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[OP]
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Mar 9, 2012
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Child Support

So I got remarried not so long ago. After being pretty happy being single and spending time with my kids, on my access weekends and all holidays, lots of things changed.

1) I got primary custody of my children. My ex dumped her second husband (he was a great guy) and went with a dickhead that assaulted my daughter.
2) She had a great government job, went on mat leave with child from 3rd husband, decided to not got back to work for 5 years (.gov job allows this).
3) Child Support Order based on mat leave income, so that is $351/month -- currently behind.
4) Marry my second "sweetheart". Rather than badmouth her, let's say she was different then what she presented herself to be.
5) She left the marriage after her child, that ran away months before, got kicked out of her dads.
6) After going on her leave from a decent job (a bank), she finally got fired for never returning their calls to go back, and got a job at this shady place that fixes cars (panel benders). -- this after we separate.
7) Children are left with a second deadbeat mom.

My plan is to go after her for child support and also the credit cards that she had had her name on.

Getting child support from a mom is hard enough, from a mom and step-mom for same 2 kids will be most difficult. However, the kids are without a mom, and first mom pays so little. Divorce Act define a parent as natural parent or someone that steps-in as a parent, which she did for 18 months, to an extent I guess.

I am not going to seek full support, as she has another kid in another province -- tho she doesn't pay support for that kid either.

It's a messed up situation....but I am doing this for the kids...

If anyone has been though something similar, please chirp in.
19 replies
Deal Addict
Aug 19, 2013
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Don't know anyone who's been through this but I do know dad's who went after mom for support. And yes moms do have to pay support. The law is pretty clear on it.

As far as the step parent goes there maybe a certain amount of time the step parent was involved, did they support the kids financially etc. There is a list of commonly cited family court cases and I think there was one related to step parents and support. I would look for that and read what the judge actually said. It may help explain when a step parent could actually be responsible for support. Instead of listening to people on the internet who say things like "once you get involved with a woman who had kids you will owe support".
[OP]
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Mar 9, 2012
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I'm looking at what the Justice Department says. Anyone (stepparent) standing in as a parent is liable.
I guess for me, do I want to be a dick or not. I am already getting support from one mother. But she's a deadbeat, and pays very little, and doesn't see the kids. (almost 2 years for her daughter, and just a few hours for her son over the past year)

This second wife of mine abandoned her first marriage (Claimed abusive husband...but...I have doubts now) and abandoned this marriage. After claiming to love the kids like they were her own, she's hasn't even bothered to even send an email to them. Anything. So yeah, I'm thinking of getting child support from her. Even if it's $50/month...
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Apr 7, 2012
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Lawyer.

They're the ones that can enforce (errr, try to) initiation of monthly payments.

This "we verbally agreeded" thing almost never works out long term, and then you'll be dealing with the mess all over again
[OP]
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MrsPotato wrote:
Mar 8th, 2017 12:38 pm
Lawyer.

They're the ones that can enforce (errr, try to) initiation of monthly payments.

This "we verbally agreeded" thing almost never works out long term, and then you'll be dealing with the mess all over again
Only thing I can do about wife one is to take her to court and insist the judge make her go back to her full-time job. Not sure if it's worth the money fighting her. We're in Ontario and the Family Responsibility Office has to take her to court, not me. I just have to arrive. If FRO ends up taking her to court, I might get a lawyer for a day ($1,800) to encourage the judge to get her back to work.

As for second wife, I am pretty sure I couldn't get much from her either way. She had two from her first marriage, the 1 lives with dad, and the other is in a homeless shelter. She doesn't support either child, but she has been collecting CTB for the one child, now 5 months, even though the child doesn't live with her.

Either way, I plan on getting a lawyer through my employer as I can get an hour for free, just to ask about the above. As well as the home I own, to make sure she can't get anything out of it. (my mother is still on 'the deed' along with me, and my half is considered inheritance) The second wife is bat crazy as hell and I need to make sure my children get what's coming to them should I die. Already changed all life-insurance policies.

My problem is, I realized, I'm attracted to "bad" girls. I have no idea why. I'm seeing a therapist (Counselling, actually) so I'll be bringing this up at my next session. Though my first wife compared to this second, is freaking Mother Theresa.
[OP]
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UrbanPoet wrote:
Mar 8th, 2017 8:07 pm
Daymn. This is some single daddy drama :-0
Meh, I know. Mom number one is getting real behind, so looks like the Family Responsibility Office is going to get more involved.

As for wife #2, I think she got busted collecting child tax benefits even though she never had any child with her....wow...
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I hate to say this but you're chasing your ex wife #2 for child support for children that isn't her's biologically and she was a step parent for only 18 months? Sorry but you're just being a d!ck. If it was say 18 years then it's a different story but we're talking about 18 months. I know the law says you can go chase after her since she acted as a parent but it was for a fairly short period of time. What good will the say $50/mth you get do? Just the admin costs to get it is more than $50/mth. This is why a lot of people are afraid and don't want to get themselves into situations like this.
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Oct 13, 2009
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shit man, you need to start dating women that are the opposite of what you would typically go for.

