Parenting & Family

not able to provide the best for your kids....

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  • Jun 27th, 2017 2:49 pm
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[OP]
Newbie
Dec 18, 2010
35 posts
1 upvote
Alberta

not able to provide the best for your kids....

Basically you are at stage where you can only afford to provide basic needs (Food, shelter) for your kids, any kind of expensive luxury is out of the question(oversea trip, expensive sport activity,etc).

Any parents out there experiencing something similar? do you feel like you are bad parents? what do you tell yourself/mentality to overcome this?
64 replies
Jr. Member
Jul 15, 2003
184 posts
70 upvotes
Arviat
Hang in there. I may not be in the exact same boat but I'm feeling the pressure. Although, my kid is asking about the luxuries that I can't afford, I keep telling myself that they'll never receive the same amount of love a natural parent can give. Also, there are many celebrities, athletes and other professionals I've met who grew up from a poverty lifestyle who became financially successful. So I keep that in mind for my kid's future.
Don't hate the shopper, hate the sale.
Shoppers gonna shop.
Deal Addict
Aug 19, 2013
2387 posts
966 upvotes
No your not a bad parent. What kids need is love and a good example. Teaching them to be good people is more important then anything else. Those who think buying they're kids everything, private school, vacations, lots of activities, etc etc is what is important, those people are the bad parents. It's one reason we have so many young people with this entitled attitude. It's the parents who have taught them to feel this way.
Deal Expert
Oct 6, 2005
15928 posts
1840 upvotes
Momof3cuties wrote:
Apr 17th, 2016 9:26 am
Those who think buying they're kids everything, private school, vacations, lots of activities, etc etc is what is important, those people are the bad parents. It's one reason we have so many young people with this entitled attitude. It's the parents who have taught them to feel this way.
That's jealousy masking as a rationale comment.

To the OP, since it's possible to compete with parents of means, use your money wisely and focus on providing an enriching experience for your child. Keep in mind the educational value of a particular toy, activity, or whatever before committing money. For example, spend money on quality toys that have a redeeming value rather than being the flavor of the month (i.e. Lego vs. Paw Patrol). Take your children on low-cost field trips to cultural events, museums, book store, library, etc. rather than the shopping mall. Make them watch TV shows with educational content rather than Transformers or TMNT.

As for classes, government, city, after-school, and the community organizations often have low-cost/subsidizes activities for children. No need to book expensive private lessons if you can't afford it - although you may have to wake up early to book a spot for your children.
Deal Addict
Aug 19, 2013
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coolspot wrote:
Apr 17th, 2016 11:01 am
That's jealousy masking as a rationale comment.

To the OP, since it's possible to compete with parents of means, use your money wisely and focus on providing an enriching experience for your child. Keep in mind the educational value of a particular toy, activity, or whatever before committing money. For example, spend money on quality toys that have a redeeming value rather than being the flavor of the month (i.e. Lego vs. Paw Patrol). Take your children on low-cost field trips to cultural events, museums, book store, library, etc. rather than the shopping mall. Make them watch TV shows with educational content rather than Transformers or TMNT.

As for classes, government, city, after-school, and the community organizations often have low-cost/subsidizes activities for children. No need to book expensive private lessons if you can't afford it - although you may have to wake up early to book a spot for your children.
Umm no jealously here. My kids have lots of those luxuries. I just know that those things are not what determines if I'm a good or bad parent. Maybe you misunderstood what I wrote. I'm not saying parents who can give their kids things are bad parents. I'm saying those who think that giving their kids those things makes them a great parent are the bad ones.
Deal Fanatic
Sep 21, 2004
7791 posts
511 upvotes
I grew up in a family that could only afford the basics. While I missed out on certain things (vacations to places like Disney, playing piano, etc), I had opportunities to learn different things and have a different outlook on life. All those things have helped defined who I am today and what I have achieved and can do.

