Off Topic

You Laugh You Lose!

  • Last Updated:
  • Apr 24th, 2017 8:22 pm
Tags:
Deal Expert
User avatar
Jan 7, 2007
18551 posts
2028 upvotes
Poormond Hill
rcmpvet wrote:
Oct 5th, 2016 10:25 am
A couple of weeks back someone posted that Off Topic sometimes gets too serious and that maybe one should look to lighten up. What better way than to bring some humour into the forum. Here is my contribution (author U/K) and who cares if this has gone around, I am sure there are others that have not seen some of the jokes.

On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."
The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"
And God saw it was good.
On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."
The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?"
And God, again saw it was good.
On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."
The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"
And God agreed it was good.
On the fourth day, God created humans and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."
But the human said, "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"
"Okay," said God, "You asked for it."
So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you.
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public service. If you are looking for me I will be on the front porch.
No Religion allow.
A life spent making mistakes is not only more memorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.
Deal Guru
User avatar
Dec 26, 2005
14747 posts
1014 upvotes
Thornhill
sandikosh wrote:
Oct 5th, 2016 2:02 pm
rcmpvet wrote:
Oct 5th, 2016 10:25 am
A couple of weeks back someone posted that Off Topic sometimes gets too serious and that maybe one should look to lighten up. What better way than to bring some humour into the forum. Here is my contribution (author U/K) and who cares if this has gone around, I am sure there are others that have not seen some of the jokes.

On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."
The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"
And God saw it was good.
On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."
The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?"
And God, again saw it was good.
On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."
The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"
And God agreed it was good.
On the fourth day, God created humans and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."
But the human said, "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"
"Okay," said God, "You asked for it."
So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you.
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public service. If you are looking for me I will be on the front porch.
No Religion allow.
Grammar is allow.

bjl
What we do in life echoes in Eternity... and in Google cache.
RFD discounts for Schluter products
Deal Addict
User avatar
Jun 17, 2012
1626 posts
180 upvotes
In another world
t3359 wrote:
Oct 5th, 2016 11:26 pm
sandikosh wrote:
Oct 5th, 2016 2:02 pm
rcmpvet wrote:
Oct 5th, 2016 10:25 am
A couple of weeks back someone posted that Off Topic sometimes gets too serious and that maybe one should look to lighten up. What better way than to bring some humour into the forum. Here is my contribution (author U/K) and who cares if this has gone around, I am sure there are others that have not seen some of the jokes.

On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."
The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"
And God saw it was good.
On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."
The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?"
And God, again saw it was good.
On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."
The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"
And God agreed it was good.
On the fourth day, God created humans and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."
But the human said, "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"
"Okay," said God, "You asked for it."
So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you.
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public service. If you are looking for me I will be on the front porch.
No Religion allow.
Grammar is allow.

bjl
Sometimes is allow, sometimes are not
Penalty Box
User avatar
Jun 18, 2012
1726 posts
43 upvotes
umop wrote:
Oct 12th, 2016 4:34 pm
Image
Holy heck! LOL
"A carbon tax is analogous to a doctor treating a patient with a severed femoral artery by giving them morphine – while it makes one part of the body feel great (the brain), it does nothing to prevent the patient from bleeding to death."
Deal Addict
Nov 29, 2012
1075 posts
102 upvotes
wal3145 wrote:
Oct 12th, 2016 8:10 pm
^^^ I don't get it.
The time 9:11 refers to the date 9/11...Twin Towers. The pic is President Bush
Deal Expert
User avatar
Jan 7, 2007
18551 posts
2028 upvotes
Poormond Hill
Lol!
Image
A life spent making mistakes is not only more memorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.
Deal Addict
User avatar
Jun 17, 2012
1626 posts
180 upvotes
In another world
sandikosh wrote:
Oct 17th, 2016 6:55 am
Lol!
Image
He raised the selling price due to his own imaginary taxes Face With Stuck-out Tongue And Tightly-closed Eyes
× < >
Rotate image Save Cancel

Top