Parenting & Family

Having children when older.

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  • Oct 26th, 2017 10:02 pm
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[OP]
Sr. Member
Feb 16, 2013
521 posts
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Toronto

Having children when older.

I am 32, turning 33.
My girlfriend is 31.

We are thinking of having children.
What were some of the experiences and pitfalls of having children later on.
I wish we had children earlier on, but can't do nothing about that now.

Thanks.
40 replies
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Jan 2, 2015
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When I opened this thread, I thought you were going to say mid forties or older. 30's is the new 20's. 31 is not old, as most my friends and people we know all had our firsts kid around this age or a little later.

There are a few downsides.
It does because more difficult to conceive for some. Ifyou are planning to have more than one, you will more likely want to space them closer together, I do many, including myself where the second was harder to conceive than the first. That was really surprising because some many think if you have your first, then everything is in place.

In terms of raising kids, I think having them a little older makes it a little harder to adijust your ways. Depending on your personalities and how long you have been together, added a new human that demands all of your attentions is difficult. This is hard at all ages, but the older the 'dog' the harder to teach tricks. Same with energy level, I had more energy in my 20s than in my 30s. Finally now that I am almost at the half way point with my kids becoming adults I start to think about that I will be an old grandparent. Surprisingly, this has been the one thing that I think about when I think, I should have started earlier.

In terms of positives, we did wait and our families kept making comments. However, I feel that having my career established and our finances stable has allowed me parent the way we wanted and provide for our kids opportunities.
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Mar 24, 2015
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Ottawa, ON
I thought you meant mid 40s too. I think the norm is now mid 30s. Almost everyone I know had their kids between 30-40. I had my kids at 29 and 33 when husband was 33 and 37.
When you decide to have a second might depend on the first kid too. Our first was a really bad sleeper and we had it quite rough. So we decided to wait at least 3 yrs. Our second is a good sleeper but is very active and it's hard to keep up at times, but we are lucky that our first is 7 and independent. When my first started kindergarten, I was on mat leave looking after my second. So it was like looking after one kid at a time, less tiring for me. If we plan on a 3rd, we'll aim for a 4yr gap again.
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Mar 23, 2016
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Wow, I thought this thread was referring to 40s.
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I think by far the biggest risk/issue with trying for kids later in life is the challenge of fertility. Not even close to being offset by any advantage in finances or career. Good luck with whatever you decide.
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random pattern wrote:
Aug 20th, 2017 6:53 pm
I think by far the biggest risk/issue with trying for kids later in life is the challenge of fertility. Not even close to being offset by any advantage in finances or career. Good luck with whatever you decide.
True, it's not as bad as people made it sound though. As soon as I turned thirty I was getting articles about infertility from family. Angry Face

In fact the fertility rates for women aren't significantly different from early 20's to 32, after 35 it does decline quite a bit faster and the risk of birth defects after after 35. Our goal was to finish having kids by 35. We only wanted two, so manage to have that happen, but if wanted to have 3, I would have been over 35. I don't think it matters for males as much, though sperm does decrease as you age, but there is no risk to the child.

