Health & Wellness

Why does coffee always give me diarrhea and stomach pain

  • Last Updated:
  • Apr 15th, 2019 8:58 am
[OP]
Member
Jan 24, 2018
289 posts
61 upvotes

Why does coffee always give me diarrhea and stomach pain

Everyone loves coffee these days and it activates them so thought i'd give her a shot but always seems to make me get capooey diarrhea and stomac aches any idea why folks?
28 replies
Deal Fanatic
Nov 17, 2004
6411 posts
850 upvotes
Toronto
Maybe you put too much dairy into your coffee and are lactose intolerant.
I workout to get big so I can pickup bricks and ****.
Deal Guru
User avatar
Jun 12, 2003
14652 posts
1049 upvotes
Markham
I dunno OP... Coffee makes me poo as well
ShadowVlican
Deal Addict
Aug 10, 2013
1483 posts
284 upvotes
Toronto
Coffee is a laxative for most people actually. But maybe you have Ibs
Deal Fanatic
Nov 15, 2008
5072 posts
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There is some kind of stimulant laxative chemical in it...dark roast is supposed to be easier on the bowels because roasting breaks down some of the irritating substances.
Deal Fanatic
May 14, 2009
5408 posts
614 upvotes
Google it ;) Lots of fascinating explanations to sift through.
Sr. Member
Oct 23, 2017
690 posts
399 upvotes
GTA West
I know the feeling. I will never forget getting up very early one morning at my cottage, when the lake was smooth as glass, with a light mist rising up. Carrying a BIG mug of coffee down to the dock, I decided to hop on my small boat and go for a spin down the lake. I had a 4-stroke motor, quiet as anything. The magic of the early dawn came over me as I purred along the shore to an undeveloped part of the lake in the light mist, past a steep rocky cliff.

Suddenly, the coffee took effect and I doubled up with a paroxysm of cramps. I looked along the shore in panic, and finally found a ledge about 3 feet deep, just inches above the water. I jumped out on it, dropped my pants and an elephant-sized pile of steaming doo-doo appeared in front of me as I edged myself backwards.

While thus precariously balanced, holding the boat rope with one hand and the other against the rock wall, a canoe silently appeared out of the mist in front of me. It was paddled by 2 prim looking young teen ladies, who stared at me with a deadpan expression before disappearing again.

I am sure that sighting became part of the folklore of that cottage, and that they gave that particular spot a special name. As for me, I never took any more coffee-fueled boat rides before eating breakfast.
Last edited by Dealmaker1945 on Apr 8th, 2019 4:30 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Deal Fanatic
Feb 24, 2018
5925 posts
6160 upvotes
Jimmy, I have to recommend the keto diet for general health and well being. I also don't believe coffee is necessary to function in a modern society, keto kicks you into a less sluggish state and coffee may prove too stimulating.

God bless.
Deal Addict
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Nov 17, 2004
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Dealmaker1945 wrote:
Mar 9th, 2019 8:31 pm
I know the feeling. I will never forget getting up very early one morning at my cottage, when the lake was smooth as glass, with a light mist rising up. Carrying a BIG mug of coffee down to the dock, I decided to hop on my small boat and go for a spin down the lake. I had a 4-stroke motor, quiet as anything. The magic of the early dawn came over me as I purred along the shore to an undeveloped part of the lake in the light mist, past a steep rocky cliff.

Suddenly, the coffee took effect and I doubled up with a paroxysm of cramps. I looked along the shore in panic, and finally found a ledge about 3 feet deep, just inches above the water. I jumped out on it, dropped my pants and an elephant-sized pile of steaming doo-doo appeared in front of me as I edged myself backwards.

At that moment, a canoe silently appeared out of the mist about 6 feet in front of me. It was paddled by 2 prim looking young teen ladies, who stared at me with a deadpan expression before disappearing again.

