Parenting & Family

5 year old boy with low self esteem

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  • Oct 13th, 2019 8:57 am
[OP]
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Jan 1, 2019
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5 year old boy with low self esteem

Thanks for all replies, appreciated pls delete the post
Last edited by VidyaB47164 on Oct 10th, 2019 7:37 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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My advice is to help him make different friends. From his view, it is better to have someone who is his friend (even one that doesn't treat him well) than no friends at all. He may feel this is the only kid that will like him. The way to teach him other wise is to teach him how to make friends.

My oldest used to be very quiet and didn't like to reach out to make friends. I would arrange playdates with other parents, when I was at the school I would talk to the other kids, and try to open up conversations between my child and other children. I modelled how to make small talk find common ground. Both my spouse and I work more than full time, so I did time off in order to host kids on playdates.

In terms of self esteem, I was also find outside school activities that he can socialize in, something that he may enjoy, but is still social. Could be a sport, it could group activity, boy scouts is great activity for helping kids develop.
On a 'smart' device that isn't always so smart. So please forgive the autocorrects and typos. If it bothers you, then don't read my posts, but don't waste my time correcting me. If you can get past the typos, then my posts generally have some value.
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Don't worry too much if he doesn't make any SK or GR 1 friends.

How many of us keep in touch with SK friends? For me, it's zero

IMO, the goal is to grow your kid to be smart, kind. When you are smart and kind, friends will come to you.

In Canada, the only sure way to deal with bullies is to fight back. Verbally and sometimes physically is needed. Depending on the situation.

Talking to the teacher and their parents is just a formality. All parents already know their kid is bad. Either they can't stop them or they don't care. When kid is at school alone, they will continue to bully because no one is there watching them keeping them in check

Just look at the recent 14 yr old getting bullied and now stabbed to death. Weeks of bullying and schools actions were useless. Honestly, teachers and school has almost no power. Or they get sued by angry parents.

What signs does your son show that he has low self esteem or confidence?
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Does he have a dad around? If so, what's he saying about this?
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rfdrfd wrote: Don't worry too much if he doesn't make any SK or GR 1 friends.

How many of us keep in touch with SK friends? For me, it's zero


IMO, the goal is to grow your kid to be smart, kind. When you are smart and kind, friends will come to you.

In Canada, the only sure way to deal with bullies is to fight back. Verbally and sometimes physically is needed. Depending on the situation.
I can say that having friends in important as a kid even in JK/SK. The goal isn't that they are trying to make life long friends, but at this age they are learning how to form relationships and being a part of a healthy relationships. This include setting boundaries. Being kind and smart is NOT enough to have healthy relationships. In fact, these nice kids often are the ones that are targeting and used by others. In OP's case, his son is being friends with the a child that doesn't seems to be a very good influence on him.

The earlier a child learns what a healthy friendship is and how to set boundaries, the better off they are.
On a 'smart' device that isn't always so smart. So please forgive the autocorrects and typos. If it bothers you, then don't read my posts, but don't waste my time correcting me. If you can get past the typos, then my posts generally have some value.
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rfdrfd wrote: Don't worry too much if he doesn't make any SK or GR 1 friends.

How many of us keep in touch with SK friends? For me, it's zero

IMO, the goal is to grow your kid to be smart, kind. When you are smart and kind, friends will come to you.

In Canada, the only sure way to deal with bullies is to fight back. Verbally and sometimes physically is needed. Depending on the situation.

Talking to the teacher and their parents is just a formality. All parents already know their kid is bad. Either they can't stop them or they don't care. When kid is at school alone, they will continue to bully because no one is there watching them keeping them in check

Just look at the recent 14 yr old getting bullied and now stabbed to death. Weeks of bullying and schools actions were useless. Honestly, teachers and school has almost no power. Or they get sued by angry parents.

What signs does your son show that he has low self esteem or confidence?
I couldn't disagree more. Friends at a young age isn't about life long friends, it's about the present, about building social skills that carry into the future, about building confidence, etc. Having friends in SK is very important.

And there's plenty of smart, kind people out there who have no friends. You need to be social to make friends. Being smart won't help kids make friends. Kids don't care whether their friends are smart or not.

As for all parents knowing their kids are bad. That's complete BS. Kids hide stuff from parents all the time. I would argue that most bullies are good people, they just went through a phase where they thought it was funny/cool to make fun of other kids. Most will grow out of that phase. Parents usually know whether their child is a good person or not, but even good people can get caught up in doing bad things sometimes.
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Shaner wrote: As for all parents knowing their kids are bad. That's complete BS. Kids hide stuff from parents all the time. I would argue that most bullies are good people, they just went through a phase where they thought it was funny/cool to make fun of other kids. Most will grow out of that phase. Parents usually know whether their child is a good person or not, but even good people can get caught up in doing bad things sometimes.
I disagree with your statement, especially the part where you say parents don't know their kids are *******/jerks. Lets be honest, the behaviours are there if parents pay closer attention but most parents have love goggles on and refuse/won't see it so they CHOOSE not to see it. Not because it's hidden but active choice to not view your child that he/she is a total jerk in an objective way. There is nothing wrong with it. We all do it for those close to us we love but to say that these bad behaviours was "hidden" is a huge cope out that you partly failed as a parent/family member.

