Parenting & Family

going to try and start a family in a few months, what advice can you give me?

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  • Mar 29th, 2018 11:42 pm
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Elfwood wrote:
Feb 23rd, 2018 10:15 am
So we Ontarian's either get covered for

hiring a midwife and home delivery
OR
getting an OB and hospital delivery

but not covered for both right? So I have to choose between having a midwife and having an OB/hospital?
What do you mean by both? Child can only be delivered once...lol Smiling Face With Open Mouth And Smiling Eyes

Do you mean you can decide at the last minute which one you want to go for?
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amitdi wrote:
Feb 23rd, 2018 10:58 am
What do you mean by both? Child can only be delivered once...lol Smiling Face With Open Mouth And Smiling Eyes

Do you mean you can decide at the last minute which one you want to go for?
Someone mentioned getting the OB and deliver at the hospital but also hire a midwife for pre- and post checkups.
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Elfwood wrote:
Feb 23rd, 2018 10:15 am
So we Ontarian's either get covered for

hiring a midwife and home delivery
OR
getting an OB and hospital delivery

but not covered for both right? So I have to choose between having a midwife and having an OB/hospital?
Elfwood wrote:
Feb 23rd, 2018 10:59 am
Someone mentioned getting the OB and deliver at the hospital but also hire a midwife for pre- and post checkups.
You can only choose one of midwife or OB. Midwife can do either home or hospital (you choose in advance). OB is hospital only.

If you have complications, your midwife can switch you to an OB. For example, if you have gestational diabetes, I think the midwife will pass your case to an OB and you deal with the OB going forward. Technically, you can decide to switch to an OB mid-way, buy you don't get to keep the midwife.

If you have complications at delivery (as in the case the previous poster mentioned), the midwife can get an OB (for example, emergency c section). In this scenario, you have the OB do the delivery, but your pre and post care is all done by the midwife. He/she has not passed on your case to the OB, the OB was engaged in an emergency. This is covered.

If you originally had a home birth and have complications, the midwife can bring you to the hospital and get an OB and this is of no cost to you either.

It's kind of like having complications and going to emergency at the hospital.
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jandumm wrote:
Feb 9th, 2018 8:29 pm
Don't know your ages....if you're older and time is of the essence, here are some of my tips. These aren't for everyone - I'm pretty Type A and found these worked for me....but for those who are more laid back, it may not be so helpful.
1) Basal body temperature tracking - find out when she ovulates and begin tracking cycles to figure out optimum time to "try" (5 day window before ovulation day). It took me a few months to figure it out - once I did, it happened the very next month.
2) Google "Preseed" and use it
3) For men, the maca supplement can aid in fertility
4) Don't wear tighty whities and stay outta the hot tub. Keep the boys cool.
thanks for the suggestions guys, I am turning 36 this year and my wife is turning 32. We would like to have 2 kids so we need to get started in the next 6 months
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riseagainstthemachine wrote:
Feb 23rd, 2018 2:17 pm
thanks for the suggestions guys, I am turning 36 this year and my wife is turning 32. We would like to have 2 kids so we need to get started in the next 6 months
No problemo - your wife is still relatively young. The advantage of tracking ovulation etc is that if down the road, you seem to have issues, you'll at least have some evidence to present to the doctor. Many things can affect fertility such as hormones, thyroid, cycle length, etc. Fertility Friend is a fantastic app for all of that.
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riseagainstthemachine wrote:
Feb 23rd, 2018 2:17 pm
thanks for the suggestions guys, I am turning 36 this year and my wife is turning 32. We would like to have 2 kids so we need to get started in the next 6 months
No problemo - your wife is still relatively young. The advantage of tracking ovulation etc is that if down the road, you seem to have issues, you'll at least have some evidence to present to the doctor. Many things can affect fertility such as hormones, thyroid, cycle length, etc. Fertility Friend is a fantastic app for all of that.
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Feb 25, 2018
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Have you decided who is going to stay home to raise the child/ren? This is something many people don't even consider doing, and instead can't wait pawn off their most precious treasures to some strangers at a daycare facility.