Now that I have my own family, I try to mix the best of both worlds. I can afford to take my kids around the world and explore and learn. I also teach them the value of hard work, manual labour, how to fix things, etc.
Deal Fanatic
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Mar 31, 2008
9313 posts
1135 upvotes
Toronto
The best thing to teach your kids are character and perseverance. There are 2 schools of family philosophies.. the Character driven home.. or Consumer driven home. Just do a search and you'll learn more about it and how it can apply to you.
Deal Guru
Aug 2, 2001
13871 posts
4424 upvotes
Your child needs you, not the latest toy. Give them more of yourself as that will be much better than any new toy.

While I am a new parent, I can see that my child so far is happiest with us playing with him. He doesn't care if all he is playing with is an empty plastic bottle; he just wants his parents around to play with him. I expect that, as he gets older, this will hold the same. He will want someone to toss the football around with him, someone to take him on walks through nature, someone to talk to him and answer his questions of "why does it do this?".


Feel bad about your parenting if all you do is through them in front of the TV because you are too busy to be with them and cannot afford to put them into an activity. Your time for them is free of charge.
[OP]
Newbie
Dec 18, 2010
35 posts
1 upvote
Alberta
Thank you for all the replies. I understand what you mean by just loving your child and being there for them. We have no problem being with our child.. playing catch, going to the park,etc(thats not the problem). The thing is, there is only so much the child can expose to from these activities when comparing to ... let say.. an trip in Europe.

lets put it this way:

Family day at the near park < Family trip in Disneyland
Going to the Public local Library < sending your kids to private school
Watching your kids playing hockey with a well organized team-driven environment < watching your kids playing the swing with some random kids at your local park
Deal Addict
Aug 19, 2013
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Helloworld232 wrote:
Apr 19th, 2016 3:13 am
Thank you for all the replies. I understand what you mean by just loving your child and being there for them. We have no problem being with our child.. playing catch, going to the park,etc(thats not the problem). The thing is, there is only so much the child can expose to from these activities when comparing to ... let say.. an trip in Europe.

lets put it this way:

Family day at the near park < Family trip in Disneyland
Going to the Public local Library < sending your kids to private school
Watching your kids playing hockey with a well organized team-driven environment < watching your kids playing the swing with some random kids at your local park
Stop trying to compete with everyone. Despite what people may make you think, most kids have never been to Europe, Disney, or go to private school.

And as far as sports go if you finest you child in organized sports outside of school (because they can play on teams at school), many cities have subsidies for low income families.
Deal Addict
User avatar
Jun 8, 2008
3526 posts
982 upvotes
Toronto
Agree with the above. Parenting isn't a competitive sport. You don't have to expose your kids to European trips, fine dining and private school. You need to love them, give them a place to sleep, you need to play with them, you need to make sure you offer nutritious food, you need to raise them to respect others, and you need to make sure they get a decent education. Its pretty simple.
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Mar 31, 2008
9313 posts
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Toronto
Helloworld232 wrote:
Apr 19th, 2016 3:13 am
Thank you for all the replies. I understand what you mean by just loving your child and being there for them. We have no problem being with our child.. playing catch, going to the park,etc(thats not the problem). The thing is, there is only so much the child can expose to from these activities when comparing to ... let say.. an trip in Europe.

lets put it this way:

Family day at the near park < Family trip in Disneyland
Going to the Public local Library < sending your kids to private school
Watching your kids playing hockey with a well organized team-driven environment < watching your kids playing the swing with some random kids at your local park
I grew up with my parents running a small business. Alot of ups and downs. I didn't even know that people took vacations or had benefits until I was basically in University. Of course it was a bit different time before the rise of social media. But one thing my parents did was always make me feel wealthy by being kind, communicative, and never shutting me down or out. An example, whenever we went food shopping, I knew not to ask for too much, but when I did, I usually got it (think of certain candy). My mom's gesture in always being concerned, making me food, not being aloof, etc, IMO went alot further than eating out in fancy meals, and taking vacations just so I can be wowed.

