Parenting & Family

my son may need to see pediatrician

  • Last Updated:
  • Nov 17th, 2018 12:57 pm
Tags:
[OP]
Jr. Member
Sep 10, 2005
116 posts
6 upvotes
Toronto

my son may need to see pediatrician

It is my first post in this forums. This thing is so concerning me and my wife right now. Just want to chat.

My son is in grade 2. I just had a parent teacher conference. The teacher said my son is doing ok in academic work, but he has a bad behavior, such as not following rules, interrupting others during the class, not doing well during group work. I actually prepared to hear such things from the teacher because Grade 1 also had similar comments before. My son is too energetic and does have behavior problem. Me and my wife has struggled with this for a long time. Other than that, his study is ok; he loves going to school, and he plays well with his classmates. So, the behavior problem we are always aware, and really appreciated that the teacher pointed it out straightly, and hope teacher can help us to fix his problem.

Then I asked the teacher if my son can focus during the class. She replied that my son cannot focus at all, and said he might need to see a pediatrician. She said that in front of my son too. Three of us sat together during the conference. After I told this to my wife after we got home, my wife showed some concerns that if it was proper to say seeing a pediatrician in front of my son even thought she agrees with teacher's suggestion; she could've suggest this to parents without my son was listening.

My son became quite after the meeting. We talked to him that he has to admit his bad behavior both at school and at home, and his teacher was right to point it out. But, we told him that we are not supporting teacher's suggestion to take him to see a doctor. And, he needs to proof that he can improve the behavior later on, and we believe he can achieve it. Also, we told him that we will keep in touch with teacher to help him to improve it.

Behind him, me and my wife decide to seek an advice from our pediatrician for his behavior.

Our concern is if it is proper that teacher says the pediatrician thing in front of him.

Thanks,
Last edited by soymilk on Nov 15th, 2018 4:56 pm, edited 4 times in total.
52 replies
Sr. Member
User avatar
May 12, 2009
735 posts
304 upvotes
Grade 3 is often a turning point. Kids are expected to sit and work for longer periods of time. I'm not sure why you would undermine the teacher to your child, lying to him about not consulting with the doctor, when you are planning on consulting with the doctor.

You son needs to learn that there are consequences for his actions, even if they are action he can't control. The teacher did not say (that you have reported) that your son is bad or broken, she said he needs an assessment. Rather than worry if your son is hurt by this remark made by a professional, you should be worried what supports you can put in place to assist your son. Although you have been aware there is a problem with your son's behavior for years, you have not done enough to address the problem. Your anger is misplaced.
Last edited by pimom on Nov 9th, 2018 9:36 am, edited 1 time in total.
Sr. Member
May 12, 2014
714 posts
328 upvotes
Markham, ON
pimom wrote:
Nov 9th, 2018 7:24 am
Although you have been aware there is a problem with your son's behavior for years, you have not done enough to address the problem. Your anger is misplaced.
So harsh! But sounds logical. As a parent it's up to you to enforce rules and address problems.

For my kids, they start acting up when they're home, but the fault is with me not noticing that they are tired and grumpy. I used to put my kids to bed at 8:30 pm and they'd come home hyperactive and wouldn't listen to me unless I'm practically yelling or threatening with some sort of punishment.

Moved the bed time to 8:00 pm and the problem still shows intermittently. Moved it to 7:45 pm and they listen more and less fighting. They woke up the same time during all these changes, around 5:30 to 6:00 am.

I got a note that my kid wasn't participating in class back in September, this is what prompted me to move from 8:30 pm to 8:00 pm in the same week. When I spoke to the teacher in October, she said everything's fine.
Deal Expert
User avatar
Jun 9, 2003
23809 posts
1229 upvotes
Markham, ON
Bobberts wrote:
Nov 9th, 2018 8:07 am
So harsh! But sounds logical. As a parent it's up to you to enforce rules and address problems.

For my kids, they start acting up when they're home, but the fault is with me not noticing that they are tired and grumpy. I used to put my kids to bed at 8:30 pm and they'd come home hyperactive and wouldn't listen to me unless I'm practically yelling or threatening with some sort of punishment.

Moved the bed time to 8:00 pm and the problem still shows intermittently. Moved it to 7:45 pm and they listen more and less fighting. They woke up the same time during all these changes, around 5:30 to 6:00 am.

I got a note that my kid wasn't participating in class back in September, this is what prompted me to move from 8:30 pm to 8:00 pm in the same week. When I spoke to the teacher in October, she said everything's fine.
....best advice is to seek professional help.
Sr. Member
Mar 24, 2015
781 posts
200 upvotes
Ottawa, ON
You're making your son believe you won't see a doctor when in fact you will and you're worried about hurt feelings because the teacher said it in front of him? How do you think he's going to feel when you take him see a doctor, when you said you wouldn't, because the doctor WILL need to see him for an assessment.

