Helicopter parents

[Spidey]

Since the fall and we moved, I have been in charge of getting my kids to school. My wife works the opposite direction of school and I don't, so I drop them off, etc, etc.

What Ive noticed a lot since the fall, and don't know why this morning I decided to post, is this.

Parents that do everything for their kids.

This morning I watched as almost every mother and father helped their kids take their jackets and boots off, hung up everything including their backpack, while their kids just stood their helpless.

And these kids were 7,8,9 years old.

In my opinion I think this is bad for the kids, because they don't learn to do anything or have to deal with anything because mom & dad do everything for them.

I understand wanting to spend time with your kids, and I do as well, but I go into the school with my 2 kids, but I don't stand there and undress them when they are capable of doing it themselves.

If the parents continue this with their kids, wont they grow up knowing that mom and dad will be there for them for everything, and they don't have to deal with consequences.

Ive had my kids call me at work because they forgot their lunch, and we used to take it to them. But then they kept forgetting it more and more, because we would "save" them

Then we started saying "sorry you forgot it, but I cant help you" Now they never forget their lunch. Sure a hard lesson to learn for them, but they did learn from this.

I know I'm going to get flamed on this, because tons of parents will says its mean, but if kids aren't taught to deal with stuff, wont they carry that into their teenage years and young adult years, knowing mom & dad will always save the no matter what happens.

And Ive seen this happen at the college, parents there making sure Little Johnny and Sally fill out the forms correctly, standing in line with them, etc

[CSK'sMom]

Not mean at all Spidey, responsible IMO. I've watched the same thing over the years and have seen the end results. Kids that can't seem to do anything for themselves, even the most mundane of normal everyday things like wiping their own butts. I kid you not, our 12 yr old has a friend that will not wipe her own butt, Mommy has always done it for her and continues to! I always thought that our job as parents was to teach our kids how to be self-supporting, responsible adults. Part of that is to teach them how to do everything that they will have to do for themselves one day.

[brendonp]

I'm with you as well Spidey!

I do help my daughter in and out of her snowsuit, but then she's only 1.5 years old. However, I'm always giving instruction "arm in", "leg in", "boots on", etc, etc and she can actually do her jacket and boots now by herself - just takes a crazy long amount of time right now... (so she's on weekend duty, and I take the week days)

I kid you not, our 12 yr old has a friend that will not wipe her own butt, Mommy has always done it for her and continues to!

This I can't quite believe!

[Spidey]

Not mean at all Spidey, responsible IMO. I've watched the same thing over the years and have seen the end results. Kids that can't seem to do anything for themselves, even the most mundane of normal everyday things like wiping their own butts. I kid you not, our 12 yr old has a friend that will not wipe her own butt, Mommy has always done it for her and continues to! I always thought that our job as parents was to teach our kids how to be self-supporting, responsible adults. Part of that is to teach them how to do everything that they will have to do for themselves one day.

12 years old and that happens. God thats gonna be a nightmare when they get older. Thas just gonna screw the kids up for life

[CSK'sMom]

I just shake me head at this kid. She has been coddled her whole life, Mommy does absolutely everything for her. She cuts her food on her plate for her, still helps her get dressed, etc. IMO, Mommy is way more concerned with being a friend than a parent. It's the whole "I want my kid to like me" syndrome...

[Spidey]

I just shake me head at this kid. She has been coddled her whole life, Mommy does absolutely everything for her. She cuts her food on her plate for her, still helps her get dressed, etc. IMO, Mommy is way more concerned with being a friend than a parent. It's the whole "I want my kid to like me" syndrome...

And that kid will walk all over them as they get older. Plus the real world will eat her alive when she leaves home, if she ever will

[CSK'sMom]

Absolutely Spidey. I see it already with this kid. She is starting to be mocked by the other kids as they realize what's going on. Let's face it, it's not hard to see that it's not "normal" to have your Mommy following you around in grade 7 doing everything for you. I hate to see what's going to happen when she gets to highschool in a couple of years.

[Spidey]

Absolutely Spidey. I see it already with this kid. She is starting to be mocked by the other kids as they realize what's going on. Let's face it, it's not hard to see that it's not "normal" to have your Mommy following you around in grade 7 doing everything for you. I hate to see what's going to happen when she gets to highschool in a couple of years.

