Parenting & Family

Child custody and retro active child support

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  • May 15th, 2017 1:37 pm
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[OP]
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Nov 2, 2015
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Child custody and retro active child support

After four years of having a court order for full custody- no access and receiving no child support for my daughter, I was taken back to court unexpectedly where that all changed.
Somehow, after 4 long years of her father being a stranger, he somehow was granted "access" every other weekend. Personally I feel this is too much too soon. I am now sending my daughter to spend the weekend at essentially a strangers house. It is not only heartbreaking for me, but it is taking a toll on my 5 year old. Lately she has been experiencing separation anxiety. I'm just wondering if anyone can help to answer some questions I have. I know speaking to a lawyer is my best bet and i'm not here to seek legal advice, I'm just hoping someone has gone through a similar situation and can help provide some guidance.

Is it possible to have the access terminated as she seems to be portraying signs of severe separation anxiety? She shows no interest in going to her "Fathers" house and when he does come to pick her up she has a melt down every time. Not only that but she now doesn't want to leave me when I drop her off at school which was never the case until he popped into her life.

Since I know the possibility of terminating the access is probably next to impossible I was thinking of taking him to court for retro-active child support. Would taking him to court for retro-active child support give him grounds to take me back to court for greater access?
I feel like if he's going to be a part of her life now, I deserve to be reimbursed for the years I raised her alone. I raised her alone for 4 years and during that time was putting myself through school which combined has left me in debt. I feel as though he got the easy way out and is now reaping the benefits.
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You should be going after child support ASAP. This should have been done 4 years ago. Child support and custody are separate entities.
Regardless of how you feel, the courts are there to serve your child. Unless your child's father is abusive, drug abuser, mentally unstable etc, he should have a relationship with your daughter. Instead of trying to fight it and prevent access, you should be supportive... Support your daughter and reassure her that a relationship with her father isn't a bad thing. Separation anxiety will pass. Did you not attend the custody amendment in court?
[OP]
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Nov 2, 2015
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I want the access terminated because he is in fact mentally unstable and is constantly around drugs. He is currently paying me child support which started only a few months ago. I wanted to go after retro-active child support now that he decided he wants to
Be in her life.
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Do you have any proof? Has he been convicted of any drug offences? is he on any anti psychotic drugs? You really need to speak to a lawyer. As long as you have a support order, you should have no issue going after retroactive payments.

Check out the FRO: http://www.mcss.gov.on.ca/en/mcss/progr ... nsibility/

Did you attend the Child custody amendment in court? I think you are in a golden position, you have full custody and he only has access. That is every parents dream ( in a non amicable relations ). I think you have a low to no chance of having access revoked. If there are concerns with the father, supervised visits with his child would be the next step. Courts don't like totally revoking parental involvement, it would have to be a very serious reason to do so.
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Child support and access are treated as 2 different things. The courts will only back a short amount of time if you didn't make efforts in the past to get support.

You should have had a lawyer when he took you back for access. And no you should not try and terminate all access. What would have been best is if you had pushed for a slow introduction to access where the amount of time gradually increased. A lawyer would have done this. I'm sorry to say but you can't keep your daughter away. It's actually your daughters right to see her dad. If has nothing to do with his rights. If you are concerned with drug use you can ask a judge to put in a clause stating that he is to refrain from using any drugs or booze when he has her. They will only terminate access in very rare cases. They will go to supervised visits before terminating access.

