Do you have to give a gift if you cannot attend the wedding

[starkiller2010]

Running into an issue here; do your guests have to give a gift to you even if they cannot attend? Especially in Asian traditions? What prevents someone from shotgunning invites to everyone they know so that they can get a gift?

[kennyhohoho]

Running into an issue here; do your guests have to give a gift to you even if they cannot attend? Especially in Asian traditions? What prevents someone from shotgunning invites to everyone they know so that they can get a gift?

No. The gift (usually monetary) is to help offset the cost of the wedding in Asian cultures. If you're not attending, the cost of you being there isn't placed on the host.

The only time you would still give a gift even though you aren't attending is if you already RSVPed that you were attending and cancelling last minute, therefore the cost has already been incured, since dinners are usually counted per head. Or if you're a close family member or a very close friend.

Otherwise, I wouldn't worry about it.

[sedated_xtc]

Running into an issue here; do your guests have to give a gift to you even if they cannot attend? Especially in Asian traditions? What prevents someone from shotgunning invites to everyone they know so that they can get a gift?

In Chinese culture, yes, I'd say you do. There's a general colloquial saying that kinda basically says "even if the person doesn't arrive, the gift has to". So yeah, but then again, it really depends on how close you are to somebody. If you're just casual friends or acquaintances or whatever, you can give a "discounted" gift?

Somebody I worked with got married and I didn't go to her wedding cause I was away on vacation, but I got her crystal wineglasses still. Not nearly as much as the $$$ gift i'd have to give if I was going to her wedding (since I would've brought a date), but it was still something and at the end of the day, it's a gesture.

There's no black and white rule where if you don't give them anything, you'd be shunned and ostracised forever, but I'd imagine if it was your turn, they'll probably do the same.

[Franchise10]

Running into an issue here; do your guests have to give a gift to you even if they cannot attend? Especially in Asian traditions? What prevents someone from shotgunning invites to everyone they know so that they can get a gift?

I think it also depends on when you give notice that you can not make it. The earlier (no), weeks before (yes)

[hdom]

Rigth, suppose to send a "gift" even if you don't attend but shouldn't be a last minute notice either, unless is an emergency.

Well, it is a bit of gamble, you can mass shotgun invite but what if they all show up ? Plus, it is very likely these shotgun peoples' "gift" would be less than what the seat/plate is worth cause they know they are fillers.

That is why wedding should be close friends and family only, don't make it into a money/gift collection cause you could easily get burnt. :lol:

[Mars2012]

Some weddings aren't cheap, in which case, inviting everyone you know just to get gifts isn't a good idea. Whether to give a gift or not really comes down to how close you are to the person. If you don't know them, just sending a card with your best wishes should suffice. If you are close to them, you might want to give them something, even if you aren't attending. Do what makes you comfortable. Some people would be embarrassed to not send something, and others aren't concerned what others think. There is no right or wrong, it's your money and time, and your decision to make.

[starkiller2010]

Thanks for the input so far. It is strange that Asian culture has some sort of expectation that if you don't go, you still have to send something; some are more strict than others. However, if they go to yours, you have to go to theirs :p

[dor79]

If it is a family member or a close friend then I defintely would send something.

[sandikosh]

Thanks for the input so far. It is strange that Asian culture has some sort of expectation that if you don't go, you still have to send something; some are more strict than others. However, if they go to yours, you have to go to theirs :p

It is not only in Asian cultures. It occurs in every culture.

[deltone]

We got an invite to a wedding just yesterday and it's for the middle of August. We have no intention of sending a gift for a couple of reasons. First of all, I'm 100% convinced that we are on some sort of "D" list and only got an invite after several on the A, B or C list declined as getting such short notice is typically unheard of. Secondly, we didn't even know who the heck the invite is for, until my husband really thought about it and figured it out. A couple of our kids (adults) also received an invite and they had zero clue as to who was getting married.

This is a big Italian wedding which one is expected to give a huge monetary gift. This person who we think is getting married is so removed from my husband that it's something like hubby's dad's cousin. Well he has a daughter which would make the daughter my husband's 3rd cousin. The wedding is for HER daughter, making it hubby's 4th cousin and my son's 5th cousin (or something like that). An obvious gift grab but we won't be sending one, TYVM.

IF we were close to the couple and couldn't attend, then we would send a gift but it would not be as much as we would give if we were attending (the old cover the plate and add some).

[hdom]

+1

If it is someone you know and plan to maintain a relationship then you should give something.


It is not only in Asian cultures. It occurs in every culture.

[Catherine111]

Yeah i also think that it is not only practiced in Asian cultures but also in other culture. I think giving gifts to a wedding depends on many things and on the intimacy of relationship also.

[Forhad]

Basically it depends on what type of relation they have, how much they are close? If the person who can't attend the wedding is close friend or any famly member of the person who is wedding then he/she send gift. I this happens in all culture.

[AudiDude]

No you don't have to. I did give my buddy $500 and did not attend his wedding. I didn't attend my cousin's wedding and went to Las Vegas and bought $500 worth of clothes instead...

[jaysfan4life]

My first cousin postponed his shot gun wedding via Facebook... 2 weeks before the wedding. I already begged for time off during a long weekend. The wedding is in September and I highly doubt I'll go. And you know what I am not sending nothing.

[reqle55]

If you've rsvp'ed and not go, then you better pay up. I had 7 guest rsvp to mine and didn't show up, I already paid for their seating so I was pretty pissed to pay out $130/no show!!!!!