Parenting & Family

How many parents regret having a 4th child?

  • Last Updated:
  • Nov 2nd, 2017 12:24 pm
Member
Sep 8, 2002
200 posts
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Toronto
JeeZues wrote:
Aug 18th, 2017 11:11 am
We had 2 and then after we were blessed by twins.
The amount of work does not multiply going from 1 to 2 to 4. 4 are more work for sure but not by much.
The only issue is cars. If you want something to be able to tow with and fits 6+ your options will be more limited and cost will be higher (I'm still avoiding van!).
Traveling and finding rooms willing to take that number is not as easy. Forget cruise ships too unless you want to spend much more.

People before us managed with ~double the kids we have now a day. Enjoy your kids and if you want more, "make" more :D
I originally thought that 3 wasn't going to be much more work than 2. I was so wrong. And it wasn't much more work when they were very young. Just make more food. Then when they get older as toddlers and pre-teens, this is when the work multiplies. Different drop-offs to grandparents (day care), pre-school, and regular school. Each kid will demand a certain amount of solo attention. Family time where everybody is together is good, but they do demand 1 on 1 time. They will also have different hobbies / activities, different friends, etc. meaning different drop-off and pick-up times.
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Dec 12, 2004
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iambored wrote:
Sep 24th, 2017 1:14 am
I originally thought that 3 wasn't going to be much more work than 2. I was so wrong. And it wasn't much more work when they were very young. Just make more food. Then when they get older as toddlers and pre-teens, this is when the work multiplies. Different drop-offs to grandparents (day care), pre-school, and regular school. Each kid will demand a certain amount of solo attention. Family time where everybody is together is good, but they do demand 1 on 1 time. They will also have different hobbies / activities, different friends, etc. meaning different drop-off and pick-up times.
Good points. My oldest is 11 and youngest are 5. Maybe in a few years I'll come back and edit my post :) Hoping not to though!
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Jul 19, 2012
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3 kids is too many

but 4 is better even numbers easier to handle
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Aug 2, 2004
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jeff1970 wrote:
Aug 18th, 2017 11:18 pm
My ex now has 5 kids, though two are mine and live with me. At home she has 4. I am doubting that she is done...lol.
Math doesn't work out

You have 2 living with you and she has 4 at home. How does that equal to 5?
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Mar 9, 2012
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Gee wrote:
Oct 16th, 2017 1:44 am
Math doesn't work out

You have 2 living with you and she has 4 at home. How does that equal to 5?
So she gave birth to 5 kids so far, 3 of hers live with her, plus 1 step-son which lives full-time - dad has full custody, which totals 4 at her residence.
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jeff1970 wrote:
Oct 16th, 2017 7:31 am
So she gave birth to 5 kids so far, 3 of hers live with her, plus 1 step-son which lives full-time - dad has full custody, which totals 4 at her residence.
That makes sense. I’m surprised she didn’t want the 2 that you share.
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iambored wrote:
Sep 24th, 2017 1:14 am
I originally thought that 3 wasn't going to be much more work than 2. I was so wrong. And it wasn't much more work when they were very young. Just make more food. Then when they get older as toddlers and pre-teens, this is when the work multiplies. Different drop-offs to grandparents (day care), pre-school, and regular school. Each kid will demand a certain amount of solo attention. Family time where everybody is together is good, but they do demand 1 on 1 time. They will also have different hobbies / activities, different friends, etc. meaning different drop-off and pick-up times.
It's pretty funny, my wife was so anti-van. Now that we have kids with another on the way she suddenly likes the idea and essentially demands one in the next year or so.

Just trying to hold out to see if any electric vans become mass produced and feasibly priced. Probably will just lease or get a used instead until that happens.
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Oct 29, 2016
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If we have, still we would not regret it. Even if there's money issue. I would regret if I can't grow them up as a gentle person, I would not regret the numbers.
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Macx2mommy wrote:
Aug 19th, 2017 10:03 am
Nothing I said was intended to be insulating, and tell what part you disagree with.

'You are mostly correct that you loose a lot of freedom when you have kids, you have not only yourself to be responsible for but now other lives that depend on you. '. - I don't know of a good parent that hasn't felt a lost freedom, and knows they great responsibilities of having a child. Is this false?

'If one hasn't grown themselves, then best it should be zero kids for them,'. It does take a great deal of responsibility which comes with growth to accept this. Until one has grown to accept this, it should be zero kids for them. IS this false?

