Parenting & Family

Breastfeeding and sleep troubles

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Sr. Member
Dec 14, 2006
665 posts
129 upvotes

Breastfeeding and sleep troubles

New dad here. My daughter is now 3 months old and we're having a few issues with feedings and naps.

To start, she sleeps pretty consistently over night. We usually get a 4-5 hour initial stretch, a feed and then another 3-5 hours after that. Night sleeping does not seem to be an issue.

The problems we have are during the day. She doesn't seem to want to nap at all, or at least not in her bassinet. She never has. We have blackout curtains in the bedroom so it's not like the light is keeping her awake. Sometimes she'll have a 45 minute feed, some play time/stories and then start yawning so we'll try to put her down in her bassinet only to spend 30 minutes to an hour getting her to fall asleep. Even then, the nap lasts 10-20 minutes.

Other times she'll fall asleep while feeding within 5 minutes and just can't be woken up (this is after she does all the signals for hunger). We'll try to transfer her to the bassinet but again, nothing but crying and maybe a 10 minute nap after 30 minutes of getting her to sleep again. If we take her out and try to feed her, she falls asleep within 5 minutes again.

My wife has been to a lactation consultant twice and they've said everything seems to be fine with her latch. We're really not sure where to go from here as far as feedings go. It's incredibly frustrating. She falls asleep so often that my wife basically has her on the breast almost all day from 9AM - 9PM.

The interesting thing with the sleep issue is that we can lay her in her crib and walk away for 5 minutes to wash our hands, brush teeth, use the washroom, etc and she just lays there quietly. We have a swinging chair and she'll also sit quietly there while we make dinner. Sometimes she'll even fall asleep for 2 hours at a time in it. She just hates this bassinet during the day! We're trying not to make the chair a "nap time" chair and are trying to get her into the routine of "Ok I'm in my bassinet, time to sleep" but it just doesn't seem to be working.

Anyone else been here? Any advice? Happy to give more info if needed.


I should also mention we have a white noise machine and have also tried music. They don't seem to make a difference.
20 replies
Sr. Member
Dec 12, 2005
984 posts
398 upvotes
Richmond
Some babies can be picky/sensitive and to save everyone's sanity, I would just go with the flow.
Deal Expert
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Jan 9, 2011
19732 posts
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Vancouver
Nothing you describe sounds out of the ordinary at all. Many babies just hate to be put down in bassinets. Ours included. Just go with the flow, follow baby's lead. "baby wearing" in Baby Bjorn, fabric wraps, or other backpack-style baby carriers are what worked for us. Strap baby to back, get on with vacuuming, cooking dinner, whatever. Sometimes she's sleep while carried, sometimes was awake. But crying while in the carrier was rare.
Good luck my friend. Mine are now 16 and 18. When 14 comes you'll be willing to trade anything to have the problems you're having at 3 months lol
Deal Addict
Nov 13, 2013
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Ottawa
Another vote for it’s normal. It’s also conducive to decent rest for you and mom. I would keep the current routine as long as possible rather than disrupting the daytime routine and possibly disrupting the night routine. Even so it could change and you might be up every hour as teething starts, a growth spurt or for no reason at all.
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Oct 30, 2008
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I don't have much further advice then to tell you that you and your wife are not alone. New dad here too with a child younger than yours.

What you are describing is exactly the same thing we are going through except that ours doesn't sleep as long at night. They'll have one good sleep at night (around 4 hours), followed by shorter more active sleep until the morning.

We always said as tough as it is, there are other parents out there with babies who will not sleep at length, day or night, so we try to stay positive and be thankful we can get 4 hours to charge up the batteries at night.

Spoke to a couple doctors already who said it's normal and not all babies sleep the 14 - 17 hours they average at this age. The difficult thing for your wife right now, if you're not at home during the day, I imagine, is getting things done when the baby won't sleep for long periods of time. Maybe you can help her by prepping meals or taking care of the while she gets something done once you come home. I don't know your situation but these are some suggestions to help you. The baby will be fine but she is getting to that age where I read sleep associations might start to develop so be weary of how you get her to nap as you might have to do it going forward if she needs it to sleep during the day.

