Is this considered cheating if you're not exclusive but may be headed that way?

[diggler649]

So, I've got a dilemma. I'm quasi seeing this girl. Don't know what kind of a relationship it is...short term dating, FWB, whatever you want to call it. Bottomline is we hang out a lot, we act like a couple (hold hands, kiss, sex, met all her friends, meeting her parents soon). But we are certainly not exclusive nor are we officially a couple. We don't even talk about it. The only thing established is that she is not interested in meeting anyone else at this point and neither am I...I think.

Problem is I met this new girl on Friday. Exchanged numbers and we have been chatting since. Great conversation, she seems really cool and fun and we discussed meeting up for a date.

I have a couple of questions.

1) Would this be considered cheating if I were to go on a date with this girl with the pretense that this may lead to something more down the road?
2) Should I inform girl #1 that I would like to go on a date with girl #2? Lol.

Discuss.

[kennyhohoho]

So, I've got a dilemma. I'm quasi seeing this girl. Don't know what kind of a relationship it is...short term dating, FWB, whatever you want to call it. Bottomline is we hang out a lot, we act like a couple (hold hands, kiss, sex, met all her friends, meeting her parents soon). But we are certainly not exclusive nor are we officially a couple. We don't even talk about it. The only thing established is that she is not interested in meeting anyone else at this point and neither am I...I think.

Problem is I met this new girl on Friday. Exchanged numbers and we have been chatting since. Great conversation, she seems really cool and fun and we discussed meeting up for a date.

I have a couple of questions.

1) Would this be considered cheating if I were to go on a date with this girl with the pretense that this may lead to something more down the road?
2) Should I inform girl #1 that I would like to go on a date with girl #2? Lol.

Discuss.

If you have to ask. It probably is, LOL.

[longitude]

yes and yes

[aTriangle]

If you have to hide it from her, then it is probably closer to cheating than it is 'fair game'.

[manmanny]

If you have to ask. It probably is, LOL.
My answer is NO but like this response.

[kingofwale]

again, without picture = low content



should do: sex + meeting friends = exclusive. you should tell her


But you won't. and if and when she finds out, she will again label all guys as 'pigs'.

[Catherine111]

First of all yeah of course it will be considered as a cheating.
And secondly you should inform and make clear everything to girl #1 about the girl #2. Otherwise at the same time with 2 is definitely not done.

[iEyeCaptain]

Could have bumped your other thread.. lol

Yeah, it's probably cheating.

[valinrace]

Yes its cheating because he's not really interested in meeting anyone else.

[mysticalinfluence]

So, I've got a dilemma. I'm quasi seeing this girl.

We don't believe you this where you story just falls apart.

[xvizardx]

So, I've got a dilemma. I'm quasi seeing this girl. Don't know what kind of a relationship it is...short term dating, FWB, whatever you want to call it. Bottomline is we hang out a lot, we act like a couple (hold hands, kiss, sex, met all her friends, meeting her parents soon). But we are certainly not exclusive nor are we officially a couple. We don't even talk about it. The only thing established is that she is not interested in meeting anyone else at this point and neither am I...I think.

Problem is I met this new girl on Friday. Exchanged numbers and we have been chatting since. Great conversation, she seems really cool and fun and we discussed meeting up for a date.

I have a couple of questions.

1) Would this be considered cheating if I were to go on a date with this girl with the pretense that this may lead to something more down the road?
2) Should I inform girl #1 that I would like to go on a date with girl #2? Lol.

Discuss.

It depends...

To a person with good morals and values, yes it is.

To someone who's a part of the modern society that has been going downhill for several years now will probably be okay with this.

Anyway, put it this way... put yourself in her shoe.

What's your answer?

[Wilmega]

Think about it. If this girl did the same thing how would you feel. I think you know it's not right to date another girl, but you're maybe trying to justify it by saying you guys are only quasi dating. Just admit you're playing the field and want to date 2 girls at once brah.

[diggler649]

I should also add that a couple weeks ago (one week ago?), I had the exclusitivity discussion with her too early and she shut me down. Pretty much said that she doesn't thinks she sees a future with me (:lol::lol::lol:), but let's take it day by day and see where it goes. And not to put a label on what we have right now. (I think me flossing with custom strands of 24k gold floss intimidates her) We do have a really good time whenever we're together. Intellectual chemistry, physical attraction and sexual chemistry are all there. Just no committment, which is what I want. Booo.

[manmanny]

I should also add that a couple weeks ago (one week ago?), I had the exclusitivity discussion with her too early and she shut me down. Pretty much said that she doesn't thinks she sees a future with me (:lol::lol::lol:), but let's take it day by day and see where it goes. And not to put a label on what we have right now. (I think me flossing with custom strands of 24k gold floss intimidates her) We do have a really good time whenever we're together. Intellectual chemistry, physical attraction and sexual chemistry are all there. Just no committment, which is what I want. Booo.

I wonder why? Did she read all of your RFD posts?

[flashy_mcflash]

I should also add that a couple weeks ago (one week ago?), I had the exclusitivity discussion with her too early and she shut me down. Pretty much said that she doesn't thinks she sees a future with me (:lol::lol::lol:), but let's take it day by day and see where it goes. And not to put a label on what we have right now. (I think me flossing with custom strands of 24k gold floss intimidates her) We do have a really good time whenever we're together. Intellectual chemistry, physical attraction and sexual chemistry are all there. Just no committment, which is what I want. Booo.

Oh well that changes everything. It's still cheating but I don't see the problem playing the field in this case. If I were you I'd be honest with her and tell her you're seeing someone else. Might even make her reconsider you as an option.

[iEyeCaptain]

Just no committment, which is what I want. Booo.

Buy her a promise ring. Or a commitment bracelet. Make a pinky promise.

[spike1128]

I should also add that a couple weeks ago (one week ago?), I had the exclusitivity discussion with her too early and she shut me down. Pretty much said that she doesn't thinks she sees a future with me (:lol::lol::lol:), but let's take it day by day and see where it goes. And not to put a label on what we have right now. (I think me flossing with custom strands of 24k gold floss intimidates her) We do have a really good time whenever we're together. Intellectual chemistry, physical attraction and sexual chemistry are all there. Just no committment, which is what I want. Booo.

For a billionaire, you are insecure. Meanwhile, can the brothers from RFD get paid by you for dating advice?