I had friends who had more money but their parents were very strict often getting angry at them for asking, so till today, they feel always feel poor and I notice they're generally more in a bad mood (more like it's a drag.. especially with their kids), talk about money issues, yet buy over expensive new cars, furniture, etc.

Me, I'm generally always in a good mood, especially with my kids, share with people, and not let the little things bug me. Through it all, they always had a clear goal on the type of person I should be, and taught me it's about one's laser goal, character and appreciating living in Canada where you can get a loan to go school and not have to worry about a war (we are immigrants so sometimes, an outside perspective is helpful for sure). This allowed me to pay for school all by myself (took on loans) while working part-time, with the mentality that 'life is tough', but allowing me to persevere. This has led me to now having a good job, stable household, happy family life, etc. Basically build a life that is more important on the human connection then thinking I need a new house and new car.
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Apr 8, 2007
1675 posts
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Mississauga
Helloworld232 wrote:
Apr 19th, 2016 3:13 am
Thank you for all the replies. I understand what you mean by just loving your child and being there for them. We have no problem being with our child.. playing catch, going to the park,etc(thats not the problem). The thing is, there is only so much the child can expose to from these activities when comparing to ... let say.. an trip in Europe.

lets put it this way:

Family day at the near park < Family trip in Disneyland
Going to the Public local Library < sending your kids to private school
Watching your kids playing hockey with a well organized team-driven environment < watching your kids playing the swing with some random kids at your local park
It may be helpful for you to perform some gratitude exercises to focus on the things you HAVE rather than the things you DON'T have. Also, if you're projecting an attitude that reflects a lack of satisfaction and disappointment, your kids will pick up on it, which i think is much worse than not providing them with these life "experiences".

It's often easy to look above you and focus on what's missing, but it's a great life lesson to look around (and below) to be appreciative of how lucky one is. That's one of the greatest gifts you can teach your children IMO.

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Apr 10, 2011
233 posts
77 upvotes
jandumm wrote:
Apr 19th, 2016 12:49 pm
It may be helpful for you to perform some gratitude exercises to focus on the things you HAVE rather than the things you DON'T have. Also, if you're projecting an attitude that reflects a lack of satisfaction and disappointment, your kids will pick up on it, which i think is much worse than not providing them with these life "experiences".

It's often easy to look above you and focus on what's missing, but it's a great life lesson to look around (and below) to be appreciative of how lucky one is. That's one of the greatest gifts you can teach your children IMO.

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Very well said!
Deal Guru
Aug 2, 2001
13871 posts
4424 upvotes
Helloworld232 wrote:
Apr 19th, 2016 3:13 am
Thank you for all the replies. I understand what you mean by just loving your child and being there for them. We have no problem being with our child.. playing catch, going to the park,etc(thats not the problem). The thing is, there is only so much the child can expose to from these activities when comparing to ... let say.. an trip in Europe.

lets put it this way:

Family day at the near park < Family trip in Disneyland
Going to the Public local Library < sending your kids to private school
Watching your kids playing hockey with a well organized team-driven environment < watching your kids playing the swing with some random kids at your local park
I think you're giving the "money activities" far too much credit. I'd like to think I grew up middle class and I did not have any of the "money activities" (Europe, Disneyland, expensive sports equipment, etc.), and to be honest, I grew up fine (some on RFD would disagree I am sure).

Now that I am an adult I have actually done those things, and, to be honest, I can't say that doing them between ages 5-14 would have provided any sort of real benefit or understanding compared to doing them as an adult. Sure it would have been fun - but fun is fun, and you can have fun at home or on a staycation as well.


Remember, experiences are just that, experiences. Experiencing the awe of the Colosseum and standing where gladiators stood is an experience, but so is taking in the natural beauty and walking on the glaciers in your very own province (since you live in Alberta) or going to see the dinosaurs at the world famous Royal Tyrrell museum in Drumheller (again in Alberta). Canada has so much to offer - and we too have our own book of history filled with fascinating tales and stories. They are different than those of Europe, but that does not make it worse - just different.

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