The best thing to do for your daughter is not to try and terminate access but to help her adjust. Don't talk negatively about her father, make it sound like a positive experience for her. Work with her dad to make her more comfortable. And maybe get the help of a family therapist to help with the tansition. Like I said working up to overnights on weekends, slowly would have been the best, but your already past that.
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Dec 26, 2015
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I have a complicated situation. My daughter has been living with her father (she's 9) for several years- we never went through court for custody, and she just went back and forth as we needed her to. Several times he left the province without my knowledge or consent. My fiancé and I moved to ontario just over a year ago and now my ex and daughter have moved here as well.. she's finishing the school year with us. I found out that he had been arrested in Edmonton for fraud and that my daughter was flown back to NL to her grandmother who APPARENTLY has custody?? He has a history of lying to government and police about knowing where I am (we talk ALL THE TIME because of our daughter) and I think he sent court papers to my old address so it appeared as though I skipped the court date.. but I have proof that he knew I didn't live at that address at the time. He is a pathological liar and a criminal. He hasn't had a steady job in his life, is always on welfare and basically uses our daughter as a cash cow (he gets the CCTB).. he's lied about her health and her whereabouts in order to get more money out of me (I've been paying him support all along) how can I find out if he did this and how can I fix it? I have proof of everything he's lied about. I can't really afford a lawyer right now, we just had a baby the end for 2016 and my fiancé is on paternity leave.
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NicoleS620099 wrote:
May 5th, 2017 6:45 pm
I have a complicated situation. My daughter has been living with her father (she's 9) for several years- we never went through court for custody, and she just went back and forth as we needed her to. Several times he left the province without my knowledge or consent. My fiancé and I moved to ontario just over a year ago and now my ex and daughter have moved here as well.. she's finishing the school year with us. I found out that he had been arrested in Edmonton for fraud and that my daughter was flown back to NL to her grandmother who APPARENTLY has custody?? He has a history of lying to government and police about knowing where I am (we talk ALL THE TIME because of our daughter) and I think he sent court papers to my old address so it appeared as though I skipped the court date.. but I have proof that he knew I didn't live at that address at the time. He is a pathological liar and a criminal. He hasn't had a steady job in his life, is always on welfare and basically uses our daughter as a cash cow (he gets the CCTB).. he's lied about her health and her whereabouts in order to get more money out of me (I've been paying him support all along) how can I find out if he did this and how can I fix it? I have proof of everything he's lied about. I can't really afford a lawyer right now, we just had a baby the end for 2016 and my fiancé is on paternity leave.
Go to the court house. There are lawyers there (duty lawyers) who can help you out and answer your questions and help you do things yourself. You will have to file for custody. However, custody matters are normally hear where the child currently lives. But a lawyer at the court house will be able to help answer that.
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NicoleS620099 wrote:
May 5th, 2017 6:45 pm
I have a complicated situation. My daughter has been living with her father (she's 9) for several years- we never went through court for custody, and she just went back and forth as we needed her to. Several times he left the province without my knowledge or consent. My fiancé and I moved to ontario just over a year ago and now my ex and daughter have moved here as well.. she's finishing the school year with us. I found out that he had been arrested in Edmonton for fraud and that my daughter was flown back to NL to her grandmother who APPARENTLY has custody?? He has a history of lying to government and police about knowing where I am (we talk ALL THE TIME because of our daughter) and I think he sent court papers to my old address so it appeared as though I skipped the court date.. but I have proof that he knew I didn't live at that address at the time. He is a pathological liar and a criminal. He hasn't had a steady job in his life, is always on welfare and basically uses our daughter as a cash cow (he gets the CCTB).. he's lied about her health and her whereabouts in order to get more money out of me (I've been paying him support all along) how can I find out if he did this and how can I fix it? I have proof of everything he's lied about. I can't really afford a lawyer right now, we just had a baby the end for 2016 and my fiancé is on paternity leave.
You need to afford a lawyer
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Apr 30, 2017
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User838346 wrote:
Nov 3rd, 2015 7:13 pm
After four years of having a court order for full custody- no access and receiving no child support for my daughter, I was taken back to court unexpectedly where that all changed.
Somehow, after 4 long years of her father being a stranger, he somehow was granted "access" every other weekend. Personally I feel this is too much too soon. I am now sending my daughter to spend the weekend at essentially a strangers house. It is not only heartbreaking for me, but it is taking a toll on my 5 year old. Lately she has been experiencing separation anxiety. I'm just wondering if anyone can help to answer some questions I have. I know speaking to a lawyer is my best bet and i'm not here to seek legal advice, I'm just hoping someone has gone through a similar situation and can help provide some guidance.

Is it possible to have the access terminated as she seems to be portraying signs of severe separation anxiety? She shows no interest in going to her "Fathers" house and when he does come to pick her up she has a melt down every time. Not only that but she now doesn't want to leave me when I drop her off at school which was never the case until he popped into her life.

