Parenting & Family

How to Help a Shopaholic brother?

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  • Feb 11th, 2018 11:13 am
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Deal Fanatic
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Oct 1, 2011
6184 posts
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Macx2mommy wrote:
Jan 6th, 2018 7:25 pm
I disagree with if they can afford to buy him a condo, that he shouldn’t have to pay for basic expenses. It’s irrelevent if they can afford it or not, it’s not about the money, but rather about teaching him responsibility with money. The 16 year sounds pretty irresponsible with money even for a teenager. He has not learned any lessons yet. Having him pay a small amount for basic expenses would teach a life lesson that one doesn’t get spend everything they make. I wouldn’t make him pay it all, but since nothing is going to savings, then teaching him some mone6 has to go to expenses is fair.

If he was already saving some of his money, then fine, but he isn’t. I used be against having kids pa6 rent, but I am totall6 for it under certain circumstances.
We'll have to agree to disagree that it will "teach" him. I believe it will only create more resentment from this kid who already seems to be living in a broken family dynamic.
Macx2mommy wrote:
Jan 6th, 2018 7:25 pm
My in laws made my now spouse pay rent when he graduated university and was working full time.
We were talking about adolescents, not full grown adults. I don't know what is/was wrong with your spouse but that's a completely different situation. It also sounds like your spouse did not work full time at 16 otherwise his parents would have had the opportunity to "teach" him then.
Deal Fanatic
Feb 29, 2008
5601 posts
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12 year old spending thousands of dollars....It's too late for him. His parents have enabled him for too long. He needs to work so he understands the value of money. Parents should stop giving him money right now. Make him earn it.
Deal Addict
Jan 2, 2015
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peanutz wrote:
Jan 6th, 2018 8:26 pm
We'll have to agree to disagree that it will "teach" him. I believe it will only create more resentment from this kid who already seems to be living in a broken family dynamic.

We were talking about adolescents, not full grown adults. I don't know what is/was wrong with your spouse but that's a completely different situation. It also sounds like your spouse did not work full time at 16 otherwise his parents would have had the opportunity to "teach" him then.
Definitely agree that it’s a broken family dynamic. Part of me says let the kids figure it out on their own, the other part says if this was my kid, I would not be standing by giving the kid any thing.

Nope spouse did not work full time at 16. Nothing was wrong with him, except he didn’t appreciate the free rent and situation he had. I see nothing wrong with people (teens or young adults) living at home getting a little dose of reality IF needed.
On a 'smart' device that isn't always so smart. So please forgive the autocorrects and typos. If it brothers you, then don't read my posts, but don't waste my time correcting me. If you can get past the typos, then my posts generally have some value.
Newbie
Jan 3, 2018
37 posts
17 upvotes
He works hard - 56 hours a week...most likely he spends more time working than studying. Perhaps the entrepreneurial program might be better for him instead of university. University degrees are very expensive so it's important that your parents let him figure out what he wants to do before they spend their hard earned money on a degree that he won't invest his energy and time on. A situation like this will only breed resentment within the family.

Hanging up the phone on your mom shows that now is the time to work your family dynamics. Until he feels respect, he will not be able to give respect. It's hard to listen to people if you don't think they respect or care about you. You and your parents clearly care about him or you won't have posted your question however, he might not understand that. For now, forget about the money & other negatives, and focus on the relationship first. As previous posters mentioned, not everyone has a sibling.
Deal Fanatic
Feb 9, 2009
6485 posts
3607 upvotes
Poured lotion? Eww this kid is getting busy in his room LOL

Anyways... some people are just programmed to be shoppers. And why are your parents allowing him to work 56 hours per work -- thats alot even for a full time person, let alone someone who goes to school.

