Dad thinks an example in my cover letter is too "cheesy." Wants it more generic. Who is right?
My dad wants me to write something about how I worked in a very fast paced environment at Tim Hortons (which I did, drive-thru in the busiest one in my city), while at the same time ensuring a high quality of customer service for each customer which resulted in forming numerous connections and returning/regular customers.I have demonstrated and built exceptional written and verbal communication skills through my HBA Economics and Accounting degree and through serving a wide array of customers/clients over the course of numerous work experiences including at Veterans Affairs Canada, MAESD, Tim Hortons, CityName Children's Museum, and The Heart & Stroke Foundation. During a course called 'Economics of the Canadian Banking & Financial System' we had a group project; one of the members fell sick and was unable to contribute much to the group. This had created a moral dilemma and internal conflict in the group. Group members did not believe this member deserved the same grades as the rest of the group but at the same time did not want to remove a member from the group for an illness they had no control over. I used my communication skills to hear every group member's perspective and to find a solution that would satisfy everyone. I offered the sick member to record his part of the presentation from the hospital which he gladly agreed to do. Although he could not contribute to any of the written component, the professor really appreciated his initiative to participate despite his illness. Our group attained the highest mark on the presentation component of the assignment. As a result of clear communication and my ability to remain composed during this conflict, we successfully accomplished the task at hand, and have all formed close friendships lasting to this day.
Is this part too cheesy for a cover letter? The rest of my cover letter is ..rigid so I wanted to demonstrate a bit of personality. Should I stick with what I currently have or change it?