I think it's fair game. Just don't see each other too often. I think in the end, she will hurt you bad. I don't think she wants to be exclusive, just to test your water. If you go for other girls, she will call you cheating, you lose. If she goes for other guys, it's fair game. If you don't go for other girls, she dumps you, you lose. If you flash your cash, she stays to be just a gold digger, she wins. Either way you lose. Only way you win it's to be able to get other girls without her knowing.

[diggler649]

For a billionaire, you are insecure. Meanwhile, can the brothers from RFD get paid by you for dating advice?

I think it's fair game. Just don't see each other too often. I think in the end, she will hurt you bad. I don't think she wants to be exclusive, just to test your water. If you go for other girls, she will call you cheating, you lose. If she goes for other guys, it's fair game. If you don't go for other girls, she dumps you, you lose. If you flash your cash, she stays to be just a gold digger, she wins. Either way you lose. Only way you win it's to be able to get other girls without her knowing.

I print money, but I don't do relationships well. Single RFD ladies, you hear that? If we date, I will mess things up. FACT.

[flashy_mcflash]

Something about this is not right. Why would this woman introduce you to her family and friends while telling you to back off and that she doesn't want something serious?

[xvizardx]

I should also add that a couple weeks ago (one week ago?), I had the exclusitivity discussion with her too early and she shut me down. Pretty much said that she doesn't thinks she sees a future with me (:lol::lol::lol:), but let's take it day by day and see where it goes. And not to put a label on what we have right now. (I think me flossing with custom strands of 24k gold floss intimidates her) We do have a really good time whenever we're together. Intellectual chemistry, physical attraction and sexual chemistry are all there. Just no committment, which is what I want. Booo.

How long have you guys been "hanging out" ?

If that is the case, do this the mature way.

1. Talk to her, tell her what you want and what you are looking for.
2. Ask her if she is on the same page in life.
3. If she says she does not want to be exclusive, then tell her that you can stick around and that time may come, but if you meet someone, you will not hold back and go for what you deserve.

This way, she can't hold anything against you. She was informed of what you want in life, if she does not want to be a part of it, then you did your part and you have unloaded that burden off your chest.

Life is simple, don't complicate it.

[vero95]

is she seeing other guys?

[uber_shnitz]

Is she herself seeing anyone else?
When she introduces you to her friends/family, what does she introduce you as ("this is my friend", "this is my good friend", "this is the guy whom I get orgasms from" etc)?

From what I can tell, this is more a question of you than her. She's made it clear she isn't exclusive with you. Doesn't mean she won't be hurt if you do see other girls but you're "technically" in the clear in that department. Now the question is YOU. You're the one who wants to be exclusive with her so obviously YOU think of it as cheating because of your hopes for her. However at the same time you don't want to shut your options out because of her rejection right?

Also, do you really really like this other girl? More than the first one? Instead of going on a date that might lead to more, maybe just try regular hanging out first to determine if you like her more than your current girl?

[diggler649]

Something about this is not right. Why would this woman introduce you to her family and friends while telling you to back off and that she doesn't want something serious?

EXACTLY!!!! Sorry, don't mean to shout but this is what's so frustrating. She effectively said we don't have a future, but we're doing all this fake couple isht. WTF? Normally, I'm pretty aloof with relationships and I would just run like hell, but there is something about this one that is keeping me there. Maybe it's the challenge. I don't know. All i know is it's messing with my head. This is interfering in my money making abilities.

[diggler649]

How long have you guys been "hanging out" ?

One month. We see each other every few days.
If that is the case, do this the mature way.

1. Talk to her, tell her what you want and what you are looking for.
Done that. She shut me down already. And she says can we not bring it up and just take it day by day.
2. Ask her if she is on the same page in life.
Definitely not. I'm an ultra high-net worth multi-billionaire. She shops at Old Navy. Need I say more?
3. If she says she does not want to be exclusive, then tell her that you can stick around and that time may come, but if you meet someone, you will not hold back and go for what you deserve.
I haven't said that, but when I'm with her, I think that all the time.

This way, she can't hold anything against you. She was informed of what you want in life, if she does not want to be a part of it, then you did your part and you have unloaded that burden off your chest.

Life is simple, don't complicate it.

.

[diggler649]

is she seeing other guys?

Nope. And not interested in seeing other guys either. I asked.

[diggler649]

Is she herself seeing anyone else?
When she introduces you to her friends/family, what does she introduce you as ("this is my friend", "this is my good friend", "this is the guy whom I get orgasms from" etc)?

From what I can tell, this is more a question of you than her. She's made it clear she isn't exclusive with you. Doesn't mean she won't be hurt if you do see other girls but you're "technically" in the clear in that department. Now the question is YOU. You're the one who wants to be exclusive with her so obviously YOU think of it as cheating because of your hopes for her. However at the same time you don't want to shut your options out because of her rejection right?

Also, do you really really like this other girl? More than the first one? Instead of going on a date that might lead to more, maybe just try regular hanging out first to determine if you like her more than your current girl?

She introduces me as her friend. But she's affectionate with me in front of her friends. And her friends know that we're "seeing" each other as she talks to them about me.

I would totally choose girl #1 over girl #2 without hesitation. Girl #2 seems cool, but we haven't gone out on a date yet. Only email, texts and phone. Girl #2 seems to be more interested in me because she reaches out to me more than I do to her. She actually approached me so I'm probably in the drivers seat...for now. Same situation happened with girl #1 at the beginning as she was the one that initiated interest, but somehow the tables got turned and she ended up in the driver's seat. WTF?

[flashy_mcflash]

Look, you need to figure out what is happening with this girl and no one here is going to help you. To me, she sounds like a bunny-boiler but if you ever plan on making something with this girl or any other you need to find out if she's serious about the relationship or not. The only thing I can think of is that you completely misinterpreted the conversation you had about her not wanting commitment because literally every other thing you've written suggests that she does.

So.

Get off the internet, talk to her, determine if her level of insanity is one that you can tolerate and you are willing to split your fortunes with, or sever and get on with it with girl #2. Go.

[sherman51]

At first i was going to call it cheating but since you said you had the talk and she shut you down, things have changed.
You could roll the dice and say "i met someone who wants to go out, i really like you and want to be exclusive but you say no, can I go out with this chick and how does that make you feel" (yes this all sounds whimpy but there is a point).

