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Help with Resume critique **updated again!**

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  • May 24th, 2010 12:43 pm
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Newbie
May 14, 2010
26 posts
Toronto, ON / Queens…

Help with Resume critique **updated again!**

Hi all,
I've been reading some of the threads here and find them really useful, so I'm hoping I could get some tips or a critique of my resume? The one big problem I think there may be with my resume is the amount of text, it used to be trimmer with less details, but I keep reading all these sites on resume improvement that told me to expand on details so employers know exactly what you can do, instead of putting generic stuff like "problem solver" but then not expanding on it. Now it just feels like there's too much text. It's 2 pages, I usually print front and back to keep it at 1 page if I hand in a paper copy since I know nobody likes to read resumes more than 1 page long.

I've been sending out my resume for the past 3 months with no response, so I know it needs to be improved, I just don't know how else to further improve it.

Please check post #15 for new resume.
16 replies
Deal Addict
User avatar
May 4, 2010
1863 posts
582 upvotes
You answered the question yourself, there is WAY too much text, nobody is going to read all that. Find a way to summarize the points in a way that isn't wordy and convoluted but SIMPLE and too the point. You don't need to list everything you did in the job but only things that are VERY relevant to the overall position and your value in the position/what you're trying to aim for. Your profile section is just a big blob of text and it makes one not even want to go near it sorry to say, you can easily fix this though.

Again, try to look at it through the employers eyes and pretend that resume landed on your desk amongst a pile of others. They want a quick view of what you're all about/what you can offer. You need to find a balance between all that detail and being concise.

Once you do this you should try different templates for your resume layout (yours isn't too bad compared to some I see on here) but it doesn't hurt to try out something new as long. Check out some of the other resume critique threads other ideas.
Newbie
Oct 9, 2009
8 posts
37 upvotes
The resume should only be one page, you dont' have enough work experience to fill out two pages. read the other critques of resumes on here to get good ideas.
Deal Addict
Feb 24, 2004
1549 posts
269 upvotes
Yup, I'd trash this and start all over..

1. Your Attributes and General Skills don't add any value as they are either too generic or mundane (not impressive to be the icebreaker)
2. The way you have "blah: blah blah blah" is very repetitive
3. Remove page 2 -- most of that is way too old to include and honestly not that impressive once you've graduated university

I think when people tell you to elaborate on things, they meant on things that would impress people. For instance, you said you're never late on project while maintaining quality. Well, the triple constraint in Project Management include time, quality and budget; so did you exceed the budget? Anyone with PM experience would pick that up and throw away your resume.

Another thing on your resume says you're a dedicated problem solver by helping clients beyond the expected job responsibilities -- well, if I were the customer, I would've expected whoever I was talking to to help me. By saying it was "beyond your expected job responsibilities" shows you're not customer-focused. Nor do I think that's a good example of problem solving.

Most of what's on your resume, I can twist to become something negative.
Deal Addict
User avatar
Apr 14, 2005
1698 posts
127 upvotes
Yup, you need to trim the excess. I don't feel like commenting on what can be condensed/removed (too much to read.. which is how anyone you send this to will also feel). but it sounds like you already knew that.

You need better use of white space as well. It's all a blur in your layout. For example, a couple of points paragraph spacing on the bullets would go a long ways to separate them.

There's lots of ways to utilize the layout/formatting to cram in lots of information but still be easy on the eyes and maintain a good balance of white space.

There's other layout issues.. be consistent. You've got "-" bullets, regular circle "○", solid/filled circle "•".. I'd suggest picking one and sticking to it.. Indentation is also all over the place.. both in bullet indentation, text indentation, and spacing between bullets/text. Looks sloppy and thrown together.. take the time to shore everything up in a consistent manner. In some spots, the subsequent lines of bullets are indented further than the first, in other cases they are not.

There's lots of other inconsistent stuff going on too. "Jul. - Sept '05" (side note: does "Jul." really help abbreviate "July"?) includes 1 year, "May '06 - Sept. '07" includes the years on both ends. "2002-2004" introduces yet a 3rd format to your date ranges. I assume July was '05, but why leave me to guess? Be consistent.

what types of jobs are you applying for?
Deal Addict
User avatar
Apr 14, 2005
1698 posts
127 upvotes
fly wrote: Most of what's on your resume, I can twist to become something negative.
I sort of felt the same, but didn't want to pick it apart just yet.. but there's a couple that jump out as being likely to be viewed negatively.. "oh, you're THAT guy"

- The bit about posting notes around the office reminding coworkers to do things correctly could be viewed as simply annoying and passive aggressive.

