Off Topic

You Laugh You Lose!

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Deal Addict
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Dec 15, 2011
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koffey wrote:
May 24th, 2016 2:24 pm
Ah the classic out of tunnel surprise.


Cause 2 fast, 2 furious, toyko drift.

lyfe.
That was funny?
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Apr 5, 2016
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koffey wrote:
May 24th, 2016 2:24 pm
Ah the classic out of tunnel surprise.

Cause 2 fast, 2 furious, toyko drift.
Oh my gosh

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Toothbrush
Baby you don't have to rush. You can leave your toothbrush at my place. At my place.
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frugalman wrote:
Jun 8th, 2016 9:09 am
Toothbrush
Baby you don't have to rush. You can leave your toothbrush at my place. At my place.
DNCE yeah they got some funny ideas sometimes like every pop group. Oh sorry I meant every single artist :p
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Apr 8, 2010
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toronto
so a buddy and i was coming up with car acronyms last night.. what do you have?

JEEP = Just Empty Every Pocket
FORD = Found On Road Dead
FORD = Fix Once Repair Daily
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Oct 5, 2008
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http://www.dunkworld.com/car_acronyms.htm

ALFA: Aging Latin ****'s Ambulance. Thanks Anthony

ASTON MARTIN: A Silly Toy Of Neurotic Middle Aged Rich Toffs Investing Needlessly

AUDI: Another Useless Deutsche Invention. Obviously written by someone with first hand experience - maybe someone who had one rust away into brown air in the 70's?

BMW: Bought My Wife; Brings Me Women; Big Money Waster; Broke My Wallet; Babe Magnet Wannabe,

CADILLAC: Crazy And Demented Idiots Like Large American Cars. Nuff said?

CHEVROLET: Chevrolet's not a common Aussie brand so one example will do - Can Hear Every Valve Rattle On Long Extended Trips. There are heaps more for those who are interested, second in popularity only to Ford (see below)

CHRYSLER: Can't Have Refund, You're Stuck Leasing Edsel's Replacement. A clever one, but I'm sure most Valiant owners would prefer this one - Company Has Recommended You Start Learning Engine Repair!

DODGE: Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere. I've got one and every word is true! And how about - Dad's Old Dead Garage Experiment. And - Don't Over Drive Gutless Engines. Thanks for that one, Tanner, but how can you say the 426 Hemi is Gutless?

EDSEL: Every Day Something Else Leaks. More to add to the Edsel's woes

FIAT: Failed Italian Automotive Technology, Feeble Italian Attempt (at) Transportation; or the well known favourite - Fix It Again Tony!

FORD: Of all car names, Ford has the most entries - three complete pages full on one site: Fix Or Repair Daily; Fast Only Rolling Downhill; First (or Fails) On Race Day; Found On Road Dead (thanks Sameer P): Funding Our Retirement Daily (from a mechanic`s point of view); and perhaps best of all: Driver Returning On Foot (Ford spelled backwards!)

GMC: Greatest Made Chevy (thanks Roger S)

HOLDEN: Holes, Oil Leaks, Dents, Engine Noises, and from Jason we have - Heaps Of Loud Disgusting Engine Noises. Come on Aussie come on!

HONDA: Had One Never Did Again; Hold On, 'Nother Dickhead Arriving; plus (and this is a true rarity among these acronyms) one that says something positive about the car - Happy Owners Never Drive Anything (else)

HYUNDAI: A bitter one - Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive; and a clever one - Hang Your UNDerwear Anywhere Inside

ISUZU: It Sucks, Unless Zero Used

JAGUAR: Only one entry - Junk Always Going Under At Repair Shop. I've owned three Jaguars during my driving history, and I've always felt that they're the ideal car for a handyman, as long as he's handy with money!

JEEP: Once again, a bitter one - Junk Engineering Executed Poorly; and a clever one - Just Enough Engine Power

KIA: Kick It Again; Keep It Away; Kill It Anyway, and another - Kills Innocent Americans (thanks to weatherman824) Hmm - a certain commonality of theme here too. Not bad for a company with a name that sounds like Xena Warrior Princess' battle cry.

LOTUS: Only one entry, but it's a good one - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious. It's no coincidence that the acronym for the the Lotus Owners Of New York car club is LOONY!