I think there needs to be a balance between finances, career (if that is important) and fertility. Quite honestly, in my 20's I was too busy with myself and establishing my career. I didn't even want to have kids EVER at that time, and wasn't ready. When I had kids for us it was the perfect time. I was 31 and 34 and no health issues.
On a 'smart' device that isn't always so smart. So please forgive the autocorrects and typos. If it brothers you, then don't read my posts, but don't waste my time correcting me. If you can get past the typos, then my posts generally have some value.
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Ya, early thirties is biologically no problem at all. We had our son in our thirties. Financially and physically is good as you're likely in good shape for both. Possible challenge is that your window for having more than one is smaller. So, if you have just one, then by the time you the parents are gone then your child will have no more immediate family if not already married. For me, in my 40's and married with a kid, I still treasure the fact that my parents are around and can't imagine the day (probably not too many years from now) when they're not here anymore. Our son may not have that luxury.
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Mar 10, 2010
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Two possible issues: 1) fertility especially once past 35 (both sexes) 2) genetic disorders (chiefly related to the age of the woman) also drastically increase past 35.
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DiceMan wrote:
Aug 20th, 2017 11:41 pm
Ya, early thirties is biologically no problem at all. We had our son in our thirties. Financially and physically is good as you're likely in good shape for both. Possible challenge is that your window for having more than one is smaller. So, if you have just one, then by the time you the parents are gone then your child will have no more immediate family if not already married. For me, in my 40's and married with a kid, I still treasure the fact that my parents are around and can't imagine the day (probably not too many years from now) when they're not here anymore. Our son may not have that luxury.
Good point. Being an older parent (not 30s) means that when your kid is older, the parents will be quite the old agers.. We are still in our 30s but don't consider ourselves older parents (to be).
"Obama is the quintessence of all that is wrong with America today.. people looking at the superficial which is skin color and ignoring idiotic behavior." - the poster AndySixx 😲 :facepalm:
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Jun 1, 2017
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I agree with all the posters here, 30's in now the norm for having children.

I was 31 with my first and 36 with my second (who is now 4 months old). I did find my last pregnancy was a little harder on me physically, but not too bad...maybe this wasn't even due to my age, could have just been a combination of working full time, raising a very active 4 year old and being pregnant. The only pitfall for me is if I want a 3rd which I'm not sure about. If I wait a few years, I'll be 40 and I'm not sure if at that point I want to start again with a new baby. You eventually hit a 'sweet spot' where your kids are very self sufficient and you've made it past a lot of the hard parts (sleepless nights, potty training, etc...until they enter the preteen/teen years).

I also find that being an 'older' mom, I'm more involved and soak up every single minute I can. I don't have the same social life as I did in my 20's, I am very content spending the afternoon at the park or family oriented activities. Not that 'younger' parents aren't, but at this age all my friends have kids, we're all kind of in the same zone...in my 20's I was more selfish and liked to party on my weekends. I'm passed that now, I didn't miss out on it, but I grew out of it.
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#1, make sure you're mentally ready, in terms of you don't have this over hang that you must still go and travel, and do something that can bug you later on.

That said, you guys are still young! All my friends started having kids around 32-35, and it's been fine. In fact, I know a few that are having their first kids around 37-38 and is fine. Statistically, 35 is the age where it starts to decline faster. Every year after that is a notable drop off. I assume OP wants another year or two before starting to have kids. But if you plan to have more than 1, it is absolutely surprising how fast 5-8 years go by the time you have your 2nd kid and are in a more 'stable' state. Main advantage is you're older than her so you still have a good 2 years and still not have to worry.
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May 22, 2016
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most ppl have kids in their mid thirties now. I wish i'd had mine when i was younger due to my lack of stamina now.
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May 28, 2012
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Have kids when you are mentally ready...parenthood can make you a better person but it can also make you go nuts. Winking Face My sister had her first and only after she turned 40...I had all mine before the age of 30. There are pros and cons to each.
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Being Mentally ready is the key. If you are not ready and still want to go out and get drunk on every wk-end, then don't
Having a children give you a big responsibility. I see a lot of younger friends who have children and they are not playing with the kids, but giving them the smart phone or ipad to entertain themselves, while they are doing the same to play video games or chat with friends.
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MP3_SKY wrote:
Aug 22nd, 2017 11:37 am
Being Mentally ready is the key. If you are not ready and still want to go out and get drunk on every wk-end, then don't
Having a children give you a big responsibility. I see a lot of younger friends who have children and they are not playing with the kids, but giving them the smart phone or ipad to entertain themselves, while they are doing the same to play video games or chat with friends.
Yes - being responsible for loving a child and putting their needs before yours, being patient and loving. No small feat.
"Obama is the quintessence of all that is wrong with America today.. people looking at the superficial which is skin color and ignoring idiotic behavior." - the poster AndySixx 😲 :facepalm:

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