Well she will defintly get bullied, if shes not already. With no backbone to speak of and having everything handed to her. But is it the kids fault or the parents.

Occasionally my kids play the helpless card, but its less and less as time goes on, because we dont help them. If youve done something a bunch of times before, why would I get it for you

My favorite, can you get me a glass of water/milk when we are having supper.

[kellya]

lol...the kids in our school would be out of luck if they were like that. Parents aren't allowed in to the school. My daughter (5 and in SK) lines up at the door with her classmates and her teacher escorts them in. I watch her until she is inside the school and then I leave.

FWIW I am a big believer in getting kids to do things on their own. My 3 year old is quite capable in getting his clothing/outerwear on his own. He sometimes needs a bit of help with his gloves and scarf but everything else he does on his own.

[almostfreeman]

In the future kids will evolve without legs ... as they will no longer be necessary to get to school since they are all chauffeur driven.

[Spidey]

In the future kids will evolve without legs ... as they will no longer be necessary to get to school since they are all chauffeur driven.

Aint that the truth. My kids always walked to school till this fall. Now we live out of town and they cant get bused, so I have to drive them. Wish I didnt though. But I give them enough work out here to do on the weekends to make up for it

[3weddings]

I am bashed often because I believe in independent children. From the time mine went to school in JK, I have ensured they knew how to get themselves undressed and settled at school. It irks me to no end to see parents smother their kids, as that IMO is all they are doing.

I too have not accomodated my kids if they have forgotten something. There are three of them in school at the same time....they can share their lunches!
Sorry you forgot your sneakers honey......that's your responsibility too!

Spidey, CSKsMom....I knew were all on the same track with our kids....congrats!

As for that little girl, how sad that her parents are encouraging her dependence on them

[Bullseye]

My kids are still very young, but I don't think this will be a problem for us. Our 2.5 year old is already pretty independant for his age, he mostly dresses and undresses himself, and eats without much assistance (just cutting). No worries about attachment, either, he barely even looks back when we leave him with sitters.

I see the smothering thing all the time, though. My co-worker won't even leave her 13 year old alone for a couple hours in the evening so she can do a night class. What would he eat? How would he put himself to bed?

Geez...when I was 13, my parents would go away overnight all the time, with me in charge of my three younger siblings.

[Spidey]

My kids are still very young, but I don't think this will be a problem for us. Our 2.5 year old is already pretty independant for his age, he mostly dresses and undresses himself, and eats without much assistance (just cutting). No worries about attachment, either, he barely even looks back when we leave him with sitters.

I see the smothering thing all the time, though. My co-worker won't even leave her 13 year old alone for a couple hours in the evening so she can do a night class. What would he eat? How would he put himself to bed?

Geez...when I was 13, my parents would go away overnight all the time, with me in charge of my three younger siblings.

really its not the kids fault at all, but the parents. If you wont let a kid do anything, they wont do it.

Ours are very independant as well. Weekends are nice now since they make their own breakfasts now. My oldest will be 11 soon so he helps out the other 2. Breakfast consist of ceral or instant oatmeal mostly. Sometime the oldest will make eggs as well.

They also makes their own lunches at night, as well as put away their own clothes after laundry is done.

[mrcantrell]

My co-worker won't even leave her 13 year old alone for a couple hours in the evening so she can do a night class. What would he eat? How would he put himself to bed?

Yikes, when I was 13 I had a paper route and looked after my parents store all alone. No one followed me around!

As for the 'what would he eat?' I know parents like that, the husband and kids sit on the sofa watching TV until the mother gets home and makes dinner... even if it's 7 or 8pm they don't lift a finger. Even worse, she makes different things for all of them (16, 18 & 55 yo males) because this one won't eat that and the other one won't eat what the first one likes.

Both kids have jobs and Mommy and Daddy leave work at all hours of the day to go pick this one up at school and drop him and work, and pick up the other and take him from one campus to the other. I said "They both work, tell them to buy a car... or better yet a bus pass!"

I wonder what I would have turned out like being coddled like that.