Parenting & Family

My son’s friend lied about him. Should I tell him?

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  • Dec 6th, 2018 5:42 pm
[OP]
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Apr 23, 2018
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My son’s friend lied about him. Should I tell him?

Both are 10 years old. The kid did something wrong. My neighbor saw it and told the mom. When telling his mom about what happened the kid added my son’s name into the story. The mom sent me a message saying my son and hers were doing something wrong even though my neighbor didn’t mention my son’s name at all. Things got cleared eventually, and it was proved that kid lied about my son’s involvement just for getting into trouble less. My son was not in it at all.

My son didn’t know his friend lied about him. He always thought that kid was his number one best friend and trustworthy.

I don’t know if I should tell him that his friend lied about him, or just pretend the mom didn’t tell me anything at all. I really don’t want to see his heart broken because his best friend lied about him. He is a sensitive kid, and never wants to hurt anybody’s feelings and it is hard for him to understand why some kids would lie to hurt his feelings as well. That’s the emotional part, but I still think the right and fair thing to do is to tell him the truth.

Thanks for your input.

Added more details into this post.
Last edited by Hello517 on Dec 3rd, 2018 2:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.
22 replies
Deal Expert
Aug 22, 2011
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I would absolutely tell my kid what happened.
Newbie
Sep 27, 2018
21 posts
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Is this a one off or a pattern of behaviour? Unless it's a clear pattern I would let them figure things out themselves. Keep a close eye and step in if a pattern does emerge.
[OP]
Newbie
Apr 23, 2018
15 posts
5 upvotes
This is the one we know of thanks for the mom’s “message”. I don’t know if anything happened like this before just the mom didn’t think it wasn’t as serious enough to tell me. It might’ve happened before I guess, otherwise the mom should give my kid some benefit of doubt instead of accusing my kid first before confirming the truth. A neighbor told her that it was her son who did the wrong thing. Her son added my son’s name in it, and she just took her son’s word for it.
Last edited by Hello517 on Dec 3rd, 2018 12:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Deal Addict
Mar 21, 2010
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Hello517 wrote:
Dec 3rd, 2018 12:03 pm
This is the one we know of thanks for the mom’s “message”. I don’t know if anything happened like this before just the mom didn’t think it wasn’t as serious enough to tell me. It might’ve happened before I guess, otherwise the mom should give my kid some benefit of doubt instead of accusing my kid first before confirming the truth. She just took her son’s word for it.
I think if you choose to tell, don't over-emphasize it or make it sound like this proves that the other kid is a bad person and shouldn't be their friend. Kids lie all the time, like ALL the time, even about stuff that makes no sense to lie about. They're just starting to learn about how to behave with their peers. Honestly at that age, my "best friends" weren't what we as adults would consider best friends, they were just the kids I hung out with the most. I don't think your son should be at all offended that some other kid didn't have his back, because they probably haven't even learned what that means yet.
[OP]
Newbie
Apr 23, 2018
15 posts
5 upvotes
Thanks. I agree with you. That’s why I haven’t told him yet. Just I don’t think it is fair to him without knowing what the other kid did. Honestly, I even hope my son lied instead of having to tell his best friend lied about him.
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Dec 11, 2003
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It might just be a one off things where the kid thought a little lie would help him get in less trouble, such as "Billy wanted to go to the store after dark at 8 PM and I wanted to tag along".

If it is then it doesn't sound like a big deal but it just depends on how serious the lie is (what your son's friend said) and if it was just told to try and not get into deep trouble. You could probably just let this one slide unless you hear more of these stories.
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[OP]
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Apr 23, 2018
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Hello517 wrote:
Dec 3rd, 2018 12:03 pm
This is the one we know of thanks for the mom’s “message”. I don’t know if anything happened like this before just the mom didn’t think it wasn’t as serious enough to tell me. It might’ve happened before I guess, otherwise the mom should give my kid some benefit of doubt instead of accusing my kid first before confirming the truth. A neighbor told her that it was her son who did the wrong thing. Her son added my son’s name in it, and she just took her son’s word for it.
I Know kids would lie at some point for getting out of trouble. If it was me I would double confirm all the facts to find out the truth before I took my son’s word for it, especially when a grownup told me the incident and only mentioned my son’s name. Apparently this mom didn’t think her son would lie, so she just took her son’s word and told that my son and her son were doing the thing. Yes. I am upset about the mom a little too. I just thought over the years the kids grew up together, she would know my son better and give him some benefit of doubt. It seems like I am too naive.
Deal Expert
Aug 22, 2011
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Will the mom of the kid that lied address it with her son?
I'm not one to judge, but she needs to set things straight also, otherwise my kid is not going to be friends with someone who's parent doesn't take responsibility for their child's actions.
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Hello517 wrote:
Dec 3rd, 2018 12:49 pm
I Know kids would lie at some point for getting out of trouble. If it was me I would double confirm all the facts to find out the truth before I took my son’s word for it, especially when a grownup told me the incident and only mentioned my son’s name. Apparently this mom didn’t think her son would lie, so she just took her son’s word and told that my son and her son were doing the thing. Yes. I am upset about the mom a little too. I just thought over the years the kids grew up together, she would know my son better and give him some benefit of doubt. It seems like I am too naive.
All parents don't think their kids would lie either. Kids are perfect angels in the parent's eyes. If your son has lied to you about something you probably wouldn't even know. Maybe the lie was so small that you would never find out the truth. Who knows, if your son told you something about that friend you probably wouldn't have any reason not to believe your son. That's pretty much everybody's nature to believe their own kids first. I wouldn't be upset at other parent. Why would she have a reason not to believe her son?
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[OP]
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Apr 23, 2018
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vkizzle wrote:
Dec 3rd, 2018 1:25 pm
Will the mom of the kid that lied address it with her son?
I'm not one to judge, but she needs to set things straight also, otherwise my kid is not going to be friends with someone who's parent doesn't take responsibility for their child's actions.
I believe the kid was already in big trouble due to the wrong doing. The rules in her house are very strict. Just I’m expecting an apology for the lying part towards my son.
[OP]
Newbie
Apr 23, 2018
15 posts
5 upvotes
ds2chan wrote:
Dec 3rd, 2018 1:34 pm
All parents don't think their kids would lie either. Kids are perfect angels in the parent's eyes. If your son has lied to you about something you probably wouldn't even know. Maybe the lie was so small that you would never find out the truth. Who knows, if your son told you something about that friend you probably wouldn't have any reason not to believe your son. That's pretty much everybody's nature to believe their own kids first. I wouldn't be upset at other parent. Why would she have a reason not to believe her son?
Because our neighbor saw her son did the thing. Our neighbor didn’t mention my son’s name at all. Wouldn’t it be a hint?
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Hello517 wrote:
Dec 3rd, 2018 1:40 pm
Because our neighbor saw her son did the thing. Our neighbor didn’t mention my son’s name at all. Wouldn’t it be a hint?
I didn't see you mention the neighbour part. You should really add that to the original post. I don't know the whole story. I'm just throwing out some possible other views here.
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[OP]
Newbie
Apr 23, 2018
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ds2chan wrote:
Dec 3rd, 2018 1:46 pm
I didn't see you mention the neighbour part. You should really add that to the original post. I don't know the whole story. I'm just throwing out some possible other views here.
I originally just didn’t want to involve the mom part.

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