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Please review and critique cover letter and resume

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  • Sep 3rd, 2016 5:26 pm
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Deal Addict
Aug 23, 2004
1479 posts
85 upvotes
Etobicoke, ON

Please review and critique cover letter and resume

Hello everyone,

The objective is to find an accounting job in government arm's-length company or top-100 employer in GTA. Please review and critique cover letter and resume for my relative.


Accounting

Cover Letter
https://www.docdroid.net/dTZQ1Ma/anonym ... 3.pdf.html

Resume
https://www.docdroid.net/0tG6Hfo/critiq ... 4.pdf.html

Thank You in advance!
Last edited by Raven_007 on Sep 5th, 2016 12:58 pm, edited 13 times in total.
17 replies
Deal Addict
Oct 16, 2013
2409 posts
765 upvotes
New Brunswick
Your resume has too many points. Each position should have 3 to 5 points. Your resume reads as a job posting instead of a resume. You need to write as task, action and results. Just saying account payable tells me nothing. Since you are in the GTA, you can go to an employment center and take a resume writing class. Your dates have no structure.

An employer wants to know what you accomplish not your company job posting.

Which sounds more better I will use me as an example

Created financial statements or
Created financial statements for the board of director and the Canadian government to both stakeholder satisfaction
Deal Addict
Oct 16, 2013
2409 posts
765 upvotes
New Brunswick
Op you need to google a few resume and use a resume tool to start with.
Deal Addict
Jan 2, 2015
2854 posts
2860 upvotes
NOT centre of Univer…
Agree with theirs. Too many points. Max 5, 6 if they are valid a directly related .

In the cover letter, get rid of your reference to your mat leave. You can say 'prior' instead. Also, you have a single sentence regarding your current position. It looks like it was thrown in.
Deal Addict
Aug 23, 2004
1479 posts
85 upvotes
Etobicoke, ON
Thank You very much for the comments. I've made the following changes:
- added dates structure,
- added numbers as accomplishments in the job descriptions,
- reduced the number of points for each job, still have some work to do on the 2nd job,
- modified the cover letter so that the current position does not look like a throw in and removed reference to mat leave,
- will visit the employment centre.

Is it a good idea to remove reference to mat leave in the cover letter and have a gap in the resume?
Deal Guru
User avatar
Mar 10, 2005
12347 posts
5403 upvotes
I'd remove all those soft skills from your qualifications. Your work experience points started out ok then you went into that list/recipe format.

Either in your qualifications or work experience you will need to detail your accomplishments.
"If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid." - Epictetus
Deal Addict
Oct 16, 2013
2409 posts
765 upvotes
New Brunswick
They will ask you to explain gaps in the resume. I will not mention mat leave since it say that you have a kid and that you will take time off in the future for your kid. Its illegal for them to ask if you have children.

Cover letter is too long and dense ie wall of text. Try double spacing. Five lines max per section.

Task is to way too long for second job. You can sum by using for example: full cycle accounting, AP/AR cycle.
The number are really specifics and confidential to their employers, use percentages instead of money totals.
Deal Addict
Aug 23, 2004
1479 posts
85 upvotes
Etobicoke, ON
Updated cover letter - used 1.5 line spacing, reduced the amount of text.

Updated resume - by changing Summary of Qualifications section and adding Areas of expertise section; reduced the number of points for job #2 (there may still be too many there, any suggestions on how to reduce are appreciated); took out the $ numbers and replaced them with percentages, number of invoices, etc.
Deal Guru
User avatar
Mar 10, 2005
12347 posts
5403 upvotes
remove

Pro-active, self motivated and detailed oriented.
word, excel, pp and outlok since you already mention MS Office
Written and verbal communications


You're resume should be written in first person (without using "I") not 3rd person

"Individual contributor performs..."
change to
"Performed..."
"If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid." - Epictetus
Deal Addict
Aug 23, 2004
1479 posts
85 upvotes
Etobicoke, ON
Before the resume is looked at by human, does the software not look for keywords? E.g. Proactive, self-motivated, etc. That is why I've put them in.
What about word, excel, pp and outlook as keywords? The programs are mentioned individually in many job postings rather than MS Office.

