Parenting & Family

Having children when older.

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  • Oct 26th, 2017 10:02 pm
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Feb 15, 2005
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It depends on the grandparents. My kid's grandparents are in their 70s and can take care of him fine. Physical condition is more important than age.

I'm one of those who had kids at 40. With 2 mid-career parents, there's really no need to say "NO" to any purchase, but we have to in order to prevent my son from developing "Little Prince Syndrome", something quite common in China, and basically any single child households. I think the inventory of toys in his playroom rivals the toy department of most rural stores, and some smaller urban stores...
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Mar 9, 2007
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Good thread. Thinking of the children!

WOULD SOMEBODY THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!!
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Dec 16, 2007
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I second this post. Children in your early 30's is the perfect time to have children and not old at all.

I am 40 and currently pregnant, but only through IVF. I kept delaying having children figuring I'll have enough time by my mid 30's. I got pregnant naturally at 37, but had a miscarriage and have not been able to conceive naturally since. At 39, I researched more about infertility and I realized time was running out and the chances of conceiving at 40 is really slim. Just take a look at the stats.

I got a referral to one of the best fertility clinic. The process takes a while. I had to do a plethora of tests. Husband also had DNA fragmentation on his sperm - this checks to see if there's abnormalities in DNA. Nothing was found and I apparently had a good ovarian reserve left. The conclusion was unexplained infertility.

There is a test now you can do called the AMH test, that will let a woman know how much ovarian reserve she has left. She can then decide whether she wants to freeze her eggs to get pregnant later. Freezing eggs will keep them at the younger age they were frozen and will have less DNA damage due to time. Women are born with all the eggs they'll ever have. The quality of eggs and sperm decline with age. All those celebrities that have children at 45+... what they don't tell you is that they're using donor eggs of a younger woman. They're carrying the baby, but the embryo was donated.

I'm financially established, but if I had known it was going to be this hard, I would have tried sooner when I got married at 32. The cycling process to retrieve the eggs for IVF is no ball in the park. It's very invasive. I have a fear of needles and had to do injections, ultrasound and blood work daily to the point that my veins collapse and they couldn't draw blood from my arm.

In Ontario, funding covers one round of IVF treatment. However, if you're not successful in that round. That's it. Expect to pay around $3000 for fertility drugs and the IVF treatment will cost about $15000-$20000 a cycle with no guarantees.

sillysimms wrote:
Aug 24th, 2017 8:13 pm
I don't think early 30s is considered at all late to have kids right now. I completely agree that waiting until you are ready is the best thing to do.

In regards to fertility problems, they are much more common than people realize with 1 in 6 having some problems conceiving. Some but definitely not all fertility problems are related to age and aren't always immediately noticed. One drawback to waiting can mean that by the time you realize there is a problem and start the referral process to a fertility clinic and start testing, etc. age related difficulties in addition to whatever the initial problem was can start to come into play as the process isn't always quick. Many problems won't require expensive and invasive treatment such as IVF but finding out what the problem is can sometimes take time and depending on when you started trying, age related issues can sometimes start to be a factor as well

Having said that, it is just something to keep in mind as most people won't have problems conceiving but some will. In my case we had success after many years of trying and multiple fertility treatments and finally a few IVF cycles.
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Dec 3, 2012
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BRAMPTON
Hi Dragonflower77! I have exactly the same experience and now in the process of going thru IVF. Do you mind sharing where you had it? Unfortunately, hubby's DNA fragmentation was not promising and we were asked to go through a special type of IVF -IMCI (i think that's how it's called). Same as you, had i known this is going to be this hard, I would have done this earlier. I Did IuI already and no success. Although i have a Healthy ovary reserve, fragmented DNA seems to be the culprit. Hope you can refer me to your fertility clinic. Thanks.
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Sep 7, 2005
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dragonflower77 wrote:
Sep 21st, 2017 11:08 pm
I second this post. Children in your early 30's is the perfect time to have children and not old at all.

