How much is reasonable to pay a nanny?

[miaopl]

Thanks for all the comments. I realized that i do need to spend time with my daughter. I have had her for a few nights, and it turned out be not too bad. I hope she will sleep through night soon.

The nanny we had (she is no longer with us) was working 6 hours in the day time, and 3 hours at night from Monday to Thursday and working 7 hours on Friday, and it came up with 43 hours per week. That's why we figured out it's sort of close to be reasonable. I didn't provide the detailed and accurate information at the first place, sorry to upset your guys so much.

We cannot afford to pay more, so we would rather look after her ourselves.

[drpepperslurpee]

I may be out to lunch, but I think it is unreasonable to expect your paid employee to work 24 hours a day for $85.

Carrie

[taylyn]

Maybe you should give your baby up to a family who will love and spend time with it... expecting a nanny to have a baby sleep with her and spend 24 hours a day taking care of it, including cooking and cleaning, and not want to pay for 2 weeks off a year is beyond ridiculous, as is $85 a day for that. Why did you have a child in the first place????

[nalababe]

The baby stays with the nanny at night, since she needs to be fed and comforted at night. At this age, she requires a lot of caring at night.

You're joking right?

Sure there were periods of no sleep but I wouldn't have traded it for the world (as a note we had a cosleeper for the first 6 months and at 2 he is just moving to his own room).

Feeding was easy...boob (I guess you could use a manufactured product) and then was passed to me and I changed him. No time and back to sleep. Repeat 3-4 hours later. Other caring? hugs, kisses, cuddles....if we really needed him to sleep when he was being fussy, I just tucked him in my arm and he'd sleep in seconds.

85$ is the right price for a 9-5 nanny....If you are including board...might be ok. But definitely I'd be providing more than 2 weeks holiday.

[miaopl]

There are two different issues. One is that whether I should keep my baby with me at night. I never thought about that, I guess I just want to enjoy the baby but not to take the hard part. It's really difficult to feed her at night though. I don't know how long this situation will last. But of couse I love her very much! I am thinking maybe i should have her back at night!

The other issue is whether it's reasonable for that amount I am paying the nanny. Actually she is not working 24 hours. She has three meals, takes showers, have a nap in the afternoon and also doing other personal things. What we are paying her is $85 net, which means $103 gross per day. The real issue is I don't expect my baby will need to be fed at night forever. Maybe in 2-3 months she will sleep though the night, then she will sleep either with us or in her own room. So the nanny will work from 8 hours a day. But she still expects to be paid at the same rate. So all in all, we won't keep her for too long because it will be way beyond market rate. If we only keep her for 2 months, should we pay her the three holidays in Dec and Jan?

[miaopl]

You're joking right?

Sure there were periods of no sleep but I wouldn't have traded it for the world (as a note we had a cosleeper for the first 6 months and at 2 he is just moving to his own room).

Feeding was easy...boob (I guess you could use a manufactured product) and then was passed to me and I changed him. No time and back to sleep. Repeat 3-4 hours later. Other caring? hugs, kisses, cuddles....if we really needed him to sleep when he was being fussy, I just tucked him in my arm and he'd sleep in seconds.

85$ is the right price for a 9-5 nanny....If you are including board...might be ok. But definitely I'd be providing more than 2 weeks holiday.

Thanks for your information. I am really hoping my baby will sleep for longer periods at night. She is waking up every 2-3 hours, sometimes even half an hour. Although she is with the nanny, it creats a lot of pressure on me too. I am worried about her. I express milk and bottle fee her. When did you baby start to sleep well at night?

[nalababe]

Thanks for your information. I am really hoping my baby will sleep for longer periods at night. She is waking up every 2-3 hours, sometimes even half an hour. Although she is with the nanny, it creats a lot of pressure on me too. I am worried about her. I express milk and bottle fee her. When did you baby start to sleep well at night?

He finally slept through the night....well, it was probably close to 18 months when he slept for more than 5 hours at a time. And yes, at that age, I believe that my wife was feeding probably every three hours...Sure its tough and as long as there are two of you (I may have missed if otherwise) then the two of you can share the load and ensure that both get the necessary rest. Sometimes it is the little things: on the weekends, even when tired, I'd take the little one and the older one downstairs (or maybe out to the market) so that my wife could sleep in for the morning...later I might take a 3-4 hour nap in the afternoon...your body adjusts.

Funny, after this post last night, we went to bed and listened to the most wonderful sounds of the little one dreaming...giggling away....

[wirebound]

Well, I was going to say all sorts of things but it all boils down to the fact that I think you're putting a whole lot of trust into someone you don't appear to value very much. I think if you're going to trust them and rely on them to the extent that you are, you need to compensate them appropriately; whether that be pay, vacation, time off etc. Your current relationship sounds rather exploitative to me but maybe I'm misunderstanding something...