As with any person I've spoken to or article I've read, the advice is always the same. It will get better over time. As babies continue to develop and mature, they should be able to feed more efficiently, sleep longer periods of time, and get used to their surroundings.

P.s. I wouldn't keep the curtains completely closed during the day. It's important for babies to know when it is day and night. We open the curtains a bit to let some indirect light in. This will help, especially as their circadian rhythm develops between 8 and 12 weeks. Also one method I use to help soothe baby is to rub their chest once put down, about 3cm back and forth. Studies have shown this to be effective in relaxing babies.

Hang in there, enjoy and appreciate the moment even though things are difficult right now. You'll look back on this time and miss how small and new they were. At least that's what I'm told repeatedly!
Please don’t confuse my kindness for weakness.
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Mar 23, 2011
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My son was a horrible sleeper at night and barely took 20 minute naps in the day. We would sometimes put him into the swing to nap since it was the only place that he would sleep.
Around 2.5 years old when he started Montessori he would just go in the mornings and then he finally started to nap in the afternoon for 2-3 hour stretches.
He is now 14 and has always been on the lower end of amount of sleep needed but was never cranky or looked like a child that needed to sleep.
If it's any consolation, when my son was a baby going through all that I had read that babies that don't sleep well are sometimes deemed gifted when they get older. Turns out ours was designated as gifted and even though he is a typical teen now, he is still in the gifted program and pretty smart. He also still will not sleep past 7am when most teens are sleeping in until 10 on the weekend.
The lack of sleep is probably harder on you guys than your baby but as others have said, go with the flow... Not every baby sleeps alot.
Check with your doctor but if the baby isn't acting cranky and you continue to try to keep the same sleep schedule day and night things should be ok.
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Deal Addict
Oct 24, 2010
2982 posts
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Ottawa
I'll echo the rest. None of this sounds out abnormal, and baby is still super young at 3 months.

On sleep, be thankful you're getting 4-5 hour stretches at night. We didn't have that until our son was 1 year.

Keep in mind that infants have a 45-60 minute sleep cycle. Baby will wake up every 45-60 minutes, roll around, and then either start wailing, or go back to sleep. It extends to that of an adult (1-2 hours) when around 6 months.

Our now 3 year old was a terrible sleeper. He had to be rocked to sleep, both at night and for naps. It took 30-60 minutes to rock him to sleep, and then he'd be up every every 2 hours at night or 45 minutes or so during the day. When his sleep cycle hit 2 hours, we knew, like clock work, he'd be up 2 hours after he fell asleep. It would get better for a month, and then he'd have a leap and regress. We didn't have a solid night's sleep for the first 1.5 years.

But it gets better. At ~1.5 years, he started sleeping better. Now, he sleeps through the night most nights, with the occasional wake up for help with his blanket or because of a bad dream.

We were not supporters of "cry it out". We implemented some things from Elizabeth Pantley's The No-Cry Sleep Solution and The Happiest Baby on the Block, and they helped.

On breastfeeding, is your newborn gaining the expected amount of weight? If so, just go with the flow.

We had some initial breastfeeding challenges as well. My wife had oversupply, so baby had trouble keeping up. He'd often have is fill in half the "average" breastfeeding time because he was taking so much in.

In the first bit, when the doctors tell you to feed every 2 hours, implying the world will end if you don't, we'd have trouble convincing our son to eat. We went so far as to feed him milk with an eye dropper (we won't be doing this for the second). He gained weight much quicker than the charts dictated, and he'd certainly have been fine if we'd have just gone with the flow and fed him when he was ready to be fed.

If you've met with a lactation consultant, you're doing all the right things. They should be checking weight before and after a feed to understand how much baby is taking in. They should also be checking the latch and positions.

