What would you do if you made plans, but found out that the other party has a cold?

[agkcss]

So, here's my issue. If my friends/family (or their kids) are sick, I don't want to see them. I will cancel plans.

My kids are in daycare, so they get sick quite often. I've taken way too many days off from work because of this. I understand that kids get sick while in daycare. I'm ok with that. It's gonna happen.

But, if I can avoid having my kids get another cold, or a different virus and another day off work for me, I will do what it takes - cancel plans.

My friends and family think I'm too anal retentive about viruses. Their logic is that kids will get sick, so just let them get sick. But, I have no back up (no extended family to take care of the kids when they get sick, and no nanny either). So, it's up to me and the hubby to divide up our time and take days off work.

My friends/family that I'm coo-coo. Too anal retentive. They don't understand why we can't go to dinner, or just get together to have our kids play together when their kids are sick. I've tried explaining to them that they all have help (parents/nanny, etc), so if their kid is sick, they're still able to go to work. But if one of my kids gets sick, it's me taking a day off work. I'd like to avoid unnecessary illnesses.

They've gotten to the point where they think they'll just not disclose this information to me. So, we'll get together, and by 3/4 of the night, I realize that one of their kids is sick, call them on it, and they'll say "oh - yes, she just started a cold"...and of course, within a few days from that day, one of my kids comes down with a virus...gives it to her sibling, and the cycle continues.

On the flip side, I always tell my friends/family if one of my kids is sick. Out of courtesy, in case they want to cancel a play date, or dinner plans. I would not want to pass along unwanted germs. But their answers are always "oh, it's ok. We don't care about that".

So, what do you think? Am I being too anal retentive about this? Should I just accept that they'll have another cold anyways, and allow these get togethers? Or continue to be preventative because after all, I'm the one that has to take extra days off work?

[frankyflwrs]

If your family/friends think you're too anal...then have them take care of the kids when they get sick. You have to do what's best for your kids and you...I would hate to have my kids sick with a cold all the time....no sleep, crying, nagging, days off work....Screw them if you're trying to protect your family from getting sick. Do what you have to do and don't even think twice about it.

[eightyeight]

Your friends sound like a-holes.

If it's an important get-together, like a family death, then go. If it's something stupid like a play date, then skip. Text them "babby has xplosive dyreea soz" and that's it.

Just buy your kid a transformer or a happy meal to make up for it. They'll understand.

[KingMiedus]

If it is just a cold, I would say you're being a bit anal about it. Hell my parents never let me stay home from school if I had a cold. Clearly other parents are sending their kids to day care with a cold, so I don't see why you'd have to keep yours home and take a day off.

But if you are in fact having to take a day off every time they get sick, then yeah, screw your friends and stay home. I just really don't think you have to take the day off every time. There really has to be some threshold of seriousness of the sickness, and I would think a common cold doesn't fall into that.

[mart242]

I just really don't think you have to take the day off every time. There really has to be some threshold of seriousness of the sickness, and I would think a common cold doesn't not fall into that.

There is, if a fever is above a certain threshold (and it's quite low)

[Blvck_Scvle]

They're right about one thing: kids are going to get sick. It happens.

I'd say both parties are a little unrealistic.

[CSK'sMom]

I'd say anal too, sorry. Kids are going to sick. I'd expose them to everything going now so that when they start school they won't get hit with everything again and miss class time. I certainly wouldn't be keeping them home either every time they get a cold...

[agkcss]

Let me clarify - I don't keep them home every time they have a cold. Only when the daycare deems them too sick to go. Such as fever, diarrhea, vomit. If they have a cold, I still send them to daycare.

Take the last 3 weeks - Daycare called. Child #1 has a fever. Must pick up child. I'm home for 2 days from work. Next week, child #2 gets sick. She has a fever. I'm home for one day. I take her into daycare the next day because I think the fever's broken. I get the dreaded call at 10am to pick her up. She now has diarrhrea. Two more days are off because the diarrhea didn't end until then.
This week, child #3 had diarrhea and vomiting and fever. I'm off work for 3 days. Hopefully, the viruses going around daycare have all passed through my kids now, and next week will be a better week for us.

I'm not keeping them home unnecessarily - only when the daycare won't let me send them.

So, that's my main issue - yes, I know they get sick, but at this rate, I'm going to get my ***** fired. I need to do something...so, I cut out plans with friends/family if their kids are sick.

[nalababe]

Yes, you are too anal.

It's your right to be...but I'd hope that you'd only cancel in extreme instances.

Kids get sick. They are probably far more likely to be picking something up during daycare...do you run around and check all the kids at daycare?

In my kid's daycare there are some 10 kids...likely one of them is sick at any given time. Even then since you can be contagious several days before showing symptoms, there is no way to tell who might get your kid sick.

The reality is that it happens. Cannot speak for you employer, but we make sure there are options for when kids get sick...or worst case you take one of your diversity days if necessary.

[gman]

Let me clarify - I don't keep them home every time they have a cold. Only when the daycare deems them too sick to go. Such as fever, diarrhea, vomit. If they have a cold, I still send them to daycare.

Take the last 3 weeks - Daycare called. Child #1 has a fever. Must pick up child. I'm home for 2 days from work. Next week, child #2 gets sick. I'm home for 1 day, place them into daycare and get the dreaded call to pick her up because she has a fever. Two more days are off because her fever hasn't broken.
This week, child #3 had diarrhea and vomiting and fever. I'm off work for 3 days.

I'm not keeping them home unnecessarily - only when the daycare won't let me send them.

So, that's my main issue - yes, I know they get sick, but at this rate, I'm going to get my ***** fired. I need to do something...so, I cut out plans with friends/family if their kids are sick.

Yes, you should but you should also try to find out why your kids got sick so easily. Too clean? Or, not clean enough?
My house is not clean in average standard but my kids did not get sick as the rate you described.

[agkcss]

My house is definitely not too clean

The 6 year old doesn't get as sick anymore. She's been pretty good. But, the 3 year old, and 14 month old are still building their immunity.

The illnesses aren't usually this drastic (one after the other or so frequent), but I guess, when it hits, it hits hard. We've just hit a rough patch now, and I have been lacking sleep for a while - guess I'm really grumpy

Thanks for your feedback everyone. Appreciate it!

[tripwire]

Keep doing what you do, they're your kids. You protect them as you see fit. Who cares what your friends and family think.

[r1lee]

It's up to you what you want to do. If you feel that you don't want your kids to get sick, than cancel plans. You're the one who have to live with the pain, not them.

But, I only cancel plans with friends if I know that we have a looming vacation so i wouldn't risk it. But if i have no immediate plans, than it will be good on their immune system to be expose to yet another cold virus.