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Travelling with friends who turned out to be @&(@$(@ -- how do you cope?

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  • Jun 19th, 2017 7:11 pm
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Travelling with friends who turned out to be @&(@$(@ -- how do you cope?

How do you deal with travel mates who turned out to be annoying and needy, and maybe to some extent, psychopathic? Maybe I need to vent...

A friend and I are currently traveling and he is so annoying and condescending, I don't even know how to enjoy travelling anymore. He complains about the service in restaurants being too slow and being overpriced. He complains about buses arriving late in Bosnia and Croatia. He wanted to ride the train between Sarajevo and Mostar, and when he found out that it will resume in a few days after a hiatus during off-season, he spent a whole day complaining about it.

He criticizes every small thing, like me ordering 0.5L of local beer during dinner (saying I need to start looking after my health as I am getting old -- he doesn't drink), to my spending habits (he doesn't like that my phone, which was a gift, is more expensive than his). He criticizes the pictures I take off him and deletes them right in front of me saying they're ugly. Then, he'd go on a lecture saying that photography is a lost art ever since the common people can take their own photos with no regards to symmetry, lighting, perspective, and aesthetics (lol). He also complains when we are still out by 9pm as he wants to be in bed by 10pm (!). He's an early riser and wants to take pictures without the other tourists (he calls them "unwanted artifacts"), and he has booked all our transportation to leave at around 5-7am. I'm quite laid-back and haven't really complained about all this.

To top it all off, we decided to spend this morning on our own and meet up for lunch around noon, with me holding on to the keys to the Airbnb flat. I decided to check out the local beach here in Split and go for a swim. I couldn't answer his calls as I was swimming (he wanted to go back to the flat), so he sent me the following text below. The SOB threatened to call the police because I didn't answer within 10 minutes!

All the Airbnb accommodation are booked under my name and all the transport tickets have been booked under his. We have one week to go before flying back home, so maybe I should just hold my breath and try and live with his neediness? How do you guys deal with this scenario?

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One might reasonably conclude that if this was really a "friend", as you indicated, that you'd actually know this about him before deciding to travel together and wouldn't have. So, in that context, that's how it should have been handled.

If, for some unknown reason, your "friend" has always hidden his personality from you and you only found out the "real" friend since you started traveling, it doesn't seem like you'd have too many choices, (particularly with only a week left together, beyond the resolve to never travel together again. Of course, you might want to point him to this thread if he asks you why.
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Good to vent but, even better to say something directly to the person. Perhaps he will just go his own way?
Just throw in little one liners each time he complains...things like "any other nits you want to pick?) or "is there anything that would please you today" or "before we go today, is there any place that would not piss you off in some way?" or "what kind of dining experience would be appropriate for you to eat only?" or "yu pick something that pleases you as I cannot seem to find that elusive thing".
Point is, make sure that he is aware that his complaints are petty.
Hope it's not to late to say, have a good trip :)
Is it solipsistic here? Or is it just me?
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Conquistador wrote:
Jun 15th, 2017 8:51 am
One might reasonably conclude that if this was really a "friend", as you indicated, that you'd actually know this about him before deciding to travel together and wouldn't have. So, in that context, that's how it should have been handled.

