Questions about Death

[ed116]

Hey guys, im sorry if this is rude, but recently my grandmother (which i loved very very very much) passed away.. and im still in shock about it .. i cant even believe that she is gone and i need help understanding in a sense and like to let out questions i have bottled up inside me as i dont want to stress out my parents with this (i am 19)
so basically i was with her when she passed away (she passed away peacefully thank god) but what troubles me is that before she passed away she was asleep (or in a coma unresponsive the last day) and when she passed away her eye opened up! (left eye because her right eye had gone due to diabetes) which freaked me out .. why did this happen? Id like to believe she is in heaven but im still worried about her, hoping she is okay now, that shes out of pain at least any thoughts on how to handle a sitation like this? i find my self very depressed and missing her a lot (she was my favourite grandmother and she raised me when my parents were at work or something so ive grown very close to her) i just wanna be ok with her being ok if that makes any sense any help would be appreciated! thanks and sorry about the depressing topic :(

[kuhai2001]

Sorry to know about your grandma. As long as we are human and act human-ly, we would suffer from emotions and pain because of issues of life and death. Yet there is nothing that we can do to change or stop these events from happening.

Time will go by, that might ease away the pain a little bit. Still, these thing will not change and you cannot do anything about it. And you will continue to suffer from these feelings. It is all about how you set your mind.

[kuhai2001]

In any kind of religion, there is most certainly answers about issues such as life and death. Speaking as a buddhist, I can only say everything is a cycle.

If you have earnt enough wisdom, you can eventually escape from this cycle of suffering.

[Jimboski]

Sorry to hear for your loss, Time will ease the pain. If feels crappy today but you've just have to let It go eventually. It happens.

[ed116]

thank you all but i am just wondering why she opened her eye like that? its really bugging me coz maybe its a sign of suffering :( my mom says its not a good sign .. but i heard it is also that she saw the god of death ...

[Jimboski]

thank you all but i am just wondering why she opened her eye like that? its really bugging me coz maybe its a sign of suffering :( my mom says its not a good sign .. but i heard it is also that she saw the god of death ...

It's probably best to ask the doctor :(.

[dragon_drift]

I like to offer my condolences to your family. Like Jimboski had said, best to ask the doctor about it as it makes sense that there is a physiological reason why it happened.

[ashs]

What bothers me is while in the hospitals old people on their last days suffer ( often are drowned in their own fluid or suffocated by cutting off resources) rather than allowing them go peacefully and euthanized, all because some will deem that suicide and against their faih.

[tsat]

thank you all but i am just wondering why she opened her eye like that? its really bugging me coz maybe its a sign of suffering :( my mom says its not a good sign .. but i heard it is also that she saw the god of death ...

it's normal and happens more than you think. Morticians sometimes have to sew the deceased eye's closed for open casket services.

Sorry about your grandmother, but most likely by the end she was prepared and accepted her death.

I was with my great grandfather when he died. He gathered everyone the day before and KNEW that he wouldn't see tomorrow, despite being lucid... Being old and tired was his only real symptom. He passed in his sleep that night, but up until then he was even making jokes about his death.

Now my gradfather is dying of cancer, a month ago he gathered the family to plan his own funeral, sort his estate, etc... I asked him if he found this a little bit morbid and said to me that there is no stopping death, it's better to accept that it's going to happen and be prepared so things aren't left to chance and your family will be taken care of.

I've had other conversations with elderly people about death and the vast vast majority have no qualms with it and view it as a part of life.

Your grandmother is at peace and I'm sure she wishes that you'd stop worrying and celebrate the life she had and the good times between you rather than mourn her being gone.

[ed116]

thanks man, all the best to you and your grandfather .. the weird thing is .. my grandmother told me a month before she died that someone had come to 'take' her ... anyways thats true its a cycle but sometimes you cant help your self especially since i really loved her (i know its wrong to do but i loved her more than my other grandparents) so yeah but thanks i thought that maybe coz she opened her eyes she suffered and was worried

[tsat]

thanks man, all the best to you and your grandfather .. the weird thing is .. my grandmother told me a month before she died that someone had come to 'take' her ... anyways thats true its a cycle but sometimes you cant help your self especially since i really loved her (i know its wrong to do but i loved her more than my other grandparents) so yeah but thanks i thought that maybe coz she opened her eyes she suffered and was worried

IMO there's nothing wrong or abnormal about it. I'd be lying if i said i didn't love the grandparents on my one side of the family a bit more than the others. Like your grandmother they took an active role in my life and especially my grandfather who taught me many important skills and life lessons.

