Parenting & Family

Boy threw big tantrum on registration day at school..( Report card in Feb ...All good now..)

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  • Mar 3rd, 2017 7:32 am
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[OP]
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Jan 7, 2014
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wirebound wrote:
Nov 4th, 2016 11:49 am
That's what I'm wondering too! How do you discipline him at home? You call him "naughty" and I'm not sure if its a language thing or not, but in my interpretation, "naughty" is a kind of 'cute' term - like its not a serious issue. Its great if your son is smart, but there's something to be said for being able to interact with other people on a social level and he sounds like he's disruptive to the other kids and the classroom.

If you're in a situation with other kids outside of school and he misbehaves, what do you do about it? Does he listen to you and your wife when you discipline him?
Oh .. everything that is in our control , we are doing... including tips from psychologists

1) Explain him firmly what is acceptable and what is not
2) Making sure he knows consequences
3) Enforcing consequences...time out, stopping TV, Ipad , phone time etc
4) Explaining what are expected behavior at school

He listens and agrees but as time passes by he forget things in that perspective but we make sure we keep reminding him..

It will definitely take time and I am sure as he grows up he will understand things much better...
Lets see...
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Mar 23, 2008
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Asker123 wrote:
Nov 4th, 2016 12:30 pm
wirebound wrote:
Nov 4th, 2016 11:49 am
That's what I'm wondering too! How do you discipline him at home? You call him "naughty" and I'm not sure if its a language thing or not, but in my interpretation, "naughty" is a kind of 'cute' term - like its not a serious issue. Its great if your son is smart, but there's something to be said for being able to interact with other people on a social level and he sounds like he's disruptive to the other kids and the classroom.

If you're in a situation with other kids outside of school and he misbehaves, what do you do about it? Does he listen to you and your wife when you discipline him?
Oh .. everything that is in our control , we are doing... including tips from psychologists

1) Explain him firmly what is acceptable and what is not
2) Making sure he knows consequences
3) Enforcing consequences...time out, stopping TV, Ipad , phone time etc
4) Explaining what are expected behavior at school

He listens and agrees but as time passes by he forget things in that perspective but we make sure we keep reminding him..

It will definitely take time and I am sure as he grows up he will understand things much better...
Lets see...
Are both you and your wife dealing with him consistently? Both alone, and when you're together? Has his behavior changed at all? Or does he just nod his head and agree with you, and then tomorrow is exactly the same as today?

C
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Asker123 wrote:
Nov 4th, 2016 11:17 am
Thanks everyone for your advise and help...
Yes , we are getting to the point that whenever school formally ask us to get the assessment done, we would do so.
In the meanwhile , over the last month, school had to call my wife to take the kid home as he disturbed others and then when he was asked to not do that and sit silently, he started screaming and crying and yes he just lets his body roll on floor when he is like that. This has happened twice in last month means once every 2 weeks.
We are trying to understand what are the implication of this.
If this way , they keep on sending him back home once in every 2 week , then whats next... I mean that way the year will end and will he go to next class?
His reading, writing, analysis, maths are very good... Sometimes I am amused he can read the signboards etc with complex words which we never taught him...What I am saying is, he is intelligent but very fluctuating behavior..can't sit at one place if not reading or writing or watching something on screen...

They have a report card/ feedback session planned for mid Nov but does anyone has any idea, what happens if they keep on sending him back home once every 2 weeks or so....
OP... its obvious that the teachers have some concerns with his behavior. Kids do a lot of stupid stuff, in most cases it is dealt with in the class and they don't call home about it or even let you know as a parent. If they are starting to call home that he is doing something wrong or needing to get him at school, this is very serious. I get the sense that your not fully understanding your child's behavior and are taking the issue personally, but you shouldn't. The teachers gain nothing from "targeting" your child. What they are trying to do is deal with obvious behavior issues that if not sorted out early will be much harder to deal with in the future. Teachers see these patterns and know what it can escalate too if not treated early on.

If I was you I would be asked them for assistance with how to reinforce the rules at home after an occurrence. I sure hope that when you get a call from school to go pick him up, that on that day your not coming home and allowing your child to have desert or watch cartoons. When my kids were younger, if I came to school/daycare and the teacher told me that they did something, they knew that when they got home there was going to be a discussion with mom and dad and they were going to be punished. You'd be surprised how quickly a 4 year old remembers a night without cartoons next time he thinks about pushing or doing something stupid at school.
[OP]
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CNeufeld wrote:
Nov 4th, 2016 12:39 pm
Asker123 wrote:
Nov 4th, 2016 12:30 pm
wirebound wrote:
Nov 4th, 2016 11:49 am
That's what I'm wondering too! How do you discipline him at home? You call him "naughty" and I'm not sure if its a language thing or not, but in my interpretation, "naughty" is a kind of 'cute' term - like its not a serious issue. Its great if your son is smart, but there's something to be said for being able to interact with other people on a social level and he sounds like he's disruptive to the other kids and the classroom.

