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Locked: Divorce or Separation-Which is the best

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  • Dec 15th, 2013 8:28 pm
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[OP]
Newbie
Aug 8, 2013
84 posts
1 upvote

Divorce or Separation-Which is the best

Hello RFD'iars :
Would like some objective answers to my story.

Introduction : Husband (me) and wife of 11 years. Have 2 small children (ages approx. 3 and 6). Have some issues with my wife for the past 1 year. All are Canadian citizens. Children were born in Canada. Currently located in a country in Asia where I work in a senior position. Spouse, though was in a top post in Canada, is currently not working due to the fact that she says that she has to take care of the kids.

Content : There is a situation where I think that my best option would be to separate from my wife. My wife is looking to squeeze as much money as possible from me. So in this case, I was wondering, if I should just leave her and go to another country/ another city. I might just say that I am no longer interested in living with her due to specific reasons (some email proof is there but not any well documented proof). Kids will be with my spouse.

So in this case, will I entitled to pay child support payments? If so, will it be the same amount as it would be, if it was a divorce?

Thank you for your answers in advance.

Desi India

P.S.-> Since I was banned temporarily the last time, I would like to keep the discussion as objectively as possible.
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139 replies
Deal Addict
Nov 1, 2009
2646 posts
77 upvotes
Since I am also desi, and I know this is how some Desis talk, I have to ask:
You said your wife had a "top post in Canada".. um.. is this like a regular "government job" or was she a supervisor? Or was it an "actual" top post like a Director, VP, CFO, etc. of a company that is more than 10 people?

Going back to your query, 1) do you want any kind of relationship with the kids? 2) Do you want to be able to come back to Canada?
Deal Expert
User avatar
Jan 7, 2007
20651 posts
4753 upvotes
Poormond Hill
desiindia wrote: Hello RFD'iars :
Would like some objective answers to my story.

Introduction : Husband (me) and wife of 11 years. Have 2 small children (ages approx. 3 and 6). Have some issues with my wife for the past 1 year. All are Canadian citizens. Children were born in Canada. Currently located in a country in Asia where I work in a senior position. Spouse, though was in a top post in Canada, is currently not working due to the fact that she says that she has to take care of the kids.

Content : There is a situation where I think that my best option would be to separate from my wife. My wife is looking to squeeze as much money as possible from me. So in this case, I was wondering, if I should just leave her and go to another country/ another city. I might just say that I am no longer interested in living with her due to specific reasons (some email proof is there but not any well documented proof). Kids will be with my spouse.

So in this case, will I entitled to pay child support payments? If so, will it be the same amount as it would be, if it was a divorce?

Thank you for your answers in advance.

Desi India

P.S.-> Since I was banned temporarily the last time, I would like to keep the discussion as objectively as possible.
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Deal Addict
Aug 30, 2011
3457 posts
1215 upvotes
Ottawa
Phoenix3434 wrote: ....Going back to your query, 1) do you want any kind of relationship with the kids? 2) Do you want to be able to come back to Canada?
I'm curious about this too.

To answer your original question, I'm not aware of any difference between separation and divorce re: child support. If it's an amicable separation and you want to keep the family on the medical plan (if you have one) then you can do so as "separated" but not "divorced".
Deal Fanatic
User avatar
Oct 22, 2007
9004 posts
2546 upvotes
London
I wonder if RFD can bill people asking for legal advice on the forums? It certainly would help with the YP bottom line.
Deal Addict
User avatar
Feb 3, 2005
4001 posts
429 upvotes
Georgetown
Running away from your spousal and child support obligations is something you will have to figure out on your own. Obviously, you shouldn't do it! I do understand your desire to not get fleeced by your wife however - but if you can't agree on a fair arrangement with her, the courts WILL mandate the amount.

Regarding seperation and divorce, I'm pretty sure there will be no difference in support payments. Most people do seperation first, because after one year it is then easy to finalize the divorce by simply signing papers from what I have been told.

I get the impression you do not agree with your wife's decision to not be working at her "top post" job right now. You probably feel it is ridiculous for her to ask you for support payments to support her sitting around at home all day....

Thus, if you want to try to negotiate (ie. keep it amicable and avoid lawyers) with her... offer to pay her a higher amount until both kids are in school, then have the amount drop to a more normal child support amount. It's worth a shot. But... if you aren't offering enough, she can just do the lawyer thing and you should research that to get an idea of how much she will be entitled too! Best to know up front...
Deal Addict
Aug 19, 2013
2397 posts
1076 upvotes
There is no difference in child support if you are separated or divorced. In fact in many cases you need to be separated for a year before you can get divorced unless certain factors (abuse etc) exist. In ontario a judge will often not even grant a divorce unless child support is taken care of.

And you want to do whatever to get out of paying money to support your children? Wow you are father of the year material. I think your wife should be the one getting rid of you.
Deal Addict
Aug 19, 2013
2397 posts
1076 upvotes
Oh and if she goes after child support and you don't pay your passport can be seized. So good luck ever coming back to Canada. It's guys like you that give other men, real men a bad name.
Deal Addict
May 2, 2007
3015 posts
268 upvotes
Kingston
Leave the country and don't come back.

However you could take your wife with you. Since she isn't working then it shouldn't be an issue.
Deal Addict
Sep 7, 2010
1335 posts
127 upvotes
Calgary
Definitely try to avoid paying anything for those deadbeat children. They brought this on themselves.
Deal Addict
Aug 19, 2013
2397 posts
1076 upvotes
And now we will have a post from the OP wondering why he is being flamed. Some days I'm astonished at how dumb some people can be.
Deal Addict
Nov 21, 2007
2695 posts
708 upvotes
Scarborough
Wow. I literally spent a couple of minutes to sift through my thesaurus.

You sir, are beneath contempt.

Interesting though. What in the world were you thinking of in asking for this advice?
Penalty Box
Apr 16, 2012
3565 posts
685 upvotes
Greely
ok guys a little off topic:

Divorce rate is 50%, everyone knows this. Chances are, either you or one of your friends will get divorced in 10-20 years.

How do you protect yourself right now knowing this fact?
Banned
User avatar
Jul 29, 2013
3588 posts
192 upvotes
LMAO!

I feel sorry for your wife, she married a loser and not a man. Very sad.

So let me get this straight.

1. You marry her and have kids
2. You leave the country and your family behind.
3. You don't support them at all.
4. Wife is stuck raising 2 small kids, and having to financially support them as well.
5. You feel this is perfectly normal, and she should be able to do it on her own without your help (financial or emotional)
6. She only now, after 11 years, starts to ask for a bit of help
7. You panic and decide you need to divorce her.

You're what we call a "deadbeat dad". This is a dad who basically doesn't support his family and runs away from his obligations to them as a father and as a man.

Image
Deal Addict
Aug 19, 2013
2397 posts
1076 upvotes
techcrium wrote: ok guys a little off topic:

Divorce rate is 50%, everyone knows this. Chances are, either you or one of your friends will get divorced in 10-20 years.

How do you protect yourself right now knowing this fact?
Make sure you are Independent and can take care of yourself if needed (plus any kids you may have). Never , never have joint debt (other then a mortgage). And most importantly don't rush into marriage.

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