- The very first line of the resume list 4 traits but only bolds 3 of them. Seems like you are not so sure that you are actually "honest".

- The bit about "instead of waiting several days for IT to fix" seems condescending to IT professionals and may come off as arrogant. I was quite surprised to see this in the opening of a resume! If you've had crappy experiences with the IT department, so be it.. but your resume is not a good place to air those frustrations. If you've got good computer skills, write that in somewhere in a positive way.

- "taking the extra step to help with non-related activities" ... so you'd leave work to promote the gym but end up doing other unrelated things? I don't think this sounds very good.

What you need to focus on is results, what did you do for that employer.. "Consistently exceeded monthly membership sales targets." is a lot better than saying "Sales and finance support focus: sell and promote fitness memberships"
Newbie
May 14, 2010
26 posts
Toronto, ON / Queens…
thanks everyone!
I knew my resume was due for a major overhaul, but I didn't think it was really this bad! I should mention that I've never actually sent out this version, I just recently updated it to get to this version but knew it looked way too long and thick.

I appreciate the comments and I'll check out the other critiques here. It's good to get different perspectives. Like, I never even though my resume would come off making me look like a douche or passive aggressive, which I'm not. I was trying to emphasize that I'm an overachiever and I've been trying to take steps to improve how the company as a whole looks to the customer as much as I can from my limited position of power. The company from top to bottom that I currently work for is terribly mismanaged (especially the IT dept LOL, they can somehow get away with not even attempting to fix network issues for months with no repercussions) and the only reason I've continued to stay here is the pay is pretty good for the work I need to do. Because of poor management, we have poor hires, and in the end, we often look really bad in front of the customer, and I hate it, so I've been trying to improve the way we operate in front of the customer so that we don't look so poorly managed.

Anyway, I will be doing a complete rewrite, thanks :)
Newbie
May 14, 2010
26 posts
Toronto, ON / Queens…
Hey everyone,

I've completely rewritten my resume from scratch, using all your very useful input, as well as some stuff I read on other critique threads here. This is just a generic one, I know I have to gear my resume to each job I apply for now, but hopefully I've made some vast improvements? I'm looking for another critique if you guys don't mind me asking :)
[IMG]http://img192.imageshack.us/img192/7942/59982766.th.jpg[/IMG]

It looks kind of bland now?! :( Should I be using another style less commonly used bullets? Or will that make it look unprofessional?
Deal Addict
User avatar
May 4, 2010
1863 posts
582 upvotes
It's better, although your points are still too long and there are too many (try to aim for about 4, this will make sure you only put the most relevant details). Some of your points are too vague, you mention what skills you gained but don't mention how you gained them (by doing what?). Try to make them concise and too the point.

You don't have any sort of Profile section, I believe this is important b/c it gives potential employers a quick idea of your years of experience in whatever industry, and your strongest traits.

Also, your layout could be much less generic, I'm not sure why you've centered all your titles. Its not working so well, do yourself a favour and build your document in the latest version of word. Use a template if you need too and try to make it look better.
Newbie
May 14, 2010
26 posts
Toronto, ON / Queens…
Thanks C_C!
I was trying to play around with spacing and that sort of thing to get more white spaces

As a generic version, I plan to cut out/change points that are more relevant to the job I'm applying for, but thanks for the 4 points note, I never knew that, and that makes a whole lot more sense.

I couldn't fit in a profile section and keep it at one page, I was trying to incorporate those sort of things in my work experience points to show how I've developed them, obviously I still have to improve on it to get to the point.

I didn't know Word offered templates? I've been using 2000, but I always found the templates find of plain, I'll ask my friend to use his 2007 version and see what templates there are :) I agree, I knew it looked too generic when I uploaded it online, but one step at a time right? Hahaha.
Deal Addict
User avatar
May 4, 2010
1863 posts
582 upvotes
That's fine, as long as you're aware of the fact, which you are. If you really wanted, read up on some basic design principles, not everything has to be laid out in long line like that, you can play with paragraphs, sifting info to one side of the page while having titles on the other etc. etc. There is a lot you can do as long as it looks good.

As for the two page thing...I have a two page resume and there are no rules against not having one. Just as long as the info is relevant to whatever you're applying too and it doesn't drag.