If you're in a situation with other kids outside of school and he misbehaves, what do you do about it? Does he listen to you and your wife when you discipline him?
Oh .. everything that is in our control , we are doing... including tips from psychologists

1) Explain him firmly what is acceptable and what is not
2) Making sure he knows consequences
3) Enforcing consequences...time out, stopping TV, Ipad , phone time etc
4) Explaining what are expected behavior at school

He listens and agrees but as time passes by he forget things in that perspective but we make sure we keep reminding him..

It will definitely take time and I am sure as he grows up he will understand things much better...
Lets see...
Are both you and your wife dealing with him consistently? Both alone, and when you're together? Has his behavior changed at all? Or does he just nod his head and agree with you, and then tomorrow is exactly the same as today?

C

actually when he is alone with only one of us ( sometimes) , we feel his behavior is good... He does notorious things when he is with both of us... We try to discipline him together, single every way..

I think this is behavior issue...

About nodding and then becoming same as before... its all about time frame... sometimes it is days , sometimes hours...

very unpredictable.... My worry is school.... How is school going to deal with this on regular basis... If they keep on sending him back home every now and then ... then they might take some further action ( I don't know what) ....
[OP]
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Jan 7, 2014
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peelhic wrote:
Nov 4th, 2016 12:46 pm
Asker123 wrote:
Nov 4th, 2016 11:17 am
Thanks everyone for your advise and help...
Yes , we are getting to the point that whenever school formally ask us to get the assessment done, we would do so.
In the meanwhile , over the last month, school had to call my wife to take the kid home as he disturbed others and then when he was asked to not do that and sit silently, he started screaming and crying and yes he just lets his body roll on floor when he is like that. This has happened twice in last month means once every 2 weeks.
We are trying to understand what are the implication of this.
If this way , they keep on sending him back home once in every 2 week , then whats next... I mean that way the year will end and will he go to next class?
His reading, writing, analysis, maths are very good... Sometimes I am amused he can read the signboards etc with complex words which we never taught him...What I am saying is, he is intelligent but very fluctuating behavior..can't sit at one place if not reading or writing or watching something on screen...

They have a report card/ feedback session planned for mid Nov but does anyone has any idea, what happens if they keep on sending him back home once every 2 weeks or so....
OP... its obvious that the teachers have some concerns with his behavior. Kids do a lot of stupid stuff, in most cases it is dealt with in the class and they don't call home about it or even let you know as a parent. If they are starting to call home that he is doing something wrong or needing to get him at school, this is very serious. I get the sense that your not fully understanding your child's behavior and are taking the issue personally, but you shouldn't. The teachers gain nothing from "targeting" your child. What they are trying to do is deal with obvious behavior issues that if not sorted out early will be much harder to deal with in the future. Teachers see these patterns and know what it can escalate too if not treated early on.

If I was you I would be asked them for assistance with how to reinforce the rules at home after an occurrence. I sure hope that when you get a call from school to go pick him up, that on that day your not coming home and allowing your child to have desert or watch cartoons. When my kids were younger, if I came to school/daycare and the teacher told me that they did something, they knew that when they got home there was going to be a discussion with mom and dad and they were going to be punished. You'd be surprised how quickly a 4 year old remembers a night without cartoons next time he thinks about pushing or doing something stupid at school.

yes , I agree...
btw we are past that line of thoughts that teachers might be targeting him...and yes we think it is serious
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You and your pediatrician are concerned about your child. That's cool.

Your child's teacher and the school are concerned about your child, but they're also concerned about the other kids in your child's class and the teacher. They may decide he needs another year at home. They may decide he needs some individual attention.

Have you talked to your pediatrician about your child's behavior recently?

And yes, I wouldn't be surprised if the school encourages you to keep him back a year if they feel he's not ready to move on.

When my son was old enough for kindergarten, we made the decision to hold him back for an extra year. He just wasn't ready socially/emotionally. He was smart enough, but... It would have been setting him up for a year of frustration. I think it was a wise idea on our part, still (10 years later).

C
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What time does he go to bed? What time does he wake up? Is he getting enough sleep? Try putting him to bed half an hour early, or an hour early even and see if his behaviour improves at school. But be consistent. Do it for a while.
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Mar 19, 2012
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I have worked as a nanny for over 10 years and I can tell confidently that kids spoiled at home have major difficulty with adapting school. And teachers don't want to do the hard work(why would they) especially, they know by the way parents responding them and trying to help them won't change anything as the parents won't do anything to change things at home. It is easier for them to allow their kids whatever they want etc. so that they keep the peace at home. All I can say is parents should and must act like parents and stop spoiling their kids. They are actually ruining their kids life by allowing all the nonsense their kids does.
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Oct 25, 2016
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OP

I have not read through anything but the solution is not in doctors. The behaviours are related to him manipulating to get what he wants. It might be attention or something else. He does them because he has always done them--likely with his mother.

