut and sleep around. it was fun but now i'm over it...
going to grad school in the fall so hopefully i can get a nice job in two years and stop being such a slut and maybe settle down

Uh huh. A guy with a level 85 WoW character is getting chicks. Right.

Unless you are a chick. In which case, slut on, my dear. Slut on.

[eudaii]

Uh huh. A guy with a level 85 WoW character is getting chicks. Right.

Unless you are a chick. In which case, slut on, my dear. Slut on.

lol what?? i don't even play WoW
my username comes from eudaimonia, Aristotelian/Greek for happiness

and whoever said i sleep with chicks lol

[C_C]

You are complaining too much BUT I can understand to an extent what you're feeling. I remember feeling that way as well...that everyone was getting ahead while I was still struggling for the basics (in the first world sense of course).

I think way to many young people live beyond their means, living life carefree and enjoying it while not realizing or ignoring the consequences. The more you have the more you want, live within your means and learn to enjoy things for what they are. You don't need to go out all the time or buy a fancy car to feel that you're getting places. This type of mentality will screw you over in the end, I know far too many people in debt over their heads who thought this way - they've since grown up and understood that life doesn't work this way. That owning that $800 coach bag or the closet full of clothes at the end of the day gives you nothing meaningful or worthwhile except a pile of debt.

I'm trying to get my close friend to understand this as well - I want to save a certain amount of my money not spend it every time we meet going out to fancy dinners - the funny thing is (and the way society is set up) when I do I feel like I'm being cheap. I don't care though, there has to be some balance or else you will get in trouble.

In other words - ignore what other people are doing, save your money and think about the future (you'll be acting smarter then the majority of your friends who don't do this) - not always just the present.

[Le Loon]

I'm turning 31 soon. I'm married and have a child and have only the future to look forward to, since I had such a terrible, abusive past. I have no parents, and my in-laws have basically adopted me as their son. No matter how much they say they care about me, they could never replace the real thing that I will never, ever get.

Let me check off your list.



the check list:
- feeling like you’re not doing well enough no
- frustration & disillusionment with the working world no
- feeling insecure about what you’re doing, where you’re going & what your plans are no
- anxiety over close relationships no
- feeling extremely bored with your social life no
- nostalgia for teenage years, high school or university good God no!
- feeling a desperate need to “settle down” — like buy a house, get married or have a baby no
- ...or conversely, wanting to “escape” the real world — like backpacking around the world or finding a nice cave to live in no
- financial stress or confusion no
- intense loneliness yes
- feeling that everyone is doing better than you yes but only because I`m jealous of not having parents who love me
- terror at the concept of getting “old” no
- wondering “is that all there is?” no - I`m always finding out more
- a vague feeling of apathy, mixed with horror, panic & depression no, but I am afraid of death


Stop complaining. It could be worse... You could be me!

[Nurse2B]

This is a great thread!

I think a lot of people in their mid to late 20's can relate to some extent.

"Comparison is the thief of joy" -Theodore Roosevelt

[Supercooled]

I read that whole message anticipating some old wise member and was shockes to see your name. yoy can exhibit some polarizing viewpoints. good advice though.


Once you are over 21 you'll notice the decline to your feelings until 26. You're pretty much old anyway. You aren't naturally getting bigger/stronger/faster effortlessly anymore. Things don't come to you, you have to go get them. An old man with a business once told me "I don't care what anybody else does, so long as they aren't bothering my @ss".

The whole successful acquiring material goods thing and bragging to your friends thing will get you nowhere. Pay off what you owe, save some money, spend whats comfortable and when friends brag, say nothing. I see people all stressed out with every toy under the sun and two kids involved in every sport, music class, or whatever. They both spend all their money to impress. I see other people with two kids who play the sports they want, the parents spend whats reasonable and have a lower stress family life and they spend more quality time with their families. There are few successful people who don't put in a lot of time and work to make their money.

In the end, when you get old, nobody asks if their friend is still successful, the question is their friend still alive. All the old people I have seen sold off all their expensive stuff and toys and live in a house that suits their needs and drive a car that suits their needs and are just thankful for good health and good family.

So you'll go through the crisis again and again until you find the right ratio of work, play and family. After that, you are set. Those are the people you see with the clear minds walking down the street with a little smile. It's like when the economy is down, you'll just be happy that you can pay bills and put food on the table. Sometimes the economy dragging it's behind is a good reality check for people living beyond their means.

