Parenting

Tantrums, how do you handle them?

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  • Dec 25th, 2012 3:07 pm
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[OP]
Deal Addict
Jul 7, 2004
4209 posts
339 upvotes

Tantrums, how do you handle them?

My kid is just over two now, and is really good for the most part. Never had any issues in public, really doens't cry that much.
But there will be times where he will start screaming because he can't get his way, or even some times for no particular reason.
How do you handle that? Do you just ignore it? Put him in time out?

I know many don't want to punish the kid for expressing his feelings, but at the same time, you don't want your kid throwing a
tantrum every time he doesn't get his way.

Even when he doesn't get his way I can handle that, but the times when it's for absolutely no reason it drives me insane.
Tired, hungry, sick, I can handle the meltdowns then too. Or if he doesn't get his way, and is sucky and wants his soother,
then we say no, and he throws a bigger fit.

Sometimes I will say do you want to go in timeout? ANd he will stop. (probably not the best method)
We rarely have to use timeout, probably a coupletimes a month, that's about it.

What's your opinion?
5 replies
Deal Addict
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Nov 9, 2005
3810 posts
1076 upvotes
High River, AB
As soon as they learn that screaming gets them their way, even once, they will continue to do it. It must never get them what they want. Alongside that, it must come with consequences (ones that are clearly laid out and that you stick to - even if you later change your mind). The consequence that you have offered (which seems to be working) is the threat of a timeout. Keep that up - there's nothing wrong with it.

Both parents have to be on board with this, or you might as well forget it.
Newbie
Jul 7, 2009
20 posts
4 upvotes
First of all stay calm. I tell my child that it's ok to feel sad/angry/frustrated but that screaming is not an appropriate way to communicate his needs. I'll then say that I will listen to him when he speaks calmly. It is best to ignore this behavior to let it eventually disappear within a week or two. At his age he has the vocabulary to express most of his needs but he needs to learn how to do so properly.

baz5 wrote:
Dec 21st, 2012 11:49 pm
My kid is just over two now, and is really good for the most part. Never had any issues in public, really doens't cry that much.
But there will be times where he will start screaming because he can't get his way, or even some times for no particular reason.
How do you handle that? Do you just ignore it? Put him in time out?

I know many don't want to punish the kid for expressing his feelings, but at the same time, you don't want your kid throwing a
tantrum every time he doesn't get his way.

Even when he doesn't get his way I can handle that, but the times when it's for absolutely no reason it drives me insane.
Tired, hungry, sick, I can handle the meltdowns then too. Or if he doesn't get his way, and is sucky and wants his soother,
then we say no, and he throws a bigger fit.

Sometimes I will say do you want to go in timeout? ANd he will stop. (probably not the best method)
We rarely have to use timeout, probably a coupletimes a month, that's about it.

What's your opinion?
Member
User avatar
Oct 13, 2008
358 posts
26 upvotes
Calgary
Russell wrote:
Dec 22nd, 2012 1:00 am
As soon as they learn that screaming gets them their way, even once, they will continue to do it. It must never get them what they want. Alongside that, it must come with consequences (ones that are clearly laid out and that you stick to - even if you later change your mind). The consequence that you have offered (which seems to be working) is the threat of a timeout. Keep that up - there's nothing wrong with it.

Both parents have to be on board with this, or you might as well forget it.
This!!! Consistency is the key, and follow through. Do not make a threat you're not willing to follow through on immediately. No waiting.. consequences must be immediate. If you threaten the child that you're gonna warm it's bum if this tantrum continues and you're standing in a Costco, then you'd better be prepared to do that in Costco. You can't wait till later, little kids simply don't have that kindof "actions=consquences 2 hours down the road" level of intelligence yet. Also, as eerie333 says, keep yourself under control. If you lose your cool and start yelling back, you've lost before you started. Anyone that says you can't reason with a 2 year old is someone who doesn't have the self control to even try. They're perfectly reasonable inside their frame of reference.

As a side point, it doesn't hurt to NEVER buy a child something they ask for in the store that trip. Then they never learn that they have a chance of getting something, and that'll help keep the "I want that toy" tantrums to a minimum to start. I remember being in superstore watching a kid lose it on a mom because he wanted his racecar toy, and he kept yelling to the effect that I always get a toy blah blah blah.. the mom looked over at me and huffed "Kids!!"... I just looked at her back and said, "You did it to yourself." then continued on my way.. as we were walking away my 2 year old pipes up and says "Daddy, that little boy isn't a very good listener is he.. he's not supposed to yell like that.".. I had a tough time choking back my laughter at that one..
Member
Feb 19, 2011
202 posts
20 upvotes
Could write a novel on this one! Good for you for trying to find a system that works for you. When my son was that age, we did a 3-strike approach for most behaviours before giving a time out. If a behaviour was a safety issue for him or someone else, we did immediate time outs. 1 minute in time out per year of age. Your child may leave time out ALL the time at first. Bring him back and tell him you are re-starting the time. Bring him back again and again and again. He will catch on eventually.

I also really liked a lot of the ideas in the Happiest Toddler on the Block book. Worth a read.
Deal Fanatic
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Sep 24, 2005
9454 posts
977 upvotes
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it actually stems from a common vision problem.
they are not seeing enough back of the hand.
“Children see magic because they look for it.”
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