She will either say go ahead, or drop you then and there, or it will make her re-think your relationship and have to decide if she wants you as a future or just a casual thing.
Not to sound like a chick but if you stay with her too long and she dumps you, you're the one who gets hit the hardest.

[thelefteyeguy]

it's only cheating if you get caught

[iEyeCaptain]

Rich people problems..

[uber_shnitz]

I'd go with something like sherman51 said. Since she made it clear that she doesn't want to commit with you AND you've brought up the topic of seeing other people already, I'd confront her with the suggestion that someone else is interested in you and see how she reacts. If she tells you to go ahead, you'll have your answer about her status on the relationship. If however, she gets upset maybe she'll rethink the commitment part (seeing as she's basically done everything else a committed couple does).

[Hairball]

it's only cheating if you get caught

+1

[kennyhohoho]

Girl's playing you like a violin. I say, play her right back. Ride this other chick like seabuscuit and casually slip it into an everyday conversation when you meet up with your "main" chick. :lol:

[diggler649]

All good advice. Just set up a date with girl #2 for Aug 3rd. Gives me a week and half to figure this out.

[robattoronto]

The issue isn't whether its cheating or not. The issue is that you guys have not defined what type of relationship you have.

Once you figure out things with girl #1, girl #2 problem disappears.

[manmanny]

The issue isn't whether its cheating or not. The issue is that you guys have not defined what type of relationship you have.

Once you figure out things with girl #1, girl #2 problem disappears.
well said. But the girl is clear about it as she rejected to have it with extremely intelligent, high salary


I should also add that a couple weeks ago (one week ago?), I had the exclusitivity discussion with her too early and she shut me down. Pretty much said that she doesn't thinks she sees a future with me (:lol::lol::lol:), but let's take it day by day and see where it goes. And not to put a label on what we have right now. (I think me flossing with custom strands of 24k gold floss intimidates her) We do have a really good time whenever we're together. Intellectual chemistry, physical attraction and sexual chemistry are all there. Just no committment, which is what I want. Booo.person.

[Cafe_333]

If that is the case, do this the mature way.
1. Talk to her, tell her what you want and what you are looking for.
2. Ask her if she is on the same page in life.
3. If she says she does not want to be exclusive, then tell her that you can stick around and that time may come, but if you meet someone, you will not hold back and go for what you deserve.

This way, she can't hold anything against you. She was informed of what you want in life, if she does not want to be a part of it, then you did your part and you have unloaded that burden off your chest.This. Regardless of the situation, set expectations for the relationship you have with Girl #1. Blindsiding her by going out with Girl #2 can lead to a negative reaction.

[danfromwaterloo]

So, I've got a dilemma. I'm quasi seeing this girl. Don't know what kind of a relationship it is...short term dating, FWB, whatever you want to call it. Bottomline is we hang out a lot, we act like a couple (hold hands, kiss, sex, met all her friends, meeting her parents soon). But we are certainly not exclusive nor are we officially a couple. We don't even talk about it. The only thing established is that she is not interested in meeting anyone else at this point and neither am I...I think.

Problem is I met this new girl on Friday. Exchanged numbers and we have been chatting since. Great conversation, she seems really cool and fun and we discussed meeting up for a date.

I have a couple of questions.

1) Would this be considered cheating if I were to go on a date with this girl with the pretense that this may lead to something more down the road?
2) Should I inform girl #1 that I would like to go on a date with girl #2? Lol.

Discuss.

Sounds like you're exclusive. If you act like a couple, you are a couple and it's not casual anymore. There's the reasonable expectation of exclusivity. If you had the "you know we're just casual" talk, then maybe you have a case, but at the point in time where you've met her friends, and meeting her parents soon, you've gone past the point of seeing what's out there.

TL;DR - it's cheating IMO.

[kennyhohoho]

This. Regardless of the situation, set expectations for the relationship you have with Girl #1. Blindsiding her by going out with Girl #2 can lead to a negative reaction.

If Girl #1 made it clear she didn't want to be exclusive and didn't "see a future" with him, Girl #2 is fair game.

[sylpherware]

The real question is: Does OP CARE how Girl1 would feel?

If you don't care how Girl1 feels, why bother polling online? To justify what you did/about to do? Will showing her " >50% of RFDers don't call this cheating" provide a good argument later?
If you do care that your action may upset Girl1, why risk it?

[Mr.Sea]

So, I've got a dilemma. I'm quasi seeing this girl. Don't know what kind of a relationship it is...short term dating, FWB, whatever you want to call it. Bottomline is we hang out a lot, we act like a couple (hold hands, kiss, sex, met all her friends, meeting her parents soon). But we are certainly not exclusive nor are we officially a couple. We don't even talk about it. The only thing established is that she is not interested in meeting anyone else at this point and neither am I...I think.

Problem is I met this new girl on Friday. Exchanged numbers and we have been chatting since. Great conversation, she seems really cool and fun and we discussed meeting up for a date.

I have a couple of questions.

1) Would this be considered cheating if I were to go on a date with this girl with the pretense that this may lead to something more down the road?
2) Should I inform girl #1 that I would like to go on a date with girl #2? Lol.

Discuss.

Go on the date.
Don't tell the girl until there is something to tell.

[Cafe_333]

If Girl #1 made it clear she didn't want to be exclusive and didn't "see a future" with him, Girl #2 is fair game.Perhaps, however they seem to have a mutual understanding that they are in a relationship together - she just simply doesn't want the title and the commitment it brings. It's somewhat akin to a common law relationship. It's safer and more mature to be up front and honest about his intentions and expectations before going behind her back to date another girl. As another stated, if he feels he has to hide it, it probably is cheating on the relationship. Although it's not cheating on his gf, it's cheating on the relationship.

[kennyhohoho]

Perhaps, however they seem to have a mutual understanding that they are in a relationship together - she just simply doesn't want the title and the commitment it brings. It's somewhat akin to a common law relationship. It's safer and more mature to be up front and honest about his intentions and expectations before going behind her back to date another girl. As another stated, if he feels he has to hide it, it probably is cheating on the relationship. Although it's not cheating on his gf, it's cheating on the relationship.

It seems more like an open relationship than a common law relationship if girl #1 is adamant that they aren't exclusive.