Since he's 16 you cant even threatened to kick him out of the house yet....maybe you can I dont know the age limit to live alone. But have him pay some rent, bills too...then he'll realize he's working alot for nothing...
Deal Fanatic
Feb 9, 2009
6485 posts
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No offence, your brother sounds like he's gonna be one of those guys who'll be living in their parents basement, working a minimum wage job...
Deal Fanatic
Feb 9, 2009
6485 posts
3607 upvotes
if the parents can, it may be worth it to help buy this kid a domino's franchise (or some pizza franchise, etc) then university -- this kid isn't going to succeed in uni, you can already tell by his behaviour and habits. But it seems like he likes to work in a pizza store and work long hours so he clearly has a good work ethic at least... maybe he'll succeed better here.. not everyone needs uni, maybe this kid could build his own pizza empire...
Newbie
May 12, 2012
51 posts
17 upvotes
BC
Mok122cobra wrote:
Dec 27th, 2017 7:03 pm

His room is a mess, he hasn't cleaned it in two years. All of the clothes and items he buys never go onto a shelf or rack. He throws them onto the ground and tramples all over them the second he buys them. This morning I tried to get an iPhone charge cable out of his room and stepped on a bunch of poured lotion on the ground by accident. He got mad at me and told me to leave his room immediately.
Some life advice for your brother. Tell him to cap it and wash his hands afterwards. Based on the stories you're telling us you don't want to take a black light in his bedroom. Face With Tears Of Joy
Deal Fanatic
Dec 11, 2008
8641 posts
795 upvotes
So your parents are enabling him. Just have your parents cut him off and stop offering support. He will learn or crash.
Deal Addict
Feb 25, 2007
2106 posts
123 upvotes
OP, teach your brother the term “hand me up”, you might as well get some of his toys rather then letting him break it on purpose.

Kids go thru all kinds of crazy phases in their life, I was a teenager once, and I earned money and spent everything also, but working 56 hours is excessive and it is interrupting with his grades.

You can’t change him overnight, just give guidance and ask him to tone down the spending
Banned
Jan 3, 2018
321 posts
59 upvotes
Macx2mommy wrote:
Jan 6th, 2018 7:25 pm
I disagree with if they can afford to buy him a condo, that he shouldn’t have to pay for basic expenses. It’s irrelevent if they can afford it or not, it’s not about the money, but rather about teaching him responsibility with money. T
+ 10K
Banned
Jan 3, 2018
321 posts
59 upvotes
peanutz wrote:
Jan 6th, 2018 8:26 pm
We'll have to agree to disagree that it will "teach" him. I believe it will only create more resentment from this kid who already seems to be living in a broken family dynamic.

We were talking about adolescents, not full grown adults. I don't know what is/was wrong with your spouse but that's a completely different situation. It also sounds like your spouse did not work full time at 16 otherwise his parents would have had the opportunity to "teach" him then.
Disagree on all counts.

J
Banned
Jan 3, 2018
321 posts
59 upvotes
OP - Respect you for caring. My opinion from these posts is that he is quite beyond your (or your parent's help). Some people are more selfish and irresponsible, as well as lacking gratitude (for your parents, you etc). He could also just be experimenting with new found financial freedom, but things like lying/hanging up the phone suggests to me there is something wider at play. People talk about family dynamics but it's his choices very much. I'm sorry to say it but you might just have to accept that he is like that for now, and your parents, if they can be sensible about it, shouldn't buy him the condo. Most likely they will though because he is the son right?

Best wishes,
J.
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Nov 15, 2005
3227 posts
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Sanyo wrote:
Jan 6th, 2018 11:44 pm
if the parents can, it may be worth it to help buy this kid a domino's franchise (or some pizza franchise, etc) then university -- this kid isn't going to succeed in uni, you can already tell by his behaviour and habits. But it seems like he likes to work in a pizza store and work long hours so he clearly has a good work ethic at least... maybe he'll succeed better here.. not everyone needs uni, maybe this kid could build his own pizza empire...
That's a pretty bold assumption you're making that he won't succeed in university based on his behaviour and habits now. He's 16, this might be a temporary phase then he'll snap out of it. Is he enjoying making the pizza or the fact that he is making the money?
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Deal Fanatic
Feb 9, 2009
6485 posts
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boonjaca wrote:
Jan 9th, 2018 4:20 pm
That's a pretty bold assumption you're making that he won't succeed in university based on his behaviour and habits now. He's 16, this might be a temporary phase then he'll snap out of it. Is he enjoying making the pizza or the fact that he is making the money?
Some people are not cut out for uni . Clearly his focus right now is work not school... his grades are suffering. Unless he decides to do a 180 here (very unlikely ) this may be his best course...

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