They can have as many successful jobs and as many toys as they want, they aren't yours, so who cares? I've got a friend who probably gets 50% of his furniture from people's garbage. He buys stuff only on sale and doesn't wear brands for the sake of wearing brands. His house is long paid off and he has investments. He's forever on vacation because he can be. He's got a loong time to go before retirement. The guy he works with could retire 17 years before he has to. He doesn't have many toys and owns his own business. People come in to his business and brag to him, meanwhile the rest of us are in the back laughing because we know the braggart is maxed out while our friend is drowning in money.

It so happens that my friend had to have a live saving operation and then his attitude towards life changed. He now lives life to the fullest, bought a little cottage and enjoys his family life a lot more. He never spends more than $25k on a car. And like the rest of us in the group, we like to actually buy the car, not lease it or make loan payments.

"Life is what you make it.."

[Supercooled]

I'm turning 31 soon. I'm married and have a child and have only the future to look forward to, since I had such a terrible, abusive past. I have no parents, and my in-laws have basically adopted me as their son. No matter how much they say they care about me, they could never replace the real thing that I will never, ever get.

Let me check off your list.



Stop complaining. It could be worse... You could be me!

How does a famiky man still feel loneliness? family keeps you rooted if mothing else it jlkeeps uou too busy to have feelings of lonelines.

[spike1128]

How does a famiky man still feel loneliness? family keeps you rooted if mothing else it jlkeeps uou too busy to have feelings of lonelines.

If you haven't read that thread, le loon was saying something in the context of his/her parents on that other thread. When he was 18, the mother say "you are a piece of crap, you are not wanted". Then 10 years later at 28, she said the same thing (after 10 years of not seeing her). Something in regards to this context.

He didn't say he still feel loneliness. He is saying if he can live with really crappy parents who think him nothing as dirt for the first 28 years of his life, then the OP can live with his 1/3 life crisis (and not be so whiny). In this world, you think your life suck crap but there is always ones who is crappier situation than you.

[Xiaohaibao]

One thing I did was stop hanging out with some friends who spend lots of money, now I spend less too. Every time they say "do you want to come with us to do x" (x being something expensive) I say no. Now they never even ask me any more, and I have more money. Those guys have rich parents who give them thousands of dollars every month for no reason. And a few of them don't have rich parents, but to keep up with the others they live paycheck to paycheck and are deeply in debt. I don't have rich parents and I refuse to live in debt so I prefer to surround myself with self made hard working guys, just like me. The type of people you choose to surround yourself, is the type of person you will become.

And LOL @ 20 and 30 year olds having a fear of death. You guys realize life expectancy in canada is over 80, and it will probably be 90 by the time you get old.

[Le Loon]

If you haven't read that thread, le loon was saying something in the context of his/her parents on that other thread. When he was 18, the mother say "you are a piece of crap, you are not wanted". Then 10 years later at 28, she said the same thing (after 10 years of not seeing her). Something in regards to this context.

He didn't say he still feel loneliness. He is saying if he can live with really crappy parents who think him nothing as dirt for the first 28 years of his life, then the OP can live with his 1/3 life crisis (and not be so whiny). In this world, you think your life suck crap but there is always ones who is crappier situation than you.

Something like that. My mother on more than one occasion said that if she could do things over, I would have never been born. My father called me a mistake, and a broken condom that held his life back. He threw me out on the street when I was 14 in grade 10. Later, he met somebody new in South America, and I'm sure abuses his 3 kids too.

I overcame great odds and finally graduated university (it only took me four years, but the hard part was getting my life out of the dump from 14 to 27) with first class honors and I am now doing a masters degree in financial economics with a full stipend. I lent my mom 2 grand on the assumption that she would come to my convocation and meet my daughter. She was too busy for that - well screw her (and I want my money back). It felt like a knife cutting into my heart seeing all the other parents proud of their children graduating at the correct age, and me at 30 with no parents. But I had my 6 month old daughter there, dressed up in a cap and gown as well with her daddy and she stole the show.

Financially I'm doing well and I have no debts nor do I have any financial concerns (as I make more in my summer job than the average Canadian (http://www.statcan.gc.ca/tables-tableaux/sum-som/l01/cst01/famil21a-eng.htm) makes in a year) but I have a dark deep feeling of pain that used to keep me up at night. Four years of therapy has toned it down, but I don't think it will ever go away.

