Parenting & Family

Is it odd for a father to register the kid for school?

  • Last Updated:
  • May 22nd, 2017 1:56 am
[OP]
Penalty Box
Apr 30, 2017
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jeff1970 wrote:
May 14th, 2017 2:53 pm
No, WRDSB. But you'd think the policies would be uniform.

At the time, there was no formal custody agreement of the children. We had split in 2004, she got remarried in 2006, left town in 2008, left her second husband in 2013, hooked up with a new guy in 2014, and he touched my daughter in April of 2014, and I took custody of the kids. So I took them out of a different school board.

Whatever, the case, I remember the process being pretty painless.
I was waiting for: "May 2014 I put a knife through his throat stood there till he choked and stopped breathing"

Bro, hats off to you for taking custody and taking your girl away from that situation and I commend you for having the strength not to take a mans life, because God knows I would have.
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Sep 19, 2013
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In this litigious part of the world, sometime people do things pre-emptively to avoid ugly situations down the future. just in case, there is an investigation in the future, she will have her covered. yes, with such behaviors, some section of the society may feel offended. but i wouldnt read too much into this as long as its not too much of an hassle. go screen me and be assured. it depends on person to person how they react.
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They required a lot of documentation from me (dad), and mom and l live together. But if mom registered, the required documentation would be just as stringent. The secretary explained that there is a lot of attempted fraud in terms of school district and registration. We are in a good district but not a top 10% district and even then people will go as far as forging documents to get into this school. Furthermore, there are a lot of issues around divorced/separated parents. Thus, they try to be careful up front so they don't get into trouble down the line.

Nothing to get offended about. They are doing their due diligence.
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Momof3cuties wrote:
May 14th, 2017 10:37 am
The bigger question is why do you care so much that they asked? I don't see the big deal at all.
I don't blame him for his concern. His suspicion may be wrong, but our society is still built around the idea that the woman is the primary caregiver for children. However, so often in modern society this isn't true. You need look only as far as the Canada Child Credits. It is automatically assumed that these credits go to the mom unless you can prove otherwise.
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bewiseman wrote:
May 19th, 2017 1:29 pm
I don't blame him for his concern. His suspicion may be wrong, but our society is still built around the idea that the woman is the primary caregiver for children. However, so often in modern society this isn't true. You need look only as far as the Canada Child Credits. It is automatically assumed that these credits go to the mom unless you can prove otherwise.
Yep. I was literally unable to apply for them. It automatically went to the wife, which means I can't go into a bank and open an RESP for my son without her being there. It's not a big deal, but I'm the one that handles most of the finances so it's easier for me to do it. Not to mention that since we both have to go, we need to take the little guy, and he can't sit still for more than 4 seconds.

Like i said earlier in this thread though, us men have done it to ourselves. So many guys out there aren't involved enough in their childs life. Times are changing, but it's still far from 50/50. I see it every day when I go places with my son. Most young kids I see are with their mothers only. I go to playgroups, playgrounds, children's activities at the local library, doctors appointments, etc. It's like 90% mothers. I'm often the only guy at these places. Men as a whole need to do better and society will recognize us as equal parents.
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[OP]
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Apr 30, 2017
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bewiseman wrote:
May 19th, 2017 1:29 pm
I don't blame him for his concern. His suspicion may be wrong, but our society is still built around the idea that the woman is the primary caregiver for children. However, so often in modern society this isn't true. You need look only as far as the Canada Child Credits. It is automatically assumed that these credits go to the mom unless you can prove otherwise.
Exactly how I feel. Hence the reason for my concern.
Speaking of Canada Child Benefit, for the past 9 years since our split, my sons mother has been collecting this benefit in full. She has also been claiming him as a dependent on her taxes for the past 9 years as well. The funny thing is, he has been with me under my care for about 70% of each year. Almost 90% of the time the past 2 years. It is only now that I called the CRA, spoke to family and accountants and I have put my foot down and Im applying for 50% of the CCB starting next month June. Something I should have done long ago but didnt know better.