On the second part that most people become a bully to be "cool" or "funny" to bully others and it's a phase isn't something I agree with too. These same people do not grow out of it and become bullies in the workforce to bully other adults. You think people really "grow" out of it? It's never really a phase if you try to be very objective and honest with yourself, if you see signs your child is an ******* and a bully then you should nip it in the bud and teach better behaviours. If you think it's a phase and they will grow out of it then high chances the bullying tactics just modify as they grow up. Lets not delude ourselves in thinking that bullying ends as school is done. There are bullying behaviours everywhere and rampant in the workforce. If parents are more diligent and active then examples of that poor 14 year old boy's death would not have occurred. This boy's death is a clear example of a behaviour with INTENT to harm another individual. How can you as a parent actually condone this type of behaviour? To harm another individual, no matter the scale of harm to them, in this case bullying that caused a death.

OP, I didn't read your post since you deleted it but be patient. I was extremely introverted as a kid and was happy being the way I was. My advice is to encourage activities that he/she enjoys and let them be friends with like minded people vs just making shitty friends for sake of having "friends". Help them make that one best friend that is like them and will get their interests. I don't agree with making shitty friends to learn how to make friends by building social interactions etc. If they are shitheads then teach your son/daughter to dump those kids ASAP vs have other emotional issues. It also means the parents of these shithead kids are also not the best people you want around your child too. Be selective of the kids and the kids parents since they too will be around your child. I firmly believe all kids are born with a blank slate but they do grow up with learned behaviours from their parents so eventually these kids are no longer pure but can get tainted as they grow up.
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setell wrote: If parents are more diligent and active then examples of that poor 14 year old boy's death would not have occurred. This boy's death is a clear example of a behaviour with INTENT to harm another individual. How can you as a parent actually condone this type of behaviour? To harm another individual, no matter the scale of harm to them, in this case bullying that caused a death.
Ok first of all, I don't condone bullying at all. I especially don't condone the murder of anyone, let alone a child. Just because I believe that most bullies in school will turn out to be good people doesn't mean I condone it. It still needs to stop, but I don't believe that every bully is a bad person who will end up doing bad things their whole life. I believe for many of them it's something they got caught up in during school and they'll grow out of it.

Now you have linked to an extreme case. Stabbing someone is not bullying, that's murder. Bullying can be as simple as teasing a kid about the clothes he wears, his glasses, his weight, etc. Not to say those things are okay, they're not, but lets not pretend that bullying results in murdering someone. When I say I believe most bullies will outgrow that behaviour, I'm referring to the more subtle cases of teasing, not the extreme cases of assaulting/murdering people.

I'm also basing this on my life. Looking back at the people who were "bullies" in high school, most have good, stable jobs and seem to be good people now. That doesn't justify or condone their behaviour, but ones actions during high school doesn't define them for life (lets leave out the extreme examples of murder, rape, etc.).
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We are way too PC in 2019.

We use fancy terms that makes good sound bites. Yet we don't talk about the real issues.

I am in the school council, and teachers all.use fancy languages, words like

We give them the best learning experience....
We get them what they need and deserve....

Meanwhile, the EQAO scores are not high, enrollment is decreasing every year, so we get a part time.vice principal , no music program, etc.

Stop the nonsense. Find the root cause and FIX it.

I know the exact teachers there are lazy, I'm sure the know more.than me, but they won't rat them out cause it's all union.
Last edited by rfdrfd on Oct 13th, 2019 8:59 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Shaner wrote: Ok first of all, I don't condone bullying at all. I especially don't condone the murder of anyone, let alone a child. Just because I believe that most bullies in school will turn out to be good people doesn't mean I condone it. It still needs to stop, but I don't believe that every bully is a bad person who will end up doing bad things their whole life. I believe for many of them it's something they got caught up in during school and they'll grow out of it.

Now you have linked to an extreme case. Stabbing someone is not bullying, that's murder. Bullying can be as simple as teasing a kid about the clothes he wears, his glasses, his weight, etc. Not to say those things are okay, they're not, but lets not pretend that bullying results in murdering someone. When I say I believe most bullies will outgrow that behaviour, I'm referring to the more subtle cases of teasing, not the extreme cases of assaulting/murdering people.

I'm also basing this on my life. Looking back at the people who were "bullies" in high school, most have good, stable jobs and seem to be good people now. That doesn't justify or condone their behaviour, but ones actions during high school doesn't define them for life (lets leave out the extreme examples of murder, rape, etc.).
All well and said, but it only takes one bully to kill someone later.

It like terrorism, all it takes is police being wrong one time and that's enough.

I don't know the details of that 14 yr old. Did he ever fight back against those bullies? Like early on?

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