Try to think of your experience as a service you are providing. Take a step back and look at your resume/your name as a product and you have to brand yourself. What are your key 'branding' points? (this is where the Profile comes into play), what can you provide that will benefit the organization and increase their bottom line? For ex. with someone who has a lot of customer service positions, attempt to gear your points towards increasing sales/providing the best service you can etc. This is just an analogy but I find it really helps get your mind in the right direction. Of course this depends on what you're applying too....while at the same time really making you think about what you can provide and in what industries it's applicable too. It often gives you more choices.
Deal Addict
User avatar
Apr 14, 2005
1698 posts
127 upvotes
This revision is much improved.. I can actually read it now.. the paragraph spacing between the bullets really helps separate them and does afford you the longer text you are using. I'm not a fan of the centering of the titles either..
Newbie
Aug 7, 2009
81 posts
mork wrote: This revision is much improved.. I can actually read it now.. the paragraph spacing between the bullets really helps separate them and does afford you the longer text you are using. I'm not a fan of the centering of the titles either..
Do you suggest something like this

http://www.cjhunter.com/cew/resume.gif

without the word "resume" on top.

How about including home address or not?
Dropbox what?
Deal Addict
User avatar
May 4, 2010
1863 posts
582 upvotes
^ that is ugly. Yes there is spacing but its not enough, the info is very crammed in there.

You should be putting your home address and phone number at the top of the resume.
Newbie
May 14, 2010
26 posts
Toronto, ON / Queens…
Hey everyone!

I hope I can ask one more time for a final critique of my resume? It's geared towards applying into a fresh graduate program (with no prior finance experience) in management consulting (nothing specific yet since they streamline you in the program) at one of the Big 5 consulting firms. I know getting into these programs is really competitive, but I know if I can get past the resume stage, I can really sell myself - I've always been offered a job after going in for the interview (though I've turned down several jobs after finding more about the job at the interview).
[IMG]http://img59.imageshack.us/img59/5333/24730660.th.jpg[/IMG]

I'm trying to keep the resume at 1 page. Currently, "Education" is sitting alone on a 2nd page (not shown), and it's only a couple of lines so it isn't worth it. I need to delete at least 3 1-line points or a 1-line and a 2-line to fit it all in. Any advice on which to delete? I've marked the lines I'm thinking of deleting with red numbers. Right now, I'm thinking #s 1, 2, and 3?

I've spent hours trying to come up with unique points for the profile section, but all I can still come up with is what seems like generic stuff, any help there of how to personalize it?

And I've adjusted the formatting slightly from the previous version, based on looking at some templates out there, but I'm afraid of following them exactly since many other people will probably have the same template?

Thanks everyone :D

PS, the line running across the very top isn't in the actual resume, I forgot to crop it out.
Sr. Member
Aug 10, 2007
882 posts
11 upvotes
Isn't a profile where people list accomplishments worth mentioning? The items you listed sound like BS (in the sense that it's expected and not worth the space).
Deal Addict
User avatar
May 4, 2010
1863 posts
582 upvotes
^ agreed, I think you can do better then that.


This about your years of experience and put a number on it. If you have experience in a certain industry then SAY IT. You can use past jobs (that aren't on your resume as part of this), it still counts, for ex (5 years of sales experience etc.). Don't BS points, make your value and personality traits clear. Think about what the employer is looking for and don't write things like 'genuinely enjoy team work blah blah blah' nobody cares if you enjoy it, if its something that is expected in a job posting then you better enjoy it. Sorry but it's the truth, its like having an objective statement that reads 'I need a job to pay off my tuition' the employer is looking too see how your skills match up with their position and how you fit in with their workplace. That's it. Also having personality traits that sound like they are expected is fine as LONG as you can fully back what you're writing and you're not just listing things for the hell of it. I MAKE SURE that what I've listed is in line with my job duties and what I think I really excel at.

You have to make it clear what you are good and excel at in a work environment. Keep in mind these things don't have to be wordy and contrived, keep it simple and too the point. I can't stress this enough, seeing some of the resumes on here I think people need to focus more on their writing and really stressing what they can do.

That first point under your fitness job can easily be something that is placed under your profile once it's edited. A profile is something you tie all your jobs back too, its like points in an essay.....therefore you can really focus on your duties and contributions under your work history and create stronger branding.

Again under each job heading you've written things like 'developed excellent communication skills' don't put stuff like that in.....talk more about HOW you did this and leave those 'key phrases' to your profile.

For extracurricular activities and the dates you DON'T need to add unnecessary info like 'summer months only' it's clear with just the dates. You don't need the words 'elected to' just put your title.

Your points overall in each section need work. Once you do this, it will be much better and you will be able to talk about what you have to offer succinctly b/c YOU YOURSELF will a number to put on it and will therefore sound more experienced and knowledgeable about the industries you've worked in. Don't underestimate this, I've gotten interviews b/c of the first line in my Profile.

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