But RE the eyes, it's nothing to worry about.

[stealth]

Try not to sweat it....it's nature, and nothing you can or could have done about it.

[IamToronto]

Finite and transient are the fruits of sacrificial rites. The deluded,
who regard them as the highest good, remain subject to birth and death.

Living in the abyss of ignorance, yet wise in their own conceit, the del-
uded go round and round [on the wheel of death and rebirth], like the
blind led by the blind.

Living in the abyss of ignorance, the deluded think themselves blessed.
Attached to works, they know not God. Works lead them only to heaven,
whence, to their sorrow, their rewards quickly exhausted, they are flung
back to earth.

Considering religion to be observance of rituals and performance of acts of
charity, the deluded remain ignorant of the highest good. Having enjoyed in
heaven the reward of their good works, they enter again into the world of
mortals.

But the wise, self-controlled, and tranquil souls, who are contented in
spirit, and who practice austerity and meditation in solitude and silence,
are freed from all impurity, and attain by the path of liberation the
immortal, the truly existing, the changeless Self.




that might sound rude, but its not. there is no heaven, there is no hell, this right here is your eternity.
like the buddhist guy above said, its all a cycle and i believe that completely.
and its possible to escape that cycle... but not easy

youll know when your time comes.. as will we all

[CIS]

My condolences to you and your family. As you might be able to tell from my avatar, I'm irreligious. I don't pretend to be 100% certain that no afterlife exists, because I can't be, but I live as if there is none. I've had several family members die, and it's really tough to get through... but you'll get through it.

Corny I know, but it's true when they say that only time can heal the grief.

[Catherine111]

Sorry to learn this. But what your experiencing is normal. And you know i can feel how you are experiencing now. :cry: I also lost my grandma. But i will also say that time is the best healer. Unfortunately, death is a harsh reality of life, we can't do anything in it. Just you can pray for your grandpa to rest in peace and for the your grandma to have the strength to sustain the loss. Keep yourself busy for some time and it will get better with time.

And remember for whom we love:-
"Those we love do not go away
They walk beside us everyday
Unseen, unheard, but always near
Much loved, missed so very much
and so very dear......" :(

[Squageli]

You can either look at death as the end or beginning of something new. I prefer the later.

[wilsonlam97]

The eye opening could simply be muscles relaxing since blood wasn't pumping anymore. People react differently to muscle relaxation at death.

Don't freak out.... it's just paranoia.

[ed116]

i want to thakn you all for your soothing words :) .. in the end of the day i know it will take time and that life moves forward im just really sad about it that it happened now i guess i would never have been happy about this happening to her but what can i do.. not in my hands

[Pratzy]

Sorry about your loss.

I don't believe in an afterlife. I think death is somewhat akin to going to sleep and never waking up.
Again, I'm not sure there's any scientific evidence or proof to back this up, but there isn't any evidence for any other theories either, so this guess is as good as anyone else's.

[zz000ter]

The eyes are the windows to the soul
With the eyelid closed, the soul could not leave the body.

[GroomingTuna]

The eyes are the windows to the soul
With the eyelid closed, the soul could not leave the body.

21 grams.

[tkddad]

Sorry about your loss, OP. I remember my grandma passing away 27 years ago as it was yesterday. I still missed her to this day.

I consider myself an atheist and I also read a lot of books of difference topics. A truely memorable book I have read on the topic of death is "The Tibetan Book of the Dead".

http://www.amazon.com/The-Tibetan-Book-Dead-Understanding/dp/0553370901

You might want to look it up.

[Jazzario]

Sorry for your loss. My father passed away just over a month ago and I can understand the feelings you're experiencing.

My father was unconcious and having a hard time breathing. He had been sick for a very long time. I was by his side making him more comfortable but knew that the end was near as his body was cooling down rapidly. He opened his eyes and faced me, though all I could see was the whites of his eyes. They stayed like that for a few seconds before he closed them again and his breathing went back to normal, albeit a little laboured. I never gave that moment much thought at the time but knew there was something that had just happened. I believed his soul left his body at that moment even though his body was still breathing. He passed about an hour later but that look stuck with me for a while.