Having my daughter wiped away most but not all of the jealousy I feel towards the people I know. My little girl is going to have the life I wasn't allowed to have. I will spoil her rotten!:razz:

[willyxjai]

Wow i didn't expect to get this kind of feedback when i created this thread and i thank you for posting leaving some information ideas and suggestions for me. I know some of you may think "I'm just complaining too much" but deep down i should be happy for myself taht i have food, shelter and my part times job.

[Psubs]

The best things in life are not things.

I've made peace to not wanting to try any more to get into a professional school. No Law or Medicine. Spend 3-4 years spending every moment studying, spending $50k. Eventually making more but what is that more going to get me? A bigger house, more expensive car, new phone every year? OLED TV (that would be sweet)? Really am I going to be happier than I am now? Maybe I wouldn't be on RFD and care about sales or group buys.

I just turned 35 last week. No kids yet, not married. Parents really want grandkids while their alive. Dad goes if you want 2 or even 4 kids, it doesn't matter, we'll help support you.

I'm in a happy place though and glad I met someone online and we've been dating for a few weeks. Things are moving slow like molasses but she could be "the one". :)


Having my daughter wiped away most but not all of the jealousy I feel towards the people I know. My little girl is going to have the life I wasn't allowed to have. I will spoil her rotten!:razz:

Such a great story, LL. I hope that most of the spoiling is with hugs and verbal "I love you's and I'm proud of you". :)

When I have kids, they will not have many toys. Maybe sports stuff and other educational things. 1 toy for B-Day and 1 toy for Christmas. Makes it more special. I hope that I have the will-power to follow through. lol

[d182]

Great reads. Also a great topic since I can relate. Keep it up.

As for me:

25 year old here just like a few of the posters above.

To the OP: Everything is relative - Don't focus on what other's have but rather focus on what you do have (a loving family etc). Reading Le Loon's posts puts things into perspective right there.

Here's my resposne to your checklist

- feeling like you’re not doing well enough --> this is in your control but it should be based on your own expectations for yourself. comparing yourself to friends isn't gonna help.

- frustration & disillusionment with the working world --> you're not alone there cuz we're all dealing with it.

- feeling insecure about what you’re doing, where you’re going & what your plans are

- anxiety over close relationships -->

- feeling extremely bored with your social life --> start doing activities you're interested in...i.e. join the YMCA and play some pickup bball

- nostalgia for teenage years, high school or university --> life is what you make of it now. the past is in the past. learn from iit but dont dwell.

- feeling a desperate need to “settle down” — like buy a house, get married or have a baby --> you're only 25 so there's no rush. add it to your list of goals and do things to strive to reach them (save up to buy the house, becoming the best man you can be to attract women ;) )

- ...or conversely, wanting to “escape” the real world — like backpacking around the world or finding a nice cave to live in --> save up and go. best thing i ever did was go on exchange during my undergrad

- financial stress or confusion --> if you're not spending out of your arse, you'll be fine

- intense loneliness --> not sure how i can help there :(

- feeling that everyone is doing better than you --> i think this relates to #1 above

- terror at the concept of getting “old” --> its a fact of life that you have to accept. instead of being afraid of it, embrace it and enjoy the present. ask yourself this - when you die, how do you want to be remembered since you don't get to take your possessions with you. my take: you'll be remembered for your role in various relationships with other people (a loving husband to your wife/father to your kids/grandfather to your grandkids/son to your parents/brother to your siblings/family to your cousins and then maybe your accomplishments in your career. imo, that's how you'll live on after death - in the memories of others.

- wondering “is that all there is?” --> a fulfilling life emcompasses various aspects of life (off the top of my head - family, friends, job, material possessions, standard of living). you'll have to do some soul searching to figure out what's most important to YOU.

[r1lee]

midlife crisis = $250k Ferrari
quarterlife criss = $125K sports car..


Do it!

[cliffclaven]

I thought midlife was a corvette.

[althetrainer]

Once you are over 21 you'll notice the decline to your feelings until 26. You're pretty much old anyway. You aren't naturally getting bigger/stronger/faster effortlessly anymore. Things don't come to you, you have to go get them. An old man with a business once told me "I don't care what anybody else does, so long as they aren't bothering my @ss".

