Should the computer be "watched/logged" ?

[Jokez Guy]

So Jokez Guy, just how many kids do you have and what are their ages?

Xax, hubby and I had an interetng conversation yesterday around parenting. We caught part of Dr Phil and we intrigued with something he said. He said "Parenting is a verb, not a noun". The end result of our conversation was that we both agree with him... it's all about action...

hahaha none but it was just my opinion im still a young person so i think difference still

[formalentity]

I'm not a parent but If I were one I'd probably moniter the MSN/AIM/Yahoo Messenger Logs the most.. As for watching inappropriate content, that I think isn't such a big deal depending on age just my opinion cause lets face it. It's going to happen. But I would most monitor MSN/AIM/Yahoo or other Messengers and the Phone . And no I would not tell them "I'm monitoring you", because kids are smart and they will avoid talking about things going on in school for example.. So I'd say its best not to tell them.. It's right to trust your child but at that age kids can make mistakes and depending on how bad the situation is, with monitoring you can avoid it from ever happening. Anyways I just turned 19 so I'm no parent but I have Baby's Sisters and I take care of them occasionally..

[Trooper8111]

Definitely need to monitor activity.

[g0f15h]

I'd resort to spying as a last resort. Kids need to know the internet is not private and anyone can find out what they are up to. Since its a public thing, they should have no issues with having the computer in a public area of the house like the den and having mom and dad in the room should feel natual to them. If they want to look at girlie mags and talk to strangers this has been all done long before computers and you just gotta trust you did a good job parenting. Do you also plan on implanting a GPS, hidden cam, and recording phone converations - of course not, so why spy secretly on their internet useage?
I've assumed its their intenet usage you want to monitor rather then how much time they spend with Excel or Word.

[bionicbadger]

I think its stupid if you gona watch and logg them if they know you watching and logging them they wouldnt do anything stupid for you to find out what they are doing, its like they wouldnt smoke in front of you but when ur not there they would smoke, its similar case, you can erase the history, erase the logs, its not a hard thing,

Uh, no. Many workplaces monitor employee usage, and employees can't erase logs.
You just have to set up the computer correctly. You limit access so they dont have rights to install or remove programs aside from a certain directory, and make sure logs are in a directory that they can't see, much less have a right to erase delete. You make sure they don't have permissions to stop installed services. You can also enter a BIOS password and set the computer not to boot from a removable device (USB,CD, floppy, network) so that your installation is forced to boot up. If the kids actually open up the case and remove the battery and reset the BIOS, you'll know.

Its a good for kids to learn, since at school, library, and work, they are likely going to have their computer use monitored. They might as well get used to it.

[Xax]

If they want to look at girlie mags and talk to strangers this has been all done long before computers and you just gotta trust you did a good job parenting. Do you also plan on implanting a GPS, hidden cam, and recording phone converations - of course not, so why spy secretly on their internet useage?

The obvious difference, of course, is that the Internet makes access to strangers and porn a lot easier. There is also likely a greater false sense of security about talking to strangers online. I agree that at a certain point, parents have to trust that they've done a good job parenting... but exactly what do you think parenting is? Parenting isn't completed when kids turn, say, 12, or 14, or 16. When my kids demonstrate that they're wise enough to make good choices independantly, they will be free to do so. Trust should always be earned, not recklessly splurged all over the place.

[g0f15h]

The obvious difference, of course, is that the Internet makes access to strangers and porn a lot easier. There is also likely a greater false sense of security about talking to strangers online. I agree that at a certain point, parents have to trust that they've done a good job parenting... but exactly what do you think parenting is? Parenting isn't completed when kids turn, say, 12, or 14, or 16. When my kids demonstrate that they're wise enough to make good choices independantly, they will be free to do so. Trust should always be earned, not recklessly splurged all over the place.

Not sure I'd say its easier now. Its more instant perhaps and many like instant access rather than being a bit patient but its really not any easier.

The security is indeed false and kids should be aware of that. Thats why computing in a public area should feel natural and any other way should feel anitisocial. The activity you'd be concerned about is usually done solo.

Alot of parenting is teaching by example. If your social, fit, and educated your kids will be also. I'd say parenting is never finished really. Grandparents have a role in supporting their adult children and adults should find their elders a valuable source for info on lifes journey.

Trust is not completely earned and something for you to dole out. They may make improper choices but you gotta let them fall sometimes so they learn. There are limits of course but if Johnny wants to look at naughty pics and blog about hate material you went way wrong somewhere and spying aint the fix.