I will make the change from the 3rd person, thanks!
Deal Expert
Oct 6, 2005
16872 posts
2557 upvotes
Your resume is wordy - any explanation why you have gaps in your work history?

For your cover letter, I think you need a stronger opening - as the reader, I don't care if you'r excited about applying, tell me something ASAP to grab my attention.
Deal Guru
User avatar
Mar 10, 2005
12347 posts
5403 upvotes
Raven_007 wrote: Before the resume is looked at by human, does the software not look for keywords? E.g. Proactive, self-motivated, etc. That is why I've put them in.
What about word, excel, pp and outlook as keywords? The programs are mentioned individually in many job postings rather than MS Office.

I will make the change from the 3rd person, thanks!
Then use the words when describing you're work experience instead of just listing them, it looks awkward.
"If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid." - Epictetus
Deal Addict
Aug 23, 2004
1479 posts
85 upvotes
Etobicoke, ON
Thanks,

- Rewrote cover letter opening
- Removed Pro-active, self motivated and detailed oriented
- changed to the 1st person from 3rd person

Gaps in employment - laid off <3months before mat leave.

For the part of resume being wordy - any suggestions on what could be taken out without loosing the content?
Member
User avatar
Oct 16, 2013
258 posts
118 upvotes
Toronto, ON
raichu1 wrote: An employer wants to know what you accomplish not your company job posting.
Absolutely agree with the feedback above. If what I'm seeing now is what you've done after the feedback, it still reads like a job description. :P

For each job role, write up a 2-3 line description and the bullet-points should focus on your achievements (should be between 2 and 4).

Also, the cover letter is the first point of contact in the sales process (as that's what you're essentially doing, i.e. selling yourself). If the potential employer is interested in the specifics, the next step is a review of the resume to see the details of your achievements.

I strongly recommend seeking professional help as others have suggested.
---
"If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into committees. That'll do them in."
Banned
User avatar
Mar 7, 2007
5347 posts
3026 upvotes
Hi, I am late to posting, looks like you did one or two corrections, so I am not sure what version I am looking at when I click on the link.

What I can say is that I see positive things, but it is not easy to read (in general) and it's only 1 page long.

Basically, the "number 1 reason why I should hire you" is still not clear.

Every resume I see says the same, "high levels of professionalism, problem solving abilities, many years of experience". So maybe it's time to remove those cliches from resumes.
______________________________
Deal Addict
Aug 23, 2004
1479 posts
85 upvotes
Etobicoke, ON
raywired and motomondo - you are absolutely correct that the resume was not very achievement specific. I just rewrote the resume now with 3-4 line description and the bullet-points should focus on the achievements.
Also removed "high levels of professionalism, problem solving abilities" from the resume. I am only keeping the latest copy in the first post, so the people do not get confused with the multiple versions.

The reason for not going to the professional at this point, asides from money, is that the new employer would be interested in the achievements at the interview stage anyway, so it is good to think it through now.
Deal Addict
Aug 23, 2004
1479 posts
85 upvotes
Etobicoke, ON
.
Last edited by Raven_007 on Sep 4th, 2016 3:42 pm, edited 3 times in total.
Deal Addict
Aug 23, 2004
1479 posts
85 upvotes
Etobicoke, ON
Made the resume all achievement-specific.

I've had my resume critiqued a few different places, and they said my resume is fine; but I figured I would ask for the feedback here, as I got great feedback here before. I went to the employment centre, read a few articles and here is the result:.

Cover Letter
https://www.docdroid.net/dTZQ1Ma/anonym ... 3.pdf.html

Resume
https://www.docdroid.net/0tG6Hfo/critiq ... 4.pdf.html

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