MAZDA: Mostly Always Zipping Dangerously Along; Made After Zero Design Analysis. Z's are always hard to work into these things

MERCEDES: Many Expensive Repairs Can Eventually Discourage Extra Sales

MG: By and large the Pommie brands cop a bit of a bucketing, and MG is no exception - Merciless Garbage; Money Guzzler; MG-B: Might Go Backwards; the new MG-F: Might Go Forwards

MINI: Moron Inside Notably Insane

MINIVAN: Manhood Is Nonexistent, I'm Vasectomized And Neutered. Thanks to Nolan R for that one

MITSUBISHI: Not the easiest of names to work with, but someone's had a go - Mostly In The Shop Undergoing Big Investments, Sometimes Halfway Incomplete; and another - Motor Is Tough, Sounds Unbelievably Bad, Intimidates Slow Hondas Incessantly

MOPAR: Move Over, Professionals Are Racing, and thanks to Petey we also have – Mostly Old Parts And Rust

NISSAN: Needs Imminent Salvage So Abandon Now. You have been warned!

OLDSMOBILE: Someone worked hard on these - Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Everyday; and another - Old Ladies Drive Slow - Mostly Off Bridges Into Lake Erie!

PLYMOUTH: Please Let Your Mother Out Under The Hood!

PONTIAC: People On Narcotics Think It's A Cadillac

PORSCHE: Proof Of Rich Spoilt Children Having Everything. Can't argue with that one!

SAAB: Quite some bitterness here - Send Another Automobile Back; Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown; Start Adding Additional Brakefluid; Sad Attempt At Beauty. And you've got to say this with a California drawl - 'Yuppies don't cry, they just Saab'. LionsFootball61 sent me - SAAB: Still Ain't A Beamer and Slow As A Buick!

SUBARU: Screwed Up Beyond All Repair Usually

SUV: Not a brand, I know, but most places are inundated with them - Selfish Useless Vehicles, SubUrban Vans, Stupid Ugly & Vain (thanks Michael T for all these)

SUZUKI: Space Usually Zero Unless Kids Inside

TORANA: Tons Of Rust And No Acceleration. And the SLR variant - Slightly Less Rust

TOYOTA: Some bitter ones here too, this time with a local flavour - Taking Our Yen Out Through Australia; The One You Ought To Avoid, They Overcharge You On Their Accessories, and Take Off Your Oversized Tires ******* (thanks to Rob P for that one!)

TRIUMPH: A cry of depair from the heart here - This Really Is Unreliable Man, Please Help; and another - Tried Repairing It Until My Parts Hurt! Someone speaking from first hand knowledge, by the sound of things!

VOLVO: Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object; Very Old Lazy Vehicle Owner. These are just about all there are, barring variations on the same theme. Personally I thought there would be rich pickings in the Volvo genre, but perhaps the two Vs are a bit of a handicap.

VW: Very Weird; Virtually Worthless. Some literary giant has also rummaged through the Roget's Thesaurus and had a go at:
VOLKSWAGEN: Vehicle Owners - Losers Knowingly Suffering With All German Engineered Nonsense.
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Oct 13, 2014
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Somewhere, ON
A couple of weeks back someone posted that Off Topic sometimes gets too serious and that maybe one should look to lighten up. What better way than to bring some humour into the forum. Here is my contribution (author U/K) and who cares if this has gone around, I am sure there are others that have not seen some of the jokes.

On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."
The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"
And God saw it was good.
On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."
The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?"
And God, again saw it was good.
On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."
The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"
And God agreed it was good.
On the fourth day, God created humans and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."
But the human said, "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"
"Okay," said God, "You asked for it."
So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you.
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public service. If you are looking for me I will be on the front porch.
“When you marry the right woman, you are ‘complete.’ If you marry the wrong woman, you are ‘finished.’ And, if the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are ‘completely finished.'"
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Nov 15, 2004
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The math doesn't check out there. You're supposed to have a kid at 20, wait for them to grow to 40, and only then when you're 60 they'll have grandkids for you to play with? How come they're not having kids at 20 too?

I do feel off topic is too serious sometimes. My joke about racing to my girlfriend's bottom in this thread got deleted :(
Could HAVE, not could OF. What does 'could of' even mean?
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Not my life, but perhaps a lot of RFDers and dwellers.

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t3359 wrote:
May 13th, 2016 9:56 am
...The magic eight ball would randomly say things and logic would never work. The eight ball is just a gimmick and a waste of time and effort. So equivalently, there is no possibility to "debate" you.
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Piro21 wrote:
Oct 5th, 2016 11:28 am
The math doesn't check out there. You're supposed to have a kid at 20, wait for them to grow to 40, and only then when you're 60 they'll have grandkids for you to play with? How come they're not having kids at 20 too?

I do feel off topic is too serious sometimes. My joke about racing to my girlfriend's bottom in this thread got deleted :(
I saw your post.
I had other things in mind when I read race to bottom but I didn't want to give a wrong opinion.

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