Matter of fact, the CRA told me that I can retroactively claim my share of the CCB from the previous 10 years. Which means she would have to pay them back (approx) $27,000 and they would redirect those funds to me. Lucky for her, Im taking that as a loss and I am letting all of that slide. Unfortunately for me, in the CRA's eyes, I will only now start having custody of my child in June 2017, because this is when Im choosing to start applying for my share of the Child Benefit. All this so that she doesnt get screwed and end up having to pay all of that back. She's been frauding the government, and technically, so have I because I should have been claiming my share of things years ago.
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Shaner wrote:
May 19th, 2017 8:04 pm
Like i said earlier in this thread though, us men have done it to ourselves. So many guys out there aren't involved enough in their childs life. Times are changing, but it's still far from 50/50. I see it every day when I go places with my son. Most young kids I see are with their mothers only. I go to playgroups, playgrounds, children's activities at the local library, doctors appointments, etc. It's like 90% mothers. I'm often the only guy at these places. Men as a whole need to do better and society will recognize us as equal parents.
You may be right in general, but I don't really agree with this. There is also a psychological need in most women that is tough to break. This is a constant battle in my own family. I have carefully set it up so that she has all the opportunity in the world to work a full time job so that we can share the expenses and therefore also be in a position to share more of time spent with the kids. However, so often, despite the availability of daycare/school, she doesn't avail herself of that time for work. She'd rather go and collect the kids early ( which actually drives her crazy and makes her very irritable.) This is a constant battle inside of her whereby on one hand she wants to be working and an income earner; on the other wants to be with the children. As a result, almost no money actually comes from her and, I have no choice but to put in long hours and minimize time spent with the kids. I agree with you that if a guy chooses to bounce his family on a regular basis in favour of spending time out in the evening with friends/hobbies etc., then he really is the cause of the societal parenting assumption. However, that isn't my life. Every day: work, home with family - no time for anything else. I'm sure this will improve in time. Kids are still very young ( 4 and 2).
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torontocityboy wrote:
May 20th, 2017 1:30 am
Exactly how I feel. Hence the reason for my concern.
Speaking of Canada Child Benefit, for the past 9 years since our split, my sons mother has been collecting this benefit in full. She has also been claiming him as a dependent on her taxes for the past 9 years as well. The funny thing is, he has been with me under my care for about 70% of each year. Almost 90% of the time the past 2 years. It is only now that I called the CRA, spoke to family and accountants and I have put my foot down and Im applying for 50% of the CCB starting next month June. Something I should have done long ago but didnt know better.

Matter of fact, the CRA told me that I can retroactively claim my share of the CCB from the previous 10 years. Which means she would have to pay them back (approx) $27,000 and they would redirect those funds to me. Lucky for her, Im taking that as a loss and I am letting all of that slide. Unfortunately for me, in the CRA's eyes, I will only now start having custody of my child in June 2017, because this is when Im choosing to start applying for my share of the Child Benefit. All this so that she doesnt get screwed and end up having to pay all of that back. She's been frauding the government, and technically, so have I because I should have been claiming my share of things years ago.
Why the heck are you letting her get away with this fraud? You are caring for your child the vast majority of time and have been for a long time. Given her fraud, you should be awarded full custody and she should spend some time in jail. How does this ex of yours rationalize this behaviour? Crazy!

Having said all of that, isn't the definition of full custody actually different from "time spent with child"? One could have full custody, yet spend only 60% of the time with child, isn't that right? Child credits are awarded to the spouse with custody, or distributed proportionately where there is joint-custody, isn't that right? Sorry, I am no expert on this as I have never been through it before, and hope I never will have to go through it.

By the way, failing to claim your share was poor judgement, but it wasn't fraud.
[OP]
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Apr 30, 2017
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bewiseman wrote:
May 20th, 2017 11:50 am
Why the heck are you letting her get away with this fraud? You are caring for your child the vast majority of time and have been for a long time. Given her fraud, you should be awarded full custody and she should spend some time in jail. How does this ex of yours rationalize this behaviour? Crazy!

Having said all of that, isn't the definition of full custody actually different from "time spent with child"? One could have full custody, yet spend only 60% of the time with child, isn't that right? Child credits are awarded to the spouse with custody, or distributed proportionately where there is joint-custody, isn't that right? Sorry, I am no expert on this as I have never been through it before, and hope I never will have to go through it.