You need to change the way you are parenting, not bringing him to a doctor.

Sorry to say this, don't mean to sound harsh. You know he is naughty and manipulating... all that needs to be done is parenting.
  1. Punish the behaviour you don't like (basically everything you mentioned)
  2. Reward the behaviour you do like (no big rewards, mostly praise yet not praise that makes him feel better then others--but praising the character qualities you do want... say things like 'good job doing your best' and 'You are being very responsible today! etc. An entire post could be written on how to praise correctly)
  3. Always be clear and consistent doing these things
  4. Always explain why you are doing these things and that the consequence is done because you love him and want him to be 'insert character quality' .
  5. BONUS MARKS: Dont put him on technology as a babysitter or let him see you entertaining yourself on technology. Have him engage real lift and find satisfaction in that rather than a glowing screen. You need to model this as well.
Member since Feb 19, 2008
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Mar 19, 2015
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I don't like the word "naughty". Hyper, wild, loud, annoying might be better words. Maybe the kid can't help being "wild", loud, hyper.

Maybe give him better food to eat. No sugar, no sugary products. Put some cheese or peanut butter on his vegetables, whole wheat bread, brown rice, etc.

Maybe he needs more sleep. The whole family try to sleep more hours.

-
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Dogwater wrote:
Nov 17th, 2016 11:14 am
I don't like the word "naughty". Hyper, wild, loud, annoying might be better words. Maybe the kid can't help being "wild", loud, hyper.

Maybe give him better food to eat. No sugar, no sugary products. Put some cheese or peanut butter on his vegetables, whole wheat bread, brown rice, etc.

Maybe he needs more sleep. The whole family try to sleep more hours.

-
this is so key. With my kids (ages 4 & 7). no screen time at all on school nights. In bed by 730PM. Asleep by 8PM. They wake up refreshed and happy. What a huge difference. Good , proper healthy food helps tremendously too along with lots of exercise. Just let em round around after school for a while and burn off some energy . Unstructured play is very important.
"Had one yesterday and there was a full slice of onion no thinner than a polio shoe.

I cried out in despair." RFD user Dingus
[OP]
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Update

Got report card day before yesterday.
Boy came out with flying colors.not a single line of negative comments from the teacher. Only good things.
What's the conclusion? Teachers at the end are govt workers. Inefficient to the extent that without giving the kid a fair chance they were trying to force him to be treated by doctors( just so that they don't have to take any trouble whatsoever ) Thanks to our pedetrican who refused to do any assessment before giving the boy min 6 months.
With proper work at home and with time ( and grace of God) my boy did just fine.
I can't find it right now but I had read an article on the lines of " Are we trying to treat boyhood?"
So true.....
If I find that article I will post.
Thx for all ur help ...
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Asker123 wrote:
Feb 17th, 2017 7:25 pm
Update

Got report card day before yesterday.
Boy came out with flying colors.not a single line of negative comments from the teacher. Only good things.
What's the conclusion? Teachers at the end are govt workers. Inefficient to the extent that without giving the kid a fair chance they were trying to force him to be treated by doctors( just so that they don't have to take any trouble whatsoever ) Thanks to our pedetrican who refused to do any assessment before giving the boy min 6 months.
With proper work at home and with time ( and grace of God) my boy did just fine.
I can't find it right now but I had read an article on the lines of " Are we trying to treat boyhood?"
So true.....
If I find that article I will post.
Thx for all ur help ...
Wow seriously? They were looking to do an assessment. Not dictating he needed treatment or something. And your happy with your dr becaue he refused to do an assessment? An assessment is not going to harm your child. It will just tell you where there could be problems. Seriously that's like being happy a doctor said he won't give your kid an X-ray because they want to wait and see if they heal without it.
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Jan 8, 2009
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Momof3cuties wrote:
Feb 17th, 2017 7:51 pm
Wow seriously? They were looking to do an assessment. Not dictating he needed treatment or something. And your happy with your dr becaue he refused to do an assessment? An assessment is not going to harm your child. It will just tell you where there could be problems. Seriously that's like being happy a doctor said he won't give your kid an X-ray because they want to wait and see if they heal without it.
Agreed. And getting him in line to have an assessment done would have saved you a lot of time now if the issues hadn't resolved. There can be year long (or longer) wait-lists for this sort of thing. Teachers were actually looking out for your child and you're too defensive to be grateful.
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