Travel

Travelling with friends who turned out to be @&(@$(@ -- how do you cope?

  • Last Updated:
  • Jun 19th, 2017 7:11 pm
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Jun 14, 2017
51 posts
18 upvotes
My GF and I recently went on a 2 week long vacation to Italy with 2 other couples and we had a blast. We are already very tight friends but it was our first time traveling together. Thank god everything went well and no clash of interest at all. I would never go with anyone on vacation if I didn't already have a decent understanding of their personalities and tendencies.

Op, it sounds like you really didn't know this person at all. I feel for you but I'd say just bite your tongue and tough it out.
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Dec 18, 2007
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And that is why I generally prefer to travel solo. Easier to compromise!

I have travelled with friends a few times and it's been ok as we're all pretty laid back.
I have no issue telling someone I'm going to do my own thing though and then meeting up for lunch or something later. Or they want to do something badly, that they should and I'll find something else to do.

There are some people I won't travel with though since their budgets are next to nil.
Not saying I need the ritz, but I'm not afraid of opening my wallet for something. Also if they're a foodie, then they can go eat on their own.
I'm OK with fast foods.
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May 28, 2004
461 posts
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People are different when travelling and they are different when you're spending the entire day together. Or maybe they're the same but your ability to ignore their quirks wears away.

Advice/Coping Tips
-Determine the 1 or 2 things that really bother you and bring it up. Some action he may be able to change during the trip. He might react poorly but it'll allow you to get it off your chest and you'll know if he's willing to take your concerns seriously.
-Drink a little more, even if he's not drinking - this might sound like bad advice but it works.
-Meet other people and use them as buffers. Maybe you'll meet someone else feeling the same way! You might get lucky and meet someone he feels uncomfortable complaining around.
-Do not offer to take photos from him. You can ask strangers or your new buffer friends to take yours (or his).
-Ask your airbnb hosts if you can have a second key so you can spend less time together. Sometimes they have a second key even if they don't offer.
-When the week is over you'll realize it wasn't that long. You can make it and have a good time! And in a few years, you'll almost forget the crap you're dealing with now.
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Jul 12, 2003
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Markham
BrunetteGirl wrote:
Jun 15th, 2017 10:41 am
They spent the morning at the hotel gym - my husband and I decided to walk into town.

Good luck OP just say what is on your mind at this point.
Why would some have to spend time to do stuff that they can do at home?
if's it was a pool or Jacuzzi, then it's different.
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[OP]
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Oct 2, 2006
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MJISGOAT wrote:
Jun 15th, 2017 11:42 am
Op, it sounds like you really didn't know this person at all. I feel for you but I'd say just bite your tongue and tough it out.
Yeah true. I'm a very patient and easy-going guy. I was willing to brush aside a lot of his negative traits that I posted before. Heck, I was even going to agree with his suggestions of finding the nearest McDonalds, KFC, or Chinese takeaway rather than sampling the local cuisine for dinner despite being on holiday. But the moment he threatened to call the police on me for not answering his calls because I was swimming in the beach, I will not take that.

He suggested we go to South America next year. The thought of him having a meltdown because the bus broke down somewhere in Peru ruining his tightly scheduled plans is quite horrific.
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Jun 15, 2015
985 posts
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Mississauga, ON
MP3_SKY wrote:
Jun 15th, 2017 12:13 pm
Why would some have to spend time to do stuff that they can do at home?
if's it was a pool or Jacuzzi, then it's different.
No idea- this was at a hotel in the Amalfi Coast. To each their own right?
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Oct 18, 2014
900 posts
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New York City
b166er1337 wrote:
Jun 15th, 2017 11:25 am
backpacking/ traveling is the best way to reveal true compatibility between couples or friends.
100% agree!

I've done many trips with various groups of friends and there is always that one (or two) person. The bigger the group, the harder it is to please everyone. In my experience, it's best to 1) divide and conquer and/or 2) travel with other laid-back folks.
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Oct 25, 2009
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Moncton
Just be direct. Although complaining about complaining has some irony. As a half French Canadian, my beef with English speaking travel mates is often the apparent apathy. But then with French speakers, on a tour for example, I question the need to comment on every single thing.

Try to chat up other travellers. You might find your travel mate isn't so insufferable after hearing a European racist rant about the Greeks or the Gypsies/Roma.
Clicking on "Thanks" is appreciated.
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Apr 26, 2004
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yesstyle wrote:
Jun 15th, 2017 11:20 am
i think you misspelled 'girl'?
You must live a very sheltered life.

Friends at home do not necessarily translate to travel friends. You never really know someone until you hang out with them 24/7, especially in foreign lands where the potential for stress is greater.
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Oct 27, 2009
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Ontario
OP, your travel friend won't make it through South America but at least you won't be on that trip.. He also won't do well in other Eastern European countries.
For someone who wanted to check out bars/clubs but claims not to drink-either he was hoping to find someone in them or take pictures of them.

Strange how he is unable to state he did not research the destination enough to know about slow transit and such in Croatia. He obviously does not take responsibility for anything but feels compelled to complain to you non-stop.

OP if you are also multilingual, see if you can pretend to be mute in English but conversational in other languages with others around you. Buddy will stew in his own woe.

You've learned some key lessons. Unless you can afford to drop this friend and pay your own transport fares, see if you can do the mute thing to survive the rest of the trip.
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Aug 14, 2007
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b166er1337 wrote:
Jun 15th, 2017 11:25 am
backpacking/ traveling is the best way to reveal true compatibility between couples or friends.
Some of my friends think it's wierd that im doing my next trip by myself. I'd actually prefer it that way, why? Because I can then do whatever the hell I want to do and not care about a second person saying "you shouldn't do this or that" or the inevitable "there's 30 restaurants here, I know you want to go here but I don't want to".

I doubt I'll get bored, I am going to Vegas after all and have everything like show tickets and the race track booked already. I don't know if I'd want to go somewhere like mexico or Jamaica by myself though but I just may... after my ex left me I promised myself I'd travel somewhere at least once a year. Well year 1 it didn't happen going into year 3 soon I'm definitely gonna stick to that.
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yesstyle wrote:
Jun 15th, 2017 11:20 am
i think you misspelled 'girl'?
LOLL friend could be gay whatever no judging in 2017....
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Dec 18, 2007
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Sanyo wrote:
Jun 15th, 2017 11:23 pm
LOLL friend could be gay whatever no judging in 2017....
Or just super high maintenance and needy...
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Jun 14, 2017
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heymikey wrote:
Jun 15th, 2017 1:12 pm
Yeah true. I'm a very patient and easy-going guy. I was willing to brush aside a lot of his negative traits that I posted before. Heck, I was even going to agree with his suggestions of finding the nearest McDonalds, KFC, or Chinese takeaway rather than sampling the local cuisine for dinner despite being on holiday. But the moment he threatened to call the police on me for not answering his calls because I was swimming in the beach, I will not take that.

He suggested we go to South America next year. The thought of him having a meltdown because the bus broke down somewhere in Peru ruining his tightly scheduled plans is quite horrific.
Your buddy got separation anxiety my friend. I actually think he needs help. LOL
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Jul 5, 2004
21991 posts
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Tell him everything you wrote here and then tell him you're done traveling with him. You'll stay at previously booked accommodations with him, but otherwise, you two will be spending the rest of the trip apart. You have a week left, don't let him ruin it. Ditch him as a traveling partner
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