At 2 months, my kids were nursing approximately every two to three hours, sometimes more often, sometimes less often but neither slept through the night before 6 months. The more your child feeds, the more milk you produce so if you're pumping at your regular pace and frequency, your supply may be dropped compared to your baby's requirements unless you're supplementing her in some way. Also your milk tends to change in terms of consistency and adjusts to your baby's needs in terms of fat content etc; and I don't know if you get the same affect through pumping. I don't necessarily think this will resolve the sleeping through the night issue; but if you are worried about your child; go see a doctor and make sure she's gaining weight; if she's not gaining as she should, then you may want to look at either nursing or supplementing and if she is gaining well, then she may just be looking for comfort in another way.

[deep]

...it all boils down to the fact that I think you're putting a whole lot of trust into someone you don't appear to value very much...
Extremely well put.

OP, this job is so difficult and so annoying to you that you are unwilling to do it yourself. Therefore, you should be prepared to pay through the nose if that's what it takes. Some of the things you've said in this thread make me think you should have bought a Tamagotchi or perhaps drawn a picture of a baby instead of having one.

[rb]

Just wanted to add my wife was wanting a nightime nanny when we had out kid (we had a day time one as well )

I said no - my point was "you can't contract our parenting" Iknow this thread is about pay and I think $85 is low - but you should be prepared to do the night shifty when you have children

[Clacker]

How can it be $85 net if there are no CPP, EI deductions, or income tax deductions?

$85/day is also definitely way too cheap.

[bargainista!]

If you are going to have your nanny "on the books" and deduct taxes, EI, CPP etc, I believe that you must pay them at least minimum wage. There is a legal maximum amount that you are allowed to deduct for room and board. I'm sure you can find it on the federal government website. And yes, any full time employee should receive at least two weeks paid vacation. Even nannies who are not paid on the books traditionally receive this.

[speedysa]

$85 is way to low IMO. BTW,, I would like to ask the OP what is their family net income?

[miaopl]

He finally slept through the night....well, it was probably close to 18 months when he slept for more than 5 hours at a time. And yes, at that age, I believe that my wife was feeding probably every three hours...Sure its tough and as long as there are two of you (I may have missed if otherwise) then the two of you can share the load and ensure that both get the necessary rest. Sometimes it is the little things: on the weekends, even when tired, I'd take the little one and the older one downstairs (or maybe out to the market) so that my wife could sleep in for the morning...later I might take a 3-4 hour nap in the afternoon...your body adjusts.

Funny, after this post last night, we went to bed and listened to the most wonderful sounds of the little one dreaming...giggling away....

You are lucky! My baby is a lot more difficult to look after than your baby. But she's my baby, probably that's why she is a night person. I need to be patient with her. It was my husband's idea to get a nanny and the baby stays with her at night. He doesn't want me to get too tired. I need to study and am trying to get one my designation during mat leave.

I went to an agent this afternoon, and he calculated the hours the nanny works and based on minimum wage, what I am paying her is right on. There are a lot more details which i didn't post because it takes too long to write. I wouldn't feel comfortable to take advantage of people that's why I posted the question.

I am happy for you that you enjoy your baby so much. When my daughter is smiling, I feel the same way as you do.

[miaopl]

$85 is way to low IMO. BTW,, I would like to ask the OP what is their family net income?

We are not rich. My husband and I are two professionals. Since I am on mat leave right now, hiring a nanny does put some financial pressure on us. But if it can make our life easy, it's worthwhile.

All the postings make me feel I am a bad mother. Maybe that's true. I will try to be more loving and caring to my daughter. But one thing I am sure is that I love her a lot!

[Clacker]

I went to an agent this afternoon, and he calculated the hours the nanny works and based on minimum wage, what I am paying her is right on. There are a lot more details which i didn't post because it takes too long to write. I wouldn't feel comfortable to take advantage of people that's why I posted the question.


How can this possibly be? Minimum wage in Ont is $10.25/hr. From your first post it would appear that she's on-duty ~18 hours a day, so using the minimum wage she should be getting paid $184.50/day.

Perhaps I'm missing something?

[bionicbadger]

We are not rich. My husband and I are two professionals. Since I am on mat leave right now, hiring a nanny does put some financial pressure on us. But if it can make our life easy, it's worthwhile.

You are on mat leave, and you need a full time live in nanny that looks after the baby even at night? :confused:

Why did you have a kid?

[fly]

I need to study and am trying to get one my designation during mat leave.


I hope you're not studying for the CA or any other designation that involves ethics...

Here's the rule from the program. Laws have been passed to ensure foreign workers rights and it certainly sounds like you've broken many of them:
http://www.hrsdc.gc.ca/eng/workplaceskills/foreign_workers/advertReq/wageadreq.shtml#a07

As for the "agent" that helped you come up with this, some of them are sketchy at best so I wouldn't take their word for it. Their goal is to place as many foreign workers as possible. Ignorance is not an excuse and as a "professional" you ought to know better. My advise is to read about the Live-in Caregivers Program before you ask any more questions. If not, then you should read about how some Canadians got sued once their nanny got Canadian residency and even went to jail for exploiting foreign workers.

