Thanks for this, this is exactly how I feel and I think the side account would be a good idea too.at1212b wrote: ↑ Since you plan to have kids, better to just pool everything together. If you want to have a side account, just for discretionary spending, sounds fine. But that's more like keeping under $500 for stuff like gifts, maybe certain spending habits that you just don't want the other to see. Something simple as buying McDonald's for lunch. It's a vice, but just sometimes better to keep it not visible, even though it's no big deal, you know the other will have some kind of reaction even though they don't say it. Or a lunch with co workers that might be more expensive than the usual. Sometimes it's easy to splurge on something, so it's more of a way to keep the freedom from prying eyes without going over board. For example, I'll go out once a month for drinks. When I do, I don't want the wife to see how much I spent. My buddy and I will meet up every so often. We'll alternate paying the bill so seeing a $60-$80 bill, my wife knows I'll spend that, but I personally just feel better it's separate. Same with her pedicure type stuff she might spend on. I'd rather her just spend it without me even seeing it since sub consciously, it invokes some kind of reaction of 'waste'. If either of us are going to purchase anything above $100-$200, we'll try to clear it with each other first.
Once you have kids, buying the diapers, wipes, clothes, food, etc., it's better to have it shared.
Also, @ChappyHappy has a different view because they are not married. I used to think that way too, but now that I am in a long term relationship and planning a total future together, I think its better to pool everything. It's too much trouble to keep track of everything
Regarding pointing out or being really cognizant who makes more, IMO, people need to better get a grasp that life isn't always going to be constant. You might lose your job one day. You might get a handicap/health issue later on. Your spouse might make more. You might need your spouse's daily support or vice versa. Inheritance might be different. Life isn't about tracking score like that.
Got that FIDO account!