By the way, failing to claim your share was poor judgement, but it wasn't fraud.
Honestly, I was young and stupid. That's why. I feel for young men in their early 20's with a child. Just like my situation. At that age I didnt have proper guidance. I was on my own and didnt know any better. Women use legal threats, and child visitation to scare guys sometimes, and thats what had happened to me. I basically took care of our son when we split up. in the earlier days, he "lived"with his mom, but was always with me. I travelled from Westend Toronto almost every day to take him to and from daycare (which is obviously around her area downtown Toronto). She was free to focus on her life; dancing career (very very time consuming!), partying, travelling etc. All the while, school/daycare is around her area, and she is claiming dependent on taxes as well as receiving 100% of the Child Benefit since day 1. Again, I was young, stupid and didnt know any better. My son was 3 then. He is 12 now. It has been a tough decade for me, but my sons mother and I finally reached a point where we can be somewhat civil. Not saying im perfect at all because Im far from it, but she DEFINITELY got the better end of things for years. Money, freedom, and having her son grab for her every second she returns from her trips. It hurts me sometimes but I know hes been doing that all his life.

It sucks because when your the FT single parent, you have to balance being a good friend, giving good advice and being understanding while also being the stern figure that lays down the rules, and pushes you to eat healthy, wash your hands,turn the ps4 off etc etc, but when the other parent comes around and takes the kid to 1 movie, that parent is the good fun one in the childs eyes. It almost feels like everything I've done goes out the window at that moment he sees his mom for the first time after 1.5 mnths. It really is a sh**y feeling LOL. but I try my best to be understanding and let it go. So i guess what Im saying is, I know my son loves his mother. I wouldnt want it any other way. I think the best thing for me to do is let the past go because me retroactively claiming the past 10years is going to royally screw her, and break the point of civil weve reached. It was also start a massive war between the 2 of us and our families, which will impact my son bigtime. Thats why I recently made the decision to let it go
Last edited by torontocityboy on May 21st, 2017 11:28 am, edited 1 time in total.
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torontocityboy wrote:
May 21st, 2017 11:28 am
Honestly, I was young and stupid. That's why. I feel for young men in their early 20's with a child. Just like my situation. At that age I didnt have proper guidance. I was on my own and didnt know any better. Women use legal threats, and child visitation to scare guys sometimes, and thats what had happen to me. I basically took care of our son when we split up. in the earlier days, he "lived"with his mom, but was always with me. I travelled from Westend Toronto almost every day to take him to and from daycare (which is obviously around her area downtown Toronto). She was free to focus on her life; dancing career (very very time consuming!), partying, travelling etc. All the while, school/daycare is around her area, and she is claiming dependent on taxes as well as receiving 100% of the Child Benefit since day 1. Again, I was young, stupid and didnt know any better. My son was 3 then. He is 12 now. It has been a tough decade for me, but me sons mother and I finally reach a point where we can be somewhat civil. Not saying im perfect at all because Im far from it, but she DEFINITELY got the better end of things for years. Money, freedom, and having her son grab for her every second she returns from her trips. It hurts me sometimes but I know hes been doing that all his life.

It sucks because when your the FT single parent, you have to be balance being a good friend, giving good advice and being understanding while also being the stern figure that lays down the rules, and pushes you to eat healthy, wash your hands,turn the ps4 off etc etc, but when the other parent comes around and takes the kid to 1 movie, that parent is the good fun one in the childs eyes. It almost feels like everything I've done goes out the window at that moment he sees his mom for the first time after 1.5 mnths. It really is a sh**y feeling LOL. but I try my best to be understanding and let it go. So i guess what Im saying is, I know my son loves his mother. I wouldnt want it any other way. I think the best thing for me to do is let the past go because me retroactively claiming the past 10years is going to royally screw her, and break the point of civil weve reached. It was also start a massive war between the 2 of us and our families, which will impact my son bigtime. Thats why I recently made the decision to let it go
Yes, I understand. You're actually right, the more I think about. Kudos to you, and I hope your son is happy and doing well.

P.S. I know from experience how challenging it is to manage a performing artist as a spouse. :)
[OP]
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Apr 30, 2017
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bewiseman wrote:
May 21st, 2017 5:43 pm
Yes, I understand. You're actually right, the more I think about. Kudos to you, and I hope your son is happy and doing well.

P.S. I know from experience how challenging it is to manage a performing artist as a spouse. :)
Thank you. And yes, it is very difficult. Dancing is her first child. Our son is the 2nd.

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