The whole successful acquiring material goods thing and bragging to your friends thing will get you nowhere. Pay off what you owe, save some money, spend whats comfortable and when friends brag, say nothing. I see people all stressed out with every toy under the sun and two kids involved in every sport, music class, or whatever. They both spend all their money to impress. I see other people with two kids who play the sports they want, the parents spend whats reasonable and have a lower stress family life and they spend more quality time with their families. There are few successful people who don't put in a lot of time and work to make their money.

In the end, when you get old, nobody asks if their friend is still successful, the question is their friend still alive. All the old people I have seen sold off all their expensive stuff and toys and live in a house that suits their needs and drive a car that suits their needs and are just thankful for good health and good family.

So you'll go through the crisis again and again until you find the right ratio of work, play and family. After that, you are set. Those are the people you see with the clear minds walking down the street with a little smile. It's like when the economy is down, you'll just be happy that you can pay bills and put food on the table. Sometimes the economy dragging it's behind is a good reality check for people living beyond their means.

They can have as many successful jobs and as many toys as they want, they aren't yours, so who cares? I've got a friend who probably gets 50% of his furniture from people's garbage. He buys stuff only on sale and doesn't wear brands for the sake of wearing brands. His house is long paid off and he has investments. He's forever on vacation because he can be. He's got a loong time to go before retirement. The guy he works with could retire 17 years before he has to. He doesn't have many toys and owns his own business. People come in to his business and brag to him, meanwhile the rest of us are in the back laughing because we know the braggart is maxed out while our friend is drowning in money.

It so happens that my friend had to have a live saving operation and then his attitude towards life changed. He now lives life to the fullest, bought a little cottage and enjoys his family life a lot more. He never spends more than $25k on a car. And like the rest of us in the group, we like to actually buy the car, not lease it or make loan payments.

"Life is what you make it.."

I didn't expect to see such good advice coming to OT. Great wisdom and I cannot agree more!

[ishfish]

[QUOTE=Le Loon;14937272]but I have a dark deep feeling of pain that used to keep me up at night.QUOTE]

Your parents did not love you, that does not mean that you are not loveable.

Thanks for sharing your story.

[kuhai2001]

Get a life, not a living. Better yet, get a passion. Life isn't always strawberry and cream, but life ain't just about making loots and making babies either.

Venture out, do something meaningful to your life.

I wish you good luck.

Ps I am 23.

[Merc with a Mouth]

Stop caring how other people are doing in their lives and concentrate on yours. You're in no "crisis."

[gotrice]

midlife crisis = $250k Ferrari
quarterlife criss = $125K sports car..


Do it!
not everyone can afford a r8 like you

[spike1128]

I didn't expect to see such good advice coming to OT. Great wisdom and I cannot agree more!

Then we read about Audidude's watch collection. Then we are like, WTF.. LoL joking.

[Poulet]

When are you gonna go shopping for the Ferrari? Trade in? ;-)

[Buggy166]

I thought midlife was a corvette.

for poor people lol

[Buggy166]

not everyone can afford a r8 like you

everyone can afford an R8, thats why they come in different sizes.
http://ak1.ostkcdn.com/images/products/P12386465.jpg

[Poulet]

...and you don't feel buyer remorse

[tsxnation]

First off, some excellent replies in this thread! I could not have said it better myself.



To the op I say you need new friends. I had friends like those. I found out their parents were bankrolling them. All smoke and mirrors. Illusions. All talk, one said "When I make a 6 figure salary were gonna be in a diff social class and I can't hang out /w you anymore". Like really? I dropped that friend instantly. Friend of 10+ years dropped just like that. (there's more back story to this but it's tl;dr)

Lol 100k hardly puts someone someone in another class. It used to be that 100k would elevate your socioeconomic status, but these days with the rising cost of everything , namely real estate, you are hardly above anyone else. 150k is the new 100k but it still wouldn't make you better than anyone ans certainly wouldnt determine who you associate with...no amount of money would. You made the right move.

Back on topic, I had a 1/3rd life crisis myself myself recently. Got rid of the girlfriend and got a fancy new car. The changes themselves didn't affect anything but the change did give me the kick in the pants I needed to get out of my rut. I opened my business, finished grad school and have not looked back!

[r1lee]

everyone can afford an R8, thats why they come in different sizes.
http://ak1.ostkcdn.com/images/products/P12386465.jpg

Shhhh you're letting out the secret!