Since I know the possibility of terminating the access is probably next to impossible I was thinking of taking him to court for retro-active child support. Would taking him to court for retro-active child support give him grounds to take me back to court for greater access?
I feel like if he's going to be a part of her life now, I deserve to be reimbursed for the years I raised her alone. I raised her alone for 4 years and during that time was putting myself through school which combined has left me in debt. I feel as though he got the easy way out and is now reaping the benefits.
Because the law , which deemed it best for the father to have visitation rights, has granted him other weekends to see his child, you now want to take him to court for retro active child support? If you didnt do it then when you claim the father was not in the childs life, why would you all of a sudden do it now when he is? Dont want to jump the gun but it sounds like money is more important. What is this? Get revenge and get him back for being granted other weekends to see his kid?
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NicoleS620099 wrote:
May 5th, 2017 6:45 pm
I have a complicated situation. My daughter has been living with her father (she's 9) for several years- we never went through court for custody, and she just went back and forth as we needed her to. Several times he left the province without my knowledge or consent. My fiancé and I moved to ontario just over a year ago and now my ex and daughter have moved here as well.. she's finishing the school year with us. I found out that he had been arrested in Edmonton for fraud and that my daughter was flown back to NL to her grandmother who APPARENTLY has custody?? He has a history of lying to government and police about knowing where I am (we talk ALL THE TIME because of our daughter) and I think he sent court papers to my old address so it appeared as though I skipped the court date.. but I have proof that he knew I didn't live at that address at the time. He is a pathological liar and a criminal. He hasn't had a steady job in his life, is always on welfare and basically uses our daughter as a cash cow (he gets the CCTB).. he's lied about her health and her whereabouts in order to get more money out of me (I've been paying him support all along) how can I find out if he did this and how can I fix it? I have proof of everything he's lied about. I can't really afford a lawyer right now, we just had a baby the end for 2016 and my fiancé is on paternity leave.
You should have applied for custody years ago. For two reasons. You claim your ex is all kinds of bad, yet you let your daughter spend her time with him? And second, the courts like to maintain the status quo.

You claim your ex is using your child as a cash-cow, but what about you? What's your motivation for changing things up now? For the benefit of your child, or because you don't want to pay him support anymore and want him to start paying YOU support?

Just some things to think about when it comes to opening up this can of worms... Your motivations and actions will come under scrutiny as well.

C
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Dec 26, 2015
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CNeufeld wrote:
May 11th, 2017 4:25 pm
You should have applied for custody years ago. For two reasons. You claim your ex is all kinds of bad, yet you let your daughter spend her time with him? And second, the courts like to maintain the status quo.

You claim your ex is using your child as a cash-cow, but what about you? What's your motivation for changing things up now? For the benefit of your child, or because you don't want to pay him support anymore and want him to start paying YOU support?

Just some things to think about when it comes to opening up this can of worms... Your motivations and actions will come under scrutiny as well.