I don't see the problem of the teacher speaking about this in front of your son. Now he knows his behaviour has his teacher concerned enough to refer to a ped and what you will follow up. But lying to him about seeing the doctor was not a good idea and it might backfire because he won't trust you next time.
Deal Addict
User avatar
Dec 11, 2003
1263 posts
254 upvotes
Toronto
I agree with everybody else. First, you are undermining the teacher. Second, you lied to your son about not going to see a doctor. Third, you are seeing a doctor behind your son's back.

Your son is 8. What the teacher did was fine. Your son needs to hear these things to understand that his behaviour is a problem. Seeking medical advice is fine. Maybe you don't have to follow the advice from the doctor right away if your son starts to change his ways. Maybe his behaviour is not medical but just that he doesn't know how to sit still and stay quiet yet. It happens.

Just don't lie to your son. He's not going to trust you after that.
P10 2.4 THz CPU || 8 TB Ram || WD 300 TB HD || Nvidia w/ 32 TB Memory

"You're only as dumb as you look"
Deal Expert
Aug 2, 2001
15093 posts
5360 upvotes
A pediatrican is a doctor for children. It does not seem unreasonable for me that your child see one and I do not seem like it would feel insulting to your child to hear this. If there is something wrong you see a doctor - that should be something you promote to your child. To me it's an awesome thing to suggest that even if it's just for mental health a doctor is a good idea.

If your child is acting significantly different than the rest of the children in the class then your child needs some help. It may take the form of diagnosing a condition, seeing a counselor for help, or even just you (as parents) being given a support network and the necessary tools.
Deal Addict
Jan 2, 2015
1322 posts
582 upvotes
Agree with everyone else.

I don't understand what the actual concern is with the teacher saying in front of your child that assessment by a pediatrician may be required. It doesn't sound like she was judging, disrespectful, or rude, and in fact you and your wife agree with her. Why did you choose to lie to your son is my question?

To me, it looks like there were several learning opportunities for both your son and you and your wife that were not taken

1. Poor behavior is not excusable. It is often a symptom of something. The teacher is making the suggestion of ruling out any medical reasons. The learning opportunities was that when there is inappropriate behavior, further digging and work may be required.
2. Getting outside help is perfectly reasonable. There was an opportunity to show that seeking help from the outside when you don't know what to do is a great idea. It could have been taught that these other people are there to help, instead of fear.
3. Kids and people are going to hear things they don't like. In this case, the teacher sounds like she was respectful, non judging, rude, and was right. This was probably the biggest opportunity which to help kids and people stop being so sensitive and learn to push past the 'feelings' and look at the what the actual problem is. People are so suck in having their feelings hurt, that they don't grow because the real message is lost The son's feeling were attempted to be 'spared' at the expense of self awareness.

Parents missed the opportunity to be more consistent and use the support suggested. Instead choose to lie, which undermines the teacher, the pediatrician, and the parents who have now lied.

My point is, we often do things to spare someone feelings but it comes at the expense of fixing the problem. No wonder people are having problems coping and things don't get better. Instead, teaching kids how to critically think through challenges and things are hurtful is a much better way to go.

So nope, teacher was right well within reason.
On a 'smart' device that isn't always so smart. So please forgive the autocorrects and typos. If it brothers you, then don't read my posts, but don't waste my time correcting me. If you can get past the typos, then my posts generally have some value.
Deal Addict
User avatar
Dec 20, 2006
1408 posts
879 upvotes
Kids will be kids.
Personally, teachers are damn too "lazy", wanting pupils to be "angels" in class environment.
In old days, teachers can manage to keep sanity (cool) despite of all 'noisy, playful" kids in schools.
Nowadays, "misbehaving" kids get all the blames and these teachers are putting them on drugs by labelling these kids as ADHD etc.

Just be careful and keep your eyes and ears to hear your kid's voices/views, not just the teacher(s). I heard stories of teachers having kids
labelled as too active and disruptive in classes, forcing parents to see docs etc., ending up drugged and pretty like zombie kids in schools.
Beware of the school psychologist testing kids in schools WITHOUT parental consent.
LIVE LONG and suffer ...


:arrow: PEACE :arrowl:
Deal Fanatic
Sep 21, 2004
8187 posts
808 upvotes
The bulk of the posters have it right. Reality doesn't care about feelings. You know there's an issue. Teachers know there's an issue. Get it checked out. Whether it's biological or behavioral, get it sorted out.

Sticking your heads in the sand helps nobody. It's already been going on for years.
Deal Expert
Aug 22, 2011
23219 posts
9673 upvotes
Ottawa
At least you've acknowledged the issue and seeking professional help.
You should share this with your son also to make it a "team" effort.
Member
User avatar
Mar 7, 2017
473 posts
124 upvotes
Ham, ON
imoo2u wrote:
Nov 9th, 2018 2:39 pm
Kids will be kids.
Personally, teachers are damn too "lazy", wanting pupils to be "angels" in class environment.
In old days, teachers can manage to keep sanity (cool) despite of all 'noisy, playful" kids in schools.
Nowadays, "misbehaving" kids get all the blames and these teachers are putting them on drugs by labelling these kids as ADHD etc.