[fly]

How can this possibly be? Minimum wage in Ont is $10.25/hr. From your first post it would appear that she's on-duty ~18 hours a day, so using the minimum wage she should be getting paid $184.50/day.

Perhaps I'm missing something?

Too conservative..

18 hour day = 126 hours per week.. Legally, they can only work 48 hours max so assuming they agree to be abused:
40 hours @ $10.25 = $410 / week
86 hours @ $15.38 = $1322 / week
-$84 for room board, and food.

So, OP should be paying $1648/week or $235/day. That's assuming the nanny works 7 days a week. Yes, this works out to be about $86k/year. That's why post people come home and take care of the baby and relieve the nanny of her duties. As well, most people take care of the baby on the weekend, again letting the nanny off. Just because they're foreign workers doesn't mean they don't have rights.

[savingmama]

I think you need to get used to lack of sleep. Some kids don't sleep well until they are much, much older. And wait until he/she gets sick!? Will you call in a nanny to handle him/her those nights, so it's easier on you and you don't get the kids' germs!?!?

Sorry, I can't put a price on this... I'm sure you love your child, but part of having kids is about making sacrifices. You have to get used to it, your life is changed forever

From a mom of 3 including a baby, who hasn't slept more than 3 hrs in a row the past 4 months, AND PROUD OF IT

[r1lee]

My daughter is about 2 months. We hired a nanny through a neighbour’s referral. The baby stays with the nanny at night, since she needs to be fed and comforted at night. At this age, she requires a lot of caring at night. The nanny also does cleaning and cooking along looking after the baby in the day time. Our deal is $85 per day net, which means she gets that money in her pocket. We don't deduct any room and board from her pay. Since it's on cash basis, there is no CPP or EI either because she is going to get her work permit in Jan next year.

The argument is that she expects us to have two weeks paid vacation and holidays until she gets her work permit. After that, we need to pay her portion of CPP and EI and her personal income tax. I calculated, that would come up to about $31,000 gross per year including the room and board, etc.

Does anyone have the similar situation? Since she is not happy that we are not going to pay her vacations and holidays, we need to look for a new one to replace her. Baby sleeps with her at night, I am worried. Any suggestion?

LOL, are you serious? As a father to a 1 1/2 year old, and helping my wife at nights so she could get some sleep (even though she took the mat leave), my question is, what the heck do you do? If the Nanny is taking care of your baby at night for the feeding etc, and also taking care of the baby in the morning while doing house chores, what do you seriously do? Do you breast feed your baby during the night? Just by going off your post, you must be the most useless mother I've ever encountered. I'm sorry, but either you're a troll or you need to get your priorities straight.

[camzie]

so you're on mat leave and hired some poor immigrant to look after your child 24/7 under the table and you're thinking perhaps you're paying her too much? What a piece of work. Someone should report you. What the hell do you do all day?

[Raggie]

You should never have children!

Your baby will start calling her nanny 'mom'.

[kobe]

This would be quite funny if it didn't involve the welfare of a child.

[AANJ]

Wow, I didn't think people like this existed. Why did you even have a kid?
Even if it was free, I wouldn't have let someone else (besides my husband) get up with my children. Those were special times.

YOU are in for a very rude awakening when your child kits the teen years. What will you do call the nanny to parent your teen?

[Raggie]

Are there really people who are this clueless? Especially, one who claims to be a professional and who is a CA???

[hoponpop]

Thanks for all the comments. I realized that i do need to spend time with my daughter. I have had her for a few nights, and it turned out be not too bad. I hope she will sleep through night soon.

The nanny we had (she is no longer with us) was working 6 hours in the day time, and 3 hours at night from Monday to Thursday and working 7 hours on Friday, and it came up with 43 hours per week. That's why we figured out it's sort of close to be reasonable. I didn't provide the detailed and accurate information at the first place, sorry to upset your guys so much.

We cannot afford to pay more, so we would rather look after her ourselves.

Yeah, right. You just got tired of being bashed and realized you are not fit to be a parent. So you write this to get us off your back.

When I had my first son, we honestly did not sleep for more than 2 hours straight for over 1 year! And when he was awake, nearly every minute was spent holding him and carrying him around. If not, he would scream and cry non-stop. Through all of that, my wife and I both considered killing ourselves, but we never for a second thought about paying somebody illegally to raise him. You sound like a spoiled brat, who doesn't deserve the joy of having an infant in their life.

You need a good therapist and you need to stop bringing more children into the world. Shame on you and your husband!

[setell]

Are there really people who are this clueless? Especially, one who claims to be a professional and who is a CA???

The word "professional" and designation shouldn't be in the same sentence for OP. I wouldn't want to hire her for anything if this is how she deals with her own baby! For pete's sake I don't have a kid but when I got my dog and he was a wee 12 week old puppy I got like 4/5 hours of sleep for the first few weeks to make sure he adjusted to his new home. This is for my DOG!!!! I never complained as I love him enough to do anything for him! If my own baby needs me in the middle of night then you can bet I will be awake for him/her. OP, you disgust me and what the definition of what a parent should be! You're just some cold heartless person that shouldn't ever breed period. For lack of a better word, you're nothing but the breeder as I doubt your child will respect you in the future as you're not making an effort to be a part of his/her life! I feel bad for your child since he/she has cold heartless parents that are nothing more than the sperm and egg donor!!!