C
I'm aware of all of those things. I wasn't asking for your opinion on my motivation or things I'll be questioned about. I didn't include my own personal details because I have that under control.. my question is how can I find out if he did a custody order without my knowing (like I said he would have had to send it to an address he KNEW I didn't live at anymore) and what can I do to fix that.
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Aug 19, 2013
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NicoleS620099 wrote:
May 13th, 2017 10:13 am
I'm aware of all of those things. I wasn't asking for your opinion on my motivation or things I'll be questioned about. I didn't include my own personal details because I have that under control.. my question is how can I find out if he did a custody order without my knowing (like I said he would have had to send it to an address he KNEW I didn't live at anymore) and what can I do to fix that.
I already told you what to do. Go to the court house and talk to them there.
Penalty Box
Apr 30, 2017
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NicoleS620099 wrote:
May 5th, 2017 6:45 pm
I have a complicated situation. My daughter has been living with her father (she's 9) for several years- we never went through court for custody, and she just went back and forth as we needed her to. Several times he left the province without my knowledge or consent. My fiancé and I moved to ontario just over a year ago and now my ex and daughter have moved here as well.. she's finishing the school year with us. I found out that he had been arrested in Edmonton for fraud and that my daughter was flown back to NL to her grandmother who APPARENTLY has custody?? He has a history of lying to government and police about knowing where I am (we talk ALL THE TIME because of our daughter) and I think he sent court papers to my old address so it appeared as though I skipped the court date.. but I have proof that he knew I didn't live at that address at the time. He is a pathological liar and a criminal. He hasn't had a steady job in his life, is always on welfare and basically uses our daughter as a cash cow (he gets the CCTB).. he's lied about her health and her whereabouts in order to get more money out of me (I've been paying him support all along) how can I find out if he did this and how can I fix it? I have proof of everything he's lied about. I can't really afford a lawyer right now, we just had a baby the end for 2016 and my fiancé is on paternity leave.
Hes getting the Child tax benefit because she lives with him. According to the CRA thats how it should be. Legally. So what do you mean hes using her as a cash cow?
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Mar 10, 2003
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NicoleS620099 wrote:
May 5th, 2017 6:45 pm
I have a complicated situation. My daughter has been living with her father (she's 9) for several years- we never went through court for custody, and she just went back and forth as we needed her to. Several times he left the province without my knowledge or consent. My fiancé and I moved to ontario just over a year ago and now my ex and daughter have moved here as well.. she's finishing the school year with us. I found out that he had been arrested in Edmonton for fraud and that my daughter was flown back to NL to her grandmother who APPARENTLY has custody?? He has a history of lying to government and police about knowing where I am (we talk ALL THE TIME because of our daughter) and I think he sent court papers to my old address so it appeared as though I skipped the court date.. but I have proof that he knew I didn't live at that address at the time. He is a pathological liar and a criminal. He hasn't had a steady job in his life, is always on welfare and basically uses our daughter as a cash cow (he gets the CCTB).. he's lied about her health and her whereabouts in order to get more money out of me (I've been paying him support all along) how can I find out if he did this and how can I fix it? I have proof of everything he's lied about. I can't really afford a lawyer right now, we just had a baby the end for 2016 and my fiancé is on paternity leave.
The court aspect isn't complicated, you need to go to the court house and ask for copies of any orders made in regard to you/him/child. If you find an order was made without your knowledge then you will need to file an application for your own order if you want the courts to consider details that you have.
https://www.attorneygeneral.jus.gov.on. ... de-EN.html

What is it that you want to accomplish? Do you want custody? Do you want a child support agreement? Do you think the Grandma has custody and you want to change that? I can't really see the Grandma having custody, maybe guardianship? But your first step is getting copies of any orders that have been made. Just call a local courthouse and see what they have to say about it. Then you will likely have to file your own application for custody or whatever you are seeking from the courts.

Some of what you are saying in your comment above you may want to reconsider bringing up with the courts however, saying that your ex 'uses your daughter as a cash cow' is downright pathetic, who do you suppose should get the child tax if the child is living with your ex? HE SHOULD. My ex likes to play the same games that it sounds like you are playing...

Your statement about your ex:
"He is a pathological liar and a criminal. He hasn't had a steady job in his life, is always on welfare and basically uses our daughter as a cash cow (he gets the CCTB).. he's lied about her health and her whereabouts in order to get more money out of me "

So what kind of parent lets their kids live with someone that you just described above? YOU DO. And you realistically think the courts are going to side with you? I hope you have a lot of proof of his so-called criminal behavior and whatnot and explanations about yourself on why you allow your child to live with a douche like you described. You are no better than him if you allow crap like that.

I think maybe the two of you should start thinking about your child instead of how to screw each other in court.

And this:
"My daughter has been living with her father (she's 9) for several years- we never went through court for custody, and she just went back and forth as we needed her to"

Are her needs considered or just what works out best for the two of you? The two of you may be in for a thrashing from the courts as 'the best interest of the child' doesn't seem to matter to either of her parents.
:)
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NicoleS620099 wrote:
May 13th, 2017 10:13 am
I'm aware of all of those things. I wasn't asking for your opinion on my motivation or things I'll be questioned about. I didn't include my own personal details because I have that under control.. my question is how can I find out if he did a custody order without my knowing (like I said he would have had to send it to an address he KNEW I didn't live at anymore) and what can I do to fix that.
To me, it was unclear what exactly you're asking and looking for help on. You ask "how can I find out if it did this", but never identify what "this" is. But...

As Momof3 says, go to your courthouse, and start from there. You may have to contact the Family Courthouses in any other jurisdictions that you or your ex has lived in. Your local courthouse may have free/low cost help available for you as well. The Family courts are very used to helping people without lawyers.

There's also a website/forum called "Ottawa Divorce". It's much more than just Ottawa, and you may be able to find some guidance there.

C

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