Parenting & Family

Couple living with parents in new home

  • Last Updated:
  • Sep 8th, 2018 12:47 pm
Deal Expert
Aug 22, 2011
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There's some decent upscale old age home, where the old folks can mingle with each other.
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Jan 16, 2007
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Manatus wrote:
Jun 19th, 2018 2:09 pm
Would I help out if they needed help and I could? Absolutely. But at the same time, I don't live my life for them. I spent part of my childhood growing up in a Chinese culture, and have several friends (both male and female) who are late 30s - mid 40s, very smart people, good professional jobs, set for life etc. - but their whole lives outside of work are fulfilling everything their parents want. They have no social lives, have never really been in a relationship, basically never leave home without their mom or dad except for work, and have no time for anything else. They're not particularly happy about it, but they feel obligated. I feel bad for them because when their parents are gone, they will probably be late 50s at least and have nothing left (other than a huge pile of money, okay RFD). I'm not suggesting it's bad, it's someone else's culture after all, but it makes me a little sad that they feel trapped like that (not assuming, they've told me so).
That is not how most Chinese family lives are lived. The typical Chinese family is a married couple with kids and living with parents. There will always be exceptions where kids live with parents alone. I highly doubt people who live alone with their parents are in that situation because of their parents. It's better than living alone by yourself.
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Jan 16, 2007
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vkizzle wrote:
Jun 19th, 2018 2:31 pm
There's some decent upscale old age home, where the old folks can mingle with each other.
Old folks homes are too expensive and only for the rich.
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Oct 23, 2004
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Interesting thread and I enjoyed reading about the different perspectives and cultures. For me however this is a literal worst nightmare situation and I would never even consider it
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NubNub wrote:
Jun 19th, 2018 2:41 pm
Old folks homes are too expensive and only for the rich.
Assuming your parents worked and have investments plus RRSPs etc...,it's actually affordable.
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Aug 2, 2004
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Sanyo wrote:
Jun 19th, 2018 10:57 am
My neighbors are indian and the son and wife live with the parents -- was the parents home then the son got older and he's pretty much taken over and the parents have their own bedroom (moved out of master).

They have 3 other daughters, 2 have moved out and one still at home ... big family. But it works for them but the Dad told me the son will take over the house -- kinda didn't agree as the daughters will be shunned out of an inheritance - not my business but that's the one thing I didn't like about it... otherwise if it works for people it works for them.
Most Indian homes have the entire family living there like a boarding house. They are constantly cooking because each family (child) wants to spend time with their own family. Daughters usually move to live with their husband’s family and the sons typically stay in the family home.

That is why you see so many cars in an Indian home. If there are multiple sons, the oldest one is obligated to take care of the parents. The younger ones usually try to get out as soon as possible and buy their own homes.

While the entire family is living there, they all contribute to the house income and expenses. There is no inheritance per say. Since the oldest son takes he responsibility of the parents, he pays more and longer than the rest.
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Jan 16, 2007
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Toronto
vkizzle wrote:
Jun 19th, 2018 2:49 pm
Assuming your parents worked and have investments plus RRSPs etc...,it's actually affordable.
Thing is living in old folks homes is highly frowned upon, by most of the elder generation of Chinese. You basically give up all your power and freedom and waste a couple thousand a month on room and board.
Essentially, old folk homes are places you go to die.

My parents continue to live in their 2 bedroom condo with no plans of ever leaving.
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Aug 22, 2011
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NubNub wrote:
Jun 19th, 2018 3:44 pm
Thing is living in old folks homes is highly frowned upon, by most of the elder generation of Chinese. You basically give up all your power and freedom and waste a couple thousand a month on room and board.
Essentially, old folk homes are places you go to die.

My parents continue to live in their 2 bedroom condo with no plans of ever leaving.
I wouldn't "send" them until they are ready per se, as they are enjoying non-stop travelling, but they will have to slow down soon.
My folks own a 2500sqft detached and would not be able to continue with the upkeep as they get older, thus why we have already talked about a retirement residence.
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Jun 18, 2005
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Vancouver
Me and my wife bought a new house end of last year, found out she was pregnant. Our boy just turned 2 weeks old.

We had my parents move in, and they have been a savior for us. We got to focus on the three of us the first week, while mom did the cooking and cleaning, my dad did the house choirs (cut the lawn, take out trash etc..)

Without them I think we would have starved and literally been at each others' throats if they didn't move in.

That being said, there are parenting things we differ on, I just let my parents know we will do it our way, and ask for their help when needed. So far it's been a dream. I am back to work full time, my wife gets the day to tend to the baby, while mom and dad keep the house maintained and the family fed.
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Jan 22, 2003
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The only case I'd have my parents living with me is if they're disabled. They're already in their late 70s and still live on their own in their own large house (~3000sq ft) in Unionville. They just hire a company to cut grass/take snow. Also the city will pickup the garbage from the garage, you don't need to drag it to the street.

Nothing wrong with my parents but they have their own personal space and so do I. I'd want to play the music loud, want to run around screaming with my son, or do some inappropriate stuff on the stairs without interruption.

When I talked to my parents about it, what we both thought made sense was having a house a few blocks from each other. This is actually common, my friend in Etobicoke has his entire extended family all within several blocks and it works out well. You are able to still check in on each other, and I see this in Markham commonly where grandparents get a condo and the kids buy a larger detached house for their kids. The idea of living all together in one house only has the financial benefit but several drawbacks.
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demandez-lui si elle dormira avec vous pour un LED keychain
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Dec 27, 2009
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NubNub wrote:
Jun 19th, 2018 2:37 pm
That is not how most Chinese family lives are lived. The typical Chinese family is a married couple with kids and living with parents. There will always be exceptions where kids live with parents alone. I highly doubt people who live alone with their parents are in that situation because of their parents. It's better than living alone by yourself.
I would FAR rather live alone than have my mom driving me nuts...
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Apr 30, 2013
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Centre of the earth …
Don't forget sex life is non-existent. Otherwise, enjoy your silent sex.
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freeforall wrote:
Jul 4th, 2018 11:09 am
Don't forget sex life is non-existent. Otherwise, enjoy your silent sex.
If you are married with kids, sex life is non-existent anyways, may as well have live in nanny's (parents) to help cook and clean while you are at work.


The older you get, the less you need to do it


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NubNub wrote:
Jun 19th, 2018 3:44 pm
Thing is living in old folks homes is highly frowned upon, by most of the elder generation of Chinese. You basically give up all your power and freedom and waste a couple thousand a month on room and board.
Essentially, old folk homes are places you go to die.

My parents continue to live in their 2 bedroom condo with no plans of ever leaving.
Until they get a disease or illness like dementia. Then you need constant supervision which you cannot provide.
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Jul 3, 2018
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lefroset wrote:
May 30th, 2018 12:20 pm
I bought a house with my parents in 2016 (similarly, them downstairs and us upstairs), however we do not share any of the living space as they have their own kitchen etc.

I did come to see (or have been reminded of) more sides of my parents than I care to know about. It made me think of what it must be like to see old highschool classmates again after 20 years, and you find that they haven't grown up at all. To top it off, they have a dog that I was initially ambivalent about, but now annoys me.

Also, my career has taken off faster than I anticipated before the purchase and I would benefit substantially from moving closer to work, but they are not flexible in selling or us renting out our portion of the house. Things to think about...
It is mainly of the generation gap I think so. The way in which you think might be totally different from their thinking. Why do you both stay as different families in the same house? Is there any internal conflicts between you and your parents? They might be thinking that they will loose their privacy when you rent out your portion. It might be because of that they are unwilling to rent out your portion.

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