[r1lee]

When are you gonna go shopping for the Ferrari? Trade in? ;-)

Never been a fan of ferrari's even when Alain Prost drove for them.

By the time I reach my midlife crisis, I want the kids out of the house. I see a minivan in my future :(

[deltone]

Something like that. My mother on more than one occasion said that if she could do things over, I would have never been born. My father called me a mistake, and a broken condom that held his life back. He threw me out on the street when I was 14 in grade 10. Later, he met somebody new in South America, and I'm sure abuses his 3 kids too.

I overcame great odds and finally graduated university (it only took me four years, but the hard part was getting my life out of the dump from 14 to 27) with first class honors and I am now doing a masters degree in financial economics with a full stipend. I lent my mom 2 grand on the assumption that she would come to my convocation and meet my daughter. She was too busy for that - well screw her (and I want my money back). It felt like a knife cutting into my heart seeing all the other parents proud of their children graduating at the correct age, and me at 30 with no parents. But I had my 6 month old daughter there, dressed up in a cap and gown as well with her daddy and she stole the show.

Financially I'm doing well and I have no debts nor do I have any financial concerns (as I make more in my summer job than the average Canadian (http://www.statcan.gc.ca/tables-tableaux/sum-som/l01/cst01/famil21a-eng.htm) makes in a year) but I have a dark deep feeling of pain that used to keep me up at night. Four years of therapy has toned it down, but I don't think it will ever go away.

Having my daughter wiped away most but not all of the jealousy I feel towards the people I know. My little girl is going to have the life I wasn't allowed to have. I will spoil her rotten!:razz:

Wow. So very sorry to hear this. Sadly, your story is more common than one would think. My youngest son's girlfriend has a useless piece of cr*p for a mother and you story sounds sooooooooo similar to hers that it struck a chord with me. One difference though is her mother told her that her dad was dead and then when she was in her teens she found out that her dad was indeed alive and well and she has yet to meet him. Her "egg donor" has done NOTHING for her other than take from her, complain about her and cause her grief. She too told her she should never have been born. Hearing these sorts of stories breaks my heart.

I told my son (her boyfriend) that he must make her feel loved and it may take an extra effort. The way I see it is my son has not known one day in his life (he's 25) where he hasn't woken up knowing 100% that he is loved and that his parents would jump in front of a train for him while his girlfriend has never had a day where she woke up knowing the same thing. It's so very sad. The important thing for you to remember is that your egg donor and sperm donor's lack of maternal and paternal instincts says nothing about you but oh so much about them (and it's obviously not good). It sounds like you have pretty much overcome it although I know it does still hurt. Love that little girl of yours and make sure that she only knows every day where she is safe, secure and that her daddy would take a bullet for her. Again, I'm so sorry to hear your story.

To the OP, you need to start looking at the glass as half full, or even full instead of half empty, or empty. In life we are all born, we live our lives with no idea of how long that is going to be, and then we die. There is no mystery there. You are still so very young even though you don't seem to think so. I met an old lady in the Food Basics a couple of weeks ago. I saw her struggling with putting some grapes in a bag so I went over to help her. Her hands weren't working very well so she said to me "Don't ever get old". I laughed and said "NO WAY!!! The alternative is death and I want to get old!". She then told me she is 96 and still living alone and funcioning except for her arthritic hands. She and I stood there and spoke for a bit and she was a real interesting old lady. So, she's 96, and you are 25. You have a long way to go. Don't waste it feeling sorry for yourself and remember some people don't get the privilege of getting old.

[Rainne]

As long as you're not in debt, you're fine.

[ishfish]

Different people have different goals and values.

I used to have a great income.

But then I realized that weekends were nothing more than time to catch up on chores and I had little time to spend with the kiddies.

So I work part-time now.

No I do not have fancy toys, but I do not need fancy toys to go to the park.

[tsxnation]

As long as you're not in debt, you're fine.

Not true. I wasn't in debt but I felt like I was in a rut. Sometimes change is just the thing you need to get you out of it. Worked for me!

