Parenting tips for a single dad

[Ironsmack]

Due to my circumstances for the past year or so, ive had minimal interactions with my kids. Not by choice, but due to situation with my ex.

Now, because through legal means - the ex finally agreed to have a civil relationship with me. That includes more time for me to spend with my kids. But, she had a good year ahead of me in terms of being a parents to my twins. Plus the fact that she takes care of kids for her day job - well, im pretty much at a dis-advantage.

Now im seeing my kids on an almost regular weekly visits (although for a short period of time, twice a week or so - which, IMO isnt enough), but i do get a chance to interact with my kids. One thing i notice is, my baby boy - seems very selfish when it comes to playing with his sister. Whenever my girl tries to play something, he hogs and snatches the toy(s) from her even though he doesnt even play them. And many times, ive caught him biting her (or even me) when he gets frustrated and throws a tantrum.

Now i do my best to diffuse the situations (although, honestly im not even sure if i am) and always tell my boy, "to play nice and learn to share with his sister". Truthfully, im at lost. Im reading books about parenting, but that can only gives you so much. I believe nothing is a better substitute than actually doing the real thing.

Now, i enrolled in a parenting class this Oct. But for the mean time, what can you guys offer tips in regards to being a good parent? Im still working on teaching my kids "dada", but i have a really long, uphill battle with this (and the ex).

[Alanaaaaa]

You didn't say how old your kids are, but I am guessing by your post that they are somewhere around 1 1/2 to 2? At that age (and actually at many other ages!) it is totally normal for your son to be acting the way that he is (taking toys, even biting) and please know that's it's not your parenting skills or lack thereof that are causing that. I would bet that he is the same way when with your wife. That being said, it does need to be worked on, but mostly all you can do at that young age is redirect his behaviour, which you are already doing. "Play nice and share" might be a bit much for a kid under 2... you probably want to model sharing to your son and keep your language super simple... share something with him and say "Daddy's sharing" and if he is happy with what you gave him say "sharing makes you happy", etc... very simple words.

I recommend the book "Happiest Toddler on the Block" for tips on how to improve your kids' behaviour... easy read and has some useful tips.

The fact that you even care to improve your relationship with your kids is great! And I bet the parenting class will give you a lot of insight. And time... the more time you spend, the easier it will get!

Good luck!

[Ironsmack]

My kids are about 16 months. And ill try to keep my words simple so my kids can understand . And thanks for the book! I'll definitely look for that sometime this week.

[D-Roc]

My kids are about 16 months. And ill try to keep my words simple so my kids can understand . And thanks for the book! I'll definitely look for that sometime this week.

That is exactly what you are suppose to do. But keep in mind, do not talk to them in a babyish type voice. Talk to them like the little person he is.

You have to start now with the consequences when thre is an action that is not desired. When he snatches the toy. Take it away with him and start with short time outs. As he gets older, you can make him give the toy back and say sorry to her. Biting is serious and time outs (or other non violent consequences) need to start now too. You need to tell/show your son that instead of acting out when he is frustrated, that he needs to tell you what he is feeling. This is hard to do with a 16 month old but it can be accomplished if you talk to him in the right way. Explain to him that you understand he is angry/frustrated. That he needs to use his words to tell you as biting is not right and will only get him time out.

That is to start based on your questions. Remember you are their parent. Not their friend. Look at things logically before reacting. Hard to do, I know, but this is the best approach...for me it is anyways. I tend to overreact when I allow my emotions to get the best of me.

[baotwin]

sweet

Good luck!

[Ironsmack]

That is exactly what you are suppose to do. But keep in mind, do not talk to them in a babyish type voice. Talk to them like the little person he is.

You have to start now with the consequences when thre is an action that is not desired. When he snatches the toy. Take it away with him and start with short time outs. As he gets older, you can make him give the toy back and say sorry to her. Biting is serious and time outs (or other non violent consequences) need to start now too. You need to tell/show your son that instead of acting out when he is frustrated, that he needs to tell you what he is feeling. This is hard to do with a 16 month old but it can be accomplished if you talk to him in the right way. Explain to him that you understand he is angry/frustrated. That he needs to use his words to tell you as biting is not right and will only get him time out.

That is to start based on your questions. Remember you are their parent. Not their friend. Look at things logically before reacting. Hard to do, I know, but this is the best approach...for me it is anyways. I tend to overreact when I allow my emotions to get the best of me.

Thanks man! I'll definitely take the tips into consideration. Definitely, it'll be hard for my kids to express their frustrations - since they're still learning to speak. But i'll make sure my actions corresponds to my approach.

Much appreciated

[oddduck]

I have a daughter who is 15 months, and IMO she's way too young for a time out. I tend to redirect after saying "no hitting" or "no biting" and move on. I didn't do time outs until my first was over 2. I know at 15 months, my daughter wouldn't have the slightest clue that because she did this (which was "bad"), now she must sit here to think about it as punishment...

Sometime between 2 and 3 they really start to understand cause and effect stuff. They also will remember the action that caused the consequence. They'll get that that if they do what mommy or daddy told them not too, something will happen (a privilege gets taken away, they go on time-out, etc).

[hstiffer85]

Due to my circumstances for the past year or so, ive had minimal interactions with my kids. Not by choice, but due to situation with my ex.

Now, because through legal means - the ex finally agreed to have a civil relationship with me. That includes more time for me to spend with my kids. But, she had a good year ahead of me in terms of being a parents to my twins. Plus the fact that she takes care of kids for her day job - well, im pretty much at a dis-advantage.

Now im seeing my kids on an almost regular weekly visits (although for a short period of time, twice a week or so - which, IMO isnt enough), but i do get a chance to interact with my kids. One thing i notice is, my baby boy - seems very selfish when it comes to playing with his sister. Whenever my girl tries to play something, he hogs and snatches the toy(s) from her even though he doesnt even play them. And many times, ive caught him biting her (or even me) when he gets frustrated and throws a tantrum.

Now i do my best to diffuse the situations (although, honestly im not even sure if i am) and always tell my boy, "to play nice and learn to share with his sister". Truthfully, im at lost. Im reading books about parenting, but that can only gives you so much. I believe nothing is a better substitute than actually doing the real thing.

Now, i enrolled in a parenting class this Oct. But for the mean time, what can you guys offer tips in regards to being a good parent? Im still working on teaching my kids "dada", but i have a really long, uphill battle with this (and the ex).

I think the most important thing, that you can do, is to love them, and say it , of course make felt too!

[r1lee]

I have a daughter who is 15 months, and IMO she's way too young for a time out. I tend to redirect after saying "no hitting" or "no biting" and move on. I didn't do time outs until my first was over 2. I know at 15 months, my daughter wouldn't have the slightest clue that because she did this (which was "bad"), now she must sit here to think about it as punishment...

Sometime between 2 and 3 they really start to understand cause and effect stuff. They also will remember the action that caused the consequence. They'll get that that if they do what mommy or daddy told them not too, something will happen (a privilege gets taken away, they go on time-out, etc).

i agree, a time out at 16 month is probably a little too early. They might think it's a game of some sort.

just try to be yourself and teach them what you think is right or wrong. No one really has the right answer's so do the best you can on instilling what you think right and wrong is.

also, i don't know what your relationship with your EX is. But you want to keep that line of communication civil for the betterment of the children. You don't want to teach them something that their mother will say is wrong etc. Work with her and both of you try to come up with an understanding on how each of you raises/teaches your children. Parent's who are together have issues with this and I can imagine how much more difficult is for you.

[baz5]

Considering this post is 5 months old, I doubt he still needs the advice.