Stuck in limbo - advice would really help
Hi, this is my first post and I signed up so that I could get some advice.
A bit about me: I just turned 35, married for about 5 years and no plans for kids. Currently working as a Web Designer with a salary of 75k. Wife works from home and runs a business that generates about the same so our combined annual gross is about 150k. Bought a house 6 years ago in Brampton and sold it last fall as we didn't feel comfortable with the neighbourhood and commute to work was becoming a problem. Currently renting in Mississauga on a 1yr lease while keeping an eye on listings. We're patient buyers and have been looking for the right home in the right area for about 9 months now. Our savings including investments total about 500k with RRSPs and TFSAs maxed out. Immediate liquidity is about 400k. We're both quite introvert and don't go out to party or spend on anything any more other than the essentials. My hobbies are Magic The Gathering and playing League of Legends. My wife enjoys watching online soap operas, home renos and playing the piano. We both love animals.
So what's the problem? I'm tired of working, complacent and don't see the purpose of my current project at work that is kinda dead. Fortunately I'm not micromanaged so trying to figure this out on my own at work. Vacations don't energize me cause once I'm back it's all the same. I use my vacation days sporadically when I can't get myself out of bed. I'm also falling behind as the web technology moves fast (AngularJS and all those other shenanigans) and I actually don't care about that stuff any more to be honest so I'm basically becoming deprecated. My wife is also tired of the issues with her business, primarily with others either screwing up the deliveries or the customers committing fraud with little recourse. Because of these issues and the news we read about on political / corporate corruption, people killing animals, people, environment, scams, etc.. we generally don't like to deal with people and don't trust people either. I continue to work so we can get a mortgage when needed as we both wanted to own a house again that would be better than the last one. But as each week drags on, there are some days I just want to get up and call it quits. I'm at a depressive, unfulfilling state badgered by being unable to figure out what to do with my life and not sure when to overcommit rocking the boat. I know some people would kill for this job and think I'm crazy being depressed at this stage in life with the resources I've saved up. My mom has always taught me not to waste anything and would always make full use of coupons. I'm a very progressive person so being in this state is like being stuck in limbo if that makes any sense. Everyone says "Do what you love!". Sure, do what I love and starve? Who wants to pay me shuffling cards or spamming spells in League? Sure, some people do make a living playing those games, but I'm not that extreme and eccentric to do those things from dawn to dusk. They are hobbies to fill my void at the end of the day from being a 9-5 pack rat. They're also sadly not productive things to do with my life and not sustainable either.
I've considered being a vet, but that is a long road to take as none of my studies in the past were associated with life sciences and I've heard that those who graduate from vet school are stuck in debt with little demand as animals are simply considered low priority. Sure, there are some people willing to spend 5k to save their furry loved one, but in general it's just not the case but rather abandoned or dumped at your doorstep. I would love to help them all but that is not a sustaining solution. Continuing to work while studying part-time would take a decade while just full-time studying would equal 400k of income lost + tuition / supplies & rent. I thought about just helping my wife with her business full-time, but we both know it's unstable so putting our eggs in one basket could be a disaster, plus we hate doing customer support which is part of the business. Somehow I feel I just need a hard reset by staying at home and figure things out, however long it takes. The problem is there's no timeline for ground hog mode. It could be a few months, few years or indefinitely. I've even thought about retiring as I'm just tired of everything, but that would be a dramatic change to our lives and not even sure if that would be an even bigger shipwreck. 500k is a lot and not a lot at the same time. We could either move back to my parent's place till I figure things out or keep renting which would be another 20k in the hole with 0 equity. Initially when we sold our house, I wanted to move to the suburbs with some acreage and transition to retirement while running an animal sanctuary. But unfortunately that's not realistic as I would need to keep working at this job and paying for a property that would not appreciate much compared to the GTA. The sanctuary would not much generate income (if any) and it could put us in an uncertain financial state if I stopped working. My wife wants a detached in the GTA that backs onto a ravine type lot as that's what we had in Brampton. The ravine might seem overkill but it helps my wife as she has problems with her eyes so being able to look out into nature is therapeutic while she's working. Plus it's nicer, quieter and not having to worry about a neighbour at the back looking in. Problem is the prices are so inflated, I would pretty much be a slave to my job for however long it takes till we sell again and figure out the next step to our lives. I don't think I'll last that long or even a fraction of that duration. If I somehow did, by then I'll be in my 40's and scared I would be reflecting on the same situation I'm writing about now. Sometimes I feel we should have just kept our initial home even though we didn't feel safe going out. I could have just resigned, stayed at home 24/7 and figured it out. Our mortgage back then was like under $1100 / month which is a lot less than what I'm paying for rent now on a town house at $1750. The remaining mortgage was about 215k and there was no urgency to pay it off at these interest rates. Our treading time if both of us hypothetically stopped working without external help while taking other expenses into account would have been around 3-4 years.
Anyway, that was the past and now trying not to shoot myself in the foot. This is the first time I'm reaching out publicly for help and I would really appreciate advice at this point. If you think I'm a spoiled 35yr old with kiddie hobbies, stupid problems and too much self entitlement, I completely agree. I can only say that I felt only 18 yesterday and don't know what happened to the other 17 years other than graduating, meeting my wife, working at different jobs and realizing there's more to life than waiting in line each day to get off the Go Station platform.
