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Dec 3, 2004
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Last edited by adamtheman on Mar 18th, 2024 5:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Deal Addict
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Jun 28, 2007
3866 posts
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In my experience, many people who turn out to be DINKs ended up that way by circumstances rather than choice. Most of them spent lots of time in school, focused on career and were generally not focused on long term relationships til they hit their mid 30s or 40s. By that time, the biological clock made things harder to have kids (I have lots of friends who spent tonnes of money on fertility treatments at that age) or simply just couldn't think about having kids by that point in their lives because they couldn't adjust to the lifestyle change.

Not saying that some didn't make a dedicated choice to be DINKs but in many cases it was due to circumstances. Perhaps this is a consequence of today's economy: longer in school, longer to get careers going; harder to buy houses; - the end result - falling fertility rates.
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Aug 10, 2015
2045 posts
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Elgin, ON
My wife and I just got married in January.

We have a cat and a dog, and are in no rush to have kids. My wife is in her early / mid twenties.
Deal Guru
Feb 9, 2009
12381 posts
11307 upvotes
Dink is great when your young but boring when your old and want to enjoy grandkids.. people think their niece and nephews will come around but they really wont...

Also if your spouse dies young that also becomes tough.

Its a tradeoff I guess...

I too never wanted kids...but got married... wife was 50/50... still werent full decided but fate led my wife to be pregnant... and I will say it is the greatest most rewarding feeling and I am thankful of my child everyday.

But I know in today;s society it's tough to juggle a career and kids... I dont have anything against people who dont want kids, everyone's life is different and you gotta do what makes you happy
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Sep 5, 2004
4657 posts
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Guelph, ON
Most people realize the joy of having children and although everyone likes to complain about how challenging it can be at times, every parent I know wouldn't trade having children for anything. Your perspective on life changes when your lucky enough to have them come into your life and you no longer put yourself first and realize your parents did the same when you came into this world.

A true DINK is a couple who is able to have children but instead decides they really only care about themselves and don't want to sacrifice their time to raise children, just as their parents did. They just want to spend their money on indulging in dining, toys, trips and other material items OR retire early with all the money they've saved.

Nothing wrong being a DINK, but don't get all defensive about the truth.
Deal Addict
Jul 7, 2011
1021 posts
70 upvotes
Dieppe
My husband and I got married in September after being together for 11 years (high school sweethearts). We are now in our mid to late 20s and have pretty well always know we didn't want kids.

We're doing okay. Still have some student loans (we both finished college three years ago), but we bought a nice house earlier this year and we were able to pretty comfortably afford what we wanted. We also have some savings for a rainy day. Our family income after his yearly bonus brings us to about 90-95k.

Being a mother just doesn't appeal to me. I enjoy my friends' kids, but that is partly because I know that when a diaper needs to be changed, it's not my problem. I also get to sleep as much as I want on weekends (having hypothyroidism, that means a lot). As a woman, it is also really frustrating and insulting to be told that I am still young and could still change my mind.

Edit: I just saw the post above mine, and that does cover a chunk of the reason we want to remain childfree. :)
Jr. Member
Jan 29, 2005
153 posts
22 upvotes
I think it's important to remember that sometimes its not by choice to be childless, just the cards that were dealt in life. It shouldn't be judged one way or another.

Food for thought: those DINKS are paying taxes that fund the public school system even though they have no children to use that benefit.

On the flipside, the next generation of kids will drive changes for the world, some good some bad.

How that balances with overpopulation, i'm not quite sure. There is a finite amount of resources ...
Deal Addict
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Dec 14, 2007
3105 posts
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hawkmasta wrote: I think it's important to remember that sometimes its not by choice to be childless, just the cards that were dealt in life. It shouldn't be judged one way or another.

Food for thought: those DINKS are paying taxes that fund the public school system even though they have no children to use that benefit.

On the flipside, the next generation of kids will drive changes for the world, some good some bad.

How that balances with overpopulation, i'm not quite sure. There is a finite amount of resources ...
A school system that educates kids to enter the work force, which ends up ( at least in part ) paying for the previous generations' pensions, health care services, and other benefits. Taxes that fund the school system are similar to taxes that fund a road in the Arctic. You may not personally benefit, but it's part and parcel to living together with other humans.

As for not having kids or having them... well it's a personal decision.

However, one thing I don't understand though is the constant reference to changing diapers... it seems like that's the worst thing a childless couple or single person can imagine... but in reality, it's a 0 on the scale of crappy things.

Way better than picking up a dog's faeces in a plastic bag and carrying it around.
Deal Fanatic
Nov 22, 2015
7846 posts
8793 upvotes
sixer wrote: Most people realize the joy of having children and although everyone likes to complain about how challenging it can be at times, every parent I know wouldn't trade having children for anything. Your perspective on life changes when your lucky enough to have them come into your life and you no longer put yourself first and realize your parents did the same when you came into this world.

A true DINK is a couple who is able to have children but instead decides they really only care about themselves and don't want to sacrifice their time to raise children, just as their parents did. They just want to spend their money on indulging in dining, toys, trips and other material items OR retire early with all the money they've saved.

Nothing wrong being a DINK, but don't get all defensive about the truth.
Your perspective is heavily one-sided. Sure there's lots of parents who wouldn't trade their children for anything - it's a huge stretch to say that "most" parents feel the same way. Obviously you associate yourself with friends with similar goals and values as yourself and it makes sense that you would have a bias to make such a statement.