[limron]

The word "professional" and designation shouldn't be in the same sentence for OP. I wouldn't want to hire her for anything if this is how she deals with her own baby! For pete's sake I don't have a kid but when I got my dog and he was a wee 12 week old puppy I got like 4/5 hours of sleep for the first few weeks to make sure he adjusted to his new home. This is for my DOG!!!! I never complained as I love him enough to do anything for him! If my own baby needs me in the middle of night then you can bet I will be awake for him/her. OP, you disgust me and what the definition of what a parent should be! You're just some cold heartless person that shouldn't ever breed period. For lack of a better word, you're nothing but the breeder as I doubt your child will respect you in the future as you're not making an effort to be a part of his/her life! I feel bad for your child since he/she has cold heartless parents that are nothing more than the sperm and egg donor!!!

Whoa!!! I am amazed at the response from everyone on this thread.

#1 - you're in no position to comment and calling ANYONE cold and heartless ..... comparing raising a dog to a baby. I have 3 dogs which I raised from pups and they're not as demanding as raising an infant. Sure I will wake up in the wee hours of the morning when my pup cries, I will console it and then it will eventually go back to sleep. With an infant, I have a schedule I try to work with ..... at least that is something my wife any I established ... having to wake up midnight, 3 am and 6am to feed them. Majority of the time, they do not follow those schedules and wake up whenever they want.

#2 - I did not see any mentioned by the OP of paying the nanny $85, except by Carrie. Why is everyone assuming the nanny is being paid that????

#3 - If the OP can afford to hire a nanny to assist with looking after a child ... that is their prerogative. They can afford it and so be it!! The scheduling is a contractual agreement made between the nanny and the OP. I have hired a live-in nanny in which a contract was drafted and reviewed by her. In the interview, she provided references who commented on her amazing cooking capabilities. We factored those into her responsibilities. She was given time to review it and provide her feedback. Aside from looking after our babies, her responsibilities includes light cleaning and food preparation. She reviewed it and accepted it.

#4 - For those who do not have children and never face having to feed the child every 2-3 hours and can only catch a wink or 2 in between ... plus all the household chores and meal preparation do not understand the level of sleep deprivation and fatigue. If new parent don't have helps from family members, it is very difficult to function.

It makes me wonder if there are jealously amongst those who looks to find excuses for flaming others who can afford Nannies.

[limron]

The point you made on "family" is key as she is looking after the most valuable member of your family. Our nanny eats with us over lunch and dinner.... and joins us whenever we dine out at restaurants. As we are frequent travelers, we've asked her in the interview if she has any objections with accompanying us and caring for our children on our vacations. We've offered to get her a US visa, however there are conditions from the US immigration requiring having to be employed by us for a period of a year before they will grant her one. We will still attempt to get her one... otherwise she may miss the trip this spring. However she may possibly be able to join us later in the summer/fall once her application is approved.

[r1lee]

Whoa!!! I am amazed at the response from everyone on this thread.
#2 - I did not see any mentioned by the OP of paying the nanny $85, except by Carrie. Why is everyone assuming the nanny is being paid that????


the OP edited her original post.

[hoponpop]

the OP edited her original post.

The fact that he/she couldn't come to that conclusion themselves makes me not put any stock in their post. Sounds like they would be on board with the OP if the circumstances were right.

[drpepperslurpee]

[QUOTE=miaopl;11932324]The nanny we had (she is no longer with us) was working 6 hours in the day time, and 3 hours at night from Monday to Thursday and working 7 hours on Friday, and it came up with 43 hours per week. QUOTE]

The biggest issue that I am having is the night care. While you say she is only working 3 hours per night, I assume that you calculated that by the amount of time that she physically spent time caring for the baby. However, if the expectation was that the nanny would be available and able to care for the baby at any time, she should be compensated for the entire number of hours that she is "on call" - ie, the entire night, and not just when she was up with the baby.

Carrie

[setell]

Whoa!!! I am amazed at the response from everyone on this thread.

#1 - you're in no position to comment and calling ANYONE cold and heartless ..... comparing raising a dog to a baby. I have 3 dogs which I raised from pups and they're not as demanding as raising an infant. Sure I will wake up in the wee hours of the morning when my pup cries, I will console it and then it will eventually go back to sleep. With an infant, I have a schedule I try to work with ..... at least that is something my wife any I established ... having to wake up midnight, 3 am and 6am to feed them. Majority of the time, they do not follow those schedules and wake up whenever they want. This is the internet and from what she posted I will call her cold and heartless. If you're on mat leave and have a spouse/partner then I don't see she has any excuse to have a nanny take care of your child during the night shift WHILE having a nanny during the day as well. You don't see anything wrong with that? If you're going to contract out child care 100% then I don't suggest those individuals breed, period! If you're not willing to make the sacrifices then don't have children. I used my dog as an EXAMPLE as to how I was willing to take care of him when he was younger while working full time, studying for my designation as well, AND do household chores. Can I say the same for the OP, sorry but she isn't earning any brownie points from with her complaining. People that contract raising their kids just don't get respect from me. I would like to ask OP, did you contract out the birthing and carrying the baby for 9 months by getting a surrogate?


