Spanking/Hitting Intervention

[smilodon]

I like to say that growing up, I had my daily physical correction time. Yep, it was like lunch time, bath time, dinner time, bed time, etc. But this was the physical correction time. There'd still be certain rules my mom would go by:

• Never let my dad correct me > men don't know their own strength
• Only hit in the legs or buttocks
• Never hit with objects > her hands would sting as much as my butts and it'd be both a mutual punishment and a gauge of her intensity
• etc.

I gotta agree that I was quite a turbulent kid, but aren't most little boys? We all laugh about it now (my parents & siblings), and my mom agrees that it was absolutely the wrong way to raise me, but at the time, she didn't know better as a parent and now fervently hopes that I'll raise my kids differently.

I think I still turned out ok for the most part. I do have my vices, but they can difficultly be linked to my physical corrections... I don't plan to raise my own kids this way though. There are better ways to raise a kid, and with the benefit of education and higher understanding, I don't think I'd have any excuse raising my kids the way I was raised. Anyway, I'll be a father in less than two months, so I'll come again then.

[feet_]

What does suburban have to do with it? Or balls, for that matter? You think hitting a child takes bravery or something?

haha
no im being sarcastic, cuz this thread is like , "how to make kraft dinner"
theres alot of ways to make it. but it all turns out the same.

basically raise your kid, the way you think is best.
only the extreme beatings , extreme timeouts are bad for your kid.

[Diamondog]

We got the belt when we were kids. The odd time it happened you would have a welt on the leg from the line of the belt, that was it -- but I'll tell you, it's not the belt that did the disciplining, it was the THREAT of the belt. Don't kid yourself, kids know when they are doing something wrong. And when we were, and the hand reached for the drawer, we stopped. The THOUGHT of it kept us in line and that's all it took.

And I'm still laughing about Toronto's post about the slipper

I feel I was not harmed in any way from that experience. My friends and I have discussed the same topic and they all feel the same way.

That's not to say I will use a belt with my children. Will I even use spanking? I don't know, that time hasn't come for me yet. But as for the OP and the original spank that sparked this debate, remember, it doesn't take a hard impact to hear a very loud sound when skin hits skin flat.

A spank is one thing, a hit is another. Unless the kid is getting beat, best to leave people to their own devices. Next thing you know, people will be up in arms about someone who is overweight eating at McDonalds, which not only harms them but puts strain on our medical system. But that's a whole other discussion

"and when the hand reached for the drawer, we stopped" Living in fear is great isn't it.

[Spidey]

"and when the hand reached for the drawer, we stopped" Living in fear is great isn't it.

Of course discipline and fear work together. Even when your older at a job and you get called into the bosses office. Theres fear there, just a different sort.

If kids didnt fear discipline, how would they learn right from wrong.

kids are getting worse with attitude, etc as the world progresses. Look at each generation and see the things kids do know compared to 20 years ago.

Im a strict but fair parent. Ive got friends who let their kids walk all over them, and I tell you this, they are little shits. Time outs, count to 3, what a joke. Time out to their room with their toys, ouch that hurts.

I time out to the utility room. Now that they are older we also take things away, including they pay us for doing stuff wrong.

[gilboman]

"and when the hand reached for the drawer, we stopped" Living in fear is great isn't it.

this is how our entire society is based. without fear, there would be no authority figure. People dont drive too crazy because they fear the police and fear insurance cost. People don't do most illegal things (short of murder or harming of other individuals) because of fear of the justice system or getting caught. people dont pick their nose/butt in public because of fear of somebody seeing them do it.

everything in society and its structure is predicated and depends on fear

[teknoluv]

If kids didnt fear discipline, how would they learn right from wrong.

OMG! You don't tell the right from wrong JUST BECAUSE there are repercussions.

this is how our entire society is based. without fear, there would be no authority figure. People dont drive too crazy because they fear the police and fear insurance cost. People don't do most illegal things (short of murder or harming of other individuals) because of fear of the justice system or getting caught. people dont pick their nose/butt in public because of fear of somebody seeing them do it.

everything in society and its structure is predicated and depends on fear

No, OUR society doesn't work like that. No society should work like that. Only totalitarian states like the old time Soviet Union or China 30 years ago built their control based on fear.

[Spidey]

OMG! You don't tell the right from wrong JUST BECAUSE there are repercussions.

So your telling me if kids were just allowed to do whatever they wanted, or if parents wouldnt discipline them, they would grow up and know the difference between right and wrong. Who teaches them, tv, movies, their friends.

My son has friends that do things that he would never do, but his parents let him so it must be right.

[mrcantrell]

Yes, save the beatings for private.

Generally pretty useless recommendation, as kids in age which requires parents' physical intervention most often (2-5) don't remember their deeds for long, so punishment an hours ago will not be linked with bad behaviour in their minds.

LOL, a comment twisted out of context based on a comment twisted out of context.

[robattoronto]

Culture clash happening here:

At one end, you see parents hitting their kids silly. I see that this side is very well represented here so I won't add more.

But at the other end, instead of hitting the child you'd like to have a chat instead you say? And grounding the kid: no video games, no tv, no internet. Ha! Maybe in some cultures its ok to call their dad or mom by their first name. Maybe its ok for a kid to throw a terrible tantrum in public when the mom doesn't buy him something he wants. And the parent freezes up, red faced, too embarassed and out of ideas except to give in. Kids are very preceptive and they know when they have you by the balls.