[Xax]

Not sure I'd say its easier now. Its more instant perhaps and many like instant access rather than being a bit patient but its really not any easier.

Not any easier? It's a whole lot easier for strangers (pedophiles in particular) to find and talk to kids online. Talking to strangers and looking at porn can be done without the Internet, but not nearly as conveniently... online, it's far more widely and quickly accessible. In my mind, there's a massive difference, and I'm surprised that you disagree.

Alot of parenting is teaching by example. If your social, fit, and educated your kids will be also.

I agree that teaching by example is extremely important, but not that kids will automatically and necessarily adopt their parents' examples in all things. That's just silly.

Trust is not completely earned and something for you to dole out. They may make improper choices but you gotta let them fall sometimes so they learn. There are limits of course but if Johnny wants to look at naughty pics and blog about hate material you went way wrong somewhere and spying aint the fix.

I'm absolutely an advocate for natural consequences and letting kids make mistakes at certain times. But often times kids can't anticipate serious and permanent consequences, and that's when parents need to be doing their jobs. The consequences of talking to strangers online (or playing in the street, or running with scissors, or taking drugs) may not be readily apparent. The consequence of letting kids "fall" on such things could mean they die.

I don't believe anyone has stated that spying is a fix (how could it be?); it is simply a parenting tool. And the notion that parents have gone wrong somewhere if their kid is looking at porn is ridiculous.

[g0f15h]

Not any easier? It's a whole lot easier for strangers (pedophiles in particular) to find and talk to kids online. Talking to strangers and looking at porn can be done without the Internet, but not nearly as conveniently... online, it's far more widely and quickly accessible. In my mind, there's a massive difference, and I'm surprised that you disagree.

I agree that teaching by example is extremely important, but not that kids will automatically and necessarily adopt their parents' examples in all things. That's just silly.

I'm absolutely an advocate for natural consequences and letting kids make mistakes at certain times. But often times kids can't anticipate serious and permanent consequences, and that's when parents need to be doing their jobs. The consequences of talking to strangers online (or playing in the street, or running with scissors, or taking drugs) may not be readily apparent. The consequence of letting kids "fall" on such things could mean they die.

I don't believe anyone has stated that spying is a fix (how could it be?); it is simply a parenting tool. And the notion that parents have gone wrong somewhere if their kid is looking at porn is ridiculous.

The topic wasn't how easy it was for badguys. Kids was the subject I wrote about. Convienace does not mean its easy. I think its just as easy to view playboy online as it was decades ago to look at the printed magazine. The speed may be different but not the end result.

I don't beleive there are bad apples. Parents control the orchard. Parents are fully responsible for their kids. Not all kids are going to choose golf, be slim, and geeky. They may choose to be the next Canadian Idol but they aint gonna be rotten if parents lead a decent lifestyle. To assume its genetic is a cop-out to me.

By the time kids can engage in online chats they should already have been taught this stuff. Just like we showed them not to talk to the guy in the white van and we don't clamp a cam to their head to monitor that. Of course you teach them safety with sharp things and don't make them learn after a dozen bandaids. But you do let them do crafts.

The subject was indeed spying. The op wanted to know if he should log and monitor. Is this not spying? Heck if its all done in a public spot like how you carry on a conversation at dinner where its free for the whole family to overhear. The family is not spying when I tell my wife how my day went. They are engaging the family. If Johnny emails Jane a love note this should be fine for public viewing and he won't type some cybersex.

I didn't coment on the morals of porn and not sure you want to lump hardcore porn and topless ladies in the same boat. I painted two things together and you just read one I think - pics and hate mongering together painted a truly ugly picture where you may be prompted to start spying.

The "log/monitor" stuff should be done just like you do with tv. In the open. Do you use a V-chip to do your job there also? Do you take pee samples for dope tests? Where does it end. The only "tool" parents need is themselves.

There are kids who are mentally ill and then the gloves are off on what you do.

[Xax]

I think we'll have to agree to disagree before my brain melts. Any other opinions out there?

[DarkReaper]

I would just teach them about the Internet and how it's full of traps and such.

But I think monitoring is a good idea, if you don't go overboard that your children are accessing "inappropriate" sites.

However, if they are learning to make a bomb and such, then you should do something.

Just don't restrict them with those stupid programs unless it's necessary.