#2 - I did not see any mentioned by the OP of paying the nanny $85, except by Carrie. Why is everyone assuming the nanny is being paid that???? Because OP said she pays her nanny $85/day for what almost 16hrs of work!!!!!! Talk about taking advantage! She also edited her posts as she was getting blasted for it! She had the galls to come here and ask if $85 was TOOO much to pay her nanny for the work the nanny does.


#3 - If the OP can afford to hire a nanny to assist with looking after a child ... that is their prerogative. They can afford it and so be it!! The scheduling is a contractual agreement made between the nanny and the OP. I have hired a live-in nanny in which a contract was drafted and reviewed by her. In the interview, she provided references who commented on her amazing cooking capabilities. We factored those into her responsibilities. She was given time to review it and provide her feedback. Aside from looking after our babies, her responsibilities includes light cleaning and food preparation. She reviewed it and accepted it. I got no issues with people hiring nannies, most likely I will hire one too when I have kids but you can bet I won't pay them minimum wage nor ask them to do the night shift as well while paying them crap. OP has no respect for the nanny's work and is a very selfish individual. It sounds like OP's nanny is foreign so this foreign lady probably has no clue what the going rate in Canada is for daycare plus overtime and evening shift premiums. Overall, OP is breaking craploads of laws here with the way she treats her nanny.


#4 - For those who do not have children and never face having to feed the child every 2-3 hours and can only catch a wink or 2 in between ... plus all the household chores and meal preparation do not understand the level of sleep deprivation and fatigue. If new parent don't have helps from family members, it is very difficult to function. You have a partner to help you. I have friends that had a baby earlier this year and they are first time parents. She's on mat leave so she does the night shift and day shift when he's at work. When he's at home he takes care of the baby so she gets a break and weekends are his as well so she can sleep in. I consider that a good schedule as we live in Canada so we get 1 year mat leave (thank god!). They got no family help either and seem to be doing fine without massive sleep deprivation you seem to be implying. Oh they got no nanny too and is doing it all on their own. It's not cause they can't afford one but they want to do it, they want to be a part of their baby's life! Even the crappy moments! The big question is, do you want to do it or is the night shift an inconvenience to your sleep!


It makes me wonder if there are jealously amongst those who looks to find excuses for flaming others who can afford Nannies. You think we are jealous? :eek:I think we're just appalled at how OP 1) treats her nanny 2) feels nanny is cheating her 3) don't seem to want to take care of her own child. Also, what makes you think that some folks here can't afford a nanny? I think there's quite a few folks here that can afford one if they wanted to (some actually have one). So don't be a stuck up by the fact that you're high and mighty because you got a nanny and think we're poor hicks that can't afford one!

I'm wondering if it's YOU that have an issue and is feeling attacked by all the posts since we're not cheering OP on to continue what she is doing since you probably do some of them.


The point you made on "family" is key as she is looking after the most valuable member of your family. Our nanny eats with us over lunch and dinner.... and joins us whenever we dine out at restaurants. As we are frequent travelers, we've asked her in the interview if she has any objections with accompanying us and caring for our children on our vacations. We've offered to get her a US visa, however there are conditions from the US immigration requiring having to be employed by us for a period of a year before they will grant her one. We will still attempt to get her one... otherwise she may miss the trip this spring. However she may possibly be able to join us later in the summer/fall once her application is approved
So let me ask you this, when you guys eat lunch/dinner with your nanny who is attending to your kids? Is it you or your nanny? If it's you guys then kudo's but if it's your nanny then your nanny is on the job and I don't give brownie points to you for feeding your employee. Second question, really? Vacations too? When you asked her if she will travel for work and she said yes well it's pretty obvious she would as it's just a job not at your house but at another destination. If my employer ask me to travel somewhere for a meeting I wouldn't say no so I don't see how your nanny would say no too. But then...really vacations too??!!!!! Wowza.....

[Clacker]

Very succinct response Setell. We'll see if Limron responds appropriately, in their defense, without seeing the original post we would seem quite harsh.

[limron]

This is the internet and from what she posted I will call her cold and heartless. If you're on mat leave and have a spouse/partner then I don't see she has any excuse to have a nanny take care of your child during the night shift WHILE having a nanny during the day as well. You don't see anything wrong with that? If you're going to contract out child care 100% then I don't suggest those individuals breed, period! If you're not willing to make the sacrifices then don't have children. I used my dog as an EXAMPLE as to how I was willing to take care of him when he was younger while working full time, studying for my designation as well, AND do household chores. Can I say the same for the OP, sorry but she isn't earning any brownie points from with her complaining. People that contract raising their kids just don't get respect from me. I would like to ask OP, did you contract out the birthing and carrying the baby for 9 months by getting a surrogate?

