Parenting & Family

Here we go!

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  • Sep 23rd, 2015 9:06 am
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Member
Jan 5, 2009
384 posts
8 upvotes

Here we go!

Our daughter recently turned 20 months young and wow, have the temper tantrums started!!! If she does not get what she wants, that's it, it's the end of the world. I know of the terrible two's and sometimes it starts before the child actually turns 2 but my questions is: What do you do when that happens?

We used to be impressed how nice and quiet she was (lol!) we were waiting for the terrible two's but I must admit I was surprised this is happening this soon.
15 replies
Deal Addict
Aug 20, 2007
1983 posts
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Kitchener
I have a 5 year old and 3 year old... what ever you do, as hard as it is, don't give in to her tantrums. Stick to your guns, it might take a week or a month but soon enough she will figure our that screaming and stuff will not get you to change your mind. She is testing her limits so you need to stick to your guns. If you do this now, it will be much easier down the road when their older cause its much hard to change behaviour's as they get older. Best of luck! It gets better trust me! :)
Deal Fanatic
Jun 24, 2015
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welcome to the terrible 1's now, they start early. and it ends at the terrible 4s now
Deal Addict
Aug 17, 2008
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Sask.
What peelhic said.... be strong now and deal with it all now. It's hard at times, but well worth it. You will get frustrated and feel like YOU are banging your head against the wall, but keep calm, stick to your guns. Speak to your child quietly, and just explain why the behaviour is not allowed. Yes, you will have to do it over and over - but that's the part which works best, to be consistent.
Good luck - and, yes, it does pass if you try deal with it as well as you can now. Child will be happier and so will the parents.
Deal Expert
Aug 22, 2011
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Center of Universe
Just remember that you are the parent and they are the child...you have full control of the situation.
Deal Addict
Aug 19, 2013
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Don't give in to the tantrums. Don't bribe her or give her what she wants just to avoid them. Do your best to just ignore them let her have her for. She will calm down eventually and then when she's calm give her a big hug etc but not before. This will reward her ability to calm herself, and not teach her this is how she gets things. It will be hard but if you stick to your guns now you will have a few months of pain but have a well mannered child. And not a whiney demanding 4 year old who still throws fits all the time.

If a tantrum happens in public just let them scream get done what your doing quickly and then leave for home. Don't give in just because you are embarrassed.
Deal Addict
Nov 17, 2003
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Maple
Exactly what others have said - ignore it! DO NOT give in! Just make sure she can't hurt herself while she's throwing the tantrum, then leave her alone and pretend to do something else. Mine did that around the age you're indicating, and I thought "OMG, terrible twos!!". And it was pretty bad for a few weeks, then he sort of snapped out of it. It also helps to get them as involved and give them knowledge of things - e.g. if you're going to be leaving the park/store soon, tell them "five more minutes" so they know they will be leaving soon. They still might fuss, but it'll be better than just dragging them out. Or when I'm trying to get him to sit properly in the car seat or dressed, I'll let him know where we're going and who we'll see etc. If he wants out of his high chair and I'm trying to get something to wipe his mouth with before he can leave the table, I don't just disappear and leave him waiting, I'll tell him where I'm going so he knows he can expect to get out really soon.
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Dec 30, 2006
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Toronto
Do not bribe or negotiate. If you do, you will be in a much worse situation when they get older as they will expect the bribe and negotiations later on in life.
Deal Expert
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Jun 9, 2003
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Markham, ON
i probably have the worst style...but I usually pick my battles...usually i ignore the tantrums...they just want the attention.

but sometimes i give in lol
Deal Fanatic
Sep 21, 2004
8687 posts
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Don't give in and tough it out. Otherwise you're setting yourself up for a world of hurt later. Don't worry about other people seeing you in heated conflict with your toddler in public. You do what you need to as a parent to parent. Good parents will understand and screw the others who judge without understanding.
Member
Jan 5, 2009
384 posts
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It is pretty much happening every evening now, after daycare. Tantrums, screaming, throwing herself on the floor. What I found strange is that the daycare would say she was great. We also have a nanny who babysits from time to time and she also says she is great. It seemed then it only happened when mommy and daddy were around. Then I was told that is usually when it happens...Wow, why couldn't it be the other way around?!?!?! lol
Deal Expert
Aug 22, 2011
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Center of Universe
NewBieDoobie wrote: It is pretty much happening every evening now, after daycare. Tantrums, screaming, throwing herself on the floor. What I found strange is that the daycare would say she was great. We also have a nanny who babysits from time to time and she also says she is great. It seemed then it only happened when mommy and daddy were around. Then I was told that is usually when it happens...Wow, why couldn't it be the other way around?!?!?! lol
That's because daycares have 0 tolerance for misbehaviors and will enforce timeouts or other repercussions...they're dealing with 10x the amount of kids.
Member
Apr 18, 2005
432 posts
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NewBieDoobie wrote: It is pretty much happening every evening now, after daycare. Tantrums, screaming, throwing herself on the floor. What I found strange is that the daycare would say she was great. We also have a nanny who babysits from time to time and she also says she is great. It seemed then it only happened when mommy and daddy were around. Then I was told that is usually when it happens...Wow, why couldn't it be the other way around?!?!?! lol
Daycare won't respond the way you or your spouse will. If your child screams, he/she gets instant attention. At daycare, if they're changing another child or taking one to the potty, cleaning a spill, attending another meltdown child, etc. they can't come running. Besides, your child has had a lifetime of experience to know that mom/dad is their best chance of a weak negotiator, especially after the patience has been worn down a bit or at the end of a long day (like after daycare or when nanny leaves).

Our child is exactly like that too and about 25 months. If she screams and I know it's not serious and she's not hurt, I don't walk away from the pot boiling over on the stove. I am still listening if she wants to tell me what's the matter.

The spouse has already begun to bargain and he is quickly becoming her favourite. I do not negotiate when my patience is strained because I know I'll have a lot less in five minutes.
Member
Jan 5, 2009
384 posts
8 upvotes
Is it normal though for them to have temper tantrums at 21 months? My mom and even my mother in law were surprised saying that they did not go through it at that age with their own kids. That made me feel bad. I know she changed ever since she started daycare. Is there something we can do. My wife has to go through most of her tantrums and I feel bad for her. My daughter is at the stage where she just wants mommy so mommy gets to go through all of the ups...and downs.
Deal Addict
Aug 19, 2013
2397 posts
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NewBieDoobie wrote: Is it normal though for them to have temper tantrums at 21 months? My mom and even my mother in law were surprised saying that they did not go through it at that age with their own kids. That made me feel bad. I know she changed ever since she started daycare. Is there something we can do. My wife has to go through most of her tantrums and I feel bad for her. My daughter is at the stage where she just wants mommy so mommy gets to go through all of the ups...and downs.
Yes it's completely normal. She could be more prone to them at the end of the day because she may be tired after being daycare (they keep them busy which is good). But it's most likely just a coincidence given her age. Don't listen to other people who say they never had to deal with that at that age. Every child is different (my oldest son and daughter rarely had tantrums but my youngest did) and people tend to have selective memories.
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May 25, 2009
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My daughter started her "terrible two's" at the 19/20 month mark. It's not like it's a switch that suddenly gets flicked "on" right on their 2nd birthday.
"God's in His heaven. All's right with the world." - Robert Browning (1812-1889)

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