She's pretty much giving him the green light to do as he pleases. If you aren't exclusive, what are you?

The relationship has gotta be equal. She can't tell him she doesn't want to be exclusive, while at the same time, expecting him to be "faithful". Seems to me, she wants to hang onto him until she finds somebody better. If I were him, I'd do the same.

[Forhad]

It'll be double crossing.

[flashy_mcflash]

Don't tell the girl until there is something to tell.

Probably a good plan for RFD as well. I feel like Diggler needs his hand held in every point in this process.

[setell]

She introduces me as her friend. But she's affectionate with me in front of her friends. And her friends know that we're "seeing" each other as she talks to them about me.

I would totally choose girl #1 over girl #2 without hesitation. Girl #2 seems cool, but we haven't gone out on a date yet. Only email, texts and phone. Girl #2 seems to be more interested in me because she reaches out to me more than I do to her. She actually approached me so I'm probably in the drivers seat...for now. Same situation happened with girl #1 at the beginning as she was the one that initiated interest, but somehow the tables got turned and she ended up in the driver's seat. WTF?
LOL Tables got turned when you got emotionally invested with her. It no longer became casual dating and you wanted more.

It’s cheating for me but then just talk to her about it. Tell her that you met this girl and are thinking of asking her out. See how she reacts. It might kick start her into putting you on a higher priority scale in her life when she realizes you can’t always go on the way you guys are forever. To a certain degree, do you need to be labeled “exclusive” if you do everything a couple does? You enjoy her company and want to spend more time with her. Isn’t that sufficient? Plus you’ve met her parents and friends!! That is pretty serious relationship already! If you were really FWB….why would she want to introduce her fck buddy to her parents. That part confuses me.

[manixc]

Is it me or does this seem like a Ross/Rachel thing?

given OP's other thread and this thread, I would say it is not cheating. With girl #1, it's a FWB thing. So might as well hang out with girl #2 and see where it will go.

[iEyeCaptain]

To a certain degree, do you need to be labeled “exclusive” if you do everything a couple does?

Yes.

diggler649, the ultra-high net worth multi-billionaire, doesn't want to wake up one day and the girl ditched him for a ultra-high net worth multi-trillionnaire and then say "oh, but we weren't exclusive to begin with, what's the problem?" because by that time, he would have deeper affections for said girl while she treated him as a "stepping stone billionaire" all along.

[iEyeCaptain]

Is it me or does this seem like a Ross/Rachel thing?

given OP's other thread and this thread, I would say it is not cheating. With girl #1, it's a FWB thing. So might as well hang out with girl #2 and see where it will go.

Jenny > Rachel.

[Cafe_333]

It seems more like an open relationship than a common law relationship.That's still an assumption and the fact that the OP can't clearly decide for himself whether it's an open relationship or not may suggest that it isn't. What we can at least establish is that she wants to be in a relationship with him, has introduced him to her friends and family, everyone knows they are seeing each other, and she doesn't want the title and the commitment it brings. Does this mean it's an open relationship? Not necessarily. The only thing we can be ascertain is that they have a mutual understanding that they are in a relationship together. And because we can't ascertain that it is indeed an open relationship, he should still be up front and honest about his intentions and expectations before going behind her back to date another girl. If after speaking with Girl #1 and it turns out to be an open relationship all along, then it didn't hurt to have that conversation out of respect and courtesy. Why risk it on the assumption of a green light?

[EbonyRose]

Too lazy to read the whole thread, but bottom line is TALK TO HER. None of us have a good grasp of your relationship, because we're not part of it. I don't understand why people keep asking others for advice. If you want to know if it's considered cheating, ask her, because it doesn't matter if we consider it cheating, it only matters what she thinks. Like I've said before, I'm not part of your relationship, so I don't know, but it seems like she might just want to take this thing slow. Some people are afraid of putting labels on things. As long as she's treating you right otherwise, what's the big deal? So she doesn't call you her boyfriend, but she treats you like it, does it really matter? I know tons of girls who call guys their boyfriend, but treat them like dirt. Ask her straight out, if she thinks she'll ever want a relationship with you. There's a difference between moving slow and never getting there. Level with her and be honest. Tell her that while you like her and how things are, you want more eventually and if she's sure that there won't be, then you have to go elsewhere. At that point, you've been honest and have done right by her. You can date the new girl without feeling bad.

[manixc]

But OP already ask girl #2 out???

Is it too late to clear things with girl #1?

[d182]

Should also note if you give her the heads up and tell her you're going on a date with someone, its fair game so expect that she might do it as well. Hope you don't mind ;)

[setell]

Yes.

diggler649, the ultra-high net worth multi-billionaire, doesn't want to wake up one day and the girl ditched him for a ultra-high net worth multi-trillionnaire and then say "oh, but we weren't exclusive to begin with, what's the problem?" because by that time, he would have deeper affections for said girl while she treated him as a "stepping stone billionaire" all along.

It's been a month......can't she just want to take things slow like ebonyrose said. He met her parents. Enough said, she might like him more than she is willing to admit. Or she is the type that really don't give a crap and diggler is getting played!

All of this wishy washy guessing and advice from random strangers on the internet is very silly. Get advice from those around you that know what type of a person you are. My opinion of digglers character is probably not accurate so who gives a crap about our opinions.

[epik89]

Ill give you the simplest answer for this situation.

Tell your so called girl right now that's there's this new girl you met and you think she likes you.

See how she reacts. If she gets all emotional and goes like wtf then you know she looks at you more then just your little friendship thing right now.

If she doesnt care. Go out with the other girl and don't let her know. She will eventually find out you are hanging out with her so she will either get pissed off and start to cling onto you even more or just cut you off completely.

Either way you have nothing to lose. Because you will have girl #2 on the side.

[diggler649]

The irony of the whole situation is I just got out of a marriage. My plan for the next year was to just casually date and rack up some notches on my belt. If I came across an FWB situation, that would be so PERFECT!!! My plans got screwed up when I met this chick. I actually want something more, but you can't change someone's mind...

In hindsight, I never should've brought up exclusivity so soon. FACT. If this relationship doesn't work out, I can always count my money and gold bars to cheer me up.

[wilsonlam97]

Rich people problems..

Mo' money mo' problems.