Because OP said she pays her nanny $85/day for what almost 16hrs of work!!!!!! Talk about taking advantage! She also edited her posts as she was getting blasted for it! She had the galls to come here and ask if $85 was TOOO much to pay her nanny for the work the nanny does.

I got no issues with people hiring nannies, most likely I will hire one too when I have kids but you can bet I won't pay them minimum wage nor ask them to do the night shift as well while paying them crap. OP has no respect for the nanny's work and is a very selfish individual. It sounds like OP's nanny is foreign so this foreign lady probably has no clue what the going rate in Canada is for daycare plus overtime and evening shift premiums. Overall, OP is breaking craploads of laws here with the way she treats her nanny.

You have a partner to help you. I have friends that had a baby earlier this year and they are first time parents. She's on mat leave so she does the night shift and day shift when he's at work. When he's at home he takes care of the baby so she gets a break and weekends are his as well so she can sleep in. I consider that a good schedule as we live in Canada so we get 1 year mat leave (thank god!). They got no family help either and seem to be doing fine without massive sleep deprivation you seem to be implying. Oh they got no nanny too and is doing it all on their own. It's not cause they can't afford one but they want to do it, they want to be a part of their baby's life! Even the crappy moments! The big question is, do you want to do it or is the night shift an inconvenience to your sleep!

You think we are jealous? :eek:I think we're just appalled at how OP 1) treats her nanny 2) feels nanny is cheating her 3) don't seem to want to take care of her own child. Also, what makes you think that some folks here can't afford a nanny? I think there's quite a few folks here that can afford one if they wanted to (some actually have one). So don't be a stuck up by the fact that you're high and mighty because you got a nanny and think we're poor hicks that can't afford one!

I'm wondering if it's YOU that have an issue and is feeling attacked by all the posts since we're not cheering OP on to continue what she is doing since you probably do some of them.


So let me ask you this, when you guys eat lunch/dinner with your nanny who is attending to your kids? Is it you or your nanny? If it's you guys then kudo's but if it's your nanny then your nanny is on the job and I don't give brownie points to you for feeding your employee. Second question, really? Vacations too? When you asked her if she will travel for work and she said yes well it's pretty obvious she would as it's just a job not at your house but at another destination. If my employer ask me to travel somewhere for a meeting I wouldn't say no so I don't see how your nanny would say no too. But then...really vacations too??!!!!! Wowza.....

----------------
I'm sure there are many folks on the forums who can afford nannies ... no doubt. However, it amazes me those who don't have children of their own and live through their friend's child rearing experience could fathom what it's like dealing with it nightly .... let alone daily when their husbands are off to work. It will take a toll after a period of time if they don't seek help.... especially with your friend caring for her child night and day ... and it does not matter whether she is on mat leave. Is she expected to cook and prepare dinner for him when he returns from work? How about the house chores .... Is she expected to deal with it during the day or leave it to the weekend for her husband to deal with?


Lunch ... nanny will look after. Dinner, we do.
As for vacation ... standard hours apply as she is free to do whatever she want after her work shift ... She was given the option to stay home to dog sit or use her vacation time when we're away .... there are flexibilities here.

Again, coming from someone who don't have kids, your mindset is somewhat fixated on the ideal situation. When you have kids and you're seeking a nanny, you'll be negotiating on responsibilities that may extend beyond what some may perceive as "unreasonable".... just as your employer will impose certain duties or responsibilities that are not in your job description for a job you applied for. The option is yours ... take on the responsibilities or find employment elsewhere.

[Raggie]

:rolleyes:

[Clacker]

I'm sure there are many folks on the forums who can afford nannies ... no doubt. However, it amazes me those who don't have children of their own and live through their friend's child rearing experience could fathom what it's like dealing with it nightly .... let alone daily when their husbands are off to work. It will take a toll after a period of time if they don't seek help.... especially with your friend caring for her child night and day ... and it does not matter whether she is on mat leave. Is she expected to cook and prepare dinner for him when he returns from work? How about the house chores .... Is she expected to deal with it during the day or leave it to the weekend for her husband to deal with?


My wife and I got a good chuckle from reading your post. She's currently at home on mat leave, and can't understand people who are SOOO overwhelmed with child-rearing that they'd need to pay somebody else to do it.

As for the house chores and cooking we do it exactly as we did it when we were both working, we SHARE the tasks. We've talked about maybe getting a cleaner once a week once we're both back at work. But both of us find the notion of requiring a nanny while she's off on maternity to be ludicrous. But hey, that's just our opinion anybody else is free to waste tens of thousands of dollars on a nanny (that is of course if they're paying them legitimately instead of taking advantage of an illegal immigrant, for those who are exploiting what is basically slave labour I wish all the best jail-time).