Like yourself, I tried to find some hidden meaning in it. It was on my mind for hours everyday and I just couldn't help but to feel that I missed something important in that brief moment. I found the answer that my heart accepted. I accepted that look as his body's final effort to speak his peace. In my case, I believe in that brief moment we exchanged unspoken words, from sharing memories, to say thanks for the lessons learned, for forgiveness, a final I love you, and everything else that made us who we are. It's that look you share with those close to you that says, you don't need to say a word, I understand exactly what's on your mind.

I, nor anyone else can prove that we have souls, or an afterlife exists. However, my path is paved with the belief that our souls are watched over and protected during our lifetimes. Those who protect us will continue to do so long after our bodies expire.

Only you can answer the question to why your loved one took the effort to reach out to you. Find your belief in your heart and the right answer will be the one that brings you, joy, happiness, love, and finally closure.

[Jimboski]

Reading this makes me sad :cry: and make me have relapses.

[deltone]

So sorry to hear of the losses within this thread. I lost my dad 8 years ago and it really threw me for a loop as while it was somewhat expected as he wasn't well, when it actually happened, the finality of it was hard to accept. Last year I lost my oldest son and I can tell you this much. The pain of outliving your child is something you NEVER want to experience. His death was unexpected and I was the one who found him and I can't even describe (nor would I want to) the feeling that this gave me and continues to give me and I'm sure it will be the same until the day I die. They say time heals all wounds but I don't buy that. Yes, you learn how to continue on and you learn how to deal with your grief and you learn how to control it but it never heals. It's just a matter of moving on with the other things in your life and dealing with it. It can come and hit you in the gut, just out of the blue but you allow yourself to feel the pain and the grief but then you have to pick yourself up and move forward. People have been dying since the beginning of time and will continue to do so so it's important to remind yourself that death is just part of life, as odd as that may sound.

As far as whether there is a soul, and whether there is an afterlife, it's something that is very personal and something that everyone will have an opinion on. It's not something that is either right, or wrong, it just is what you feel in your heart. I consider myself an agnostic but I can tell you this much. Some very strange things happened just after my son passed away and these things (which I won't go into as it's private and also I won't expose myself to the guaranteed ridicule that would come my way) and all I can tell you is keep an open mind, watch for the "signs" and you may be pleasantly surprised that you can find a little bit of peace that your open mind will allow you.

Again, sorry for your loss.

[Tornado F2]

You might want to speak with a minister/priest/etc. They can offer you advice and compassion to help you through your grieving. They deal with similar situations pretty much every day.

As for the eye opening, it might have been an involuntary reflex - or she may have literally "seen the light", as they say.

[Tornado F2]

Sorry about your grandmother, but most likely by the end she was prepared and accepted her death.



I think there's definitely something to that when our elderly approach their end. There's a dignity within them, even as the end approaches. I recall hearing of the death of my great-grandmother, who passed away while my mother was still young. She'd been wearing my aunt's nice cardigan to keep warm, but at one point she asked my aunt to take it off her and put it away in a drawer. While my then-young aunt was out of the room, putting the clothing away, my great-grandmother passed silently. She spared my aunt from the upset of watching her go, and she also gave her the chance to wear her favourite cardigan again, free of the thought that somebody had died wearing it. A little thing, a minor thing, but also a caring, thoughful thing - right at the end. I obviously never met that fine lady, but I'm very proud of her. :D

[hany1991]

You make me cried!!! few days ago i feel same condition, so i say from my experience self-controlled is more essential for you.

[ashs]

Sorry about your loss.

I don't believe in an afterlife. I think death is somewhat akin to going to sleep and never waking up.
Again, I'm not sure there's any scientific evidence or proof to back this up, but there isn't any evidence for any other theories either, so this guess is as good as anyone else's.


Scientifically nothing in the world can be destroyed. Even if u try to (blowing something up or burning something) a change of state will occur or a transfer of energy. Hence nothing ever ends. Btw I believe in reincarnation.