[epik89]

The irony of the whole situation is I just got out of a marriage. My plan for the next year was to just casually date and rack up some notches on my belt. If I came across an FWB situation, that would be so PERFECT!!! My plans got screwed up when I met this chick. I actually want something more, but you can't change someone's mind...

In hindsight, I never should've brought up exclusivity so soon. FACT. If this relationship doesn't work out, I can always count my money and gold bars to cheer me up.

Friends with benefits NEVER work bro. One person will always eventually develop relationship feelings for the other. And the other will obviously prefer the FWB.

Ive been in that situation bro. Trust me it ain't cool at all. It will only work if you strictly see that girl for benefits. You can't chill with this girl AT ALL.

[diggler649]

It's been a month......can't she just want to take things slow like ebonyrose said. He met her parents. Enough said, she might like him more than she is willing to admit. Or she is the type that really don't give a crap and diggler is getting played!

All of this wishy washy guessing and advice from random strangers on the internet is very silly. Get advice from those around you that know what type of a person you are. My opinion of digglers character is probably not accurate so who gives a crap about our opinions.

It's easier talking about this with strangers than friends. Friends give biased information because they don't want to see you get hurt. Strangers don't give a crap because they're third party at the end of the day. So their information advice may hold a little bit more weight.

[Tiberius]

How long were you married? You have forgotten how attraction works... err... actually, you probably never understood how it works in the first place...

Bottom line - you clearly like the girl you are "dating", but she wants to not label it and take things slow. Because you have developed feelings for her, you have lost control in that relationship.

If your goal is ultimately to have a real relationship with the girl you are dating now, you need to make yourself appear to be desireable by women, have confidence in yourself, and act with integrity. In this situation, it sounds like that means being fairly clear with her that you won't be available all the time to see her because you have an active social life. If she asks, tell her you have a date, etc. Make it clear to her that it's just someone cool you met and you both wanted to hang out some more - so naturally that's what you are going to do. If she gets upset, gently point out that you aren't exclusive and in a relationship - and that your probing into that possibility was shut down.

Ultimately, she'll be upset that you are dating someone else, but if you keep it clear it's early stages with the other girl, and you meant nothing by it (ie. you weren't going to jump into the sack with her quickly, but were just kicking the tires since you are just dating and exploring what's out there currently - not in a committed relationship)... she likely will come around and want to lock you down. Thus, you'll get what you want. If she bails on you completely just because you hung out with another girl... then it wasn't going to work anyway.

But... be aware that if you hop in the sack with another girl, it changes everything, and I wouldn't expect her to just reconsider and decide to be exclusive with you. You dating someone and shocking her back into realizing she can't string you along is one thing... but sleeping with other girls destroy everything.

[spintheblackcircle]

The irony of the whole situation is I just got out of a marriage. My plan for the next year was to just casually date and rack up some notches on my belt. If I came across an FWB situation, that would be so PERFECT!!! My plans got screwed up when I met this chick. I actually want something more, but you can't change someone's mind...

In hindsight, I never should've brought up exclusivity so soon. FACT. If this relationship doesn't work out, I can always count my money and gold bars to cheer me up.

So you just out of a marriage and already you're looking at being "exclusive" with some chick you've been dating a month?

You're doing it wrong.

[manmanny]

It's easier talking about this with strangers than friends. Friends give biased information because they don't want to see you get hurt. Strangers don't give a crap because they're third party at the end of the day. So their information advice may hold a little bit more weight.

Interesting.

[diggler649]

So you just out of a marriage and already you're looking at being "exclusive" with some chick you've been dating a month?

You're doing it wrong.

About 7 months out of marriage. But it was effectively over way before that.

[Simaahoy]

So, I've got a dilemma. I'm quasi seeing this girl. Don't know what kind of a relationship it is...short term dating, FWB, whatever you want to call it. Bottomline is we hang out a lot, we act like a couple (hold hands, kiss, sex, met all her friends, meeting her parents soon). But we are certainly not exclusive nor are we officially a couple. We don't even talk about it. The only thing established is that she is not interested in meeting anyone else at this point and neither am I...I think.

Problem is I met this new girl on Friday. Exchanged numbers and we have been chatting since. Great conversation, she seems really cool and fun and we discussed meeting up for a date.

I have a couple of questions.

1) Would this be considered cheating if I were to go on a date with this girl with the pretense that this may lead to something more down the road?
2) Should I inform girl #1 that I would like to go on a date with girl #2? Lol.

Discuss.

1) Yes and No. There's ways to get around that...
2) Obviously no...

[spike1128]

About 7 months out of marriage. But it was effectively over way before that.

Diggler, me think that you are way over your head with this "I am divorced for 7 months and I want to be exclusive". You are letting yourself get back into jail after you got a "get out of jail" card?

Meanwhile, I would get some action with girl #2. After all, it's better to be loved more by someone than to love someone more yourself.

[ronin1701]

Depends. What's your alignment?

If you're Lawful Good or Neutral Good, then you're definitely cheating.

If you're Chaotic Neutral, you're probably OK.

[iEyeCaptain]

Depends. What's your alignment?

If you're Lawful Good or Neutral Good, then you're definitely cheating.

If you're Chaotic Neutral, you're probably OK.

I'm sad that I get this reference.

[ishfish]

I'm sad that I get this reference.

I was sad, but somehow iEyeCaptain you have made me glad I do not get it.

[ronin1701]

I'm sad that I get this reference.

Why sad? You know Vin Diesel plays too!

[ShadowVlican]

So, I've got a dilemma. I'm quasi seeing this girl. Don't know what kind of a relationship it is...short term dating, FWB, whatever you want to call it. Bottomline is we hang out a lot, we act like a couple (hold hands, kiss, sex, met all her friends, meeting her parents soon). But we are certainly not exclusive nor are we officially a couple. We don't even talk about it. The only thing established is that she is not interested in meeting anyone else at this point and neither am I...I think.

Problem is I met this new girl on Friday. Exchanged numbers and we have been chatting since. Great conversation, she seems really cool and fun and we discussed meeting up for a date.

I have a couple of questions.

1) Would this be considered cheating if I were to go on a date with this girl with the pretense that this may lead to something more down the road?
2) Should I inform girl #1 that I would like to go on a date with girl #2? Lol.

