So when I read your first paragraph i get this:
"As a sales & marketing professional with over 5 years’ experience, I know my diverse skills and qualifications will make me an asset to the XYZ Inc. project team."
That is worth something. You should just finish it off by saying "Please see my attached resume, thank you for your time". But instead there is 4 paragraphs of fluff that really isn't interesting, or quantifiable, or unique.
The rule I stick to with cover letter is that every additional paragraph better be worth reading. These people read hundreds of cover letters and they mostly all sound like they were written by the Ryerson Career Centre folks (who probably have never actually applied to a real-world job).
You want the person to be at the peak of their interest when they move onto your resume. So if you're going to write a long cover letter, each paragraph better be more engaging than the last, otherwise you should just cut it off at paragraph #1 since that's as good as it got.
if this is a tech sales job, you might actually be better with a ballsy creative cover letter.
"As a sales & marketing professional with over 5 years’ experience, I know my diverse skills and qualifications will make me an asset to the XYZ Inc. project team."
That is worth something. You should just finish it off by saying "Please see my attached resume, thank you for your time". But instead there is 4 paragraphs of fluff that really isn't interesting, or quantifiable, or unique.
The rule I stick to with cover letter is that every additional paragraph better be worth reading. These people read hundreds of cover letters and they mostly all sound like they were written by the Ryerson Career Centre folks (who probably have never actually applied to a real-world job).
You want the person to be at the peak of their interest when they move onto your resume. So if you're going to write a long cover letter, each paragraph better be more engaging than the last, otherwise you should just cut it off at paragraph #1 since that's as good as it got.
http://speedy.sh/sGFUS/boredsilly.pdf
if this is a tech sales job, you might actually be better with a ballsy creative cover letter.