Parenting & Family

Child custody and retro active child support

  • Last Updated:
  • Dec 5th, 2017 8:27 am
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Jr. Member
Nov 29, 2015
104 posts
18 upvotes
Toronto, ON
Not sure if someone can help but I am trying to reason with my ex whom we have a 5 year old daughter. I do not believe in the court system as it could go either way and considering my ex doesnt want me to have over night stay with our daughter i have no other option. The ex is difficult and her behaviour wont change. Is there a lawyer that is not passive nor aggressive but just assertive anyone could recommend. Thank you
Sr. Member
User avatar
Mar 9, 2012
887 posts
273 upvotes
KITCHENER
Unsure if you'll be reading this, and probably mentioned a dozen times here already, so I'll give you my opinion (plus some real legal advice).

First, for the legal advice, child support and access rights are two totally different beast. You're comparing a dozen oranges from Florida to a Dell laptop that is made in China. Only similarity is that you purchased both.

For child support -- you may or may not get retro-support. Coming from my experience, retro-active was only about 5 months before final court order...and technically it wasn't really retro-active -- it was ordered during one of the final phases of the court proceedings. Unless the original court order specified child-support, then that's different. It should go through the proper maintenance office though (for Ontario, it's the Family Responsibility Office -- and once they're involved, you no longer have to talk to the father about money, or take him to court, or get yourself a lawyer, it's now the job of the maintenance office, and they charge $0 to go to bat for you. Doesn't guarantee your child's father won't be a deadbeat, but they'll make his life difficult. And I am speaking from experience her, as being the recipient parent and being told what they tell the paying parent.)

I do think your daughter should have some access to her dad. Perhaps the 2-day every other weekend is too fast too quickly. You can ask your lawyer to get your child a lawyer & clinician. In Ontario it's called "The Office of the Children's Lawyer" or "OCL" for short. The lawyer, who has additional education with dealing with children, plus the clinician, can make recommendations to what the 'best interesting of the child" is. Generally the court will recognize their recommendation and go with it. Your child will NOT be going to court. And whatever you do, don't let your personal lawyer near your child. If your lawyer suggests talking to your child, find a different lawyer.

And remember, you may feel that you deserve to be reimbursed, but it's a separate issue. If you go at it alone and bring that up to the judge, your child's dad may play that same card on you, that he deserves to have even more time with the child (such a PD Days, summer breaks, Christmas holidays, etc).

Remember too, best interest of the child is to have both parents in their lives. Unless he's a risk to your child, encourage them to see the dad. They might not like it or love it now. But when they're 20 years old, they're not going to hate you for preventing them from seeing their father.
Sr. Member
User avatar
Mar 9, 2012
887 posts
273 upvotes
KITCHENER
iceman2015 wrote:
Dec 4th, 2017 10:09 pm
Not sure if someone can help but I am trying to reason with my ex whom we have a 5 year old daughter. I do not believe in the court system as it could go either way and considering my ex doesnt want me to have over night stay with our daughter i have no other option. The ex is difficult and her behaviour wont change. Is there a lawyer that is not passive nor aggressive but just assertive anyone could recommend. Thank you
Where does the other parent reside? If you go to court, it will be the Family Court closest to your daughter. As I mentioned in another post, you can request a child's lawyer as well -- but you'll have better luck if you have a lawyer that requests the judge to order the application for the Office of the Children's Lawyer.

As for it going 'either way' I am unsure what that means. However, whatever your desire is or the desire of your ex, unless one of you is going to do bad things to your kid, the courts ALWAYS go for 'best interests' of the child. Generally that means both parents have liberal access to child.

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