'Good to see that you reconginize about yourself.' You personally stated that you didn't want kids. Anyone who does not want kids, should not have them.

'Best that you don't reproduce based on your views about children.' Didn't you make a thread about assuming another family only wants a boy, but cannot see that though this is a possibility. It is also just as likely they just really want to have a large family. Did you not say that people should have zero children when clearly this thread is about people who already have 2 or 3 children?

All of this put toghetr indicated that you are clearly one who should not have children roght now. Are you telling me that you think you are ready to have kids (not just being able to donate sperm)? That you would want a child and be willing to give up thereedom and everything associated with kids in their best intersect? If so, then I have misread you, and then can see how you may be insulted. Otherwise the truth may hurt when it written.

I was agreeing with . . Anyone CAN have kids if the have the working parts, but doesn't mean they SHOULD have kid. For those whose really enjoy kids, then they are more likely not regretting more kids.
It's a scientifically proven fact that adults get dumber once they have children. The OP is a clear proof of this. I mean, what kind of normal person would even ask about people regretting having a 4th child? Why not regret having a 3rd child. Oh, could it be because the OP had 3?

Nonsense.
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Jan 2, 2015
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BiegeToyota wrote:
Oct 21st, 2017 12:16 pm
It's a scientifically proven fact that adults get dumber once they have children. The OP is a clear proof of this. I mean, what kind of normal person would even ask about people regretting having a 4th child? Why not regret having a 3rd child. Oh, could it be because the OP had 3?

Nonsense.
I have read the studies, as I was feeling that I had lost a lot of my brain functionality when my first was born, and then more so the second. However, the studies show it is the women that tend to lose brain functionality not men. Also, it comes back and is fully restored to the same level or higher by the time the youngest turns 12. I believe OP is a male, so I don’t think your scientific proof does not apply.

I also believe your Inability understand why someone would regret having four vs three vs even two or one or none, leads me to think thatyou don’t have any children, or only one. I could be wrong though, but if you had even two child, you understand how the dynamics can change so much. Each child that a family adds changes bring different challenges than just the child themselves.

Here’s the examples on why someone would ask if there are any regrets to adding one more to
‘X’ children.

-Going from zero to one. We see this question all the time. It’s the hugest shift going from non parent to parent so no further explanation
- one to two for many it’s not twice as hard, it is many times harder. You wonder if you can provide for both as well in terms of time, attention, finances. Are those demands offset by the siblings having compan6 when they are older
- two to three is again a different dynamic. Will there be an odd kid out, how is the gender mix going to happen, how in world are you going to arrange activities, there are more kids than adults, what vacations how the heck do,you rooms, etc
-3 to four, you think you had it figured out, your oldest depending on spacing is probably around 8 to 10years old, you ar3 starting to see the light on how it might feel to not have to buy diapers or pay for childcare soon. Do you really want to add in another mix. Do you need a larger vehicle, those activists your oldest are in are starting to get competitive, can you manage with the schedules and everything else. A forth is harder. If the kids are really close together, let’s say the oldest is under 5, Will having having 4 under 5 cause permanent mental damage to the mom. I know it would for me.

These are just examples of what family may be considering. To think that having three kids is the same dynamic and same challenges as four is naive and not very well thought through. I think OP understands that every addition to the family bring different challenges and was wise to ask. So a responsible parent would ask that even to themselves. A person who does not ask what are the impacts of having an additional child and fully ensure they are ready for it, is not ready to have that other child.
On a 'smart' device that isn't always so smart. So please forgive the autocorrects and typos. If it brothers you, then don't read my posts, but don't waste my time correcting me. If you can get past the typos, then my posts generally have some value.
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Mar 14, 2004
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I don't think some regret, some shoot for four. I know someone on welfare that got a mini-van from the government and he told me you get one when you have 4 kids. I don't know how true that is though.
Jr. Member
Jul 26, 2016
107 posts
34 upvotes
No use to regret, do waht you feel right and don't think or look back :)

To be honest assuming one has love, time, money and resources to raise kids well, any number is a good number.

But if one has very limited patience and resources and has problem taking care of themselves, then 1 kid may already be too much.

In the end of the day parenting matters a lot too. Kids are like raw playdoh when born, it is up to the parents (and environment) to mold and shape them. When we get old we will bear the good/bad consequences for our parenting effort. That's why we see some parents have many kids and they are angels, and some has only a handful and they are monsters Lol

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