I am sure that sighting became part of the folklore of that cottage, and that they gave that particular spot a special name. As for me, I never took any more coffee-fueled boat rides before eating breakfast.
This should be made into a children’s story.
Deal Guru
User avatar
Mar 14, 2005
12244 posts
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City of Vancouver
I recommend you hydrate first by drinking a lot of water.
De gustibus non est disputandum
Deal Addict
Jun 23, 2010
1669 posts
226 upvotes
Markham
Yes, coffee induced bowel movements can be quite troubling and pesky at times. Imagine my embarrassment and frustration while at a T Horton’s outlet that same panic set in for me, and during this state of emergency I forgot to see if there was any toilet paper, (but when I look back it probably would not have made any difference anyway), but I had to move forward. Once the purging was complete of that explosive material that broadcasted everywhere, I was forced to use my socks, both of them, for the cleanup. No paper towels, just a hand dryer. Phase 2 of the hardship was, that during this state of emergency, I (during the automatic pilot mode) put the socks in the toilet and ended up flushing them as well. While doing up my belt in the cubicle it became quite apparent that it was necessary for me to immediately evacuate as the bathroom was to experience a nasty vile flood with sunami proportions. No time for hand washing or sound the evacuation horn for the benefit of the other guy in the next cubicle, and right out to the car I leaped as I didn’t want to be incriminated in any way for this most unfortunate situation. I called the wife from the car, and told her where I was so drop everything and meet me there. You can imagine how much more frustrating it was for me, when wifey did not have any empathy or support for the situation and the end result of what can happen when a morning coffee mixes with inadequate bathroom supplies. Thank god there’s people out there like you that do. True story, I’m not kidding you. The Tim’s on the N/W corner of Don Mills and Lawrence approx 2 years ago.
Deal Fanatic
Nov 15, 2008
5072 posts
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^ I knew there was a reason why I subscribed to this thread...
Deal Expert
User avatar
Nov 15, 2004
16473 posts
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Toronto
It depends where you get your coffee. I know Starbucks makes me sick every time I have it, but Second Cup, McDonald's, and Tim's don't for some reason. Maybe it's what's in the coffee (sugar, milk, etc) that's actually making you sick, or possibly how the coffee itself was sourced and prepared.
Dealmaker1945 wrote:
Mar 9th, 2019 8:31 pm
I know the feeling. I will never forget getting up very early one morning at my cottage, when the lake was smooth as glass, with a light mist rising up. Carrying a BIG mug of coffee down to the dock, I decided to hop on my small boat and go for a spin down the lake. I had a 4-stroke motor, quiet as anything. The magic of the early dawn came over me as I purred along the shore to an undeveloped part of the lake in the light mist, past a steep rocky cliff.

Suddenly, the coffee took effect and I doubled up with a paroxysm of cramps. I looked along the shore in panic, and finally found a ledge about 3 feet deep, just inches above the water. I jumped out on it, dropped my pants and an elephant-sized pile of steaming doo-doo appeared in front of me as I edged myself backwards.

At that moment, a canoe silently appeared out of the mist about 6 feet in front of me. It was paddled by 2 prim looking young teen ladies, who stared at me with a deadpan expression before disappearing again.

I am sure that sighting became part of the folklore of that cottage, and that they gave that particular spot a special name. As for me, I never took any more coffee-fueled boat rides before eating breakfast.
This sounds like the basis for a bigfoot-style mythical creature story about something living near that lake.
Last edited by Piro21 on Mar 10th, 2019 11:25 am, edited 1 time in total.
Could HAVE, not could OF. What does 'could of' even mean?
Deal Fanatic
Feb 24, 2018
5925 posts
6160 upvotes
PCUSER wrote:
Mar 10th, 2019 6:45 am
Yes, coffee induced bowel movements can be quite troubling and pesky at times. Imagine my embarrassment and frustration while at a T Horton’s outlet that same panic set in for me, and during this state of emergency I forgot to see if there was any toilet paper, (but when I look back it probably would not have made any difference anyway), but I had to move forward. Once the purging was complete of that explosive material that broadcasted everywhere, I was forced to use my socks, both of them, for the cleanup. No paper towels, just a hand dryer. Phase 2 of the hardship was, that during this state of emergency, I (during the automatic pilot mode) put the socks in the toilet and ended up flushing them as well. While doing up my belt in the cubicle it became quite apparent that it was necessary for me to immediately evacuate as the bathroom was to experience a nasty vile flood with sunami proportions. No time for hand washing or sound the evacuation horn for the benefit of the other guy in the next cubicle, and right out to the car I leaped as I didn’t want to be incriminated in any way for this most unfortunate situation. I called the wife from the car, and told her where I was so drop everything and meet me there. You can imagine how much more frustrating it was for me, when wifey did not have any empathy or support for the situation and the end result of what can happen when a morning coffee mixes with inadequate bathroom supplies. Thank god there’s people out there like you that do. True story, I’m not kidding you. The Tim’s on the N/W corner of Don Mills and Lawrence approx 2 years ago.
I'm not sure if you should be arrested, or awarded a medal.

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