I am 40 and currently pregnant, but only through IVF. I kept delaying having children figuring I'll have enough time by my mid 30's. I got pregnant naturally at 37, but had a miscarriage and have not been able to conceive naturally since. At 39, I researched more about infertility and I realized time was running out and the chances of conceiving at 40 is really slim. Just take a look at the stats.

I got a referral to one of the best fertility clinic. The process takes a while. I had to do a plethora of tests. Husband also had DNA fragmentation on his sperm - this checks to see if there's abnormalities in DNA. Nothing was found and I apparently had a good ovarian reserve left. The conclusion was unexplained infertility.

There is a test now you can do called the AMH test, that will let a woman know how much ovarian reserve she has left. She can then decide whether she wants to freeze her eggs to get pregnant later. Freezing eggs will keep them at the younger age they were frozen and will have less DNA damage due to time. Women are born with all the eggs they'll ever have. The quality of eggs and sperm decline with age. All those celebrities that have children at 45+... what they don't tell you is that they're using donor eggs of a younger woman. They're carrying the baby, but the embryo was donated.

I'm financially established, but if I had known it was going to be this hard, I would have tried sooner when I got married at 32. The cycling process to retrieve the eggs for IVF is no ball in the park. It's very invasive. I have a fear of needles and had to do injections, ultrasound and blood work daily to the point that my veins collapse and they couldn't draw blood from my arm.

In Ontario, funding covers one round of IVF treatment. However, if you're not successful in that round. That's it. Expect to pay around $3000 for fertility drugs and the IVF treatment will cost about $15000-$20000 a cycle with no guarantees.
Congratulations Dragonflower77! :)

I wanted to expand/clarify on the point of Ontario IVF funding. The funding only covers the procedure and not the fertility drugs. That said, it is still a big help!
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Dec 16, 2007
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Thank you Clueless! :) Yes, that is correct. The drugs are not covered and I paid those out of pocket. They are pretty expensive.
Deal Addict
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Jul 19, 2012
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your age is perfect to have kids
do it soon before your wife's eggs dry up
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Oct 27, 2012
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Shwa
We were 28 for the first, 30 for the second. Im 39 now, and couldnt imagine having to change diapers again LOL
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Mar 31, 2008
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jookid wrote:
Oct 3rd, 2017 5:35 pm
We were 28 for the first, 30 for the second. Im 39 now, and couldnt imagine having to change diapers again LOL
Not that long ago, that was the more of the norm. Nowadays, that's considered early!
Deal Guru
Dec 31, 2005
13213 posts
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As mentioned above, we had ours essentially at 30, 35, and 40. There are many advantages and disadvantages to having children "later" in life.


Advantages:
We had lots of couple time.
On average, you are likely to be in a better place financially. Between our first and last, our income more than doubled. There has been far less stress around money.
You are more mature as a rule. Able to provide more wisdom to situations. In many instances, your friends and family can provide real world experience --whether you want it or not :-)
At work, you are probably more stable...that is less pressure. Often you are no longer in the climbing mode, so you have more time for your kids. When I was younger, I was never home. Today, I rarely travel.
You are probably not the first in your circle, so you don't get left out...
Hate to be negative, but in many instances, if you are couple that has waited...if you were to fail as a couple, it likely would have already happened.

Disadvantages:
You will be more tired. Many are often in "worse" physical shape...can be stressful.
Not "free" of kids until much later in life. We have friends the same age who have kids heading off to university...our youngest is three.
May not have family to help. We didn't...but that was not due to age, rather location.

In the end, even having kids when we did, we are not the exception where we live. When dropping the kids off in daycare, we are far from the oldest.
Deal Addict
Feb 9, 2009
4629 posts
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Plus:
Your career is settled.
On average should have more money saved and/or less debt (unless mortgage). Basically higher salary to support kids.
More mature to handle children

Minus:
Less energy to chase and run around with kids.
Will be older when your kid in high school "basically the old parent the kids never want to be seen around"
Older when you have grandkids

Definitely think these days it's more wise to have kids a little older, say 30's. I had mine in my 30s and worked out great. Tho i notice I do get tired alot and I was a night owl and now have to force my way to sleep earlier and get up at 6 to 6:30 (gulp!).

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