If you've read this far, thank you for your time and look forward to any advice.
A bit about me: I just turned 35, married for about 5 years and no plans for kids. Currently working as a Web Designer with a salary of 75k. Wife works from home and runs a business that generates about the same so our combined annual gross is about 150k. Bought a house 6 years ago in Brampton and sold it last fall as we didn't feel comfortable with the neighbourhood and commute to work was becoming a problem. Currently renting in Mississauga on a 1yr lease while keeping an eye on listings. We're patient buyers and have been looking for the right home in the right area for about 9 months now. Our savings including investments total about 500k with RRSPs and TFSAs maxed out. Immediate liquidity is about 400k. We're both quite introvert and don't go out to party or spend on anything any more other than the essentials. My hobbies are Magic The Gathering and playing League of Legends. My wife enjoys watching online soap operas, home renos and playing the piano. We both love animals.
So what's the problem? I'm tired of working, complacent and don't see the purpose of my current project at work that is kinda dead. Fortunately I'm not micromanaged so trying to figure this out on my own at work. Vacations don't energize me cause once I'm back it's all the same. I use my vacation days sporadically when I can't get myself out of bed. I'm also falling behind as the web technology moves fast (AngularJS and all those other shenanigans) and I actually don't care about that stuff any more to be honest so I'm basically becoming deprecated. My wife is also tired of the issues with her business, primarily with others either screwing up the deliveries or the customers committing fraud with little recourse. Because of these issues and the news we read about on political / corporate corruption, people killing animals, people, environment, scams, etc.. we generally don't like to deal with people and don't trust people either. I continue to work so we can get a mortgage when needed as we both wanted to own a house again that would be better than the last one. But as each week drags on, there are some days I just want to get up and call it quits. I'm at a depressive, unfulfilling state badgered by being unable to figure out what to do with my life and not sure when to overcommit rocking the boat. I know some people would kill for this job and think I'm crazy being depressed at this stage in life with the resources I've saved up. My mom has always taught me not to waste anything and would always make full use of coupons. I'm a very progressive person so being in this state is like being stuck in limbo if that makes any sense. Everyone says "Do what you love!". Sure, do what I love and starve? Who wants to pay me shuffling cards or spamming spells in League? Sure, some people do make a living playing those games, but I'm not that extreme and eccentric to do those things from dawn to dusk. They are hobbies to fill my void at the end of the day from being a 9-5 pack rat. They're also sadly not productive things to do with my life and not sustainable either.
I've considered being a vet, but that is a long road to take as none of my studies in the past were associated with life sciences and I've heard that those who graduate from vet school are stuck in debt with little demand as animals are simply considered low priority. Sure, there are some people willing to spend 5k to save their furry loved one, but in general it's just not the case but rather abandoned or dumped at your doorstep. I would love to help them all but that is not a sustaining solution. Continuing to work while studying part-time would take a decade while just full-time studying would equal 400k of income lost + tuition / supplies & rent. I thought about just helping my wife with her business full-time, but we both know it's unstable so putting our eggs in one basket could be a disaster, plus we hate doing customer support which is part of the business. Somehow I feel I just need a hard reset by staying at home and figure things out, however long it takes. The problem is there's no timeline for ground hog mode. It could be a few months, few years or indefinitely. I've even thought about retiring as I'm just tired of everything, but that would be a dramatic change to our lives and not even sure if that would be an even bigger shipwreck. 500k is a lot and not a lot at the same time. We could either move back to my parent's place till I figure things out or keep renting which would be another 20k in the hole with 0 equity. Initially when we sold our house, I wanted to move to the suburbs with some acreage and transition to retirement while running an animal sanctuary. But unfortunately that's not realistic as I would need to keep working at this job and paying for a property that would not appreciate much compared to the GTA. The sanctuary would not much generate income (if any) and it could put us in an uncertain financial state if I stopped working. My wife wants a detached in the GTA that backs onto a ravine type lot as that's what we had in Brampton. The ravine might seem overkill but it helps my wife as she has problems with her eyes so being able to look out into nature is therapeutic while she's working. Plus it's nicer, quieter and not having to worry about a neighbour at the back looking in. Problem is the prices are so inflated, I would pretty much be a slave to my job for however long it takes till we sell again and figure out the next step to our lives. I don't think I'll last that long or even a fraction of that duration. If I somehow did, by then I'll be in my 40's and scared I would be reflecting on the same situation I'm writing about now. Sometimes I feel we should have just kept our initial home even though we didn't feel safe going out. I could have just resigned, stayed at home 24/7 and figured it out. Our mortgage back then was like under $1100 / month which is a lot less than what I'm paying for rent now on a town house at $1750. The remaining mortgage was about 215k and there was no urgency to pay it off at these interest rates. Our treading time if both of us hypothetically stopped working without external help while taking other expenses into account would have been around 3-4 years.
Anyway, that was the past and now trying not to shoot myself in the foot. This is the first time I'm reaching out publicly for help and I would really appreciate advice at this point. If you think I'm a spoiled 35yr old with kiddie hobbies, stupid problems and too much self entitlement, I completely agree. I can only say that I felt only 18 yesterday and don't know what happened to the other 17 years other than graduating, meeting my wife, working at different jobs and realizing there's more to life than waiting in line each day to get off the Go Station platform.
If you've read this far, thank you for your time and look forward to any advice.