Discuss.
guess this brings up the question: what is a couple? is a "couple" defined by exclusivity?

[diggler649]

Depends. What's your alignment?

If you're Lawful Good or Neutral Good, then you're definitely cheating.

If you're Chaotic Neutral, you're probably OK.

Hahahaha. Nerd! I'm Chaotic Evil.

[uber_shnitz]

guess this brings up the question: what is a couple? is a "couple" defined by exclusivity?

A couple is defined by a pair of objects or people.

If you want to talk about romantic couples, then typically yes, exclusivity plays into it but it's not a necessity depending on how open the 2 people are, but there needs to be a certain level of "preference" between both people otherwise it'd just be 2 people who sometimes see each other among a group of other people who sometimes see each other.

[vero95]

try bluffing you have a date with some other girl she knows and check her reaction. she can find out later that you were really bluffing but you will know what she thinks

[Simaahoy]

http://i17.photobucket.com/albums/b85/cool_dude100/popcorn.gif




try bluffing you have a date with some other girl she knows and check her reaction. she can find out later that you were really bluffing but you will know what she thinks

[setell]

try bluffing you have a date with some other girl she knows and check her reaction. she can find out later that you were really bluffing but you will know what she thinks

He doesn't have to bluff because he does have a date next week.

[vero95]

He doesn't have to bluff because he does have a date next week.

so what? he can bluff he has a date before the real one, no?

[maddydo]

if i wasn't interested in a relationship, then holding hands would make me uncomfortable

just tell the truth...you're going out with some girl next week, since she already shut you down before when talking about it

[peanutz]

Depends. What's your alignment?

If you're Lawful Good or Neutral Good, then you're definitely cheating.

If you're Chaotic Neutral, you're probably OK.HAHAHAHA

MAN, diggler you are one of my favourite posters on here!!! FACT. Your posts and threads are always so much fun. (I am True Neutral.)

Although expectations and intentions change with relationships, in my opinion, talking with Girl #1 OR not really saying so and just going out with Girl #2 is fair in my books since Girl #1 already kinda shot you down for the moment. And seriously, she is giving mixed signals which, in my mind, means she gets what she deserves if you go with the second scenario and she gets upset if she finds out about it.

And for those people saying "blah blah put yourself in Girl #1's shoes...": I don't wear those shoes and a lot of other people don't.

Let's see the potential outcomes:
a) Girl #1 finds out and gets upset/jealous and wants to make things right. You're back in the driver's seat. Plus you got to check out another prospect.
b) Girl #1 finds out and gets cold. Darn. But you still got another potential Girl #2.
c) Girl #1 finds out and decides it's time for a serious talk about commitment! Well you get a second consideration from her, and you still got to check out another prospect.
d) Things don't change and Girl #1 might end up OK with it and you still got to check out Girl #2.

Looks like there are more chances of good coming out of seeing Girl #2 for the heck of it.

Go Go Go!

[ronin1701]

HAHAHAHA

MAN, diggler you are one of my favourite posters on here!!! FACT. Your posts and threads are always so much fun. (I am True Neutral.)

I'm not diggler :|

[peanutz]

I'm not diggler :|Of course not. I was just laughing at your post.

Pfft, as if you could be mistaken for him. :razz:

[Kunman]

HAHAHAHA

And for those people saying "blah blah put yourself in Girl

Go Go Go!

what is this?? subliminal message ???

[ronin1701]

Of course not. I was just laughing at your post.

Pfft, as if you could be mistaken for him. :razz:

OK, just confused by your reply because it seemed that you were replying to my earlier comment.

[saveadollardiva]

Personally, I feel if your intimate with someone physically, even if you don't consider yourselves a couple you should still be honest with the person you are intimate with. If you really want to get to know this girl than you should tell girl #1 about her. Just so she knows and if she meets someone else as well she will know were you are at, also not feel bad or guilty if she does hook up withsomeone else. Also, i feel if you start going out with girl #2 you should stop being intimate with girl # 1 all together, as you should have respect for girl #2 if you decided to date her and she only wants to date you.

Good Luck!

[dibksbgon]

Just keep visiting girl 2 in secret. If things become serious, then drop the question to girl 1.

That will be the start of a healthy relationship...

[iEyeCaptain]

I'm not diggler :|

Clearly not. diggler has 69 thanks. What do you have? Puh-leez.

Go on a date with #2, but if #2 wants coitus, then you've got some more thinking to do.

[diggler649]

So I chatted with girl #2 last night. I can't do this. Either my mind is not into it or she is unbelievably boring to me. We chatted for about an hour (this is the first time we've spoken on the phone - it has been email and txt up to this point), and no exaggeration I said about 98 words, she said about 270,836 words. There were times where I was actually falling asleep in 30 sec intervals. She seemed interesting when we struck up a conversation at the Indigo and seemed interesting through email/text but not interesting at all over the phone. I'm actually dreading this date next Fri. Maybe I can feign explosive diarrhea or something.

[setell]

So I chatted with girl #2 last night. I can't do this. Either my mind is not into it or she is unbelievably boring to me. We chatted for about an hour (this is the first time we've spoken on the phone - it has been email and txt up to this point), and no exaggeration I said about 98 words, she said about 270,836 words. There were times where I was actually falling asleep in 30 sec intervals. She seemed interesting when we struck up a conversation at the Indigo and seemed interesting through email/text but not interesting at all over the phone. I'm actually dreading this date next Fri. Maybe I can feign explosive diarrhea or something.


Why don’t you just tell her that something came up and you can’t make it. Just make up any random excuse. Seriously, just make one up cause I wouldn’t care if you bail on me. LOL

LMAO, sorry shouldn’t be laughing but reading your experiences is just interesting. So she’s talkative and you can’t get a word in. I guess after one meeting you don’t really know the person that well huh. LOL You should have talked to her on the phone first before scheduling the date.

[saveadollardiva]

Just tell her you have to work late and can not get out of it. Done. lol. And then never call her back lol

[kennyhohoho]

So I chatted with girl #2 last night. I can't do this. Either my mind is not into it or she is unbelievably boring to me. We chatted for about an hour (this is the first time we've spoken on the phone - it has been email and txt up to this point), and no exaggeration I said about 98 words, she said about 270,836 words. There were times where I was actually falling asleep in 30 sec intervals. She seemed interesting when we struck up a conversation at the Indigo and seemed interesting through email/text but not interesting at all over the phone. I'm actually dreading this date next Fri. Maybe I can feign explosive diarrhea or something.