Just be careful and keep your eyes and ears to hear your kid's voices/views, not just the teacher(s). I heard stories of teachers having kids
labelled as too active and disruptive in classes, forcing parents to see docs etc., ending up drugged and pretty like zombie kids in schools.
Beware of the school psychologist testing kids in schools WITHOUT parental consent.
There is unfortunately a lot of truth to this comment, that many would rather snuff their noses at, and shove Adderall, Ritalin etc down the kid's throat to zombify him. This is certainly the easy way to deal with "bad" behavior.

OP when your child is doing something he finds interesting, does he have trouble focusing? If the answer is no to this, then please spare your kid, and put time in with him instead of drugs to rectify the issues.
Deal Addict
User avatar
Jun 26, 2011
1536 posts
309 upvotes
imoo2u wrote:
Nov 9th, 2018 2:39 pm
Kids will be kids.
Personally, teachers are damn too "lazy", wanting pupils to be "angels" in class environment.
In old days, teachers can manage to keep sanity (cool) despite of all 'noisy, playful" kids in schools.
Nowadays, "misbehaving" kids get all the blames and these teachers are putting them on drugs by labelling these kids as ADHD etc.
Kids will be kids, but parents now are not at all like what parents were back then. Parents back then were supportive of teachers disciplining and teaching their children. Now teachers are ripped a new one for suggesting anything negative for any kid - case in point, OP is upset at the teacher for a perfectly fine comment like the kid should see a pediatrician.

I think the teachers' actions now are largely reflective of changes in society and what the parents' expectations are.
Last edited by kmarcie on Nov 13th, 2018 11:08 am, edited 1 time in total.
Deal Addict
Jan 2, 2015
1322 posts
582 upvotes
imoo2u wrote:
Nov 9th, 2018 2:39 pm
Kids will be kids.
Personally, teachers are damn too "lazy", wanting pupils to be "angels" in class environment.
In old days, teachers can manage to keep sanity (cool) despite of all 'noisy, playful" kids in schools.
Nowadays, "misbehaving" kids get all the blames and these teachers are putting them on drugs by labelling these kids as ADHD etc.
.
DealFixation wrote:
Nov 9th, 2018 3:48 pm
There is unfortunately a lot of truth to this comment, that many would rather snuff their noses at, and shove Adderall, Ritalin etc down the kid's throat to zombify him. This is certainly the easy way to deal with "bad" behavior.

OP when your child is doing something he finds interesting, does he have trouble focusing? If the answer is no to this, then please spare your kid, and put time in with him instead of drugs to rectify the issues.
OP has said there have been on going behavior problems at home and at school for the last three years. It could be that all three teachers are lazy and the parents are lazy or there could be other challenges with the child.

I don't think the teacher or anyone said to medicate the child, but the child should be assessed. There are so many reasons why a child could be misbehaving. If it is a consistent misbehavior or the child is quite different than the peer group, then there is a bigger reason than 'kids being kids'. The parents should be at least investigating what could be triggering this. Assuming there is respect for the teacher, I tend to think that teachers who deal with kids daily know what is a general range, if they think there is a problem, the parents should at least investigate. Not doing so, is sticking your head in the sand.
On a 'smart' device that isn't always so smart. So please forgive the autocorrects and typos. If it brothers you, then don't read my posts, but don't waste my time correcting me. If you can get past the typos, then my posts generally have some value.
Deal Expert
Aug 2, 2001
15093 posts
5360 upvotes
kmarcie wrote:
Nov 9th, 2018 5:44 pm
Kids will be kids, but parents now are not at all like what parents were back then. Parents back then were supportive of teachers disciplining and teaching their children. Now teachers a ripped a new one for suggesting anything negative for any kid - case in point, OP is upset at the teacher for a perfectly fine comment like the kid should see a pediatrician.

I think the teachers' actions now are largely reflective of changes in society and what the parents' expectations are.
To be fair, in many cases parents are expecting a much higher level of education for their children. They are expecting the teacher to provide this and are vocal when it is unable to be provided. When you have children that openly disrupt the learning of other children, the teacher (and school) is under much more pressure now to deal with it rather than sweep it under the rug. After all, it's not fair that a single child is able to negatively influence the education of an entire class because the parents say "kids will be kids".

In the OPs case there has been three years of teacher comments telling them of behavioural problems. If I was one of the other parents and found this child was disrupting the education of mine to a great extent I would do whatever I could to ensure my child received a fair education, and that likely comes at the expense of the misbehaving child.

Top

Thread Information

There is currently 1 user viewing this thread. (0 members and 1 guest)