tacky wedding techniques

[julie]

i had a friend who had a wedding. she asked me to give her cash for the wedding gift (as they were short of cash). i usually give gifts as they are so much more personal, but to appease her i ended up simply giving her cash and returned the gift i had originally bought her. she also had a jack and jill fundraiser, plus a bridal shower. the final straw that made me kinda think this she was being really really tacky is when she asked me not to bring my date (as she didn't know him... although i've been dating him for years and she knew everything about him during that time).

after all that hoopla about having not enough money, she has been one of the few friends i know who bought their home before they got married and furnished it with everything including the extra frills.

i've gone to other weddings where money was never mentioned, and i've brought a date, and have not been asked to give cash. nothing about trying to gain more money from the guests were ever done. More often than not, I've seen the couple either rent (until they could afford a home much later on in their marriage) or live in their parent's basement apartment. they didn't have the extra frills, and certainly did NOT buy their own house.

am i the only one who thinks what this girl did was rather tacky? I thought a wedding was a time of celebrating your special day by inviting friends to join in... not a time to squeeze as much money from your guests as possible.

to make matters worse, she did not even write a thank you note for the cash i gave her for her wedding present. needless to say, i'm really debating whether or not to even invite her to my wedding.

[bigredlemon]

As a certified frugal-person, even i'd say that is lame. If they are looking to save money, they shouldn't have invited you. If they found it worthwhile enough to have you there (as a friend, and not as somebody who's brining money) then they should have invited you both. It seems just insulting IMHO.

If, on the otherhand, they don't want your SO to come because he's an *******/drunk/weirdo/convicted killer with manic depression and excess body hair, then I could see how they might use the money excuse so as to not make him feel bad.

[julie]

no, he is none of that. he is the nicest guy ever. she also asked another close friend of ours to not bring a date either! (and the 2 guys do NOT know each other). but we were BOTH invited to the other fundraisers (ie. jack and jill "fundraiser" etc).

[JLunar]

Oh, have I a site for you, Julie.

http://www.etiquettehell.com/wedindex.htm

I read every one of these stories the way one watches a car wreck at the site of the road.

Jen

[Keelie]

i dont like it when ppl ask for money rather than a gift. myself i think the way to go about it is to say money or a gift is ok. then you are sure to get some of both.
i dont like giving money, and personally i dont like to recieve it for occasions such as a birthday or christmas. gifts are much more personal and mean alot more to me.. which, i guess, is why i would rather give them also.

[JAC]

to make matters worse, she did not even write a thank you note for the cash i gave her for her wedding present. needless to say, i'm really debating whether or not to even invite her to my wedding.

Invite her, tell her to give you cash, and then don't seat her husband.

[kingstonseller]

bad girs bad girls what ya gonna do whatt ya gonna do when they come for you bad girls bad girls what ya gon

[ranjeet2000]

You know your friend sounds like one of those people who i used to be friends with. selfish self centered people who should wear a tshirt that says "It's all about me"
she is not short changed. she is just being greedy. for her to furnish her place so upscale is more than enough evidence taht if she is short changed, it's because of her tastes, not due to lack of money.
and all her little fundraisers make you wonder if this is a wedding or some scam to help pay off her house.
personally i don't like people like that.
my aunts did the same thing. having multiple showers to try to cash in on other peoples generosity.
here is advice for you.
a bad friend is not a friend at all.
they are parasites, and will only hurt you in the end because they will use you & abuse you.
I bet even if you did invite her to your wedding, she would skimp out on the gift and give you siomething she got from her wedding. and if you asked for cash, she'd probably give you a crappy amount or act insulted that you asked.

[frogger]

Ranjeet is right, this person sounds like a selfish selfserving person, whether she knows it or not. To have all those money making events and not allow you to bring someone you are obviously very serious with is just silly.

You should invite her to your wedding and tell her she cannot come to the reception.

[plucky duck]

Geez, you call that a friend?? Way too self centred. Can't bring a SO? Why?? So she can go cheap on the meals??? Sheesh. You can share happiness with her, only if you pay cash, and don't be a burden on her wallet by bringing a companion??

[towingwidow]

I would definately be losing that so-called friend in a big hurry.

[synaptech]

hmmmm, so my $20 cover charge at the church door is bad idea then....

[towingwidow]

hmmmm, so my $20 cover charge at the church door is bad idea then....

Empty church. I'd be seeing ya' at the reception!!

[julie]

thanks for all the advice and replies. good to know i wasn't being overly sensitive. JAC, my SO said exactly the same thing too!


i just think it's kind of funny how friendships can begin and end because of a wedding. esp after checking out the weddings from hell site.

[ranjeet2000]

Julie, I don't think that friendships end at a wedding.
you just finally realise what a jerk the person is, and it just takes some guts to end it.

it took me a very long time to end my friendships with my so called "friends" who i know called self centered jerks.
for a very long time, you're in the stage where you wonder if it's all in your head or if you're just making a big deal. and you even hope the person will change.

but after many times of the person taking hours to talk about themselves and then all of a sudden saying they are busy when the topic switches to you is mroe than enough crap to take.