[setell]

----------------
I'm sure there are many folks on the forums who can afford nannies ... no doubt. However, it amazes me those who don't have children of their own and live through their friend's child rearing experience could fathom what it's like dealing with it nightly .... let alone daily when their husbands are off to work. It will take a toll after a period of time if they don't seek help.... especially with your friend caring for her child night and day ... and it does not matter whether she is on mat leave. Is she expected to cook and prepare dinner for him when he returns from work? How about the house chores .... Is she expected to deal with it during the day or leave it to the weekend for her husband to deal with?
So you think just because I don't have my own children I have zero idea being what a parent is like? So you wrote off my example how I was there for my dog when he was a puppy? You are also essentially writing off what I know of my friends scheduling as well? I hate to tell you this but they are loving it and is doing great. I think what you find hard isn't hard for a lot of people. You may think that while on mat leave you can't take care of a child and do household chores cause well how is that possible without a cheap nanny?! Right? Well lady, it's been done before and it can be done by many others if you're willing to sacrifice and prioritize your life! Again two words: sacrifice and prioritize!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I guess you can call me pig headed but when you're on mat leave and can't take care of your kid then um I'm a bit worried as what happens at work if you get multiple projects? Whimp out?!!!!


Lunch ... nanny will look after. Dinner, we do.
As for vacation ... standard hours apply as she is free to do whatever she want after her work shift ... She was given the option to stay home to dog sit or use her vacation time when we're away .... there are flexibilities here.
If given the choice of: forced vacation time, dog sitting or work vacation then of course I'll choose the work vacation!!! Question, have it occurred to you that you got a fourth option which is give her the time off? Let her have some freedom since you're paying her to have your freedom. So that means you must value your freedom a lot and should also respect her freedom as well. I think what a lot of people forget is that most nannies are foreigners and it always hits a nerve for me when people abuse them. If they are live-in nannies then I would definitly let them have the time off so that they can spend time with THEIR family since they are raising your family.


Again, coming from someone who don't have kids, your mindset is somewhat fixated on the ideal situation. When you have kids and you're seeking a nanny, you'll be negotiating on responsibilities that may extend beyond what some may perceive as "unreasonable".... just as your employer will impose certain duties or responsibilities that are not in your job description for a job you applied for. The option is yours ... take on the responsibilities or find employment elsewhere. What ideal situation? A schedule that my friends, and cousins have all used, sorta a "tried, tested and true" method??!!! Something else you forgot with your mindset. Your child will get attached to this so called "employee" of yours and might do a lot of damage emotionally if they've been with you for a while. How would you respond to your kid when they ask you why Jane isn't here anymore? Would you really tell them "she refused to attend to you while you were eating lunch"? Plus if your nanny is like OP's nanny that don't even have a work permit....where do you expect her to go? Some people don't want to pay under the table and risk getting caught!

I guess I am of the mindset that if I hire a nanny I better treat them as part of my REAL family so that they will feel appreciated. Sure they are your employee but heck they are caring for the most precious thing to me: my potential children! Plus it's been shown through countless research that the better you treat your employees the more they are loyal to you and to work twice as hard!

Sometimes I wish I have kids as I'm making xmas cookies and want to decorate with some kids! :razz: Anyhow my cookies are calling for me :)

[r1lee]

Limron,
I honestly don't know how to respond to your comment about not being able to do it without help from family. My wife and I have never asked any family members to assist in helping us take care of our daughter, who is currently one and a half years old. Both of our mothers are retired, and they should enjoy it. We have raised her on our own and are ready to have a second without any assistance.

The difficulties that a couple have depends on their abiliitiy to handle stress, time and everything else that comes with having a child. I don't see anything wrong with having a nanny if you cant handle the stress and pressures, but be honest about it. Don't insinuate that taking care of a new born requires help, that's BS.

It was appaling to read some of the things the OP said. I guess I can voice my opinion and it means something since I do have a child, two dogs and live in a decently large house that I have to maintain and keep clean. We can afford to have many nannies but we just don't see the point. My wife works a very stressful job, and I'm constantly doing work myself.

It's interesting that you're sticking up for the OP even though you've never read the original message. I don't think many RFD'ers would bash the OP if she really wasn't out to lunch.

[Raggie]

Limron is also out to lunch.

[limron]

Limron,
I honestly don't know how to respond to your comment about not being able to do it without help from family. My wife and I have never asked any family members to assist in helping us take care of our daughter, who is currently one and a half years old. Both of our mothers are retired, and they should enjoy it. We have raised her on our own and are ready to have a second without any assistance.

The difficulties that a couple have depends on their abiliitiy to handle stress, time and everything else that comes with having a child. I don't see anything wrong with having a nanny if you cant handle the stress and pressures, but be honest about it. Don't insinuate that taking care of a new born requires help, that's BS.

It was appaling to read some of the things the OP said. I guess I can voice my opinion and it means something since I do have a child, two dogs and live in a decently large house that I have to maintain and keep clean. We can afford to have many nannies but we just don't see the point. My wife works a very stressful job, and I'm constantly doing work myself.