In the end, after a few months of breastfeeding challenges, we stick with it and we're glad we did. My son never once had formula and my wife breastfed until he self-weened at 1.5-2 years old. It's so much easier to do things when baby's food as attached to you!
Sr. Member
Dec 14, 2006
665 posts
129 upvotes
Thanks everyone. I had a feeling the replies would be that it's normal. It's just really frustrating when she seems to sleep fine anywhere else and everything we were reading was saying she should have been sleeping 14-18 hours in a 24 hour period. She was getting about 9 and would then be awake the rest of the time with no naps. It's a little better now with the occasional short day time naps or, when we're really exhausted, using the swing chair.

I'm working from home which almost makes things harder. I can't really leave the home office or if I can, I can only push it to 10-15 minutes. It's not really enough time to help soothe her and get her to sleep. I'm sure my wife feels alone and it can't be easy with me just a few feet away in the office. On the plus side, I can at least make her lunch every day and I'm already home at 5 so I can get dinner going as well.

As for the feedings, we struggled for the first few weeks. She was a tiny baby and we had to supplement with formula. Her weight gain was great for the first month or two but it has definitely slowed down now. She's still gaining though and also doesn't really seem unhappy during the day at all. She used to cry what felt like 90% of the time when she wasn't feeding but now it's really only when she's hungry. Our next Dr appointment is in a few weeks so we'll get a better read of her weight then.

For now I'll check out those books that were linked and chalk this up to just being a baby.
Deal Addict
Oct 24, 2010
2982 posts
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Ottawa
Deans21 wrote: Thanks everyone. I had a feeling the replies would be that it's normal. It's just really frustrating when she seems to sleep fine anywhere else and everything we were reading was saying she should have been sleeping 14-18 hours in a 24 hour period. She was getting about 9 and would then be awake the rest of the time with no naps. It's a little better now with the occasional short day time naps or, when we're really exhausted, using the swing chair.

I'm working from home which almost makes things harder. I can't really leave the home office or if I can, I can only push it to 10-15 minutes. It's not really enough time to help soothe her and get her to sleep. I'm sure my wife feels alone and it can't be easy with me just a few feet away in the office. On the plus side, I can at least make her lunch every day and I'm already home at 5 so I can get dinner going as well.

As for the feedings, we struggled for the first few weeks. She was a tiny baby and we had to supplement with formula. Her weight gain was great for the first month or two but it has definitely slowed down now. She's still gaining though and also doesn't really seem unhappy during the day at all. She used to cry what felt like 90% of the time when she wasn't feeding but now it's really only when she's hungry. Our next Dr appointment is in a few weeks so we'll get a better read of her weight then.

For now I'll check out those books that were linked and chalk this up to just being a baby.
I'm not sure where you are in the country, or what's available in Ontario (where our 2nd will be born in September) ... or what's available during the pandemic.

Our first was born in Calgary. Public Health locations there all have infant scales and length measuring devices that are free to use during opening hours. For our comfort level, we'd take our son every week or two to measure his weight so that we weren't waiting for doctors' appointments.
Sr. Member
Dec 14, 2006
665 posts
129 upvotes
We're in Ontario.

We have a digital scale that we've been weighing ourselves on and then again while holding her. Not sure how accurate it is but it shows that she's gaining slowly still.
Deal Addict
Mar 24, 2015
1404 posts
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Ottawa, ON
You're lucky to have 4-5 hrs at night or even 2 hrs during the day. I have twins and we're up between midnight and 6am every night because the twins wake up for a feed every 2 hrs at 1hr interval. By the time we are done feeding, burping, holding one upright for 20mins and putting back in the crib, the other is waking up. Day time they sleep in our arms, on my bed, in the crib anywhere where they can sleep. They don't sleep for more than 1.5hrs for naps. Sometimes we can't even put them down. To top it all, they have colic.

My eldest son was a bad sleeper too. He napped in my arms pretty much every day so he could sleep for 2hrs straight. We ended up co sleeping too and breastfed in bed. We were both sleeping so much better. For my other son, we put him to bed when he was drowsy and he would fall asleep by himself. He was a very good sleeper.

All babies are so different, what work for some might not work for you. So go with the flow, follow your instincts, and if something doesn't go as expected, it's ok. The first year goes by so fast. I:m trying to keep positive even at 3am when both are crying. They will soon be all grown up and will miss the early years.
Deal Addict
Nov 13, 2013
4525 posts
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Ottawa
Deans21 wrote: We're in Ontario.

