Personal Finance

getting married, how to sort out finances

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  • Aug 3rd, 2017 11:13 am
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May 23, 2017
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at1212b wrote: Since you plan to have kids, better to just pool everything together. If you want to have a side account, just for discretionary spending, sounds fine. But that's more like keeping under $500 for stuff like gifts, maybe certain spending habits that you just don't want the other to see. Something simple as buying McDonald's for lunch. It's a vice, but just sometimes better to keep it not visible, even though it's no big deal, you know the other will have some kind of reaction even though they don't say it. Or a lunch with co workers that might be more expensive than the usual. Sometimes it's easy to splurge on something, so it's more of a way to keep the freedom from prying eyes without going over board. For example, I'll go out once a month for drinks. When I do, I don't want the wife to see how much I spent. My buddy and I will meet up every so often. We'll alternate paying the bill so seeing a $60-$80 bill, my wife knows I'll spend that, but I personally just feel better it's separate. Same with her pedicure type stuff she might spend on. I'd rather her just spend it without me even seeing it since sub consciously, it invokes some kind of reaction of 'waste'. If either of us are going to purchase anything above $100-$200, we'll try to clear it with each other first.

Once you have kids, buying the diapers, wipes, clothes, food, etc., it's better to have it shared.

Thanks for this, this is exactly how I feel and I think the side account would be a good idea too.

Also, @ChappyHappy has a different view because they are not married. I used to think that way too, but now that I am in a long term relationship and planning a total future together, I think its better to pool everything. It's too much trouble to keep track of everything
Regarding pointing out or being really cognizant who makes more, IMO, people need to better get a grasp that life isn't always going to be constant. You might lose your job one day. You might get a handicap/health issue later on. Your spouse might make more. You might need your spouse's daily support or vice versa. Inheritance might be different. Life isn't about tracking score like that.
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Nov 2, 2013
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ChappyHappy wrote:
And I'd sign a prenup regardless. Divorce rate is ~40% in Canada. Dunno if it's enforceable but still better than nothing.
Usually assets acquired before marriage are kept with the original parties, then everything else split after, including the appreciation of the assets brought into the marriage. Not sure if a prenup would exempt the appreciation portion as well as assets/income acquired by one person during the marriage- but often it does protect one party from having to pay spousal support in case the marriage falls apart. My lawyer said sometimes it is a case by case basis depending on a lot of factors, especially if there are kids involved and one party incurred lost income to look after them while the other could freely build his/her assets. The court values time; the longer the marriage, the more right each party has to the assets, and the more time one member spent looking after kids and the home, the more say she/he has.

Here in Alberta it's even worse- divorce rate is 60%- and couldn't imagine the breakup rate of long time couples living together. In 2004 Alberta decided to get rid of common law altogether. Here ever since, if a couple lives together, if not married, each person's assets and finances remain separate. So what a lot of women here do is to purposely get pregnant to "trap the man", as to use income-level-tied child support as a means to get money in the event of breakup, since even if she has lived with him for years and his property is under his name, she has no right to it if separated. It's somewhat like in China where the woman requests the man to put her name on all his assets to "prove his love"- as the property laws have changed not long ago.
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I'd never sign a prenup.

Shows that the girl is money minded and values the wrong things. It's "death 'til us part." Just live together, separate accounts, and don't get married. Clearly, she's not mature or loyal enough to handle the concept, so just don't get married. Don't say the vows if you don't mean them.

Yeah, these days these new girls, they got me nervous
They go to school and do bottle service
They can't decide, they keep switchin' majors
Being indecisive makes me anxious
Call your number and it's out of service
Who can I call for your information?
What am I supposed to do after we done everything that we've done?
Who is your replacement?
Are we still good?
Last edited by Corner3 on Jul 20th, 2017 8:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.
I'm At The W, But I Can't Meet You In The Lobby, Girl I Gotta Watch My Back, Cuz I'm Not Just Anybody, I Seen Em' Stand In Line, Just To Get Beside Her, That's When We Disappear, You Need GPS To Find Her, Oh That Was Your Girl? I Thought I Recognized Her."
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bewiseman wrote: You might feel differently if this were your second marriage, and you already owned your home or other considerable assets.
I own homes in 2 different countries in ultra prime areas. Still not signing it. Don't see what my homes have to do with anything. A marriage isn't an alienable asset or that can be subject to a lien.
I'm At The W, But I Can't Meet You In The Lobby, Girl I Gotta Watch My Back, Cuz I'm Not Just Anybody, I Seen Em' Stand In Line, Just To Get Beside Her, That's When We Disappear, You Need GPS To Find Her, Oh That Was Your Girl? I Thought I Recognized Her."
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Common spending pooled. Some are at 50/50 some are income prorated.