[fuzzy_avocado]

With my birthday coming up in a couple months I did some serious thinking about what Ive accomplished ever since I graduated from college with a business diploma. I'll be turning 25 with no real job but I do have three seasonal jobs that keeps me sane throughout the year which allows to me to do certain things but not as much as I wanted to. A handful friends/classmates from high school/college that I spoke back then are all doing much better than I am which their cars, condo, yearly vacation thanks to a well paid job which made me think...why cant I have that kind of life style?

the check list:
- feeling like you’re not doing well enough
- frustration & disillusionment with the working world
- feeling insecure about what you’re doing, where you’re going & what your plans are
- anxiety over close relationships
- feeling extremely bored with your social life
- nostalgia for teenage years, high school or university
- feeling a desperate need to “settle down” — like buy a house, get married or have a baby
- ...or conversely, wanting to “escape” the real world — like backpacking around the world or finding a nice cave to live in
- financial stress or confusion
- intense loneliness
- feeling that everyone is doing better than you
- terror at the concept of getting “old”
- wondering “is that all there is?”
- a vague feeling of apathy, mixed with horror, panic & depression

I can relate to more than half of these symptoms off this checklist..


Am I complaining too much?

If you compare yourself to others you will never be happy, ever.

[peanutz]

A handful friends/classmates from high school/college that I spoke back then are all doing much better than I am which their cars, condo, yearly vacation thanks to a well paid job which made me think...why cant I have that kind of life style?As others have said, don't let it bring you down. You don't know what kind of advantages they had that you didn't, and as such, their appearance of relative success may not be a reflection of them having done much more right and you done something wrong. If they knew the formula, I'm sure they would have shared with you by now. :)



the check list:
- feeling like you’re not doing well enough
- frustration & disillusionment with the working world
- feeling insecure about what you’re doing, where you’re going & what your plans are
- anxiety over close relationships
- feeling extremely bored with your social life
- nostalgia for teenage years, high school or university
- feeling a desperate need to “settle down” — like buy a house, get married or have a baby
- ...or conversely, wanting to “escape” the real world — like backpacking around the world or finding a nice cave to live in
- financial stress or confusion
- intense loneliness
- feeling that everyone is doing better than you
- terror at the concept of getting “old”
- wondering “is that all there is?”
- a vague feeling of apathy, mixed with horror, panic & depression

I can relate to more than half of these symptoms off this checklist..

Am I complaining too much?I actually completely related to all of this, in my mid-university life (except feeling a need to settle down). I felt extremely restless, directionless, and a little trapped, to be honest. I fantasized about getting up, hitchhiking, and leaving.

Since then I met someone who keeps me grounded and anchored, and my career path has crystallized so I feel a little more empowered and secure.

I can definitely imagine that I'd continue to feel the same way if I were stuck in the retail jobs I had while being a student. Like, is this all there is and might be for me while I get old and then die? When you're younger your potential and dreams seemed limitless. I am coming to the realization that it's still mostly true. However, when your options and opportunities seem very small, then the doors appear to be closed all around you. I see that many here believe that the closed doors are just an illusion.

My take on it is that as long as you have good company to go with you on the adventures in life (grand or mundane), everything else melts away as being less important. I'd rather have a simple day in the park or movies with close friends than a fancy cruise or exotic trip with strangers.

I grew up poor-ish, by the way (not to the extent that my family needed social assistance but...) and I just remember my childhood as being a lot of fun. It was either instilled in me--or maybe it's also partly in my nature, as my dad is the same way--that you don't need a lot of money to enjoy life, and I never felt the need to compare, climb, and strive. This irritated my mother in the past because she saw a lot of potential in me but not ambition or drive. :D But seriously, we all die sometime, at least in my atheistic worldview. Our time is short, and living in itself is a miracle and a blessing.

Just last night in the forbidden chat (:)), coming home after a sucky 14.5 hours in the workplace and eating my midnight dinner (Filet O Fish, caesar salad, prosciutto, cherries, almond cookies, glass of milk...haha) I felt like King Peanutz. Millions of humans over thousands of years didn't eat like I did last night :lol: I felt intensely satisfied and at peace, although that is either unremarkable by modern standards or downright pitiful by baller standards.


...
"Life is what you make it.."Great post.