[zz000ter]

Scientifically nothing in the world can be destroyed. Even if u try to (blowing something up or burning something) a change of state will occur or a transfer of energy. Hence nothing ever ends. Btw I believe in reincarnation.

Take your ipad and drop it from the second floor of your house.
Then try to use it.
The mind is the same way - it is dependant on the circuitry of the brain functioning.
No brain = no mind = no being.

To be honest - for me death means nothing.
It is the normal course of events.
I don't know why but I have never cried at a single funeral.

I have accepted my own death. I know I will die one day.
I do not care if it is tomorrow or 50 years from now.

[ed116]

Thank you all and its very weird because that morning i had a doctors appointment from 9am-11am (but i was busing all the way to scarborough) so i went to visit her in the morning and she was in a "coma" she wasnt responsive at all! the weird thing is not only 30 minutes when i returned (12:30 because of busing + subway all the way from scarboro to north york!) she passed away.. i had checked on her and two of my aunts were there to help her because we knew .. we anticipated it being very soon if not that day .. so we put extra extra care on her .. and yeah not only 30 minutes when i came back in the room talking to my aunt abouthow much i love her .. she passed away .. i think she waited for me to help her .. to feel safe to pass away ... i think she knew that i loved her the most and i gave her the most attention and i made sure the best attention and care was given to her .. so .. im happy about being with her in her moment of need and for her not to be afraid. Of course its devestating but i do not regret how i spent my time with her because i would make her laugh and make her feel comfortable try and make her happy because thats all shes done for me all my life .. i just wish i had more time with her in the future but theres nothing i can do now ..

[Forhad]

You can do nothing now, Just pray for her. Hope your grandmother is in heaven. And this is reality you have to accept it.

[Techgeek32]

I am sure your grandma left happy with all this love you gave here these last days. I am sorry for your lost :(

[gostinger]

I recently lost my mom (April ), we were prepared but still it was sudden . It will get better . Yah the memories may bring tears but think of them as good things and always acknowledge that there is no more suffering. As for her eyes , who really knows. My mom passed as soon as my son and I got there. Almost as if she waited .Strange. My Grandmother passed as soon as my daughter came years ago too , almost like a final goodbye.All the best for you and the family.

Don't dwell on could have and should have ....... the wrong road... I am sure you both had a good bond......:)

[iridium001]

Lost my grandpa on my dad's side before I was even born.
Lost grandma on mom's side when I was 7.
Lost grandma on dad's side when I was 15.
Lost a good friend who was 16 years old when I was 19.
Lost a close friend who was 22 when I was 20.
Wife lost her mom when she was 24.

And tonight, I'm attending the viewing of a close friend of mine whose mother passed away last week. Funeral is tomorrow. =(

Death comes in all forms; what you gotta do is remember the good times and live in the moment. You don't know what will happen tonight, tomorrow, or many days from now. Life is a celebration so live in it and enjoy the moment with the ones you love.

My condolences to you and your family OP.

[ed116]

thank you all, i cant believe how many have suffered, its just this is my first death and it is someone who i loved i was very close with ... death sucks :( i know we gotta move on its just i wonder sometimes like if all the good she did will be gone just like that ... anyways without her i wouldnt be where/who i am today and im thankful to her and thank you guys for everything its just i was a bit lost/confused :( but now im starting to accept it a bit more

[purple_rabbit]

This thread is depressing....

[Jimboski]

This thread is depressing....

Agreed.

[Catherine111]

thank you all, i cant believe how many have suffered, its just this is my first death and it is someone who i loved i was very close with ... death sucks :( i know we gotta move on its just i wonder sometimes like if all the good she did will be gone just like that ... anyways without her i wouldnt be where/who i am today and im thankful to her and thank you guys for everything its just i was a bit lost/confused :( but now im starting to accept it a bit more

Yeah i can understand but we have nothing to do except accepting this tragic part of life. And sooner or later we all have to leave this world. :(

[wilsonlam97]

You might want to speak with a minister/priest/etc. They can offer you advice and compassion to help you through your grieving. They deal with similar situations pretty much every day.

As for the eye opening, it might have been an involuntary reflex - or she may have literally "seen the light", as they say.

Yeah that's the word! I forgot about that

[aplayaz2000]

To live life, you must first accept you will die.