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  • Mar 6th, 2017 7:23 am
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[OP]
Newbie
Feb 23, 2017
2 posts

child suport

My girlfriend disappeared with our daughter when she was about 1 and a half. I never even saw her although i tried. She did let my family see her once or twice. About 6 years later, i finally tracked her down at her job in b.c. using a people finder website. She finally let me see her in person for a couple hours. we did chat online a few times , but she wouldn't show up a couple times, and that ended. She let me see her a couple years ago with my parents and i thought things would get normal, but then she continues to not give me her phone number (had it changed a couple times shortly after my daughter born) her address or school and told me so in a letter i have. - in which she also threatened me with having to pay retro active child support. (to maybe keep me away..) Is it true? would i owe her for all those years and up to now, when i didn't even have an address to send the check to?? Im ok to start paying from now, and was going to before, until she denied access/ any contact info. for my daughter, and threatened retro-active payment. I said i would get a lawyer.. Do i need to go to court to get visitation rights? I'm done trying to reason with the mother. I did etransfer money last christmas to the email i sent (and she received) from the previous year- when i thought things were progressing positively- she did not accept the etransfer. I could probably track her down at work or through her parents.
ANyone know the answer?
4 replies
Deal Addict
Aug 19, 2013
2216 posts
760 upvotes
First of all best to talk to a lawyer. The courts are unlikely to order retroactive child support going back very far. She would need to show that she's been trying to get child support or that she had a very good reason for delaying. If you can show that she not only didn't approach you for child support but that you had no way of contacting her to arrange child support. You can even show that you attempted to pay and she did not accept it. You should pay going forward though. What I would do is use the guideline to figure out how much you would currently be required to pay. Then open a savings account and start putting that amount of money in it every month. When you go to court you can show that you were not avoiding your responsibility and that you can pay what would have been owing starting today in one lump sum. Trust me this will make you look very good in front of a judge. Judges want to see people being reasonable and taking the higher ground.

You will need to go to court to get your access. Given how this mother has acted you need it in writing. She's guilty of parantel ailienation. Judges do not like that at all. But again even though you may hate this woman (rightfully so) take the higher ground and concentrate on what your child needs. Suggest access start slowly so your child can get to know you, maybe suggest that this is done with the help of a counsellor to help ease your child's transition. Recognize that this change could be upsetting for the child. Again by focusing on your child and what they need, your not only doing the right thing, you will also look very good in the eyes of the court.

One other point i know it doesn't seem fair to pay support when you don't see your child but support is separate from access. So don't use lack of access as a reason why you shouldn't owe support. Courts don't want to hear that.

I've recently been helping a family friend deal with some family court issues so I've learnt a lot. I hope this helps. But most of all go talk to a lawyer.
Member
User avatar
Mar 9, 2012
479 posts
129 upvotes
KITCHENER
Yes, do get a lawyer.

Retro-active child support; it's a possibility. Some judges will ask you to, some will not. I knew of this guy who's mother refused to take child support. This went on for 18 years. Kid gets ready for university, mom turns around and asks for retro support of 18 years. Judge sided with mom. However, father was smart and had saved the table amounts of child support all those years, so it turned out ok with him. However, another woman I knew, similar situation with her husband and his ex, which also refused support, came after him when kid was in high school. He didn't save money, and the family was screwed over. Ultimately, courts look at "best interests of the child". And it's going to be a crapshoot for you.

As for access, you'll need to get an order put into place for that as well. The court is going to wonder what sort of legal process you tried in regards to access and child support, if any.
[OP]
Newbie
Feb 23, 2017
2 posts
Thanks for the reply Jeff. Sounds like it can be worse than i thought.
Member
User avatar
Mar 9, 2012
479 posts
129 upvotes
KITCHENER
grishop wrote:
Mar 6th, 2017 3:50 am
Thanks for the reply Jeff. Sounds like it can be worse than i thought.
It can be.....just prepare yourself real well. I work with this guy that got screwed over yuuuuuuuge (as Donald Trump would say), but when he told me what he did in court, well, he was a real dickhead. My first court appearance, the proceedings got held over (neither one of us had a lawyer) and I realized at that moment I had one opportunity, and it was to get a lawyer and shut the hell up. After that, I barely did any talking. This site has decent info: http://thefamilylawcoach.com ..

Just so you know too, as for visitation, if you're able to, you can request the judge for extra time with your child to make up for the lost time that this bitch did to you.

Again, it's a good idea to pay a lawyer, you might be able to avoid a lot of the retro. Lots of case studies on this.

Here is more info; it may make you feel a little better: http://www.familylawhelp.ca/retroactive-child-support/
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