Is she hot?

[Rainne]

Technically, no.

Ethically, yes.

[iEyeCaptain]

So I chatted with girl #2 last night. I can't do this. Either my mind is not into it or she is unbelievably boring to me. We chatted for about an hour (this is the first time we've spoken on the phone - it has been email and txt up to this point), and no exaggeration I said about 98 words, she said about 270,836 words. There were times where I was actually falling asleep in 30 sec intervals. She seemed interesting when we struck up a conversation at the Indigo and seemed interesting through email/text but not interesting at all over the phone. I'm actually dreading this date next Fri. Maybe I can feign explosive diarrhea or something.

Better than you saying 270,836 words and her saying 98.

[diggler649]

Why don’t you just tell her that something came up and you can’t make it. Just make up any random excuse. Seriously, just make one up cause I wouldn’t care if you bail on me. LOL

LMAO, sorry shouldn’t be laughing but reading your experiences is just interesting. So she’s talkative and you can’t get a word in. I guess after one meeting you don’t really know the person that well huh. LOL You should have talked to her on the phone first before scheduling the date.

She seemed interesting in person. Didn't realize how dry she was on the phone.


Just tell her you have to work late and can not get out of it. Done. lol. And then never call her back lol

Or I could just say that I thought about it and I'm not comfortable with interracial dating. Ha! Playing the race card again!


Is she hot?

She's cute. I give her 7.5 out of 10. Girl #1 is hotter IMO.

[setell]

She's cute. I give her 7.5 out of 10. Girl #1 is hotter IMO.

If she's hotter tell her about girl #2 and see how she responds. Yes, I know girl #2 is out of the picture since she talks too much but it should help you gauge girl #1's feelings for you. Should be honest and say why girl #2 isn't for you too. LOL

[vero95]

keep searching

[at1212b]

So, I've got a dilemma. I'm quasi seeing this girl. Don't know what kind of a relationship it is...short term dating, FWB, whatever you want to call it. Bottomline is we hang out a lot, we act like a couple (hold hands, kiss, sex, met all her friends, meeting her parents soon). But we are certainly not exclusive nor are we officially a couple. We don't even talk about it. The only thing established is that she is not interested in meeting anyone else at this point and neither am I...I think.

Problem is I met this new girl on Friday. Exchanged numbers and we have been chatting since. Great conversation, she seems really cool and fun and we discussed meeting up for a date.

I have a couple of questions.

1) Would this be considered cheating if I were to go on a date with this girl with the pretense that this may lead to something more down the road?
2) Should I inform girl #1 that I would like to go on a date with girl #2? Lol.

Discuss.

Under the rules of engagement you have established, you should disclose this.

While it is not cheating since both you and her have not officially Approved your exclusivity with each other, it is the honourable thing to do. Let's say you're in highschool. And he's your main and only drinking buddy where beer is limited, so you guys agree to each other that if either of you get your hands on some, you tell each other. So it's like finding a stash of beer but not sharing that information.

Either way, if you go with this new girl, either you, her or both will learn it's better to explicit state each other's status in the future.

[sylpherware]

Maybe I can feign explosive diarrhea or something.

"Hi, you reminded me of my ex-wife. Sorry, no."

[peanutz]

She seemed interesting in person. Didn't realize how dry she was on the phone.REALLY. :| You are striking her out because of that? Boooooooo.

Girl #1 being hotter is more understandable as far as reasons go.

Use the explosive diarrhea excuse with Girl #2. And tell us how she reacts, then. PREASE.

[iEyeCaptain]

REALLY. :| You are striking her out because of that? Boooooooo.

Girl #1 being hotter is more understandable as far as reasons go.

Use the explosive diarrhea excuse with Girl #2. And tell us how she reacts, then. PREASE.

Video pls. Or at the very least, voice recorder.

CIA style.

[diggler649]

REALLY. :| You are striking her out because of that? Boooooooo.

Girl #1 being hotter is more understandable as far as reasons go.

Use the explosive diarrhea excuse with Girl #2. And tell us how she reacts, then. PREASE.

I chatted with her for about an hour. It was really boring. Or maybe I was bored. I actually hate talking on the phone. It's a waste of time. Time is money. I am money, therefore I am time, and I am wasting myself by talking on the phone. I prefer text and email.

BTW, one more post for 1000!

[manixc]

I chatted with her for about an hour. It was really boring. Or maybe I was bored. I actually hate talking on the phone. It's a waste of time. Time is money. I am money, therefore I am time, and I am wasting myself by talking on the phone. I prefer text and email.

BTW, one more post for 1000!
+1, talking on the phone is boring. Just meet up in person.

[kennyhohoho]

I chatted with her for about an hour. It was really boring. Or maybe I was bored. I actually hate talking on the phone. It's a waste of time. Time is money. I am money, therefore I am time, and I am wasting myself by talking on the phone. I prefer text and email.

BTW, one more post for 1000!

Difficult to judge someone based on a phone conversation. I don't know of any man that likes to talk to their SO over the phone for extended periods of time.

[peanutz]

Difficult to judge someone based on a phone conversation. I don't know of any man that likes to talk to their SO over the phone for extended periods of time.Yeah. I only dated one guy with whom I could talk 2-3 hours at a time on the phone on a regular basis, over a 6-month period. But that was because we were intellectual soulmates (that is, until he got jealous that I wanted to talk to my girl friends a little more.)

Otherwise, phone convos are usually boring and I don't put any effort into them. :( And I wouldn't blame others for being the same.


BTW, one more post for 1000!Oops, I didn't even notice. Woohoo.

Anyway, diggler just doesn't want to do it. He is a softie after all!

[UrbanPoet]

Sometimes guys make the mistake... They'll think the girl 'doesnt want to talk about it'.
But really... It means that she wishes that the guy will seal the deal.
The girl aint gonna do that. She wants the guy to take the initiative.
Thats the reason why she doesn't want to bring it up.

Then you'll end up banging some other girl and the LOVE OF YOUR LIFE LEAVES YOU FOREVER!

Don't make the same mistake.

If she is something special...

Don't lose the love of your life, for the hoe of the night.

