Parenting & Family

Who is responsible for child support now?

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  • Mar 21st, 2017 12:02 pm
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[OP]
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Aug 10, 2013
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Toronto, Ontario

Who is responsible for child support now?

Long story short. I am the biological father of my son. My ex partner has always had the same bf since prior to my sons birth. I paid support for the first 3 years at an astronomical rate (was a business owner and she was forcing me to pay what the business grossed). After that time I told her we were going to court and I would be going for full custody or we can share costs. Ill cover whatever he needs here and we split cost in other way. Generally speaking this has been okay. I have had to pay alot more than my share and i am fine with that in the grand scheme of things.

She has lived with her same bf for probably 7 years now. They just split up. She does not make enough income to cover her own place however i have taken primary custody of him and she is trying to micromanage my parenting. I believe she is setting it up that once she is on her feet she will take full custody of him and try to get me to pay Child support.

In this case, who is responsible for child support. The Ex partner whom, after a year, assumes the parental role of my son given they live together or am I on the hook?
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Nov 13, 2013
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Whoever has custody of the child can receive support. How it ended up that way is not really relevant. You should have a decent case for keeping a child at least 50% that you raised from age 3-4 but being a mom is of course hard to beat. Go see a lawyer now and see what your options are.
[OP]
Sr. Member
Aug 10, 2013
664 posts
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Toronto, Ontario
fogetmylogin wrote:
Mar 15th, 2017 3:57 pm
Whoever has custody of the child can receive support. How it ended up that way is not really relevant. You should have a decent case for keeping a child at least 50% that you raised from age 3-4 but being a mom is of course hard to beat. Go see a lawyer now and see what your options are.

Not a question who would receive the support more so who pays? Ex-BF given he was with her for 10 years+ and cohabittated 7/10 years? Or biological father? I was never married or anything to her. In fact, was only with her for a very very short period of time.
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She could also go after ex-BF if he was acting as a parent but you will still be on the hook even if you cut off all ties to the kid and especially if you don't.
[OP]
Sr. Member
Aug 10, 2013
664 posts
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Toronto, Ontario
Read:



Some fathers are quite surprised that they will be liable for child support for a Child eventhough they have no relationship with the Child. The biological father cannot sever his relationship with the child (unless they consent to an adoption of the child by a step-father). Furthermore, some fathers are also surprised to learn that they will be liable for child support for a child even if they did not intend to have a child. The right to child support is the right of the child. He/she did not ask to be brought into this world and the biological parents must be responsible for their financial care.

A person can also be liable for child support for his/her dependent child if he/she has assumed the role of a parent for the child. This person is deemed to be in loco parentis to the child (or stands in the place of a parent to the child). In determining whether or a not a person stands in loco parentis to a child, a court will examine various aspects of the child’s relationship with the adult, including, but not limited to, the following:

(a) financial connection;

(b) social interaction;

(c) emotional interaction;

(d) role in discipline;

(e) role in education; etc.

The longer the parent’s relationship and interaction with the Child, the more likely that a parent will be deemed to be in loco parentis with the Child. However, the courts have also found that a person does not have to be considered loco parentis to a child just because he/she was being pleasant to the Child. It is important to note that it is not be possible to enter into a Domestic Agreement with a parent that provides the future spouse/partner will not be deemed to stand in loco parentis to the Child. You cannot contact out of your obligation to pay child support.

Potential future child support obligations should be a serious consideration if you are involved in a relationship with someone who has a child. You have to carefully consider the implications of marrying or living with someone who is a parent and is caring for a child. If there is a future breakdown of the relationship, it is very possible that you may be deemed to have a support obligation for your former partner’s child as long as the child is considered a dependent.
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If you have sole custody of your child you would be entitled to receive child support. But you could only go after the mom for support. I'm pretty sure you can't go after her ex bf. if she had sole custody she would have case. I mean maybe technically by the law you would have a case but honestly your likely to get shot down in court and it's not worth the hassle.

You say you have sole custody? Do you have an order? If not get one. And the mom can't just flip flop between you having sole or joint custody. Its very disruptive to the child. If you have a court order she would need a substations change in circumstance to go after joint or sole herself. And her suddenly having enough money really isn't a good reason to disrupt how a child is used to living.
[OP]
Sr. Member
Aug 10, 2013
664 posts
218 upvotes
Toronto, Ontario
We have never been to court in 10 years. In january, i took him here as he wasnt attending school (missed 30 days since school started). Found out then that ex and mother had split. She claims it was due to issues with the teacher (he has a history of behavioural issues). I took him over as I am home full time on injury and of the limited things i can do i can ensure he goes to school and is supervised.

