Parenting & Family

Who is responsible for child support now?

  • Last Updated:
  • Mar 26th, 2017 10:49 pm
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Sr. Member
Nov 13, 2013
721 posts
245 upvotes
OTTAWA
Shaner wrote:
Mar 16th, 2017 2:35 pm
So you cannot leave your house and can't handle any kind of stress. It sounds like you currently are unable to care for your child on a full time basis. Even those with severe physical disabilities can leave their house, so it sounds like you're dealing with some mental health issues. In that case, you need to get help so that you can properly care for your child. Refusing to leave your house is not an option when you have a kid. I'm not telling you to just get over it, but you do need to get help so that you can deal with your issues. You brought a child into this world and you need to care for that child, which requires more than just support payments to an ex.
By all means get the help you need but based on what OP says he is the best parent this kid has at the moment. We all have our own problems and it is certainly possible for somebody who is housebound may be e a better parent that foster care or whatever. We can't all have a house with two parents and a picket fence.
[OP]
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Aug 10, 2013
1263 posts
665 upvotes
Toronto, Ontario
I should clarify that the PTSD/ anxiety do not prevent me from leaving the house. What is preventing me from leaving the house is vestibular issues (vertigo to exact). That being said, I am in treatment for it. Usually when I get a vertigo attack I have to sit or lie down until it passes. Something I have dealt with for a while but also the reason that I cant drive.
The PTSD/anxiety are under control without issue but the vestibular issues exacerbates anxiety.
Hope this clarifies things. I have no issues with caregiving, just means i cant leave far from home.
[OP]
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Aug 10, 2013
1263 posts
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Toronto, Ontario
I hope that this clarifies the reason why i can't leave. It doesnt undermine my ability to parent and was only mentioning the PTSD thing as it could be used against me in court.
I look after my daughter full time and without issue. Being in a car, looking at lots of motion (like a soccer game for example), too many ups and down, etc. will put me in a vertigo attack. I always have help around, no different than anyone with any physical ailments. I've recently started physio so hoping the effects will eventually diminish.
Sr. Member
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Mar 9, 2012
851 posts
269 upvotes
KITCHENER
Possession is 9/10th's of the law. Tell the courts you'd take no less than shared custody. Make sure you have proof you've been a primary parent. (Dental, doctor, school, all helps)
Deal Fanatic
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Feb 15, 2005
5032 posts
709 upvotes
Irregardless of personal issues and current consent from the mother, a court order is essential. The current arrangement is worth the paper it's written on.

If you need further detail, I can contact some people at CPS. It's been a few years since I left but the framework hasn't changed. The framework for AB and ON will be similar.
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[OP]
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Aug 10, 2013
1263 posts
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Toronto, Ontario
we dont have CPS here. We have CAS and other Children aid domains. I have already spoken to them. Its pretty much court and i'd have to prove essentially an unfit mother at that time. Unfortunately its not a walk in the park. My backyard is clean as I dont do drugs, heck i barely even drink. I am a pretty straight shooter. I just have my MHR and current vestibular issues
Deal Fanatic
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Feb 15, 2005
5032 posts
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It doesn't matter what the ministry is called. Just that you need to have a court order. It'll take 3-4 hours for a family lawyer to draft up a custody order assuming amicable agreement from the other party. The easier you make it on the judge, the better. There may also be a one-on-one interview with the judge and child as well.
↑, ↑, ↓, ↓, ←, →, ←, →, B, A, START

There are no apostrophes in plurals! "I have 1000 posts" = correct. "I have 1000 post's" = incorrect!
Could've, would've, should've. It's simple English, people!
Voila: French, meaning "There it is!" or "Look!" Viola: A medium-sized stringed instrument Wala: An island of Vanuatu.
[OP]
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Aug 10, 2013
1263 posts
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Toronto, Ontario
rf134a wrote:
Mar 21st, 2017 11:53 am
It doesn't matter what the ministry is called. Just that you need to have a court order. It'll take 3-4 hours for a family lawyer to draft up a custody order assuming amicable agreement from the other party. The easier you make it on the judge, the better. There may also be a one-on-one interview with the judge and child as well.

In ontario, the child can choose with whom they want to live with at 12. No need for a court order unless mother tries to come after me for support
Deal Fanatic
Oct 7, 2010
7911 posts
727 upvotes
Make sure you get lawyer to keep track of this. Draw her to be a bad mother and document that she was down on her luck meaning she can't provide for the child (like right now).

Judging from your first post OP that you were getting with her while she was on and off with her bf.

Unless you want to keep paying her big bucks that you worked hard to earn.

If you had disappear, her ex would end up being responsible for your child, but you sound to be a good father, so you will need to keep being in the picture.
[OP]
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Aug 10, 2013
1263 posts
665 upvotes
Toronto, Ontario
spike1128 wrote:
Mar 26th, 2017 10:32 pm
Make sure you get lawyer to keep track of this. Draw her to be a bad mother and document that she was down on her luck meaning she can't provide for the child (like right now).

Judging from your first post OP that you were getting with her while she was on and off with her bf.

Unless you want to keep paying her big bucks that you worked hard to earn.

If you had disappear, her ex would end up being responsible for your child, but you sound to be a good father, so you will need to keep being in the picture.
Definately havent been reinvolved and have absolutely no intention to do so. I barely knew her as i was a young college kid at the time (aka young, dumb, fulll of...). Was going through personal issues at the time i was involved with her and quickly called it quits.
I've worked very hard to get to where i am albeit successful while she has chosen a life of Ontario Works and unemployment. She has the same qualifications as myself but chose not to pursue a life or to make better. Theres also been no expectation for her to do so (in other words, rent, paying bills etc). Now that her and her ex have split, she has a job making barely any money and life has caught up. Can't pay for rent making minimum wage. Some feel as though I should be paying support however these funds were not used appropriately in the past. In the flipside, I do not require any help financially nor do i want it. My main focus is on my son and raising him (now) appropriately.

I'd also love to hire a lawyer but due to my income level I dont qualify for legal aid. Funny how that works. My wife makes less than stellar income and as a family we are just ok. Definately not high income earners but my income was. That being said, I have 3 mouths to feed here and my wife is going back to school in september to better our lives. The cost of a lawyer would be in the several thousands where that money could be better utilized in the future

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