I've met with so many clients over the years and have seen what financial hardship and stress can do to a family, especially one with kids.

Perhaps in today's society, being a DINK isn't about selfishness but rather selflessness. Less and less people are financially stable enough to even pay the rent and buy groceries, let alone have kids/house/car and the expenses that come along with those things.

You happen to have friends who are living the same lifestyle as you. Would you reconsider having children if you and your wife worked in retail/customer service/food service earning just over minimum wage?
Deal Addict
Mar 1, 2016
1092 posts
402 upvotes
toronto
sixer wrote: Most people realize the joy of having children and although everyone likes to complain about how challenging it can be at times, every parent I know wouldn't trade having children for anything. Your perspective on life changes when your lucky enough to have them come into your life and you no longer put yourself first and realize your parents did the same when you came into this world.

A true DINK is a couple who is able to have children but instead decides they really only care about themselves and don't want to sacrifice their time to raise children, just as their parents did. They just want to spend their money on indulging in dining, toys, trips and other material items OR retire early with all the money they've saved.

Nothing wrong being a DINK, but don't get all defensive about the truth.
actually i have some DINK and SINK friends who did it because they cared about children, and decided there were enough in the world and dedicated their lives to helping those. Also at least one who did it because of fear of the baggage that would be transferred to her kids.
there is all kind to everything.
same as I have a SIFK who did it for selfish reasons also.
Deal Fanatic
Nov 24, 2013
6479 posts
3344 upvotes
Kingston, ON
DINK but not by choice. We have friends who are single, married no kids, married with kids, divorced with kids, the whole gambit just like any generation (we're early 30s).

Canada's natural population growth is still positive, even if it's increasingly driven by immigration. A lot of people are still having kids, and births minus deaths is still ~100k-150k net increase annually, just not quite what it was before.

Image
Jr. Member
Oct 6, 2011
147 posts
50 upvotes
London
It has always baffled me how everyone thinks they have a right to an opinion on a couple's decision to have kids. And it's not just on having them, it's how many(not enough/too many), which gender, trying not trying for them. The womb is not up for public discussion lady in the grocery store! ;) I have 3 boys and I hear comments everywhere. If ever there was a personal decision, this is it. Have kids if you want and can afford the time/money/dedication. And my goodness, don't have kids if you don't want them. Either way, it doesn't make you selfish in the least.
Deal Fanatic
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Dec 27, 2009
7941 posts
5483 upvotes
Victoria, BC
Not everyone needs to have kids. I have no problem with it whatsoever. I had 1 child (early at age 22), and she's 23 now. So, now we are like DINKS.

I think it is entirely possible to live a great life without ever having kids.
Member
Sep 22, 2014
448 posts
189 upvotes
Ottawa, ON
Nobody should be criticized if they do or don't decide to have kids. It's all personal choice and their freedom to decide. I think the number one reason for couples that want kids but choose to defer it or not have them at all is financial constraints. Wages aren't keeping up with cost of living especially in major cities. I sure would never raise kids if I can't afford anything more than a 1bdrm apartment.

We were dinks up until 32 and have experienced the both worlds. Sure you have a lot of time and money as dinks but kids are so worth it, to me at least. Having them later in life (32) allows us to be way better off financially. If I could go back in time, I wouldn't change a thing.
Deal Addict
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May 24, 2008
3488 posts
1532 upvotes
Toronto
hawkmasta wrote: Food for thought: those DINKS are paying taxes that fund the public school system even though they have no children to use that benefit.
And my kids will pay taxes to finance the health care needs of DINKs in their old age - I think it all balances out in the end.

DINK or not is just a lifestyle choice. We have kids and I find it immensely rewarding. However, I sometimes feel a little ping of envy when I hear about DINKs and the freedom they have when it comes to time and finances. I can certainly understand the choice. Would I trade my kids for that? Of course not, but that doesn't mean your imagination wanders sometimes...
Deal Addict
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Dec 14, 2007
3105 posts
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I think what many parents feel ( not us ) is that DINKS and SINKS are essentially putting hedonism as first priority in their lives. I do get where they're coming from. It's EASIER to live a hedonistic lifestyle if you're either
A) DINKs or SINKS
B) Wealthy enough to have a Nanny do most of the childcare

However, the mistake people make is that DINKS and SINKS all must live this way ( and could therefore be considered self-centered ) when it just isn't true. Some choose not to have kids so that they can focus not on themselves, but rather on others. Some WANT to have children, but choose not to so that they can spend more time in worthwhile charity work, helping others socially. What we forget is that MOST of the volunteering that happens in most communities are done by people who are childless, whether they are retired or work part-time to support their volunteer work. Sure, some parents do... but most of their focus is ( and should be ) on raising their children to socially responsible aware contributing adults.

When you start to add in variables like that it changes the narrative.

We do have to be somewhat careful, though. While Canada is accepting of immigrants, we're fine... but if we don't, well just look to Japan for that story.
Sr. Member
Jan 5, 2015
615 posts
165 upvotes
Edmonton, AB
Kids, no kids, adopted(?), fostered(?); it doesn't matter. They're all done for selfish reasons (ie. a decision that benefits you regardless of whether it benefits/handicaps someone else).

And that negative attitude towards DINKs from people with kids?
It's just ape-sh!t behaviour... be like me or be wrong...
Deal Fanatic
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Nov 2, 2013
5697 posts
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Edmonton, AB
My critique was always that a lot of people who shouldn't be having kids are having them...
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