In terms of "custody", we have never gone to court. Right now, he resides with me through the course of the school week as he attends at my daughters school and 1 weekend a month. I do not want child support. Even after having him the last few months, i have bought all clothes, food, supplies, paid all school and extra curricular expenses out of pocket. I dont need reimbursement.

The purpose more so is i believe she is creating a situation where her and her ex split. I got "dumped" with the kid (aka my son). She wants out of her current living environment but given her low income I believe she will be expecting me to foot the bill for her new place via child support. I have no issue paying support nor do i want to appear that way if the money was used for appropriate purposes. In the past though this money was not utilized for that purpose and hence I dont agree with paying. In retrospect, I am willing to care for my son indefinately with the sole financial responsibility being on my shoulders.
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6mthatch wrote:
Mar 15th, 2017 5:20 pm
We have never been to court in 10 years. In january, i took him here as he wasnt attending school (missed 30 days since school started). Found out then that ex and mother had split. She claims it was due to issues with the teacher (he has a history of behavioural issues). I took him over as I am home full time on injury and of the limited things i can do i can ensure he goes to school and is supervised.

In terms of "custody", we have never gone to court. Right now, he resides with me through the course of the school week as he attends at my daughters school and 1 weekend a month. I do not want child support. Even after having him the last few months, i have bought all clothes, food, supplies, paid all school and extra curricular expenses out of pocket. I dont need reimbursement.

The purpose more so is i believe she is creating a situation where her and her ex split. I got "dumped" with the kid (aka my son). She wants out of her current living environment but given her low income I believe she will be expecting me to foot the bill for her new place via child support. I have no issue paying support nor do i want to appear that way if the money was used for appropriate purposes. In the past though this money was not utilized for that purpose and hence I dont agree with paying. In retrospect, I am willing to care for my son indefinately with the sole financial responsibility being on my shoulders.
Court won't care how,she spends the support. Sound like you and your son would be better off if he lived with you.
[OP]
Sr. Member
Aug 10, 2013
664 posts
218 upvotes
Toronto, Ontario
Its a long situation. Basically, my boy is ODD and ADHD. Has had a lot of challenges in life both schooling and his upbringing from his mother.
I have been verbally abusive once and, remorsefully so, i admit it. The situation was (before i was given schooling custody) was that he wasnt attending school. He had missed 30 days by the first of December. I was angry because he still does his extra curricular activities even skipping school (how this was allowed was because neither mom nor bf supervised. He was being watched by bfs parents). I saw his life flash before my eyes as being someone that was on welfare sitting at home without a job. I was scared. I am not excusing what I did was justified and in no means was it. I should have kept my cool but I didnt in that situation.

Since I have had him, he has missed a total of .5 days in 3 months which he had hurt himself and needed bed rest. Whole heartedly, schooling is not the only issue. I run a different household, likewise any household you walk into. I have rules, boundaries, discipline. I dont tolerate being talked back to, eye rolling, etc. I am often the target of these behaviours since he moved here and I dont put up with it. He treats my daughter like garbage and has very little tolerance, if any, for anyone. As a result of being in an environment now with rules, boundaries and expectations, he rebels. He is absolutely miserable here. Going back to his "step dads". He is a golden child now. Wonder how that works....
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6mthatch wrote:
Mar 15th, 2017 7:28 pm
Its a long situation. Basically, my boy is ODD and ADHD. Has had a lot of challenges in life both schooling and his upbringing from his mother.
I have been verbally abusive once and, remorsefully so, i admit it. The situation was (before i was given schooling custody) was that he wasnt attending school. He had missed 30 days by the first of December. I was angry because he still does his extra curricular activities even skipping school (how this was allowed was because neither mom nor bf supervised. He was being watched by bfs parents). I saw his life flash before my eyes as being someone that was on welfare sitting at home without a job. I was scared. I am not excusing what I did was justified and in no means was it. I should have kept my cool but I didnt in that situation.

Since I have had him, he has missed a total of .5 days in 3 months which he had hurt himself and needed bed rest. Whole heartedly, schooling is not the only issue. I run a different household, likewise any household you walk into. I have rules, boundaries, discipline. I dont tolerate being talked back to, eye rolling, etc. I am often the target of these behaviours since he moved here and I dont put up with it. He treats my daughter like garbage and has very little tolerance, if any, for anyone. As a result of being in an environment now with rules, boundaries and expectations, he rebels. He is absolutely miserable here. Going back to his "step dads". He is a golden child now. Wonder how that works....
That last line is confusing. So he's back with his step dad? Do you want full custody of your son? If so, get a lawyer and make it official. Have a court approved custody agreement in place for the protection of everyone. You don't need to take support from your ex if you don't want to. If you don't want full custody, then you may have to pay child support if your wife takes you to court.
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[OP]
Sr. Member
Aug 10, 2013
664 posts
218 upvotes
Toronto, Ontario
Sorry. Never wife (was only with her for maybe 6 weeks before I realized it wasnt someone i wanted to be with, unfortunately was too late as i found out a few months later as i was in college at the time).