I don't understand how people can do that. I would starve before ever dropping off my kids at daycare.
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iWatchTV wrote:
Feb 27th, 2018 12:45 pm
Have you decided who is going to stay home to raise the child/ren? This is something many people don't even consider doing, and instead can't wait pawn off their most precious treasures to some strangers at a daycare facility.

I don't understand how people can do that. I would starve before ever dropping off my kids at daycare.
Yes, we have talked in length about it. I will work and my wife will stay home with the kid(s). Her mother and my parents can help us out a bit, but we don't want to get into childcare for our children. We don't want someone else raising our kids. Actually my wife used to be a nanny for a 2 and 5 year old for a few years and she saw the effect that it has on the children. Those kids actually called her "mommy" even though her and the actual mother told them repeatedly that she wasn't their mother. The kids were confused and they were totally neglected by the parents. This is not an isolated thing either, my wife has many friends who are full time nannies and the stories they have about the kids/parents relationships will blow your mind. That being said, we are going to be hands on and raise them ourselves, like you we cant even imagine dropping a small child off at daycare.

Plus the cost of daycare does not justify going to work to pay for it. Like some of my friends who are now in the same situation, it isn't worth it for the mother to go back to work. The amount that they would make will barely cover the cost of daycare. It makes no sense.
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I thought daycare was important for social skill development for the kids
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Elfwood wrote:
Feb 27th, 2018 4:41 pm
I thought daycare was important for social skill development for the kids
No, thats a myth. I see many people around me with excellent social skills and they never attended daycare.
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iWatchTV wrote:
Feb 27th, 2018 12:45 pm
Have you decided who is going to stay home to raise the child/ren? This is something many people don't even consider doing, and instead can't wait pawn off their most precious treasures to some strangers at a daycare facility.

I don't understand how people can do that. I would starve before ever dropping off my kids at daycare.
Holy judgement batman.

Rule #1 for being a good parent -> realize that there's never a right answer to these parenting battles - just gotta figure out what's best for you and your family. As long as it works for your family, that's what matters.

Parenting battles are never ending.....you're damned if you do, damned if you don't.
e.g. sleep training vs. not sleep training
midwife vs ob
baby led weaning vs purees
cosleeping vs. sleeping in own room
pacifier vs no pacifier
cloth diapers vs disposables
breast milk vs formula
daycare vs staying at home
private school vs public school
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Be prepared to serve the pregnant wife.
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I thought of one more thing. Aim for a February birth. Huge advantage in minor sports to be born in the 1st quarter.
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iWatchTV wrote:
Feb 27th, 2018 12:45 pm
Have you decided who is going to stay home to raise the child/ren? This is something many people don't even consider doing, and instead can't wait pawn off their most precious treasures to some strangers at a daycare facility.

I don't understand how people can do that. I would starve before ever dropping off my kids at daycare.
This is really judgemental and ignorant. Though my kids never spent a day in daycare, we both decided no stay at home parent. That was our choice. We have had the most wonderful nannies, and treat them like family and vice versa. My kids always knew who their parents, and I have always been secure in my parenting skills (though not perfect).

There lousy star at home parents and lousy work parents.... wait, there just some lousy parents. There are great stay at home parents, and great working parents. Don’t turn this into one of those discussions.

Totally anedotal story... my daughters class needed parent volunteers. The stay home parent in charge of classroom volunteers would forget to send out messages until 15-30 minutes before needed all the time. I nicely ask if she could give us as much notice as possible, like when she first recieved the message (sometime days before but she somehow left it until last minute), and I would do everything I could to come in. I jus5 explain I needed a little more time than I got into work to turn and help. Finanly, she sent something ahead of time, and i said I could help with treats. She made a snarky remark about maybe I could trouble myself find drink boxes if i was sooooooo busy and couldn’t really be involved. I made the most awesome items and she asked where i bought them. When i told her I made them, she was quite surprised that I could find time to help my kids. Just so many wrong assumptions, judgement and Stereotypes.