If, for some unknown reason, your "friend" has always hidden his personality from you and you only found out the "real" friend since you started traveling, it doesn't seem like you'd have too many choices, (particularly with only a week left together, beyond the resolve to never travel together again. Of course, you might want to point him to this thread if he asks you why.
I've known him for a couple of years, but we've only hung out in the context of dinners and movies. He lives outside London, but every couple of months, he'd come down and we would hang out. I have no idea he'd be like this, but there were hints. When he wanted to hang out with me once but I declined as I had other plans, he tried to pull a guilt-trip on me for not cancelling said plans. But, I brushed that aside. We both like to travel and he wanted to go on a trip with me, so I suggested Croatia.
Although there are apparently lots I didn't know about him. Before we left, he said himself that we'd check the local bars and clubs. It was only here when he told me that he doesn't drink.
Pete_Coach wrote:
Jun 15th, 2017 8:58 am
Good to vent but, even better to say something directly to the person. Perhaps he will just go his own way?
Just throw in little one liners each time he complains...things like "any other nits you want to pick?) or "is there anything that would please you today" or "before we go today, is there any place that would not piss you off in some way?" or "what kind of dining experience would be appropriate for you to eat only?" or "yu pick something that pleases you as I cannot seem to find that elusive thing".
Point is, make sure that he is aware that his complaints are petty.
Hope it's not to late to say, have a good trip :)
I have given him an earful a while ago and now he is being quiet and avoiding any conversations. :)
I have been giving him one liners as rebuttals. When he complained about my lack of aesthetics when taking pictures, I pointed out to his horrible haircut (which it is) and not knowing the difference between baroque and post-war architecture (seriously).
But threatening to call the police, that was just out of line, which I have told him.
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I feel for you! I experienced this a few months ago when I went on a trip with a casual friend. We are no longer friends.
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heymikey wrote:
Jun 15th, 2017 9:15 am
I've known him for a couple of years,
.......
I have given him an earful a while ago and now he is being quiet and avoiding any conversations. :)
I have been giving him one liners as rebuttals. When he complained about my lack of aesthetics when taking pictures, I pointed out to his horrible haircut (which it is) and not knowing the difference between baroque and post-war architecture (seriously).
But threatening to call the police, that was just out of line, which I have told him.
I have a friend somewhat like yours. Nothing is as she expected, nothing is quite right and nothing as good as she expected (at home or when on a trip). Fortunately when we travel, it is with a group so I can get away from her. Her husband has strong eye muscles from rolling his eyes and exercising them so much. :)
It is tough to have a good time constantly listening to complaints.
Is it solipsistic here? Or is it just me?
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And I've tried bending over backwards to his requests. Last night, he randomly met a guy and planned a hook-up at our flat. He told me not to come back before 10pm so they can finish having sex. I did despite having some rain last night and me not bringing my umbrella. And not being able to answer the phone right away and threatening to call the police? Really selfish.
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Anyway, thanks guys. The rain has stopped and I'm just going to enjoy the city while the "friend" is having a nap.
Split is a lovely city and Croatia as a whole is worth a visit. Make sure you bring someone that you actually know really well :)
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This guy sounds like a pompous selfish a@[mention2=329452 slug=].[/mention2] Maybe agree to spend the rest of the trip alone for touring etc. Do you have any more travel to do before you actually leave to come home?

Honestly I'd just do my own thing at this point. Even when I travel with really great friends I always make it clear at some point I'll be doing my own thing for a period of time just to save my sanity and get recharged.
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Raggie wrote:
Jun 15th, 2017 9:19 am
I feel for you! I experienced this a few months ago when I went on a trip with a casual friend. We are no longer friends.
This happened to me on my last trip. Had almost no spending money whereas I had quite a bit and would feel bad going off on my own. I am now going back to that place on my own and I'm damn well gonna enjoy myself when there.
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There's very few friends I would travel with. I have some friends that I adore but would not travel with them.

We had friends (a couple who we got along well with) that we would never travel with again. We went on a cruise with them (it was their first cruise) they were so cheap. They wouldn't get off the ship to do anything that cost even $1. We didn't care and left them on the ship. When we would return and they would ask about our day they would make snide comments about how we wasted our money (ex. We spent a day at Meghan's Bay beach in UVI) so it's not like we did anything extravagant.

We have another couple we travel with and we do our own things (ex. They want to eat at Y restaurant tonight we ate at Z). They spent the morning at the hotel gym - my husband and I decided to walk into town.

Good luck OP just say what is on your mind at this point.
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OMG! The ex-friend that I travelled with was also really cheap. She brought food and meats from home and would freeze them. She ate all my snacks. She kept making remarks about wasting money on food. When I travel, I like to go out to eat, not eat canned sardines and frozen salami from home. She even packed me a dinner to eat at the airport.

She always had to be first in line, first to eat, first for everything. She blew her stack at the hotel clerk for giving us a non-scenic view. She started charging things on my credit card. She even ripped me off when it came time for her to pay her share. I couldn't even spend quiet time in the hotel room because I didn't want to be near her and she never left the room.

I was so grossed out by her behaviour. She then played victim and sent an email to our travel agent that I was gossiping about her...Face Screaming In Fear
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You pretty much know your friend's habit by hanging out. Maybe a trip is different since you with struck with that person 24 hours.
Maybe start with some road trip first, before you really invest to spend a pricy trip with those friends.

Sometimes family members can be an headache to deal with as well in a trip. it doesn't have to be with friends.
Especially travelling with family that have kids, everything will be so unpredictable. It is a NONO.
Last edited by MP3_SKY on Jun 15th, 2017 11:03 am, edited 1 time in total.
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heymikey wrote:
Jun 15th, 2017 9:27 am
And I've tried bending over backwards to his requests. Last night, he randomly met a guy and planned a hook-up at our flat. He told me not to come back before 10pm so they can finish having sex. I did despite having some rain last night and me not bringing my umbrella. And not being able to answer the phone right away and threatening to call the police? Really selfish.
i think you misspelled 'girl'?
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