Good luck to you with this situation.

Oh and hi setell.....haven't seen you around since the CMA days.
Firebolt wrote:
Feb 12th, 2016 1:09 pm
give lots of head for sick knee fadez, give lots of lap dances for ca$h wallet fades. Always pop that leg when kissing for dope honey combs, knee lots of mans in the crotch for killer whiskers, low ride like an og for them stacks. And traintracks? Only achievable by a legend in the denim game
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Why go after the step-mom for child support? She wasn't even in the room when they were conceived... If she owes you money on credit cards, that's one thing (and a separate issue), but in my opinion it is wrong to go after someone who just lived with you and your kids for a while for support for YOUR kids.

For the record, I also find it reprehensible when women do this to their exes too (go after them for support on kids that aren't even theirs).
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setell wrote:
Mar 10th, 2017 2:35 pm
I hate to say this but you're chasing your ex wife #2 for child support for children that isn't her's biologically and she was a step parent for only 18 months? Sorry but you're just being a d!ck. If it was say 18 years then it's a different story but we're talking about 18 months. I know the law says you can go chase after her since she acted as a parent but it was for a fairly short period of time. What good will the say $50/mth you get do? Just the admin costs to get it is more than $50/mth. This is why a lot of people are afraid and don't want to get themselves into situations like this.
Agreed x 1000!!!! I hate it when women try this bullshit, and it is equally bad for him to try it. She has no part in the making of those kids. Even if it WERE 18 years (and not months) I would never even consider going after someone for child support that wasn't my child's parent. And yes, I did have long term live in relationship after I split with my child's dad. When we split up I cannot even imagine going after him for support for MY child. What a douche move that would be.
[OP]
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Chickinvic wrote:
Mar 10th, 2017 5:09 pm
Why go after the step-mom for child support? She wasn't even in the room when they were conceived... If she owes you money on credit cards, that's one thing (and a separate issue), but in my opinion it is wrong to go after someone who just lived with you and your kids for a while for support for YOUR kids.

For the record, I also find it reprehensible when women do this to their exes too (go after them for support on kids that aren't even theirs).
I work with a guy that is paying child support for his step-daughter. His relationship with her mother wasn't long, but he got stuck with it anyway. I guess I am just sick and tired of seeing deadbeat moms get a way with this sort of stuff.

As for the other post, was this 'long-term' relationship a marriage or not? That makes some difference. The other difference too is that YOU had split from this man, not the other way round, and the courts take that into account.

And I guess the other question, is the biological dad out of the picture? My kids mom is. As I said, she's a deadbeat. When she had custody the only thing she cared about was the $$$$. That's it. I had one of the kid more than the 40% threshold, and the other pretty close to that, and still paid support. As soon as the courts award me custody, she pretty much vanished.

As for the last woman I was with, it's really my fault for bringing her into my life. I should have put a lot more weight on what her previous actions were, and her excuses for not paying support, or if any, so little, rather than let her charm convince my heart otherwise.

Anyway, I got a lawyer, which was the smart thing to do. Since she was standing in place as the mom, she is liable. However, it would likely open up other cans of worms, if you know what I am talking about, plus the situation with her other kid(s) makes it complex for the lawyers and courts. So in a nut shell, not worth the hassle, stress, time and perhaps expenses in the end.

I am going to concentrate on the children biological mom; so I'll likely take her to court, to get proper child support. She is purposely "under employed" as the lawyer put it, to avoid paying proper support. And the courts frown on that type of thing.

Anyway, I'm just going to leave it at that. I'll see what ex-wife #1 does in the coming months and whether the Family Responsibility Office takes her to court. And I'll see what ex-wife #2 does, if she does anything.
[OP]
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nasa25 wrote:
Mar 10th, 2017 3:21 pm
shit man, you need to start dating women that are the opposite of what you would typically go for.

I'm seeing a therapist and will discuss this problem of mine. Was at the liquor store today and saw trouble ogling me, and I am like, you can tell this chick is trouble, yet somehow strangely attracted. (she was pretty, but clothing, hair colour, tattoo's, suggested I'd not even think about it) Some ladies are attracted to bad boys, some guys are attracted to bad girls...oh well. Though as I said, the other ex is looking more and more like mother Theresa, even though she's on her 3rd husband and has kids from 3 men....
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Nothing says you can't have fun with whoever you want to. Just need to make more strategic decisions for long term partners
Firebolt wrote:
Feb 12th, 2016 1:09 pm
give lots of head for sick knee fadez, give lots of lap dances for ca$h wallet fades. Always pop that leg when kissing for dope honey combs, knee lots of mans in the crotch for killer whiskers, low ride like an og for them stacks. And traintracks? Only achievable by a legend in the denim game
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jeff1970 wrote:
Mar 10th, 2017 5:52 pm
I work with a guy that is paying child support for his step-daughter. His relationship with her mother wasn't long, but he got stuck with it anyway.
That's disgusting

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