She was surprised at how smart my child was and polite because somehow parents that work cannot teach their parents manners.
How my kid had really healthy homemade lunches and didn’t eat junk because working moms don’t have time to feed their children
How she value her children over money
How surprised my kids were in different activities that I volunteer to lead at nights, and that my volunteer committment in t8mewere most tha5 what she spent at the school,
The snarky comments went on and on. Blah blah Blah

Finally I said, do you sit around eat on bins get nails done, and go to the gym when you are not sitting on top the couch watching soaps. She was offended, and then I said so stop with the judgements that aren’t true.

Again, I don’t see why parents have to judge others for decision they don’t agree with. You don’t live their life, and if the kids are happy, well adjusted, and the parents do their best, who cares if stay at home or not. My group of friends about halfway the parents stay at home and half work. The only common thing i see is that they are all pretty awesome because of their desire to learn want and do the best for their families. We tend support each other in our ups and downs and don’t judge.
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Macx2mommy wrote:
Mar 2nd, 2018 12:55 pm
This is really judgemental and ignorant. Though my kids never spent a day in daycare, we both decided no stay at home parent. That was our choice. We have had the most wonderful nannies, and treat them like family and vice versa. My kids always knew who their parents, and I have always been secure in my parenting skills (though not perfect).

There lousy star at home parents and lousy work parents.... wait, there just some lousy parents. There are great stay at home parents, and great working parents. Don’t turn this into one of those discussions.

Totally anedotal story... my daughters class needed parent volunteers. The stay home parent in charge of classroom volunteers would forget to send out messages until 15-30 minutes before needed all the time. I nicely ask if she could give us as much notice as possible, like when she first recieved the message (sometime days before but she somehow left it until last minute), and I would do everything I could to come in. I jus5 explain I needed a little more time than I got into work to turn and help. Finanly, she sent something ahead of time, and i said I could help with treats. She made a snarky remark about maybe I could trouble myself find drink boxes if i was sooooooo busy and couldn’t really be involved. I made the most awesome items and she asked where i bought them. When i told her I made them, she was quite surprised that I could find time to help my kids. Just so many wrong assumptions, judgement and Stereotypes.

She was surprised at how smart my child was and polite because somehow parents that work cannot teach their parents manners.
How my kid had really healthy homemade lunches and didn’t eat junk because working moms don’t have time to feed their children
How she value her children over money
How surprised my kids were in different activities that I volunteer to lead at nights, and that my volunteer committment in t8mewere most tha5 what she spent at the school,
The snarky comments went on and on. Blah blah Blah

Finally I said, do you sit around eat on bins get nails done, and go to the gym when you are not sitting on top the couch watching soaps. She was offended, and then I said so stop with the judgements that aren’t true.

Again, I don’t see why parents have to judge others for decision they don’t agree with. You don’t live their life, and if the kids are happy, well adjusted, and the parents do their best, who cares if stay at home or not. My group of friends about halfway the parents stay at home and half work. The only common thing i see is that they are all pretty awesome because of their desire to learn want and do the best for their families. We tend support each other in our ups and downs and don’t judge.
That's great and all, but you seem super defensive. In my situation, we do not have the money for a nanny, it makes sense for my wife to stay home with the kids until they are full time in school. Why would she go to work to make barely enough to pay for a nanny when she can just stay home with them? And this has nothing to do with the woman staying home over the man. I would happily stay at home with the kids, but I make significantly more then she does so it just makes sense.

I personally was raised by a stay at home mom and I wouldn't have it any other way, no matter what kind of justification you put on it, you went to work and someone else raised your kids 60%-80% of the time (or whatever percentage you think you were actually there for). This is what @iWatchTV is trying to say. It doesn't matter how fresh their lunches were or how much you volunteered, you were not there to raise them some of the time... and that "some of the time" is important to my wife and I and apparently @iWatchTV too. Everyone has different lives and circumstances, but we are on two sides of the fence on this.
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