Sorry to hear your story, Le Loon. I know another person (only online) with a very bad/sad story. Let's call him D. When D was 5-6 years old, somehow the strings on his swimming shorts twisted and knotted themselves around his penis, cutting off the circulation in cold water. At first the parents thought nothing of it and didn't bother going to the hospital or bringing him to a family doctor. A few weeks later it had to be cut because the tissue got necrotic. Then, when he was 9 years old, the three of them went vacationing in Curacao. The parents got into a fight while there, split up, and both abandoned him when leaving back for home in the Netherlands. So he grew up in Curacao doing pisspoor work, no formal education (only went to libraries to learn for himself); apparently the native islanders hate him for being white and he has had to physically defend himself from robberies constantly.

[peanutz]

*mwah*


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ioadFzq_6n0

[r1lee]

Not true. I wasn't in debt but I felt like I was in a rut. Sometimes change is just the thing you need to get you out of it. Worked for me!

but by not being in debt, it gave you the ability to try something new without worrying much about the debt situation.

[LaserEnvy]

I know how you feel, OP. I am the least successful person I know despite my best efforts. You will eventually get used to the depression and thoughts of suicide.

[Poulet]

^ serious? Let me get my liquid paper.

Anyways OP, I am sure everyone can relate to your post. Comparing yourself to others will only make you feel worse. There will always be someone better than you and someone worse than you.. I am sure people will also compare themselves to you. They don't know you and you don't know them.

One more thing...

Facebook made it worse. Now you log in, get all of your friends flaunting on one page. Often, people flaunting or sharing everything seek acceptance and admiration. This is the sad part.

[mbg]

I thought midlife was a corvette.

Or a motorbike.

[mbg]

I know how you feel, OP. I am the least successful person I know despite my best efforts. You will eventually get used to the depression and thoughts of suicide.

+1

Learning to not commit suicide is like riding a bike. Once you learn it, you never forget. But it does take some practice.

[M-e-X-x]

One more thing...

Facebook made it worse. Now you log in, get all of your friends flaunting on one page. Often, people flaunting or sharing everything seek acceptance and admiration. This is the sad part.

http://www.cbc.ca/news/yourcommunity/2012/01/do-you-suffer-from-facebook-depression.html

[Poulet]

Good article

[its_mo]

1. stop comparing yourself to other people
2. take more risks

[Hello-]

25 and don't have your first mil already? You're way behind bro.

[Buggy166]

here's a case AGAINST buying an R8. If anyone sees r1lee around, just complement him on his new tan look, but dont stare :lol:

http://www.wheels.ca/news/audi-r8-burns-to-the-ground-in-toronto/

[zoltorg]

In my mind, the quarter life crisis is a result of our nanny society and the transition from school to the work world. When we are in school, we are taught that we are special, are never failed, are never given zeros, that meritocracy is the rule and are, for the most part, given a trophy for anything. When we see that it is the complete opposite in the working world, we question everything up to that point. Secondly, when we were at school, there was a set out path (grades 1-12, university etc) with defined parameters. You could see yourself improve, succeed and progress. At work, these lines are much more blurry and can lead to the thought that you are going nowhere which opens a huge can of worms when you start asking yourself "what am I doing".

We all seem to power through.

[Buggy166]

In my mind, the quarter life crisis is a result of our nanny society and the transition from school to the work world. When we are in school, we are taught that we are special, are never failed, are never given zeros, that meritocracy is the rule and are, for the most part, given a trophy for anything. When we see that it is the complete opposite in the working world, we question everything up to that point. Secondly, when we were at school, there was a set out path (grades 1-12, university etc) with defined parameters. You could see yourself improve, succeed and progress. At work, these lines are much more blurry and can lead to the thought that you are going nowhere which opens a huge can of worms when you start asking yourself "what am I doing".

We all seem to power through.

hah. i was beaten in school with everything from a teacher's palm to their metal ruler. that was in grades 1-7 before i came here. Then in high school here i noticed no teachers cared what you did unless you went out of your way to approach them and talk about the subject at hand, the rest of the class was a joke. Then in college, most memorable teachers told the entire class we're probably never gonna make it. Now that i think back to it the best thing that happened to me was those people telling me im not good enough to do something, and on 1 occasion even failing me because i handed in all my projects late. The best teachers though are both truthful and helpful with knowledge. I dont remember any teachers baby-ing anyone in either high school or college, especially college. They either didnt care or were quite negative in their views of the future of students.

There's no rules. Also im reminded of what a lot of people told me that i disagree with, that working harder will always get you results and is the best way to go in life. Thats a worker's mentality. The truth they never teach you, unless you luck out and have wise parents, is that working smarter will always get the best results.