[peanutz]

Don't lose the love of your life, for the hoe of the night.UrbanPoet lives up to his name.

[renoldman]

If you do decide to go out with Girl #2 and later #3, #4 .... #25

Don't ever use their real names.

Why?

One day you will tell Jennifer that you want to meet up and have "benefits" .... problem is her name is Lucy.

Solution: Call all of them honey or baby.

Trust me on this one.

Also, make sure they call you by your first name (especially during "benefits").

If any of them call you Alan and you are clearly Steve .... break up with her .... I mean she probably is with multiple guys .... clearly not a good thing to be with her.

[uber_shnitz]

^ So the moral is to be the one with multiple people, not be one of the multiple people :D :lol:

[SomeBodyElseisme]

Oh boy, OP, you're asking for a drama.

First of, the first girl shot you down when you asked about exclusivity. And then asked you to come over and hang out and you guys banged. So she acted as if nothing happened. So she played you.
And if you tell her about girl #2, she will either 1) flip out and tell you you're a cheater and a player, and kick you to the curb or 2) say it's all good, you can do whatever you want, since you guys are not an item or 3) she will say let's have a 3some

I think Girl #1 is testing you, see how you will keep running to her. That makes her feel in power, for the time being.

Can't believe I'm saying this, ask her one more time: "where is this going? the last time I asked, you said you didn't want to be exclusive. Are we open to seeing other people?"
And see how she responds.
If she pauses and give you some ridiculous answer, then go see girl #2.

[diggler649]

Oh boy, OP, you're asking for a drama.

First of, the first girl shot you down when you asked about exclusivity. And then asked you to come over and hang out and you guys banged. So she acted as if nothing happened. So she played you.
And if you tell her about girl #2, she will either 1) flip out and tell you you're a cheater and a player, and kick you to the curb or 2) say it's all good, you can do whatever you want, since you guys are not an item or 3) she will say let's have a 3some

I think Girl #1 is testing you, see how you will keep running to her. That makes her feel in power, for the time being.

Can't believe I'm saying this, ask her one more time: "where is this going? the last time I asked, you said you didn't want to be exclusive. Are we open to seeing other people?"
And see how she responds.
If she pauses and give you some ridiculous answer, then go see girl #2.

We talked about a few days ago. She's still afraid of hurting me. She says she's developing feelings for me and whenever that has happened in the past, the committment issues came up. I said let's not talk about it and we'll figure something out if it gets there.

[konfusion666]

diggler, you've done online dating in the past right? you've talked about it.

when online dating, the norm is "multi-dating".
until a couple is exclusive, it's always assumed they are seeing multiple people...

[diggler649]

diggler, you've done online dating in the past right? you've talked about it.

when online dating, the norm is "multi-dating".
until a couple is exclusive, it's always assumed they are seeing multiple people...

Yeah, I've tried it before and didn't like it. There's too much effort trying to weed through the riff raff. I've gone on dates and there are a couple of girls I've friend-zoned within the first 15 mins, and we are still friends to date. I think they both still want more but I've made it clear very early on that I probably won't change the way I feel about them. Maybe that's why I'm going through issues with girl #1 right now. Karma....hmmm.

I do believe online dating works, and it's probably a great opportunity to date multiple people at the same time, but I think I would still prefer in real life dating.

[jaysfan4life]

Tell #2 girl about girl #1 and try to keep then apart... YOLO

[grant]

But we are certainly not exclusive nor are we officially a couple. We don't even talk about it.
Why don't you talk about it?
How do you know you 2 are in agreement on this supposed non-exclusivity if you never talk about it... aside from telling each other you don't want to date anyone else (which sounds exclusive to me)


1) Would this be considered cheating if I were to go on a date with this girl with the pretense that this may lead to something more down the road?
2) Should I inform girl #1 that I would like to go on a date with girl #2? Lol.
a) why would you lie to girl #2 about your intentions... are you a scumbag, or did you use to word 'pretense' without understanding its meaning?
b) not sure why you're asking strangers whether it's cheating or not. You have to live with your own conscience (and perhaps the opinion of girl #1). Ask them instead.
c) again, it's your conscience. Just keep in mind: if you keep it secret, and girl #1 finds out, she'll probably be unhappy with you.

[SomeBodyElseisme]

Why don't you talk about it?
How do you know you 2 are in agreement on this supposed non-exclusivity if you never talk about it... aside from telling each other you don't want to date anyone else (which sounds exclusive to me)


a) why would you lie to girl #2 about your intentions... are you a scumbag, or did you use to word 'pretense' without understanding its meaning?
b) not sure why you're asking strangers whether it's cheating or not. You have to live with your own conscience (and perhaps the opinion of girl #1). Ask them instead.
c) again, it's your conscience. Just keep in mind: if you keep it secret, and girl #1 finds out, she'll probably be unhappy with you.


OP wants approval for cheating :-0 ?

[SoBored]

when girl #1 told you she didn't want to be exclusive or whatever, that's all you needed to hear to feel free to date other girls without feeling guilty. don't let her power trip on you

[lazymonkeygod]

So, I've got a dilemma. I'm quasi seeing this girl. Don't know what kind of a relationship it is...short term dating, FWB, whatever you want to call it. Bottomline is we hang out a lot, we act like a couple (hold hands, kiss, sex, met all her friends, meeting her parents soon). But we are certainly not exclusive nor are we officially a couple. We don't even talk about it. The only thing established is that she is not interested in meeting anyone else at this point and neither am I...I think.

Problem is I met this new girl on Friday. Exchanged numbers and we have been chatting since. Great conversation, she seems really cool and fun and we discussed meeting up for a date.

I have a couple of questions.

1) Would this be considered cheating if I were to go on a date with this girl with the pretense that this may lead to something more down the road?
2) Should I inform girl #1 that I would like to go on a date with girl #2? Lol.

Discuss.

According to Seinfeld, does girl #1 have any tampons at your place? If she does, then my friend you're in a relationship and yes it would be cheating.

But seeing how you're holding hands, kissing, and having sex I'm not sure why you think you're not boyfriend and girlfriend.

[dealseeker2011]

Since you are asking if this is cheating, then that's the answer. Having thoughts about anything make it what it is. Definitely, you have to tell girl#1 about it.

[501]

I see you player

lol

[yao416]

Players gonna play