We have a digital scale that we've been weighing ourselves on and then again while holding her. Not sure how accurate it is but it shows that she's gaining slowly still.
You could look for a drop in lactation consultation. They can check latch, feed and even weigh accurately before and after which tells you how much transfer. This fan let you stop formula as all is good or alert you to a problem
Sr. Member
Dec 14, 2006
665 posts
129 upvotes
fogetmylogin wrote: You could look for a drop in lactation consultation. They can check latch, feed and even weigh accurately before and after which tells you how much transfer. This fan let you stop formula as all is good or alert you to a problem
We stopped formula around the one month mark. She's had latch problems on and off since then but for the last 2-3 weeks she seems to be much better. I know my wife has been to two lactation consultants - One of them was absolutely terrible and the other she has been to twice. Neither of them did a before and after weight though. This is the first I'm hearing of them doing something like that but it makes sense. At the last visit they said everything was good and had no concerns.
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Jan 2, 2015
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Deans21 wrote: We're in Ontario.

We have a digital scale that we've been weighing ourselves on and then again while holding her. Not sure how accurate it is but it shows that she's gaining slowly still.
If weight and feeding is a concern, the proper way to do it is get a digital baby scale (it's to the gram). Change baby before feed, and weigh, then immediately weight after feed, this will let you know how much milk the baby actually consuming verse 'suckling for comfort'. I had one extremely underweight baby that wasn't gaining, and I had to weigh multiple times a day for weigh and for feed. However, it sounds it's fine from a breast feeding standing, and this is sleep teaching challenge.

Its been a long time since mine were this little, but it is very normal, and I distinctly remember hell until at least 4 months. (actually longer), I pretty much read every book out there, and you need figure out what works with your baby and family. We eneded up trying some sleep training methods recommended by a sleep consultant in my city. It worked for our first. Our second, we had a totally different method.

One suggestion I have is teach the baby to fall asleep not feeding. Right now, that may be one of the only ways the baby knows how to fall asleep. So the fall asleep, then you put them into he bassinet, and their natural sleep cycles cause them to stir or wake. However, when they wake, they aren't able to put them back to sleep without the feeding. I remember the consultant saying, "imagine falling a sleep after a big meal in your partners comfy arms ever night, but then partially waking to the bathroom floor, not knowing how you got there each time'. You are certainly not going to continue just going back to sleep. This made sense to me, so we really worked on putting baby down partially awake, among other things.
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Hang in there. The days are long, but this will pass.
On a 'smart' device that isn't always so smart. So please forgive the autocorrects and typos. If it bothers you, then don't read my posts, but don't waste my time correcting me. If you can get past the typos, then my posts generally have some value.
Member
Apr 8, 2011
267 posts
65 upvotes
Deans21 wrote:
The interesting thing with the sleep issue is that we can lay her in her crib and walk away for 5 minutes to wash our hands, brush teeth, use the washroom, etc and she just lays there quietly. We have a swinging chair and she'll also sit quietly there while we make dinner. Sometimes she'll even fall asleep for 2 hours at a time in it. She just hates this bassinet during the day! We're trying not to make the chair a "nap time" chair and are trying to get her into the routine of "Ok I'm in my bassinet, time to sleep" but it just doesn't seem to be working.
Maybe I'm missing something but what's the reason for using the bassinet specifically for naps? If she likes the crib and/or swing, why not use those for naps during the day?

Many public health units also offer breastfeeding clinics by appointment and will use the before/after weight check. I'm not sure if the consultants you've already visited are private or with public health.
Deal Addict
Apr 13, 2005
1733 posts
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Markham, ON
Dad of 4. All 4 had different sleeping patterns and preferences. What you describe appears to be normal tbh. Nothing to be overly concerned about.
But as a new parent, I completely understand how it can be nerve-racking.