Is still good to have a little liberty by having your own money and surrendering the way you like it without justifying.
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Dec 16, 2005
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ChappyHappy wrote: Not married so read this however you want.

What yours is yours. What mine is mine.

What if your income triples next year? What if you lose your job next month? I'd pool ALL the shared expenses and split that up according to both your pay. If you make 60k and she makes 40k. You pay 60% and she pays 40%. If your salary changes, the percentages would change. Everything else is kept for self. That way there's no discussion required if a she wants to buy couple pairs of new shoes and you don't have to get permission to buy a new electronic.

And I'd sign a prenup regardless. Divorce rate is ~40% in Canada. Dunno if it's enforceable but still better than nothing.
If all the bills are paid from the pool, what if the pool is empty? For example the house needed emergency repairs and not enough money in the pool.

What if her "self" account is empty because she bought a purse since she doesn't have to explain anything and can spend "her" money the way she wants. Do you pay and make her write an IOU?

What if your "self" account is also empty cause you bought a ton of electronics cause it is your money and you don't need to explain your purchases.

Who pays when you both have no money?
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Nov 24, 2013
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mech9t5 wrote: If all the bills are paid from the pool, what if the pool is empty? For example the house needed emergency repairs and not enough money in the pool.

What if her "self" account is empty because she bought a purse since she doesn't have to explain anything and can spend "her" money the way she wants. Do you pay and make her write an IOU?

What if your "self" account is also empty cause you bought a ton of electronics cause it is your money and you don't need to explain your purchases.

Who pays when you both have no money?
What you're looking for is "budgeting."

It's pretty easy to make all bills (mortgage, utilities, etc.) come out of a joint account (which can be bank chequing, LoC, Tangerine/PCF, etc.) that you each pay into every pay. As long as that account only funds bills, and you always know what bills are coming out, that account ("pool") will never run out of money. You each can spend what's leftover in your own accounts.

My wife and I are joint on everything but we still do the "bill account" (it's an LoC with free cheques, so as far as any bills are concerned it works like any other chequing account) and "spending account" method, segregating fixed expenses from variable.
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Dec 11, 2008
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ChappyHappy wrote: Not married so read this however you want.

What yours is yours. What mine is mine.

What if your income triples next year? What if you lose your job next month? I'd pool ALL the shared expenses and split that up according to both your pay. If you make 60k and she makes 40k. You pay 60% and she pays 40%. If your salary changes, the percentages would change. Everything else is kept for self. That way there's no discussion required if a she wants to buy couple pairs of new shoes and you don't have to get permission to buy a new electronic.

And I'd sign a prenup regardless. Divorce rate is ~40% in Canada. Dunno if it's enforceable but still better than nothing.
How would you handle savings/retirement? Is it a joint savings or yours is yours kind of thing? What if one has a pension and the other doesn't? Tough luck? What about income taxes because I believe they do impact your own return. Would you balance your income taxes too?

I personally enjoy the joint everything because we talk about spending and money. And we are both conscious about spending. We decide on large purchases together and not only does it feel more responsible, it allows us to get a different opinion or enforce our belief that we should make the purchase. Makes us stop to think before buying etc.
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My wife and I each have our own personal accounts where our income gets deposited into. We also have a joint account where all of our joint expenses are withdrawn from (ie. mortgage, utility bills, insurance, car payments, etc.). We both contribute a portion of our income to the joint account for our monthly living expenses based on our incomes. An example is if I make $60,000/year and my wife makes $40,000/year (total of $100,000/year), I would contribute to 60% of the joint expenses and she would contribute 40%. This way it makes our expenses relatively equal. We also contribute a little bit extra into the joint accounts as a "slush fund" in case we need to make major repairs to the house.