It's interesting that you're sticking up for the OP even though you've never read the original message. I don't think many RFD'ers would bash the OP if she really wasn't out to lunch.

I'm not sticking or siding the OPs. I was merely expressing my own opinion as with everyone on this forum. I don't mean any disrespect nor belittle anyone here. I guess the original note must have been modified in a matter where I truly miss the full story. As such I will stand down.

[limron]

Limron is also out to lunch.

Raggie, I don't mean any disrespect, but based on the comments you've written in this thread, has little substance. You've criticized with single liners but have not provided much constructive feedback. Cheers!

[DarkCanuck]

The option is yours ... take on the responsibilities or find employment elsewhere.

This made me laugh. You're responsible for paying an EMPLOYEE a fair wage, and clearly you aren't doing that. Think how hard off the nanny must be living off $85/day. I feel more sorry for the nanny than the OP.

[r1lee]

I'm not sticking or siding the OPs. I was merely expressing my own opinion as with everyone on this forum. I don't mean any disrespect nor belittle anyone here. I guess the original note must have been modified in a matter where I truly miss the full story. As such I will stand down.

that's the problem with texting/messages, they can be much different then what was intended.

[hoponpop]

This made me laugh. You're responsible for paying an EMPLOYEE a fair wage, and clearly you aren't doing that. Think how hard off the nanny must be living off $85/day. I feel more sorry for the nanny than the OP.

She wouldn't have any time to spend that $85 as she was a prisoner in the OP's home. So that money was pure profit! ching-ching!

But I have a feeling the OP was also charging her room and board and for every square of toilet paper she used out of that $85.

Strange that the OP has not commented in a while. How could that be?

[Mrbj]

I can't believe I've gone through this whole thread and I'm glad that most people do understand the obligations, rights and rules of parenthood as well as human rights in this post-slavery era.

I can't believe the OP was receiving cheques from EI every two weeks and still enjoying the obligation-free life by paying under the table to a Filipino worker [I dont care what they say about deductions, no one would ever accept that kind of responsibility if it wasn't under the table]:facepalm:

My wife is a loves to sleep, but we had the baby she did whatever a normal mother would do..when baby is up, feed him and put him back to sleep ever few hours and never complained. Even though I didn't do much, as baby was breastfed, but I didn't abandon them and try to do my part by brining the baby to her from crib.

Our social life took a big hit, as we had to arrange a person when we wanted to go somewhere, but we accepted it as reality and found new activities where babies were welcomed and saved lots money by not going to hockey and movies.:razz:

Now our baby is over one year so he can stay with grandparents if we have to go somewhere where he can't go.

[lorrie2010]

We are not rich. My husband and I are two professionals. Since I am on mat leave right now, hiring a nanny does put some financial pressure on us. But if it can make our life easy, it's worthwhile.

All the postings make me feel I am a bad mother. Maybe that's true. I will try to be more loving and caring to my daughter. But one thing I am sure is that I love her a lot!

Don't feel like you are a bad mother. I had my first baby 11 months ago and had to take 3 designation courses during the 11 months. I didn't and don't have a nanny. I had considered getting a nanny before my son was born because I knew I had to take these courses within a certain time frame but I thought I would give it a try without a nanny first to see if I could handle it. I had my doubts but it is amazing what a mother can handle if you give it a try. "Easy" is relative and you will figure out other ways to adapt to less sleep (I nap for 1-2 hours when my hubby gets home), you will figure out different ways to multi-task (I am now an expert at typing on my blackberry with one hand when my son is sleeping in my arms) and most of all the extra time you spend with your baby will allow you to learn how to read her signals better and you can comfort and calm your baby much easier and faster.

However, if a nanny is what works for you and your family then it is important that you pay her well. You are trusting this person with the most valuable thing you have - your baby. To try and cut costs with your nanny may prove to be an "expensive" mistake, not expensive money-wise but expensive in terms of the quality of care and nurturing that your baby should receive from a qualified and experienced nanny instead of someone who is underpaid and disgruntled. If finances are a factor then maybe you may want to consider a part time nanny and pay her what you were paying your full time nanny and instead of 5 days per week you have extra help only 2-3 days per week. There are agencies that will help you find someone part time.

Things get easier and you should cherish and enjoy every cry, laugh, smile, poopy diaper...etc because faster than you can believe your baby grows up. My son is now 11 months and sleeps 11-12 hours per night but during the 12-13 hours that he is awake he likes a certain routine and I learnt this routine by spending time with him. So I think that by spending more time with your baby you will reap the rewards. I guess what I am trying to say is "you eat what you sow". Sorry I didn't answer your question but I felt sad knowing that you feel like a bad mother...

[jaxx lite]

baby/kid raised by strangers (nanny, housekeeper, grandma, babysitter, etc)
= the kid will view his parents as strangers

parents ignore the kid

the kid is vulnerable to be abused

conflict between parent and child = not surprising