If you're still looking for a lactation consultant, our kids' paediatrician's office has a lactation consultant on premises.
Both paediatrician and lactation consultant are great!

https://www.ratemds.com/doctor-ratings/ ... o-ON.html/
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Sr. Member
Dec 14, 2006
665 posts
129 upvotes
ersatz wrote: Maybe I'm missing something but what's the reason for using the bassinet specifically for naps? If she likes the crib and/or swing, why not use those for naps during the day?

Many public health units also offer breastfeeding clinics by appointment and will use the before/after weight check. I'm not sure if the consultants you've already visited are private or with public health.
She's only quiet in the crib. She won't sleep in it yet but we also haven't switched to it yet for overnight sleeps. It's just weird that we can put her in there to wash our hands, brush our teeth, etc and she just lays there quietly but as soon as she touches the bassinet she cries. It's like she knows we're putting her to sleep and she doesn't want to. As for the swing, we don't want her to think that's a nap time place. We've also read a lot about not letting babies sleep in swings like that but those same articles say not to let them sleep in a car seat which is insane. I get not letting them sleep in them over night but not letting them sleep on car rides or walks? Come on, get real. I think we're going to just have to use the chair because we're slowly going insane with trying to get her down for naps.

Two nights ago she slept for 7 hours total. Took us 2.5 hours to get her to sleep and then she was up early. Granted she had two diaper explosions in that time so her stomach may have been upset. Last night she slept 7 hours straight and then did another 4 after a feed. She seems to have these swings of not sleeping and then sleeping fine. It's maddening sometimes! Also makes us feel like something is wrong when she seems to go from one extreme to the other in a day.

I know, I know. Welcome to parenthood.
Sr. Member
Dec 14, 2006
665 posts
129 upvotes
mrtin905 wrote: Dad of 4. All 4 had different sleeping patterns and preferences. What you describe appears to be normal tbh. Nothing to be overly concerned about.
But as a new parent, I completely understand how it can be nerve-racking.

If you're still looking for a lactation consultant, our kids' paediatrician's office has a lactation consultant on premises.
Both paediatrician and lactation consultant are great!

https://www.ratemds.com/doctor-ratings/ ... o-ON.html/
We're not in Toronto but thanks for the suggestion. We may try another lactation consultant.
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Jan 2, 2015
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Deans21 wrote: She's only quiet in the crib. She won't sleep in it yet but we also haven't switched to it yet for overnight sleeps. It's just weird that we can put her in there to wash our hands, brush our teeth, etc and she just lays there quietly but as soon as she touches the bassinet she cries. It's like she knows we're putting her to sleep and she doesn't want to. As for the swing, we don't want her to think that's a nap time place. We've also read a lot about not letting babies sleep in swings like that but those same articles say not to let them sleep in a car seat which is insane. I get not letting them sleep in them over night but not letting them sleep on car rides or walks? Come on, get real. I think we're going to just have to use the chair because we're slowly going insane with trying to get her down for naps.

Two nights ago she slept for 7 hours total. Took us 2.5 hours to get her to sleep and then she was up early. Granted she had two diaper explosions in that time so her stomach may have been upset. Last night she slept 7 hours straight and then did another 4 after a feed. She seems to have these swings of not sleeping and then sleeping fine. It's maddening sometimes! Also makes us feel like something is wrong when she seems to go from one extreme to the other in a day.

I know, I know. Welcome to parenthood.
The one constant with babies is the amount of change they go through. Everything sound normal for baby, but that doesn't help you or mom get more sleep. I remember doctor saying the baby is fine, but you are sleep deprived mess. Do whatever you need to do to get some sleep. It is possible the baby is done with the bassinet, so maybe try moving to the crib.
On a 'smart' device that isn't always so smart. So please forgive the autocorrects and typos. If it bothers you, then don't read my posts, but don't waste my time correcting me. If you can get past the typos, then my posts generally have some value.
Member
May 21, 2012
334 posts
280 upvotes
Burlington
My oldest slept well at night but was a terrible napper at that age. I ended up using a stretchy wrap to baby wear her. She would sleep in the wrap, and I would be hands free to get stuff done around the house. I got enough sleep at night that I didn't need to nap when she did (I did make sure I went to bed as soon as she went to sleep for the night).

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