The remaining amounts stay in our own personal accounts. The reason why we do this is because we find that whenever you want to splurge on a large purchase (ie. big screen TV), but all of your income is in a joint account, you would need to have that discussion or request permission from your spouse to make such a large purchase since both of your money is in the account. By keeping our personal spending money separate, my wife can purchase whatever she likes with her savings and I can purchase whatever I like with my savings. It also eliminates the tracking of who spends what amount in a joint account.
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May 23, 2017
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hamandcheese wrote: My wife and I each have our own personal accounts where our income gets deposited into. We also have a joint account where all of our joint expenses are withdrawn from (ie. mortgage, utility bills, insurance, car payments, etc.). We both contribute a portion of our income to the joint account for our monthly living expenses based on our incomes. An example is if I make $60,000/year and my wife makes $40,000/year (total of $100,000/year), I would contribute to 60% of the joint expenses and she would contribute 40%. This way it makes our expenses relatively equal. We also contribute a little bit extra into the joint accounts as a "slush fund" in case we need to make major repairs to the house.

The remaining amounts stay in our own personal accounts. The reason why we do this is because we find that whenever you want to splurge on a large purchase (ie. big screen TV), but all of your income is in a joint account, you would need to have that discussion or request permission from your spouse to make such a large purchase since both of your money is in the account. By keeping our personal spending money separate, my wife can purchase whatever she likes with her savings and I can purchase whatever I like with my savings. It also eliminates the tracking of who spends what amount in a joint account.
This is a good breakdown of the other way of doing it instead of a "pool everything" setup. But for me, I think we would rather have those conversations. We want to consult each other for whatever we buy, be it groceries or a big screen tv. anyway, its good to get opinions from people that are actually doing it. I still think that pooling everything for us will work best, but only time will tell, maybe we will switch it up at some point.
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riseagainstthemachine wrote: This is a good breakdown of the other way of doing it instead of a "pool everything" setup. But for me, I think we would rather have those conversations. We want to consult each other for whatever we buy, be it groceries or a big screen tv. anyway, its good to get opinions from people that are actually doing it. I still think that pooling everything for us will work best, but only time will tell, maybe we will switch it up at some point.
Keep in mind, that money is probably 2nd to infidelity; as a cause of failed marriages.
Regardless if joint or separate; be transparent and have a common ground on what is expected of each other.
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Dec 11, 2008
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riseagainstthemachine wrote: This is a good breakdown of the other way of doing it instead of a "pool everything" setup. But for me, I think we would rather have those conversations. We want to consult each other for whatever we buy, be it groceries or a big screen tv. anyway, its good to get opinions from people that are actually doing it. I still think that pooling everything for us will work best, but only time will tell, maybe we will switch it up at some point.
Exactly! And you also have a firm grip on total savings/retirement goals and plans because you know how much in total you are working with.
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OP, if you live together already, I assume you have some arrangement to pay bills and what not. If not, can I suggest starting off with a joint account to pay your common bills (rent/mortgage, utilities, bills etc) while keeping your current individual setups. Over time as your marriage progresses and family grows you will find what needs to adjusted.

Personally my wife and I have a single joint account we're are common bills come out off, but we kept our single accounts open which works great to double dip when churning cards or taking advantage of deals as they come.
"Just because something is on sale doesn't mean a) you can afford it, b) you should buy it, c) you need it, d) you're not spending far more buying it than not buying it at all"
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riseagainstthemachine wrote:
This is a good breakdown of the other way of doing it instead of a "pool everything" setup. But for me, I think we would rather have those conversations. We want to consult each other for whatever we buy, be it groceries or a big screen tv. anyway, its good to get opinions from people that are actually doing it. I still think that pooling everything for us will work best, but only time will tell, maybe we will switch it up at some point.
Consulting on everything sounds great in theory, but in reality nobody has time for that. The big ticket items definitely discuss with your partner, but for everyday things you will trust your partner to make decisions that are good for relationship and family without having to run it by you at every turn.
"Just because something is on sale doesn't mean a) you can afford it, b) you should buy it, c) you need it, d) you're not spending far more buying it than not buying it at all"
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riseagainstthemachine wrote: Thank you. We are looking to do the same thing as you. We talk openly and communicate about everything that is coming in and out and we don't see any problems just pooling everything.