I've seen parents do an absolute terrible job of raising their kids. They are spineless pushovers being bashed left and right by their kids. And when they hit their teens, these kids have no work ethics, they are not conscientious, they have no structure or direction. They have always got what they want by throwing a tantrum. Their only sole purpose in life is to fiercely defend their so called freedom and independence. But they don't have know a rat's ass what it really means. So they move out, and a flood of independence comes over them, hurrah they say, but along with it comes responsibility. But guess what, try as they may, they decide to ignore it just for a little longer. Cuz guess what, their freedom is too precious to give up.

Lets experiment they say, ha! cuz its freedom time. Let stick this needle in, pop this pill and snort this up and see how it feels. Consequences, what the hell is that? And accountability? Lets junk it in the same pile as the other stuff which infringes upon freedom. Oooo sex sounds fun, lets experiment the hell out of that one too. Aha! And teen pregnancy? Oh the irony. And the crash course in reality and responsibility which follows: For the girl, as admirable as that may be that she wants to keep the kid, I'd say its just too soon. And for the guy, so much easier to bail. Cuz thats the theme and lets go with the flow ma man!

So you say I'm exaggerating, well I know I am. Kids and teens handle this crash course differently. Most of the time they have settle into a life of mediocrity because thats the best they can do. Or sometimes it ends badly. It does not have to be a crash course!

I didn't grow up in this country, but as a late teen, I did go to high school here. I'm priviledged enough to have seen both sides. My best friend from high school went with me to the same university. Its a long story, but here's the short version. He was promised a Ford mustang covertible if he stayed in univ, cuz first year was wasted on fun. And the only way for his parents was to bribe him to stay for the second year. Life in a halfway house was new to him years later. Life changed after he robbed the shoppersdrug mart. His family is rich and has a big house in Ajax. He's the only son. You would'nt know that by looking at his complexion now or the needle tracks on his arm.

Now I'm wondering if I should actually post this. Cuz it beginning to sound loopy and out of topic. I don't believe in hitting the kid silly, but a spank on the butt and some stern talking to I don't think would hurt anyone. I was personally hit many times with a feather cane with my mom. Asian style. Went to an all boys school run by Irish brothers with forearms as big as my thigh and they walloped me many times with rulers and canes. Emotional scars you say??! I have none. I think with the help of Dr. Phil we're raising a nation of pansies. I was a brat, I knew it, i know i deserved it. As a kid I also knew responsibility for my actions and that there would reprecussions if I was an a-hole. My mom was no pushover and till today, I have more respect for her than ever.

Meh, I'm done.

[Whiplash7828]

I've decided that I will spank in serious cases, am very conscientious of the fine line between discipline and abuse, and am accustomed to there being a lot of people who disagree with my point of view and would vilify me for it (no matter; I will do what I believe is best for my children). On the other hand, I know that there are parents who abuse their children in the name of discipline, and I would absolutely notify the authorities if I witnessed abuse. It makes me uneasy to consider how that woman might "discipline" her children in private.

When parents are abusive, that overrides the "let me parent the way I want to" plea, and I won't lose any sleep if I assist in having the custodial rights of abusive parents taken away from them.

+1
same opinion here. I trust my judgment enough to tell the difference between discipline and abuse.

[Spray]

A couple thing's I'd like to add here.

I was raised in a household where spankings were used as discipline by my father, my mother was the more verbal disciplinarian. I look back on the spankings, and to be honest I'm glad for them. I grew up straight as an arrow, and never misbehaved and always learned my lessons. As was previously said, it was more the threat of the spankings than the spankings themselves.

I was dealt with physically, as was my older sister. My younger sister, my parents decided they would "turn a new leaf" so to speak, and she was never dealt physically. What happened? She dropped out of school, rebelled, in trouble with substances/law/curfew's...broke every single rule my mother made. You can argue if theres any correlation with this, but in my mind there definately is. My mom will scream at the top of her lungs at my sister...and what will she do? Just laugh at her..you need that option of being physical, at least the threat of it looming above the child can help.

[bubble.tea]

.... I don't think any normal person gets any pleasure in beating their kids. ......

I should hope not.

When I spank my children, it won't be because I'm angry and want to hit some them to get my frustration out. Don't assume that all parents who spank do so out of anger.

I'm struggling to find any OTHER premise for physical brutality that would even REMOTELY be justified instead of anger??? WHY ...WHY would you want to physically beat your children? Your flesh and blood. The whole purpose of your being?

[Bullseye]

I suppose if I'm commenting here, I should give my own opinion, but to be honest, I don't really feel I'm firmly in either camp. On one hand, I get turned off by the zealots who say things like controlled spanking is 'brutality', or a 'beating'. On the other, I feel that physically disciplining your child is a last resort option, and essentially a failing on your part as a parent. If you can't control your childs behaviour with your words and actions, and have to resort to putting your hands on them, you have just admitted that you are not in control of the situation, and that force is required to maintain control.

So I guess my position is that I'm theoretically against it, but also that I wouldn't rule it out if it really came down to it. I would certainly feel bad about it afterwards, though, and I would strive to review the incident and see how the spanking could have been avoided by better parenting.

[Xax]

"and when the hand reached for the drawer, we stopped" Living in fear is great isn't it.

Is it bad for children to feel fear when they choose to do something they know is wrong?

[Spidey]

Is it bad for children to feel fear when they choose to do something they know is wrong?

if they know nothings gonna happen, they will just do it. If they know they will get punished, either via spanking, a lecture, something taken away, etc they will think twice before doing it