He goes to his step dads (its his parents place and that's where step dad and his mother reside in the basement) on weekends.

I want what is best for my son; Full custody or not. What I won't do is be micro managed by his mother as she has a narcissistic personality type. I just dont need any hand outs financially or help in that aspect nor do i need any guidance or assistance.
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6mthatch wrote:
Mar 15th, 2017 5:20 pm
We have never been to court in 10 years. In january, i took him here as he wasnt attending school (missed 30 days since school started). Found out then that ex and mother had split. She claims it was due to issues with the teacher (he has a history of behavioural issues). I took him over as I am home full time on injury and of the limited things i can do i can ensure he goes to school and is supervised.

In terms of "custody", we have never gone to court. Right now, he resides with me through the course of the school week as he attends at my daughters school and 1 weekend a month. I do not want child support. Even after having him the last few months, i have bought all clothes, food, supplies, paid all school and extra curricular expenses out of pocket. I dont need reimbursement.

The purpose more so is i believe she is creating a situation where her and her ex split. I got "dumped" with the kid (aka my son). She wants out of her current living environment but given her low income I believe she will be expecting me to foot the bill for her new place via child support. I have no issue paying support nor do i want to appear that way if the money was used for appropriate purposes. In the past though this money was not utilized for that purpose and hence I dont agree with paying. In retrospect, I am willing to care for my son indefinately with the sole financial responsibility being on my shoulders.
I'm sure you of the mindset that the most important thing is what's best for your son. Sounds like your already doing that. His mother sounds like she's not able to take care of him. Honestly I would file court papers for custody. The best thing is for him to stay with you. The mom probably assumes she can just take him back, but that's not the case. You have just as mush right as she does.

Courts want to see stability. And her issues right now, him missing school etc all lead to the better place being with you. I would get the court thing moving before she "improves her situation"
[OP]
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Aug 10, 2013
664 posts
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Toronto, Ontario
Momof3cuties wrote:
Mar 15th, 2017 10:03 pm
I'm sure you of the mindset that the most important thing is what's best for your son. Sounds like your already doing that. His mother sounds like she's not able to take care of him. Honestly I would file court papers for custody. The best thing is for him to stay with you. The mom probably assumes she can just take him back, but that's not the case. You have just as mush right as she does.

Courts want to see stability. And her issues right now, him missing school etc all lead to the better place being with you. I would get the court thing moving before she "improves her situation"
I would love to but without dilvulging too much personal information, I was involved in a workplace incident that left me with severe PTSD, mild brain injury and vestibular injury. I wont explain too much about what happened but as a result of the situation I have a mental health record that is isolated to the workplace incident but incorporates my entire life as a result.
As much as I would like to file the court papers, I wouldnt even be able to leave the house to do so, let alone manage the stress.
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From what you written he might be best with you. If your employer has an EAP or if you can afford out of pocket it might be helpful to speak to someone. Someone in my family is a counselor that deals with these kind of issues and many of her clients come from these EAP programs.

My non=professional advice would be to show him you want him and not that he was dumped on you. You don't need to let him do whatever he wants but maybe for example let the eye rolls go. Take him to a hockey game or something he is interested in with just the two of you. Don't forget this is probably hard on your daughter too so make sure she is able to talk to you too.

Even if you don't want the money it might be worth pursuing step father for support that way if kid goes back to mom it will already be established and won't all fall on you. If you don't want to spend it save it for kids education or give it to the mom.
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6mthatch wrote:
Mar 15th, 2017 10:11 pm
I would love to but without dilvulging too much personal information, I was involved in a workplace incident that left me with severe PTSD, mild brain injury and vestibular injury. I wont explain too much about what happened but as a result of the situation I have a mental health record that is isolated to the workplace incident but incorporates my entire life as a result.
As much as I would like to file the court papers, I wouldnt even be able to leave the house to do so, let alone manage the stress.
So you cannot leave your house and can't handle any kind of stress. It sounds like you currently are unable to care for your child on a full time basis. Even those with severe physical disabilities can leave their house, so it sounds like you're dealing with some mental health issues. In that case, you need to get help so that you can properly care for your child. Refusing to leave your house is not an option when you have a kid. I'm not telling you to just get over it, but you do need to get help so that you can deal with your issues. You brought a child into this world and you need to care for that child, which requires more than just support payments to an ex.
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