I see the point that @ROYinTO made about keeping some money aside for presents or personal spending, seems fair. We are just trying to reach our goals as a couple, start a family, buy a house ect. I know right now I make more money then her but at some point in the future she might make more than me, so it doesn't really matter to us who is putting in what, it is all going towards our future together.

Anyway, I just wanted to get some opinions about it. My sister is getting married next year and is having trouble with her fiancé about the finances. She makes probably double of him and he is not responsible at all. She owns a house, car, has a big savings. He has nothing, no savings, no assets, a 17 year old child that he is still paying for and she is having trouble nailing down a plan for their future. She wants him to sign a prenup so that if/when they breakup that he wont get anything from her. I am happy that she is taking these precautions but as far as I am concerned, they are going to break up, its just a matter of time. I feel like them arguing over how they will pay for things or fund certain trips or whatever just shows that they don't have very much trust in each other. Like for example, he is living with her for free, their aircon broke and they had to get it fixed, she asked him to chip in for it and his answer was "well its your house so its your responsibility"... Anywho, this whole thing is another story and I am so glad that my fiancée and I are totally open with each other, it makes the relationship so much easier.
She better get out and get out now !!
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ndiniwachojeff wrote: Consulting on everything sounds great in theory, but in reality nobody has time for that. The big ticket items definitely discuss with your partner, but for everyday things you will trust your partner to make decisions that are good for relationship and family without having to run it by you at every turn.
I see that. We know what we need and what we don't. I feel like we are compatible and will figure it out, might just take some trial and error.

Thanks everybody for the suggestions, I have found it really helpful so far.
Got that FIDO account!
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Aug 20, 2015
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My wife and I keep our accounts separate. We each allocate a certain % of our paycheques to down payment (hopefully mortgage soon), retirement saving/investing, day to day expenses.

The difference we have left is completely discretionary, there's no judgement because we have already saved/paid for the important things and we can choose what we want to do with what's left. If i want to spend $1000 on a new road bike for example I'll have to save for it myself out of my discretionary money.
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I have a joint account for shared use with wife (daily expenses and so on), and we also have a separate account for personal use (me and her buying our own things).
It all depends what is best for YOU and YOUR WIFE, it may not be for everyone, you need to check your expenses and income, then place X amount for X usage.
You want to at least save some $ too for later on, like for kids/vacation/etc...
Thank you RFD community for helping me with spending money!
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vkizzle wrote: Keep in mind, that money is probably 2nd to infidelity; as a cause of failed marriages.
Regardless if joint or separate; be transparent and have a common ground on what is expected of each other.
Money problems are the number 1 cause of failed marriages.
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Money problems are the number 1 cause of failed marriages.
An euphemism for lack of trust and pettiness. So many people in this thread aren't ready to get married.

New road bikes? Pedicures? New electronics? $60-80 bar bills?

Do you love your spouse? Then why are you valuing a bicycle or being petty about pedicures over her happiness?

She can have the $1000 I'd spend on something if it makes her happy. The $80 I'd spend on beer if she wants it for something else? Whatever, like I'm gonna trip and create a separate account over $80. What are you guys, 12 years-old? Trippin over a bicycle or wanting to hide your beer bills? Be a man in the relationship, not her annoying 12 year-old brother.

You're all valuing the wrong things.
I'm At The W, But I Can't Meet You In The Lobby, Girl I Gotta Watch My Back, Cuz I'm Not Just Anybody, I Seen Em' Stand In Line, Just To Get Beside Her, That's When We Disappear, You Need GPS To Find Her, Oh That Was Your Girl? I Thought I Recognized Her."

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